Your search found 31 comics:15 DEC 1985 Script We join our hero Megazorks above the planet Gloob ... Spaceman Spiff, conqueror of the cosmos, is pursued by the hideous scum beings of planet Q-13! Spiff hyper-freem drive malfunctions! The aliens close in! suddenly, a searing bolt of deadly fram ray slices across the blackness! Our hero is unfazed. Another bolt! Spiff is hit!! Spiff is going down can he make it?? Is this the end?!? AAAAAA Spiff's alive! He made it!! I'm alive! Ha ha ha! I kiss the sweet ground! Maybe you should play on the swings, Calvin.
Description Spiff is being pursued. His hyper-freem drive fails. A frap ray nearly misses. Finally, Spiff is hit. He's going down and wonders if he'll make it. As Calvin lands on the ground after coming down the slide, he kisses the sweet ground. Miss Wormwood thinks maybe Calvin should play on the swings instead.
Appears In 06 JULY 1986 Script Hobbes. You didn't bring your swim trunks here to the beach! No, I prefer "furry dipping." Yaaaaayy! Ow ow ow hot hot hot hot! Aaaaaahhhhh! Sploop splop. Brrrrrr! Cold cold cold. Ow ow ow hot hot hot hot hot. Don't tell me we drove an hour and a half for this!
Description The family has gone to the beach for a getaway. Calvin and Hobbes run across the sand. They yelp with pain from the hot sand. Finally, they reach the water and jump in. And right out they come, yelping with pain from the cold of the water. Then, they again yelp with pain from the hot sand as they return to the car. As Dad points to Calvin and Hobbes sitting in the car, Dad tells Mom they haven't driven an hour and a half for this.
Appears In 21 FEB 1987 Script For the next 60 seconds I will conduct a test of my emergency broadcast equipment. Aaaaaaaaghhhhhhhh! Had this been a real emergency, the scream you just heard would have been followed by lots more just like it. This concludes my ... oh someday when the house caves in, she'll thank me. Mark my words.
Description Calvin comes up behind Mom and tells her for the next 60 seconds, he will conduct a test of his emergency broadcast equipment. He then yells at the top of his lungs. Mom jumps up from her chair. Calvin concludes his test. He says if this had been a real emergency, he would have screamed lots more times. As he sits on his bed with a scowl on his face, Calvin tells Hobbes that when the house caves in, she'll thank him.
Appears In 04 FEB 1990 Script AAAAAA I think these comic books he reads are much too grim. Must be! Just look at him twitch.
Description Sledding down the hill, Calvin says television validates existence. The sled ride is fleeting and elusive. By tomorrow, they will have forgotten it, and it may as well have not happened. If they were on TV, countless viewers would share in the event and confirm it. This sled ride would become part of mass consciousness. On TV, the impact of an event is determined by the image, not its substance. With strong visuals, their sled ride could make them cultural icons. Instead of being boring ol' Calvin and Hobbes, they could be "Calvin and Hobbes - as seen on TV". They fly off the edge of the hill. Hobbes says at this moment, he likes his anonymity. Calvin thinks they should go for the high-brow public TV audience.
Appears In 11 MAR 1990 Script I'm hooOaaGHhH! AAAAAAAAA If you ache, it's because you don't properly stretch before exercising. I didn't know I was going to BE exercising!!
Description A meeting of G.R.O.S.S. comes to order. Hobbes is accused of heresy. Calvin explains Hobbes made an undisparaging comment about the possible membership of Susie Derkins, an admitted girl and enemy of the club. Hobbes wants the record to show Calvin is a nincompoop. Calvin charges him with insubordination. Hobbes, as court stenographer, refuses to enter the verdict. He promotes himself to "El Tigre Numero Uno". Calvin promotes himself. Hobbes writes "Hobbes equals great" in the club notebook. That makes it law. Calvin takes the notebook. Hobbes takes Calvin's Supreme Dictator hat. They fight, then declare a truce. Calvin says this is a great club, but it's too bad they don't have more members. Hobbes says maybe they should allow Susie to join.
Appears In 26 MAY 1991 Script AAAAAAAAA Hm... I don't think so. Oh, C'mon. I'm right here.
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Appears In 30 JUNE 1991 Script Something's wrong! We should've touched down by now! Oh no! We miscalculated! Reduce forward momentum! Landing leg is out of alignment! Communications lines are broken! View ports open! Focus! Focus! Rotate upper appendages! AAUGH! RED ALERT! We're going down! Crash positions! Adrenalin at maximum! Retract left landing leg! Redistribute all weight! It's too late! Prepare for impact! Circuit overload! Essential functions only! AAAAAAAAAAA KABOOM Goodness! Are you all right?? Damage assessment is under way.
