Your search found 28 comics:01 SEPT 1986 Script I'm going to learn how to ride this bicycle even if it kills me. Ok, you can let go ... aaugh! Did it kill you? Not yet. It's decided to maim me first.
Description Calvin says he's going to learn to ride his bicycle if it kills him. Hobbes lets go of the bike, and there's a crash. Hobbes picks the bike off Calvin and asks if it killed him. Calvin answers that the bike has decided to maim him first.
Appears In 03 SEPT 1986 Script Easy ... easy ... hold it still ... there! Look! I did it! I'm balancing! That's good. Do you want to try it with the kickstand up?
Description Calvin tentatively gets back on the bike. He tells Hobbes to hold him steady. He shakily sits on the bike and congratulates himself on balancing the bicycle. Hobbes agrees that is good, then asks if he wants to try it with the kickstand up.
Appears In 04 SEPT 1986 Script Crash! It jumped me!!
Description Calvin sneaks up to his bicycle. He reaches out for it. CRASH! The bike falls on Calvin. He cries out "It jumped me!"
Appears In 26 JAN 1987 Script Susie's house is the next one up. This is our last chance to not show up and have a new bike horn.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are walking to Susie's party. Calvin has a gift in his hands. As they approach her home, Calvin says this is their last chance to not show up and have a new bike horn.
Appears In 13 SEPT 1987 Script Wipe that grin off your face! Well, Hobbes. How do I look? I'm doing my best to bite my tongue. I cut out construction paper feathers and taped them on my arms so I can fly! Pretty neat huh? If paper feathers are all it takes to fly, don't you think we'd have heard about it before? It takes an uncommon mind to think of these things, Hobbes. I'd agree with that. Here's a gorge. This is a good spot. You're going to jump off this ledge? Heck no! I need momentum! I want you to toss me over. You understand I assume no responsibility for this? Heave! I'm flying. I'm flying! I'm uh oh. Don't sell the bike shop Orville. Shuh up and go get me some antiseptic.
Description Calvin has construction paper feather hanging off him. He tells Hobbes he's going to fly. Hobbes asks Calvin that if paper feathers were all that were needed, wouldn't they have heard about it before now. Calvin tells him it takes an uncommon mind to think of these things. Hobbes agrees with that. They come to a gorge. Hobbes asks if Calvin is going to jump off. Calvin tells him he'll need momentum, so he wants Hobbes to throw him off the edge. Hobbes tells Calvin he assumes no responsibility for this. Calvin isn't worried, he gets the patent. Hobbes heaves Calvin into the air. Calvin yells that he's flying. But down he falls into the gorge. Hobbes yells down for "Orville" not to sell the bike shop. Calvin tells him to shut up and to get him some antiseptic.
Appears In 12 JULY 1990 Script Easy... easy now... that's it... Steady, boy... easy... nice bike... AUGH! PHPPBT!
Description Calvin warily approaches his bike. He says "easy now". He gets closer and says "steady boy....nice bike". Suddenly, the bike rears up and startles Calvin. Calvin peeks at the bike from behind a tree.
Appears In 13 JULY 1990 Script Wow, what happened to YOU?? That darn bicycle tried to killme! You fell off? It took me 40 minutes to subdue it to the point where I could climb on, and then it bucked me right over the handlebars! You fell off. THEN it tried to run me over! It's out to kill me! I'm lucky to be alive! Well, balancing takes a little practice. Do you have a rifle? Will you shoot it?
Description Calvin comes into the house all scarred and dirty. Dad asks what happened to him. Calvin tells him the bicycle tried to kill him. Dad asks if he fell off. Calvin says it took 40 minutes to subdue it to the point he could climb on, then it bucked him over the handlebars. Dad asks if he fell off. Calvin tells him it then tried to run him over. He says he's lucky to be alive. Dad tells him balancing takes a little practice. Calvin asks Dad if he has a rifle and if he'll shoot the bike.
