Hobbes is reading a newspaper while Calvin watches TV. Hobbes reads that by age 6, children have seen a million murders on TV. Calvin finds that very disturbing. He believes he's been watching all the wrong channels.

Calvin comments that it's too bad the world is ending soon. Hobbes asks for clarification. Calvin tells him comets are harbingers of doom, and that Halley's Comet spells the end. Hobbes informs him that is only a superstition. Calvin realizes he better write his book report.

Calvin is in the doctor's office getting his arm swabbed. He asks if the doctor is going to put a leech on it, if he's being bled, or going to amputate. As Mom is reading a magazine, Calvin yells that the shot went through his arm. He yells that he's dying and hopes the doctor's malpractice insurance is paid up. Calvin calls him a quack and yells for his Mom, as she buries her face into the magazine.

Calvin asks Hobbes what he should do when Moe comes to beat him up in gym class. Hobbes offers the thing tigers do when a rhino charges, climbing up the nearest tree. Calvin laments that advice. Hobbes muses that it doesn't impress the girls, but it's better than impressing them and getting killed.

Calvin and Hobbes are having a squirt gun fight in the house. They chase after one another and wrestle throughout the house. Finally, Mom tells them that if they're going to tear around do it outside. Calvin and Hobbes sit on the step, looking out into the yard.

Calvin finds he's immune to the laws of gravity. He tries to hold on, but he loses his grip. Up into the sky he falls. Higher and higher he goes, until he grasps the tailfin of a passing jet. Dad wants him to continue with his story after he lands in Phoenix. Mom says she will not sew velcro on the outside of all Calvin's clothes.

Calvin comes home and opens the door. Hobbes comes flying out, smashes into Calvin, and they tumble along. Hobbes thinks that's an enthusiastic greeting. Calvin wishes he'd just buy a "I missed you" card.

Calvin is in the bathtub talking to Hobbes. He points out his fingers and toes, which are all wrinkled. Calvin thinks it's neat. Hobbes imagines a news heading "Big pink raisin discovered in tub, boy's whereabouts unknown". Calvin shrieks and starts climbing out of the tub.

Calvin looks in the mirror and is horrified. All his hair is chopped down. He says it looks like it was cut with a weed-eater. Hobbes thinks it's nothing a little tonic and combing can't fix. Calvin runs away, calling Hobbes a menace. Calvin figures Mom will blow her blood vessels if she sees his hair like that. He wonders what to do. Hobbes puts a bandanna on Calvin's head. He thinks it gives Calvin the "Lawrence of Arabia" look. Calvin thinks it gives him the "lobotomy patient" look.

Calvin finds himself no longer in the third dimension. He's only 2D. He's thin as a sheet of paper. His feet have no surface area. Only by waving his body along the ground can he generate enough friction to move. But having width but no thickness leaves him vulnerable to gusts of wind. To avoid drafts, he pulls himself into a tube to roll across the floor. Someone is coming, so he turns sideways to hide. As thin as he is, he's nearly an invisible vertical line. Dad is lying under the kitchen sink, trying to fix something. Calvin asks if he knows why he couldn't see him all morning. Calvin explains he was two dimensional. Dad mutters that he bets Calvin can't do it all afternoon also.

Calvin asks Hobbes to put him on his shoulders so he can climb into a tree. Hobbes asks how many bricks he has in his pockets. Calvin tells him to hold steady. Hobbes tells him to hurry up before his spine telescopes. Calvin is hanging from a branch. He asks Hobbes to help hold him up. Hobbes takes off Calvin's shoes and starts tickling him. Calvin falls from the tree. He lands on Hobbes. Hobbes tells him he's paralyzed. Calvin replies that he's not sorry at all and to give his shoes back.

Mom leaves and tells Rosalyn that Calvin is upstairs. Dad hopes he's not too much trouble tonight. Rosalyn tells them not to worry. She brought a cattle prod this time. Calvin starts climbing out the window. Hobbes tells him Mom and Dad laughed, so it might have been a joke. Calvin isn't taking chances. He thinks Mom and Dad may think scorching little kids is fun. He keeps going down.