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Appears In 28 JULY 1991 Script CALVIN, PAY ATTENTION!! AAAAAAA We're studying GEOGRAPHY! Now what state do you live in? Denial. ...sighhhh... I don't suppose I can argue with THAT...
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Appears In 04 AUG 1991 Script WUMP AAAAAA I need to make friends with some less territorial animals.
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Appears In 08 MAR 1992 Script Hi Mom! Ha ha! I'm up! I'm up! HEY! Get back in bed! I mean it, Calvin! It's too late for this nonsense! Wheeee! I'm gonna watch TV! Ha ha ha! Calvin, stop this! You go straight to bed! NO! You're in big trouble, young man! You'll never catch me! GOTCHA! WAAUGH! I don't WANNA go to bed! I wanna stay UP! Put me down! Let go! I'm not tired! AAAAAA! Mom has to EARN a night's respite from me.
Description Calvin asks Hobbes what he knows about love. Hobbes won't tell him. Calvin asks why he won't talk about it. Hobbes asks about the nice weather. Calvin is angry Hobbes won't tell him what he knows. Hobbes says maybe when Calvin is older. Calvin bets Hobbes doesn't know anything about love. That's why he won't tell him. Hobbes walks off suggesting Calvin should believe that if he wants. They fight, with Calvin demanding to know, and Hobbes refusing to tell. Calvin asks for a hint. Hobbes says "snoogy-woogy wips". Calvin is grossed out. Hobbes tells Calvin that he warned him he wasn't old enough.
Appears In 26 APR 1992 Script HELP HELP ACK OFF MMF! UMF GAKK RRRGGH Grrrr YIPE! WAAAA! SCREEECH NNNG AAAAAAAAAAAA. Thanks for the helmet, Dad. Do they sell long-range offensive weapons? Looks like you've been building some character!
Description Calvin looks like a childishly drawn person with stick fingers. What has happened to Calvin? He is a crude black outline barely containing garish color. His eyes don't point the same direction. His nostrils look like a pig's. His hands are balls with sticks in them. His feet face out sideways. How can he stand up? His face shows no spark of intelligence. What can be done? He suddenly has a beard and horns. Then he's scribbled upon. Calvin yells that he hates drawing. He says it's a waste of time. Hobbes thought it was getting pretty good at the end.
Appears In 21 JUNE 1992 Script A bee nest! I hate bees! WHAP ZZZZZZZ AIEE! AAAAAAAAA YOWW! I don't see the "harpoon" that "gored" you, but this will help the sting. Call the national guard. I'm sure they can track the bee on radar.
Description Calvin wonders how scientists can imagine all the matter of the universe exploding out of a dot smaller than the head of a pin but couldn't name it better than "the big bang". Hobbes asks what Calvin would call it. Calvin says "the horrendous space kablooie". Hobbes thinks that is better. He suggests they lobby to change it.
Appears In 29 NOV 1992 Script UHNGGG. It's the late jurassic. Calvin, the awful allosaur, darts around a giant, unsuspecting diplodocus! Calvin crouches in his hiding place, muscles tensed for the surprise attach! He waits... he waits! AAAAAAAA Sheesh, what's wrong with taking a little break?!
Description Susie is playing and turns at a sound. It's a pack of deinonychus dinosaurs. Susie runs toward the school doors, but the pack closes in. The predators have a meal. Other students look on in horror, wondering who's next. The weak and stupid are weeded out in a natural selection. That's how it ought to be. Miss Wormwood thanks Calvin for a tasteless and uninformative report on overpopulation.
Appears In 30 NOV 1992 Script UHNGGG. It's the late jurassic. Calvin, the awful allosaur, darts around a giant, unsuspecting diplodocus! Calvin crouches in his hiding place, muscles tensed for the surprise attach! He waits... he waits! AAAAAAAA Sheesh, what's wrong with taking a little break?!
Description Calvin asks if he can copy Susie's answers. She says no. She tells him he'd get a good grade without doing any work. Calvin wonders what's wrong with that. Susie tells him it's wrong to get rewards you haven't earned. Calvin's never heard of anyone who couldn't live with that.
Appears In 30 AUG 1993 Script If I could just lead to ride that bicycle, I could go all sorts of places. I could cover miles in no time at all! I could go anywhere! I could... AAAAAAAAA I could go to heaven. You? I doubt it.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes that if he could learn to ride his bicycle, he could go anywhere. He could cover miles in no time. The bicycle chases Calvin as he runs off. Later, Calvin is run over. Calvin says he could go to heaven. Hobbes doubts it.