Appears In 14 JULY 1990 Script Maybe we should get your inner ear checked.
Description Calvin peeks out the door. After he's outside, the bike peeks around the corner at him. The bike chases him down the street. Looking at Calvin lying on the ground, Dad says maybe they should get his inner ear checked.
Appears In 16 JULY 1990 Script Hi Calvin! What are you doing down there? SHH! SHH! Get down! Be quiet! Have you seen my bicycle? No... Thank goodness. If my bike doesn't get me first, I'm going to cit all its spokes in two. You never saw me today, got it? Our class voted Calvin the "Most likely to be seen on the news some day."
Description Susie sees Calvin behind the tree. Calvin tells her to be quiet and asks if she's seen his bicycle. Calvin whispers to Susie that if his bike doesn't get him first, he's going to cut its spokes. He says she never saw him today. After Calvin leaves, Susie says her class voted Calvin "Most likely to be seen on the news some day".
Appears In 17 JULY 1990 Script Want some oil? See? Nice oil? Wouldn't you like some? Easy... Easy... Rrrr YAA! I got you now! You're going to the scrap heap, you rabid pile of rusty AAH OW WHOA DOWN! I NEVER got MY face caught in the chain when I learned to ride a bike. Really, how did this happen? I TOLD you! Ow!
Description Calvin walks up to his bike asking if it would like some oil. Calvin jumps at the bike, saying it's going to the scrap heap. The two struggle. Mom is cleaning Calvin, who's all scarred and dirty. Dad says he never got his face caught in the chain when he was learning to ride a bike. Mom asks Calvin what really happened. Calvin insists he already told her.
Appears In 18 JULY 1990 Script That stupid bicycle! I hate it! I'm never going to ride one as long as I live. CREEAAKK W-what's that? AUGHH! MY BICYCLE HAS BEEN LYING IN WAIT! IT'S COMING TO GET ME! HELP! HELP! S-see? It's trying to k-kill me! It was just a dream, honey. ...but why on earth did you bring your bike upstairs to your closet?
Description In bed, Calvin says he hates his stupid bike. He's never going to ride one as long as he lives. He hears a creak. His bicycle comes out of his bedroom closet. Calvin shouts that the bike has been lying in wait and is coming to get him. He yells for help. Mom comes to his room and holds Calvin close. Calvin tells her that he told her it's trying to kill him. She says it was just a dream, but she asks why he brought his bike upstairs to his closet.
Appears In 20 JULY 1990 Script Psst! Hobbes! What are you doing up there? Hiding from my killer bicycle. It can't climb trees, so I guess I'll stay here for the rest of my life. You should just wedge a big stick through the spokes of the front wheel. That way when the stick hits the fork, the wheel will jam and the bike will flip over. Hey, that's a GREAT idea! Hobbes, you're a lifesaver! We could mosey over to the kitchen if you're wondering how you can possibly thank me enough.
Description Calvin whispers down to Hobbes from a tree branch. Calvin tells him he's hiding from his killer bicycle. He says it can't climb trees, so he'll have to stay there the rest of his life. Hobbes tells him to wedge a big stick through the spokes of the front wheel. He explains when the stick hits the fork, the wheel will jam and the bike will flip over. Calvin comes down calling Hobbes a lifesaver. Hobbes suggests they could mosey over to the kitchen if Calvin wonders how he could possibly thank him enough.
Appears In 29 JULY 1990 Script It's another new morning for Mr. Monroe. He glances at the newspaper headlines over a cup of coffee, and gets in his red sports car to go to work. Little does he realize it's his last day on the face of the earth! Calvin drinks the magic elixer and begins an incredible transformation. Instantly he grows! Bigger and bigger! Higher and higher! He is now over 300 feet tall! The formula is a success! Calvin, the mighty giant, goes on a terrible rampage, striking fear into the hearts of the populace! Nothing can stop him! It's panic in the streets! A town lies in ruins! No, I won't buy you any more toy cars. I saw you! You deliberately stomped on those!
