Your search found 23 comics:04 DEC 1985 Script Here comes that new girl. Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar? I hope you suffer a debilitating brain aneurysm, you freak! She's cute, isn't she?? Go away.
Description Calvin sees the new girl coming and yells a question asking if that's Susie Derkins' face or if a possum is stuck in her collar. He then yells that she should have a debilitating brain aneurysm. Hobbes says she's cute, to which Calvin wants Hobbes to go away.
Appears In 14 JAN 1986 Script That dirty Susie Derkins. She'll be sorry if she tries to pass another note. Psst ... Calvin! Pass this secret note to Jessica, okay? Teacher! Susie's passing notes! Take this away and read it in front of the class! "Dear Jessica, you know what I hate about Calvin? He's a squealer! Signed, Susie." I hope you know a good dentist, Susie ...
Description Calvin fumes from being humiliated and vows Susie will be sorry if she passes another note to him. Susie then does just that. She gives Calvin another secret note for Jessica. This time, Calvin yells to Miss Wormwood that Susie is passing notes and that she should read the note to the class. Miss Wormwood reads the note telling Jessica that Calvin is a squealer. Calvin murmurs a comment to Susie about hoping she knows a good dentist.
Appears In 12 FEB 1986 Script I'm making Susie Derkins a valentine. She's a cutie, all right. See, I made a big red heart. Now I'm putting lace around it. That's very sweet. I'm sure she'll like it. Susie, I hate you. Drop dead. Calvin.
Description Calvin sits at a desk at home making Susie Derkins a valentine. Hobbes comments on how cute Susie is. Calvin is putting lace around the heart-shaped valentine. Hobbes is sure Susie will like it. Calvin writes that he hates her, and that she should drop dead.
Appears In 29 MAY 1986 Script Well look. Somebody left a stuffed tiger out in the field how strange. Looks like a dog's been chewing on you fella. Well, nothing a little tea party with some other stuffed animals wouldn't help. C'mon.
Description Susie Derkins is walking along and comes upon Hobbes lying in the grass. She notices it looks like a dog has been chewing on him. She picks him up, figuring a tea party with other stuffed animals might not hurt.
Appears In 28 JULY 1986 Script Hi Calvin, what are you doing? Big important secret things! Go away! Get lost! All right, dandelion head! Who cares what you do anyway! We're doing great things. We're having fun! I thought we were bored out of our skulls. Oh hush. You don't know anything.
Description Susie Derkins comes up to Calvin and Hobbes sitting under a tree. She asks what they're doing. Calvin hustles her away by saying they're doing important secret things. Susie calls Calvin a dandelion head and decides she doesn't care what he's doing. Calvin reiterates they're having fun and doing great things. After Susie is gone, Hobbes says that he thought they were bored out of their skulls. Calvin tells him he doesn't know anything.
Appears In 22 JAN 1987 Script Well, well! It's an invitation to Susie Derkins' birthday party. How nice. Susie invited you? What about me? Does it say me too? No, it doesn't say anything about you. She must have mailed my invitation separately, she probably wanted to insure it so she'll know it didn't get lost. Sometimes those take longer. I'll have to sign for it and all. I'm sure she's taking no chances with mine. Oh wait. On the back it says, "You can bring that stupid kid you hang around with, if you must."
Description Hobbes reads that it's an invitation to Susie Derkins' birthday party. Calvin asks if it talks about him, and Hobbes says no. Calvin thinks his invitation must have been sent separately. Susie probably insured it so it wouldn't get lost. Those invitations take longer to arrive. Calvin figures he'll have to sign for his invitation when it comes. Hobbes notices something on the back of the invitation. Susie wrote that Hobbes can bring "that stupid kid you hang around, if you must".
Appears In 12 FEB 1989 Script Hold still. Now boost! Lift! C'mon! Mph! Get your hand out of my eye! OK, forward! On the way back, you're carrying ME. Hey, I got some mail. It's a valentine card. From Susie Derkins! It says, "Please be my valentine." You're Susie's valentine! I'm not her valentine just because I got this in the mail, am I? Does the post-master general know about this? Calvin and Susie sitting in a tree-ee! Kay-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-En-Gee! I don't have to KISS her, do I?! Is that what valentines do??! Oh, gross! First comes Lo-ove, Then comes marriage, Then comes a baby in a baby carriage! This can't be happening! I need a lawyer! She can't make me be her valentine! Here she comes! Here comes Susie! Hi, Calvin. Get away from me! I'm not your valentine! Take your card back! Eww! Girls! Yecchh! That card wasn't for YOU, you moron. Didn't you read the back of the envelope? The back? "Calvin, please give this to Hobbes." HOBBES?! Me? Really? Hot dog! Smooch city, here I come!