Appears In 31 AUG 1993 Script OK bike, listen up! I don't like you and you don't like me. But I'VE got the tools to reduce you to piles of pipes, sprockets, and ball bearings! Do we understand each other? AAAAAAA. Maybe altogether too well.
Description Calvin tells the bike to listen up. He says he has the tools to reduce the bike to pipes, sprockets, and ball bearings. He asks the bike if they understand each other. The bike chases Calvin. After he's run over, Calvin says "maybe altogether too well".
Appears In 02 NOV 1993 Script AAAAAA! A person should be safe from predators inside his own house! If I had reflexes like yours, I'd be glad for the opportunity to improve them.
Description Hobbes waits around a corner. Calvin approaches, then is pounces upon. Calvin claims a person should be safe from predators inside his own house. Hobbes says if he had reflexes like Calvin's, he'd be glad for the opportunity to improve them.
Appears In 14 NOV 1993 Script Brrrr! I'm freezing! You need a nice fur coat like mine. I'm all toasty. I'll just put my feed on your back, OK? Ooh, you ARE warm! GAAA! Quit thrashing around! You're letting in cold air! Well keep your icy feet on your own side of the bed then! They WERE! Your big behind was on MY side! THAT's your side! THIS is the demilitarized zone and THIS is MY side! All THAT?! No way, you hog! In fact, the whole bed is my side! Animals should sleep on the floor! Oh, THAT does it! You and your hairless pink monkey suit can freeze solid! I'm leaving! HEY! Don't take the blanket! COME BACK HERE! I'LL GET YOU! GIMME THAT! ...now where'd he go?? AAAAAA GAAAA! SOMEBODY'S FEET ARE LIKE ICE!! Calvin had another nightmare. If it's two crowded, you guys are welcome to sleep downstairs.
Description Calvin plays with a toy truck. He stops, looks around, listens, then carries his toy further away. He resumes playing. Hobbes pounces on him. Hobbes pins Calvin down telling him he moved upwind. He says human senses aren't worth beans. Calvin tells Hobbes to get off him. Mom asks if Calvin wants to watch his nature program. Calvin shouts no.
Appears In 02 JAN 1994 Script Ready? OFF WE GO-O!! WEEEEE AAAAAA WHOAAAA OOH AH EE ACK OW WAAUGH! OOMFF UGH HOOF HUHH YAAAAAA WO WO WO WO WO unggg. I think that was our best ride EVER! I kept closing my eyes. Let's do it again.
Description Calvin sleds down the hill. At the bottom, he straps on a rocket pack and blasts back to the top of the hill. Calvin pulls his sled back up the hill with a sigh.
Appears In 09 FEB 1994 Script Your whiskers are too unruly. You should wax them and make a handlebar mustache. AAAAAAAAAAAAA. You'd think a guy who cleans humself with his tongue would be open to grooming suggestions.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes his whiskers are too unruly. He says Hobbes should wax them and make them into a handlebar mustache. Hobbes chases Calvin. Calvin darts around a corner saying a guy who cleans himself with his tongue should be open to grooming suggestions.
Appears In 27 FEB 1994 Script Ah, what a lovely day to go sailing, eh Marsha? Our new boat is just wonderful, Bradley. What do you say we drop anchor and go for a swim, dearest? That sounds delightful, darling! Let's go! Ploosh ploosh. AAA!! AAA!! This lake is boiling hot! We're getting scalded!! Get out of the water! AA! OW! AA! OW! I've got second degree burns all over! What kind of lake IS this?! We need medical attention, Bradley! Pull up the anchor! Bradley, we're going the wrong way! I can't help it, Marsha! The wind is blowing us over here, toward the... the... THE WATERFALL! OH NO! AAAAA! BLUB BLUB! AAAA! GLUB GLUB GLUB! Help, help! The wind is picking up again! Hang on! We're flying right out of the water! Don't look don, Marsh! We're miles high! Uh oh! The wind suddenly stopped!! AAAAaaaaaaaa. We ... we're alive! Somehow we landed in another lake! But where ARE we?? I have a bad feeling about this, Bradley. IT'S A GIGANTIC WHIRLPOOL!! WE'RE GOING DOWN! WAAAAAA!! Here's the problem. That'll be $150. Somebody ELSE is going to pay for this too.
Description Calvin comes home, opens the door, gets a camera out of a box, then yells that he's home. As Hobbes pounces on him, he takes a picture. He shows Dad a picture of Hobbes leaping at him and says that's what Hobbes does when he comes home. Later, Hobbes is insulted to know Dad thinks Calvin tossed Hobbes into the air for the picture. Calvin says he has to get a video camera.
Appears In 09 MAR 1994 Script I'm doomed! It's too late! Nothing can save me now! I'm going down in flames! AAAAAAA
Description Calvin says nothing can save him now. He jumps, burning, from the desk. He falls from high above the city.