Description Dad gets the morning paper and notes that he always rushes off and never takes time to enjoy days like this. He has his coffee and says he'd like to have a quiet day around the house. He could read a book, go on a bike ride, spend time with Calvin. He thinks about taking the day off. Calvin runs by. Mom runs by, head covered with shampoo. She yells for Calvin to get back there and pick up every dead bug he put in her shampoo. Dad watches all this. Later, he is sitting at his desk whistling.
Appears In 19 AUG 1990 Script Wanna toss the ol' pigskin around? Heck no. Phooey. The center snaps the ball! The quarterback looks for an opening! The defense disintegrates beneath the coming onslaught! The quarterback jumps and dodges! Hobbes breaks clear! Calvin passes! An amazing catch! Hobbes is at the 30 ... the 20 ... the 10 ... but he's tackled from behind and laterals to Calvin so he can make the touchdown! But Calvin fumbles the ball and Hobbes recovers it! But a penalty is called on the play and Hobbes is sent to the bench! Hobbes defects to the other team and is greeted with enthusiastic cheers! The crowd goes wild! Calvin prepares to cripple the traitor with an illegal face mask pull! Hobbes defies him by pouring out of his mouth guard onto Calvin helmet! Boy, you can see why football is such a violent game! Hobbes' team gains a yard! All the cheerleaders come out for smooches!!
Description Calvin's bicycle attacks him. He gets a rope and lassoes the bike. The bicycle drags him along the ground. Calvin ties the bike to a tree. Dad comes by later, sees the bike tied against the tree, and laments that you buy the kid a good, expensive lock, and look.
Appears In 16 JUNE 1991 Script Ahh, this is the life! Outside in the fresh air, all alone... no distractions, no irritations... nothing but quiet and serenity... a chance to get a feel for the land... the exhilaration of speed... the opportunity to reflect on things and let the mind wander... *sighhh* Getting out like this really makes the rat race seem ridiculous. The weekends just aren't long enough to do what's important. You know, I think I'll quit my job and ride my bicycle all the time. OK Dear, want me to call the bike shop and see if they'll sponsor your mid-life crisis? Yeah. Ask them if they'll upgrade my shifters too.
Description
Appears In 10 APR 1992 Script I'm going on a bike ride. What's so funny? Nothing. Have a good time. Look, I didn't design this outfit! It's PRACTICAL! Hey Dad, how'd you get your head stuck in a bowling ball? Ha! Next time, I'll squirt them both with my water bottle.
Description Dad says he's going on a bike ride. He stands with his helmet, fanny pack, and riding shorts. Mom chuckles, and Dad asks what's so funny. Dad says he didn't design his outfit, it's practical. Calvin asks how he got his head stuck in a bowling ball. Dad rides off saying, next time he's going to squirt them with his water bottle.
Appears In 02 AUG 1992 Script Look, a dead bird! It must've hit the window. Isn't it beautiful? It's so delicate. Sighhh... once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary and precious. But to go on with your daily affairs, you can't really think about that. ...which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It's very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up. No doubt.
Description Dad's riding his bike, commenting how he's outside in the fresh air (as a truck drives by throwing a can out the window) with no distractions (as a swarm of bugs surrounds him), nothing but quiet (as dogs snap at him) and a chance to get a feel for the land (as he falls off the bike). He's happy for the opportunity to reflect on things (as he holds his sore rear end). As he gets home, Dad says getting out like that makes the rat race seem ridiculous. Dad tells Mom he's thinking about quitting his job and riding his bicycle all the time. Mom suggests Dad call the bike shop to sponsor his mid-life crisis.