Description Calvin gets a valentine in the mailbox. It's from Susie Derkins. Calvin reads the card, which says "Be my valentine". Hobbes starts making fun of Calvin. He starts singing "Calvin and Susie, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G". Calvin says he's not her valentine just because he got that in the mail. He asks if the Postmaster General knows about this. Hobbes continues ridiculing Calvin by singing "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage". Calvin is horrified to think he has to kiss Susie if they're valentines. Calvin wants a lawyer. He says she can't make him her valentine. Hobbes sees Susie coming. Susie says hi to Calvin, who throws the valentine on the ground. He tells her to get away from him, and he's not her valentine. He tells her to take her card back. Susie tells Calvin the card wasn't for him. She asks if he read the back of the envelope. When Calvin looks at it, it reads "Calvin, please give this to Hobbes". Calvin is shocked! Hobbes, with a smile on his face, says "Hot Dog! Smooch City, here I come".
Appears In 31 MAR 1989 Script Psst... Susie! Help me think up scientific name of my bugs while the teacher's not looking. Shhh! We're not supposed to talk in class. Do it yourself. Having a pleasant conversation, Miss Derkins? Perhaps you'd like to sit up front, so you won't distract Calvin any more? Oh, I TRIED to get her to be quiet, but you know how girls are.
Description Calvin whispers over to Susie to help him think of scientific names of his bugs while the teacher's not looking. Susie tells him they're not supposed to talk in class. She tells him to do it himself. Miss Wormwood asks if Susie is having a pleasant conversation. Susie is horrified! Miss Wormwood asks her to move up front so she doesn't distract Calvin anymore. Calvin says he tried to get her to be quiet, but you know how girls are.
Appears In 17 MAY 1989 Script I got it! We'll call our club G.R.O.S.S. - Get Rid Of Slimy girlS! That way, Susie Derkins can't join! Is she slimy? ALL girls are slimy. Now the first order of business is to elect officers. I get to be president! I get to be president! Oh, no you don't! This whole club was my idea, so I get to be president. OK, then I get to be king and tyrant. Hey, no! THAT'S what I want to be! You can be President.
Description Calvin decides the club name should be Get Rid Of Slimy girlS, or G.R.O.S.S. The first order of business is to elect officers. Hobbes wants to be president. Calvin says no, because the whole idea of the club was his. So he gets to be president. Hobbes says then he wants to be king and tyrant. Calvin changes his mind and says that's what he wants to be. Hobbes can be president.
Appears In 18 MAY 1989 Script Hi, Calvin! What are you doing, making paper hats? Can I make one, too? Don't be ridiculous. This is the official chapeau of our top-secret club, G.R.O.S.S. - Get Rid Of Slimy girlS! "Slimy girls"?! I know that's redundant, but otherwise it doesn't spell anything. Now go away. GIRLS AREN'T SLIMY! Don't get gunk on me. I took bath last Saturday and I'm all clean.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are wearing paper hats. Susie Derkins comes along and asks if she can make one, too. Calvin tells her these are the official hats of the G.R.O.S.S. club. Susie asks about the "slimy girls" part. Calvin says he knows it's redundant, but otherwise it didn't spell anything. Susie yells that girls aren't slimy. Calvin tells her not to get gunk on him. He took a bath last Saturday, and he's all clean.
Appears In 15 DEC 1989 Script Boy, if it wasn't so close to Chrismas, I'd pound you good! Yeah, I'd like to see you try! Oh no you don't! You're not tempting ME! I want every item on my Christmas list, so I'm being GOOD. No matter what the provication! Here comes Susie Derkins. Really? Quick, help me find a pine cone I can throw at... ...NO! I'm being GOOD! Good! Good! Good! You'll never make it till Christmas. Give up now and enjoy yourself.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes that if it wasn't so close to Christmas, he'd pound him good. Hobbes wants to see him try. Calvin won't be tempted. He wants every item on his Christmas list, so he's being good. Hobbes mentions Susie Derkins is coming. Calvin looks for a pine cone to throw at her. He stops, clenches his teeth, and says he's going to be good. Hobbes says he'll never make it to Christmas. He might as well give up now and enjoy himself.