Hobbes is playing Monopoly with Calvin. Hobbes tells Calvin he can't just take money from the bank. Calvin explains that Hobbes has hotels on all his properties, so Calvin can't afford to pay him. Calvin is robbing a bank. Hobbes tells him he can't do that. Calvin replies he's the banker, and he's not going to risk his life for a couple thousand dollars. Hobbes shows the rules don't say you can rob the bank. Calvin retorts the rules don't show that you can't. He tells Hobbes to just roll the dice and accept this tragic turn of events. Hobbes says if that's how Calvin's going to play, Hobbes will rob Calvin. Calvin steals the deeds to Boardwalk and Park Place. Hobbes angrily takes all the houses and hotels and puts them on Baltic Avenue, where Calvin landed. Calvin owes Hobbes $250,000. In the other room, Mom comments how cute it is that Calvin plays both sides of the Monopoly board. Dad isn't so sure. He's heard Calvin using words he didn't learn in their household.

Calvin says archeologists dig slowly and carefully, using small, delicate tools. Each rock has to be painstakingly brushed and scraped so nothing is broken or missed. He digs and scrapes for a while. Calvin looks up and says they have the most mind-numbing job on the planet. Hobbes holds up the brush they've been using. He says he doesn't think Dad will want to shave with that in the morning.

Calvin kicks the football to Hobbes. Calvin goes for the tackle. He hits Hobbes, but nothing happens. Calvin tries picking up Hobbes' foot, but nothing happens. Calvin pulls Hobbes' tail, but nothing happens. He tries climbing on Hobbes to reach the football, but Hobbes simply holds it at arm's length. Calvin suggests they change to touch football.

Spaceman Spiff lands on the planet Zokk. He prepares to explore the surface. Spiff's first step sends him careening through the sky. Spiff realizes Zokk has only a fraction of earth's gravity. With practice, our hero finds he can bound effortlessly across the landscape. Dad opens the bedroom door and yells to Calvin to quit bouncing on the bed and go to sleep.

Calvin comes home complaining about an assignment he got. He has to write about an adventure he had. Calvin argues that his life has been one big bore from the beginning. He's never been abducted by pirates, never faced down a charging rhino, been in a shoot-out, or on a bombing run. Hobbes asks about the time he backed the car through the garage door. Calvin doesn't think that was an adventure. He never even got on the highway.

The laws of perspective have been repealed. Objects no longer diminish in size with distance. Lines do not converge toward any point on the horizon. It's impossible to judge where anything is. Calvin trips over the end table and knocks it and the lamp to the floor. Mom yells that he should quit running around crashing into things. If he doesn't, Mom will sell him to the monkey house. Calvin gets up rubbing his head, saying now she's lost perspective.

Mom gets dressed, puts on earrings, applies her lipstick, and heads out the door. Calvin sprays her with a water hose. Calvin is walking away, rubbing his rear end. He says Mom is a grouch.

With all the open ceiling space, Calvin wishes he could get his roller skates. He decides to try climbing down the bookcase and jumping to a chair. Then he can pull himself across other pieces of furniture to get to his toy chest. As he walks down the bookcase, he says he can hear Mom wondering how he got sneaker prints on the underside of each shelf.

Calvin runs off the school bus, yelling that he's free. He opens the front door. He stands horrified as he sees what's coming. Climbing out of the trench they just created, Hobbes cheerily tells Calvin that was a good one. He tells Calvin to look how far they landed. Calvin, buried in the dirt, says that a house with a tiger is never a home.

Calvin walks toward Dad rubbing his eyes and yawning. Dad tells him he's missed the best part of the day. Dad says he's been up since 6:30, and he's gotten many things accomplished. Calvin walks off saying when he has a day off, he can tell the difference. Dad says he just knows some nurse switched the bassinets.

Calvin and Hobbes are playing baseball. Calvin hits it and runs the bases. Hobbes casually retrieves the ball as Calvin passes eleventh base. Hobbes walks with the ball. Calvin's going for home after touching twenty-fifth base. Hobbes tags Calvin out. Calvin, exhausted, thinks they need to change the rules.

Mom is standing on the top of the ladder grabbing Calvin, who's standing on the roof. He has a bungee cord around his waist. He tells Mom she's acting like he isn't even wearing a bungee cord.

Calvin is rubbing Hobbes' tummy as he sleeps. Calvin stops and walks away. Hobbes bares his fangs and growls at Calvin. Calvin rubs Hobbes' tummy some more.