Appears In 13 JUNE 1993 Script Do re mi fa so la ti do. A sparrow alights upon a tree branch. But this is no ORDINARY sparrow. This is a SONG sparrow. Swaying gently in the breeze, he prepares to burst forth a rapturious melody! ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI ALL COVERED WITH CHEEEESE, I LOST MY POOR MEEEATBALLL, WHEN...
Description Calvin puts on his cycling helmet. Calvin's bike sneaks around a tree and attacks him. He runs, but the bike catches up and runs him over. It chases him up a tree, then drags him along behind it. Calvin walks into the house, covered in scratches. He thanks Dad for the helmet. He asks if they sell offensive weapons.
Appears In 04 JULY 1993 Script Another day, another dollar... ...another irreplaceable chunk out of a finite and rapidly passing lifetime. What a beautiful summer day... and I've got to spend it in an office. Brother. It seems like I'm always rushing off and never taking the time to enjoy days like this. I'd sure like to have a quiet day around the house. No traffic, no schedule, no phone calls... boy, that would be great. I could spend some time with Calvin, read a book, go on a bike ride... Maybe I should take the day off. The world wouldn't end if I didn't go into the office today. Days like this don't come often and life is short. Hi Dad. Bye Dad. AUGHH. YOU GET BACK HERE AND PICK EVERY ONE OF THESE DEAD BUGS OUT OF MY SHAMPOO!! I MEAN NOW!
Description Mom pulls an octopus out of the refrigerator. He plungers the creature into a pot, pours gasoline, a shrunken head, paint, and weed killer onto it, then mixes it. At dinner, Calvin pushes his plate away. Mom says she spent over an hour fixing it. Calvin says he saw what went into it, and he's not touching it.
Appears In 31 AUG 1993 Script OK bike, listen up! I don't like you and you don't like me. But I'VE got the tools to reduce you to piles of pipes, sprockets, and ball bearings! Do we understand each other? AAAAAAA. Maybe altogether too well.
Description Calvin tells the bike to listen up. He says he has the tools to reduce the bike to pipes, sprockets, and ball bearings. He asks the bike if they understand each other. The bike chases Calvin. After he's run over, Calvin says "maybe altogether too well".
Appears In 01 SEPT 1993 Script Dad, Will You Put A Bell On My Bike? I Think You Should Learn How To Ride Before You Worry About Having A Bell To Ring. Not THAT Kind Of Bell! I Want One That'll Warn Me When The Darn Bike's Sneaking Up On Me!
Description Calvin asks Dad to put a bell on his bike. Dad tells him to learn to ride it before he worries about having a bell to ring. Calvin explains he wants a bell that will warn him when the bike's sneaking up on him.
Appears In 02 SEPT 1993 Script I know why Dad got me that bike! He's trying to bump me off! He knows the bike will stop at nothing to kill me. Dad figures pretty soon I'll have my head through a tree trunk and he'll have some peace and quiet! I'M on to him! I suppose that's easier than sending you to camp and moving. Well sure, what if the house didn't sell?
Description Calvin tells Hobbes that Dad got the bike to bump Calvin off. Calvin says Dad figures the bike will have Calvin's head through a tree trunk and he'll have peace and quiet. He says he's on to Dad. Hobbes supposes that's easier than sending Calvin to camp and moving. Calvin agrees. He asks what would happen if the house didn't sell.
Appears In 08 MAY 1994 Script DING DONG. I'm coming, I'm coming. AAAA! I OPENED THE DOOR AND MY BIKE GOT IN!! HELLPP! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! IT'S AN UNBALANCED BICYCLE!! SOMEBODY GET ME A SPOKE WRENCH! Hehh hoo hehh hoo. BACK! BACK! SLAM. Ha! You can't get me now! AIEE! TIRE TRACKS ON THE RUGS! OIL ON THE COUCH! WHERE'S THAT KID?! Someday the neighbors will look out and wonder why there's a grown up man wearing a kid's clothes on our roof.