Appears In 03 APR 1994 Script ...YAWWNN... OOMP! WAAAAAAAAAAA. LET GO OF ME, YOU MALEVOLENT, MUREROUS MORON!! It's MORNING! Now we can do stuff again! C'mon! Wheee!
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Appears In 27 NOV 1994 Script We join our hero Megazorks above the planet Gloob ... Spaceman Spiff, conqueror of the cosmos, is pursued by the hideous scum beings of planet Q-13! Spiff hyper-freem drive malfunctions! The aliens close in! suddenly, a searing bolt of deadly fram ray slices across the blackness! Our hero is unfazed. Another bolt! Spiff is hit!! Spiff is going down can he make it?? Is this the end?!? AAAAAA Spiff's alive! He made it!! I'm alive! Ha ha ha! I kiss the sweet ground! Maybe you should play on the swings, Calvin.
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Appears In 28 APR 1995 Script WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING HERE ON THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY?! THIS IS THE ONLY LIFE I'VE GOT!! AAAAAAA. Next time, try a drink of water and a few deep breaths.
Description Calvin is sitting at his desk. Suddenly, he asks what he's doing in there on a beautiful day. He says this is the only life he has. He runs off. Miss Wormwood returns him to his desk, saying to try a drink of water and a few deep breaths next time.
Appears In 16 JUNE 1995 Script AAAAAAA. You're awake? Oh boy! Let's go! N-no c-coffee f-for m-me, th-thanks. Hehh hoo hehh
Description An eye opens to see Hobbes directly in front. Calvin is startled awake by Hobbes. Hobbes says that since he's awake, they can go play. Still jittery from the experience, Calvin says he doesn't need any coffee.
Appears In 23 JUNE 1995 Script Think about the places you can go once you learn how to ride! AAAAA. Think about how impressed your friends will be! Think about how much fun you'll have! AAAAAAA. AAAAAAAAAA. Think about inhaling. EEEP ahhh...
Description Dad tells Calvin to think of the places he can ride when he learns how to ride a bicycle. He tells Calvin to think how his friends will be impressed. All this time, Calvin is yelling with his eyes wide open. Dad tells him to think about inhaling.
Appears In 25 JUNE 1995 Script Hobbes. You didn't bring your swim trunks here to the beach! No, I prefer "furry dipping." Yaaaaayy! Ow ow ow hot hot hot hot! Aaaaaahhhhh! Sploop splop. Brrrrrr! Cold cold cold. Ow ow ow hot hot hot hot hot. Don't tell me we drove an hour and a half for this!
Description Calvin answers the doorbell. The bike comes into the house and chases Calvin. Over the sofa they go, up the stairs. Calvin hides temporarily in the bathroom as the bike goes down the hall. He holds the bike off with a chair as he backs out his bedroom window. He closes the window and says the bike can't get him now. Downstairs, someone yells there are tire tracks on the rugs and oil on the couch. Another voice asks where Calvin is. Outside on the roof, Calvin says someday neighbors will look out and wonder why there is a grown man wearing kids' clothes on their roof.
Appears In 29 JUNE 1995 Script CAAAAAAALLLLLLVVINNNNN, THAAAAAT'S EEENOUUGHHH. M-mom s-sure was m-movingg st-strangellly t-toddayy. Maybe she's right about how much sugar you put on that cereal.
Description Mom is shaking while she tells Calvin that's been enough. Outside, Calvin is shaking. He tells Hobbes that Mom was moving strangely today. Hobbes tells him that she might be right about how much sugar he puts on his cereal.
Appears In 07 AUG 1995 Script Just once I'd like to see you manage this during the school year. YAAAAAAA.
Description Mom stands in the doorway, cup of coffee in hand. It's barely sunrise. Calvin has a flag in hand and is running off to play. Mom says just once she'd like to see him manage that during the school year.
Appears In 05 SEPT 1995 Script Calvin, if you run these stockings...! Dear, grab him! NO! NO! NOT ROSALYN! AAAAAAAAAAA! HELP! DON'T LEAVE ME!! ... and the neighbors' numbers are (pull a leg, will you?) by the phone. I told you my rates doubled, right?
Description Calvin is holding onto Mom's leg. Dad is pulling one of Calvin's legs to get him off. Calvin sees Rosalyn. Dad tells Rosalyn the neighbors' numbers are by the phone, and could she pull a leg? Rosalyn asks if she told them her rates have doubled.
Appears In
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This page is strictly a tribute to Calvin & Hobbes, the best comic ever, and two of the best characters who have taught me so much over many years. It is meant for research purposes only.