Appears In 08 FEB 1990 Script First I figured I'd try the Derkins dame. Susie and I never hit it off, although occasionally we hit each other. Susie had a face that suggested somebody upstairs had a weird sense of humor, but I wasn't going to her place for laughs. I needed information. The way I looked at it, Derkins acted awfully smug for a dame who had a head for numbers and not much else. Maybe she's got something on Jack and Joe. The question is, will she sing? No, I won't tell you what the answer is. Do your OWN work!
Description Tracer figures he'll try the Derkins dame. Susie and he had never hit it off, occasionally they hit each other. Tracer says Susie has a face that suggests someone upstairs has a weird sense of humor. But he needed information. He figures she looks pretty smug for a dame with a head for numbers, but not much else. The question is, will she sing? Susie tells Calvin she will not tell him the answer and to do his own work.
Appears In 09 FEB 1990 Script The Derkins dame wasn't talking. Someone had gotten to her first and shut her up good. I knew Susie, and closing her mouth would've taken some work. I needed a clue and a drink. One of them I knew where to find. You've made enough trips to the water fountain. Finish your quiz. Suddenly a gorilla pulled me in an alley, squeezed my spine into an accordion, and played a polka on me with brass knuckles. Youse ain't going nowhere, flatfoot.
Description Bullet says the Derkins dame wasn't talking. Someone had gotten to her and shut her up good. He knows Susie. Closing her mouth would have taken some work. He needed a clue and a drink. He knew where to find one of them. Miss Wormwood grabs Calvin and says he's had enough trips to the water fountain. Tracer says a gorilla pulled him into an alley, squeezed his spine into an accordion, and played a polka on him with brass knuckles.
Appears In 11 MAR 1990 Script I'm hooOaaGHhH! AAAAAAAAA If you ache, it's because you don't properly stretch before exercising. I didn't know I was going to BE exercising!!
Description A meeting of G.R.O.S.S. comes to order. Hobbes is accused of heresy. Calvin explains Hobbes made an undisparaging comment about the possible membership of Susie Derkins, an admitted girl and enemy of the club. Hobbes wants the record to show Calvin is a nincompoop. Calvin charges him with insubordination. Hobbes, as court stenographer, refuses to enter the verdict. He promotes himself to "El Tigre Numero Uno". Calvin promotes himself. Hobbes writes "Hobbes equals great" in the club notebook. That makes it law. Calvin takes the notebook. Hobbes takes Calvin's Supreme Dictator hat. They fight, then declare a truce. Calvin says this is a great club, but it's too bad they don't have more members. Hobbes says maybe they should allow Susie to join.
Appears In 21 AUG 1990 Script Herewith, a field report filed from head scout Calvin! What news, scout? The enemy has been sighted on the sidewalk two doors down, Mr President. The enemy? Susie Derkins, an acknowledged GIRL! I recommend we establish a strike force? Its objective? To bug her! Sounds risky. Men, any volunteers?
Description Top Scout Calvin reports the enemy has been sighted on the sidewalk two doors down. It's Susie Derkins, an acknowledged girl. Calvin recommends they establish a strike force to bug Susie. Hobbes calls for volunteers.
Appears In 29 SEPT 1990 Script How did you do on your math quiz? I flunked it... but only because I ran out of time. The worst part, though, was that Susie Derkins won our bet on who'd get the better score. I had to pay her 25 cents. But get this! I cheated her! I only gave her three dimes! Ha! I think you're better study harded. Oh, now don't YOU start on me.
Description Hobbes asks Calvin how he did on his math quiz. Calvin tells him he flunked it, but only because he ran out of time. He says the worst part was that Susie won their bet on who'd get the better score. He had to pay her 25 cents. Calvin laughs that he cheated her, though. He only gave her three dimes. Hobbes says Calvin better study harder. Calvin tells Hobbes not to start on him.
Appears In 01 MAY 1991 Script Susie Derkins says you were throwing mushy apples at her! We were getting rid of slimy girls! That's our club! Well STOP it! You know better than that! I think you'd better come inside. You can tell this is a great club because we always get in trouble for following our charter!