Description
Appears In 20 JUNE 1995 Script I've got the bike, Calvin. It's not going anywhere. I can feel it's going to throw me! Get ready to yank its wheels off! Just relax. I've got you. How can I relax? I'm uninsured and unarmed! I'm as good as head! Push back on the pedals. That's your brake, OK? Yes, well, that was fun! Thanks for the lesson! Get back here. No, really, I think I've got it! You can sell the bike now.
Description Dad holds the bike with Calvin on it. Calvin says the bike is getting ready to throw him off. Dad tells him to relax. Calvin says he can't relax. He's uninsured and unarmed. Dad tells Calvin how to apply the brakes. Calvin thanks Dad for the lesson and runs off. Dad tells him to come back. Calvin says he has it, and that Dad can sell the bike now.
Appears In 21 JUNE 1995 Script The trick to balancing is to have a little forward momentum. AAA! No momentum! No momentum! Just pedal slowly. I'm holding the bike, so you won't fall. You'll let go and the bike will launch me into the ionosphere! Trust me, OK? TRUST you? I hardly KNOW you! I'm your father!? What, for six years?! When I'm 40, we'll see how things are going along!
Description Dad tells Calvin the trick to balancing on a bike is to have momentum. Calvin wants no momentum. Dad says with him holding the bike, Calvin can't fall. Calvin says he'll let go, and the bike will launch him into the ionosphere. Dad tells Calvin to trust him. Calvin replies he hardly knows Dad. He's only known Dad for six years. he offers to see how things are going when he's forty.
Appears In 22 JUNE 1995 Script Look, Calvin, you've got to relax a little. Your balance will be better if you're loose. I can't help it! Imminent death makes me tense! I admit it! You need a goal. Concentrate on your goal. My goal is to dismantle this bicycle and mail every piece to a different country so it can never be rebuilt! OK, that's not a good goal. WELL I'M NOT CHANGING IT!
Description Dad tells Calvin to relax in order to improve him balance on the bicycle. Calvin says imminent death makes him tense. Dad tells Calvin to concentrate on a goal. Calvin's goal is to dismantle the bike and mail each piece to a different country so it can't be rebuilt. Dad says that isn't a good goal. Calvin says he isn't changing it.
Appears In 24 JUNE 1995 Script Ooh, it doesn't look like the bike lesson went so good. It didn't. Dad LIKES riding his bike! He doesn't understand what it's like for me! I HATE flipping over the bars, getting chased around the yard, and getting mowed down by a demonic machine! Is that what happened? No, I tripped coming up the stairs.
Description Calvin is all scratched and bruised. Hobbes says it looks like the bike lesson didn't go so well. Calvin complains that Dad like riding his bike, so he doesn't understand what it's like for Calvin. He says he hates flipping over bars, getting chased around the yard, and getting mowed down by a demonic machine. Hobbes asks if that's what happened. Calvin tells him no. He tripped coming up the stairs.
Appears In 25 JUNE 1995 Script Hobbes. You didn't bring your swim trunks here to the beach! No, I prefer "furry dipping." Yaaaaayy! Ow ow ow hot hot hot hot! Aaaaaahhhhh! Sploop splop. Brrrrrr! Cold cold cold. Ow ow ow hot hot hot hot hot. Don't tell me we drove an hour and a half for this!
Description Calvin answers the doorbell. The bike comes into the house and chases Calvin. Over the sofa they go, up the stairs. Calvin hides temporarily in the bathroom as the bike goes down the hall. He holds the bike off with a chair as he backs out his bedroom window. He closes the window and says the bike can't get him now. Downstairs, someone yells there are tire tracks on the rugs and oil on the couch. Another voice asks where Calvin is. Outside on the roof, Calvin says someday neighbors will look out and wonder why there is a grown man wearing kids' clothes on their roof.
Appears In
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This page is strictly a tribute to Calvin & Hobbes, the best comic ever, and two of the best characters who have taught me so much over many years. It is meant for research purposes only.