Hobbes tells Calvin he just ran into the invisible sector. He has to cover his eyes. Calvin, playing Calvinball, didn't know they had an invisible sector. He asks where it is. Hobbes tells him he can't see it. It's invisible. He asks how to know he went into it. Hobbes says he can't see anything, right? He hits Calvin on the head with the Calvinball. He gets a point. Calvin chases him. He says Hobbes just ran into a vortex spot. He has to spin around until he falls down. Hobbes informs Calvin that spot is in the boomerang zone, so the vortex returns to who called it. Calvin has to spin. He claims that's not fair. Hobbes tells him he knows the rules. Calvin admits that anything they make up are the rules. Calvin spins himself dizzy while saying this game lends itself to certain abuses. Hobbes has the Calvinball. He asks Calvin to guess how he gets out of the boomerang zone.

Calvin is on the phone. He tells someone to look out the window, it's snowing. By morning, he bets there'll be tons of snow. He asks if the person thinks the schools will close. Calvin hears the answer and angrily says back "Well, same to you". Climbing back in bed, Calvin asks Hobbes how a crabby guy like that got to be superintendent.

Dad turns off the TV and tells Calvin to play outside. Calvin doesn't want to. Grumpily, he goes outside. He starts to build a snow man. He places it by the window looking in at Dad. Twigs are placed for hands to have the snow man thumbing his ears at Dad.

Calvin builds a snowman on the porch. He puts his coat and hat on the snowman. He yells that he's home and hides next to the porch. Hobbes opens the door, sees the snowman, then asks why Calvin is on the ground without his coat. He says no reason. Calvin puts his coat and hat back on, kicks the snowman off the porch, starts to open the door, and Hobbes pounces on him.

Calvin tells Hobbes he likes to verb words. He takes nouns and adjectives and uses them as verbs. He asks Hobbes if he remembers when "access" was a thing. Now, it's something you do. Calvin says verbing weirds language. Hobbes hopes they can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.

Spaceman Spiff is pursued by hostile aliens. Spiff dives toward the mysterious world below. The aliens are still on his trail. He flies through a tight arch, hoping the aliens will crash as they follow. Calvin is under a table, with Mom grabbing at his feet. Calvin says the ol' battleship is surprisingly maneuverable. Mom says Calvin is going to bed if she has to chase him all night.

Calvin is watching another ad with attitude. He points out a guy who quit his job and now climbs rocks. He's his own man. Hobbes wonders how he affords the expensive athletic shoes he's advertising since he quit his job. Calvin wonders if the guy's mom bought them for him. Hobbes hopes she'll pay his medical bills when he falls off the rock he's climbing.

Calvin tells Hobbes that all the world is a stage. But he says the play is unrehearsed and everybody ad-libs. Hobbes thinks that's why it's hard to tell whether we're in a tragedy or a farce. Calvin suggests more special effects and dance numbers.

Dad is watching television. The announcer talks about blood-spattered sidewalks and asks if you could be the next victim. The television announcer continues by saying they'll get the story from sobbing relatives and tell why you should be paralyzed with helpless fear. That's Eyewitness News. It's what you need to know. Dad turns off the television and reads the newspaper instead.

Stupidopolis is a thriving coastal city built near a fault line. A giant wave crashes into the city. Calvin is laughing on the beach. Dad asks Mom why Calvin builds everything so close to the water. He says it's stupid. Mom says Calvin doesn't seem to mind doing it over and over.

In poem form, Calvin says Mom and Dad aren't what they seem. They are outer space alien freaks. They landed in spaceships humongous, now they walk among us. He knows the truth, they're here to spoil his youth. Each morning, as the sun rises, they put on their earthling disguises. He knew their masks weren't legit, the faces are lined, they sag and don't fit. They're slaves to routine, they're almost machines. He can't escape their alien gaze, they warp his mind with their alien ways. For sinister plots, this is a gem. They're raising him up to turn him into them.

Calvin is grabbing leaves off the ground. He can't believe Mom wouldn't take him to the park. He says it's no wonder he gets bad grades. Hobbes says he did spring it on Mom at the last second. Calvin complains that's when he thought of it. The problem is that Mom isn't flexible. Calvin wishes there was some way out of the assignment. Suddenly, a spacecraft appears above them.