Description Mom says Susie told her he was throwing mushy apples at her. Calvin says they were getting rid of slimy girls. That's their club. Mom says he better stop it. She tells him to come inside. As Calvin climbs down the rope, he says you can tell this is a great club because they always get in trouble following their charter.
Appears In 04 JUNE 1991 Script That dirty Susie Derkins. She'll be sorry if she tries to pass another note. Psst ... Calvin! Pass this secret note to Jessica, okay? Teacher! Susie's passing notes! Take this away and read it in front of the class! "Dear Jessica, you know what I hate about Calvin? He's a squealer! Signed, Susie." I hope you know a good dentist, Susie ...
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Appears In 09 JUNE 1991 Script FWOOSHH In order to determine if there is any universal moral law beyond human convention, I have devised the following test. I will throw this water balloon at Susie Derkins unless I receive some sign within the next 30 seconds that this is wrong. It is in the universe's power to stop me. I'll accept any remarkable physical happenstance as the sign that I shouldn't do this. Ready?... GO! Tum te tum doo doo ... Nothing's happeniinngg... five seconds to go! TIME'S UP! That proves it! There's no moral law! WHEEE! Ha ha! HEY SUSIE!! SPLOOSH HELP! HELP! HELP! Why does the universe always give you the sign AFTER you do it??
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Appears In 28 FEB 1993 Script Here comes somebody! This meeting of the top secret club G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS) will come to order. Today this august assembly will decide whether to demote President Hobbes on charges of heresy! HERESY?! Let the record show that the defendent made an UNdisparaging comment about the possible membership of Susie Derkins, an admitted girl and enemy of this club. Let the record ALSO show that Supreme Dictator-for-Life Calvin is a nincompoop. OK, just for that, you're also charged with insubordination! This court finds you guilty on both counts and strips you of your title! Ha! As court stenographer, I refuse to enter the verdict! In fact, I'm PROMOTING myself to "El Tigre Numero Uno"! Oh yeah?! Well then, I promote MYself to "Most highest grandest exalted, um, supreme, uh..." There! I wrote "Hobbes equals great" in the official club notebook! Now it's a law! IT IS NOT! GIMME THAT! Ha ha ha! I'M writing "Hobbes equals ugly fur ball"! What do you think of THAT? Oh ho! I take the supreme dictator hat! Now I'M the supreme dictator! You give that back! I declare you null and void! Truce? Truce. What a great club. Too bad we don't have more members. Maybe we should allow Susie to join.
Description Calvin walks up to Dad sitting in the chair. Calvin says "Kazam". Dad turns into a slug. Calvin does it again, and the lamp and table turn into a bug. Dad tells him to be quiet. Calvin does it again, and Mom turns into a bug. Mom says if Calvin is bored, they'll find something for him to do. Calvin goes upstairs to his room and opens his window. He looks outside and says "Kazam". The neighborhood is a desolate landscape.
Appears In 16 FEB 1994 Script DING DONG. Heh heh heh. Oh! Oop! ...um... Hi, Mrs. Derkins. I was hoping Susie would answer the ...uh... I mean, um, I'm selling huge snowballs. Would you like to buy one? My "Plan A's" are great, but my "Plan B's" leave a lot to be desired.
Description Calvin rings Susie's doorbell with a big snowball. He lifts it to hit Susie when she opens the door. Susie's Mom answers. Calvin tries to cover up by saying he's selling snowballs. Calvin walks off saying his "plan A's" are great, but his "plan B's" leave a lot to be desired.
Appears In 01 JUNE 1994 Script I got it! We'll call our club G.R.O.S.S. - Get Rid Of Slimy girlS! That way, Susie Derkins can't join! Is she slimy? ALL girls are slimy. Now the first order of business is to elect officers. I get to be president! I get to be president! Oh, no you don't! This whole club was my idea, so I get to be president. OK, then I get to be king and tyrant. Hey, no! THAT'S what I want to be! You can be President.
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Appears In 24 SEPT 1994 Script How did you do on your math quiz? I flunked it... but only because I ran out of time. The worst part, though, was that Susie Derkins won our bet on who'd get the better score. I had to pay her 25 cents. But get this! I cheated her! I only gave her three dimes! Ha! I think you're better study harded. Oh, now don't YOU start on me.
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