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16 APR 1986
As dictator, I have the sole voice in government! I will not tolerate dissent! I alone shall decide the good! I alone shall ... time for bed, Calvin. Couldn't we vote on this?
Calvin, in a paper hat and standing in his treehouse, declares as dictator that he is the sole voice of government. He'll tolerate no dissent. He alone will decide the good. As he keeps proclaiming, Mom comes up and tells him it's time for bed. As she carries him to the house, he asks whether they can vote on it.
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Calvin and HobbesSomething Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


30 AUG 1986
Your polls are slipping Dad. Better get with it. Calvin, being your Dad is not an elected position. I don't have to respond to pools. Not elected? You mean you can govern with dictatorial impunity? Exactly. In short, open revolt and exile is the only hope for change? I don't like the direction this conversation is taking.
Calvin warns Dad about his slipping poll numbers. Dad informs him it's not an elected position, so he doesn't have to respond to polls. Calvin asks if that means Dad can rule with dictatorial impunity. Dad says yes. Calvin surmises open revolt and exile is the only hope for change. Dad doesn't like the direction the conversation is taking.
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Something Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


24 SEPT 1989
That's our son! *sighhhh* These pictures will remind us of more than we want to remember.
A meeting of G.R.O.S.S. comes to order. Hobbes reads the minutes of their last meeting. Hobbes mentions much nonsense and commotion from dictator-for-life Calvin. Hobbes keeps reading that president-and-first-tiger Hobbes offered a reasonable solution, which elicits a response from Calvin that Hobbes had told him to jump in the lake. Hobbes reads that the dictator received his comeuppance. Calvin says the minutes are lies. They fight, calling each other chowderhead, moron, ogre, and fleabag. They call a truce as they are exhausted. They climb down declaring another productive meeting. What a great club!
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Scientific Progress Goes \The Indispensable Calvin And HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


11 MAR 1990
I'm hooOaaGHhH! AAAAAAAAA If you ache, it's because you don't properly stretch before exercising. I didn't know I was going to BE exercising!!
A meeting of G.R.O.S.S. comes to order. Hobbes is accused of heresy. Calvin explains Hobbes made an undisparaging comment about the possible membership of Susie Derkins, an admitted girl and enemy of the club. Hobbes wants the record to show Calvin is a nincompoop. Calvin charges him with insubordination. Hobbes, as court stenographer, refuses to enter the verdict. He promotes himself to "El Tigre Numero Uno". Calvin promotes himself. Hobbes writes "Hobbes equals great" in the club notebook. That makes it law. Calvin takes the notebook. Hobbes takes Calvin's Supreme Dictator hat. They fight, then declare a truce. Calvin says this is a great club, but it's too bad they don't have more members. Hobbes says maybe they should allow Susie to join.
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Scientific Progress Goes \The Indispensable Calvin And HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


21 JUNE 1990
C'mon Hobbes, we have to go outside. We HAVE to? Yeah, Dad won't let me watch TV. He says it's summer, it's light late, and I should go run around instead of sitting in front of the tube. Can you believe it?! What a dictator. How cruel it is to be forced to play. I'LL show him. I refuse to have fun.
Calvin tells Hobbes they have to play outside. He says Dad won't let him watch TV. Dad says since it's summer, he should play outside and run around, instead of sitting in front of a tube. Calvin calls Dad a dictator. Hobbes says it's cruel to be forced to play. As Calvin climbs on his swing, he says he'll show him. He refuses to have fun.
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Scientific Progress Goes \The Indispensable Calvin And HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


20 AUG 1990
This meeting of top-secret club GROSS (Get Rid Of Slimy Girls) will come to order, supreme ruler and dictator-for-life Calvin presiding! Hear hear! President and first tiger Hobbes will now provide us with an attendance report. All present and accounted for, sir! Excellent! Now club secretary general Hobbes will review the minutes. It's 10:32. Thank you. At this time we'll have a field report from top scout Calvin! You can tell this is a great club because we have so many officers.
Calvin calls a meeting of G.R.O.S.S. to order. President and First Tiger Hobbes gives an attendance report. Club Secretary General Hobbes gives the minutes. Calvin then calls for a field report from Top Scout Calvin. Hobbes says you can tell this is a great club because they have so many officers.
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Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow GoonsThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


29 MAR 1991
DON'T TELL ME MY DUPLICATE IS WRITING SUSIE MASH NOTES!! You little charmer, you! I'm the dictator-for-life of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club! My reputation! My honor! My principles! We've got to stop him! Oh no! He's not in my room! He must be on his way to Susie's house! You're probably going to get smoochies right now! Big wet ones, I bet! MORE sarcasm?! You come here again and I'll clobber you, Calvin.
Calvin tells Hobbes not to tell him his duplicate is writing Susie mash notes. Hobbes calls Calvin a little charmer. Calvin runs off. As dictator-for-life of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club, his reputation is at stake. He looks in his room, but the duplicate isn't there. He says he must be on his way to Susie's house. Hobbes says he's probably getting smooches right now. Standing at Susie's door, the duplicate Calvin has handed Susie the note. Susie considers it sarcasm. She tells him if he comes to her house again, she'll clobber him.
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Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow GoonsThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


07 APR 1991
This meeting of G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS) will come to order, dictator-for-life Calvin presiding! Hail Calvin and Hobbes! On today's agenda, we'll make a list of what girls are GOOD for. Obviously, this will be a short meeting! Ha! First tiger Hobbes will record the list for posterity! OK, first, girls are good for water balloon targets! Ha ha! Second, they're good for NOTHING! Ha ha ha! Hee hee, slow down! Number three, girls are good for colonizing Pluto! Ah ha ha! What a great list! Number four, they're good for smooching! Hoo hoo! Number five is... WHAT?!? Did you say SMOOCHING?? What kind of treasonous, sissy idea is THAT?! Well, it's true. OOOG! AAACK! I got the dry heaves!! You're demoted from First Tiger to Tiger Bulk Rate! You can't supress the facts! I award myself a medal of valor! How would you know it's a fact?! Have you been a traitor to the cause?! I have my sources! Ow! This unleader-like behaviour will be noted in the club minutes! Have you been smooching the enemy?! Out with it!! YOU have! I saw it, so don't try to deny it! ME?! That's a filthy lie! You'll pay for this vile slander! Oh yeah? Your Mom kissed you right on the cheek last night, remember? ...Oh yeah... I guess Mom IS kind of a girl, sort of... See? According to club rules, you should be excommunicated. OK, Presidential pardons all around! Agreed! We'll add an amendment saying smooching is optional, if it's your Mom. This is such a great club!
Prehistoric beasts look up. A tyrannosaurus roars. Calvin makes a terrible face, snorts and growls. His classmates all look at him. He says he's sorry. He had a little sinus congestion. He puts his face in his hands and sighs.
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Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow GoonsThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


22 APR 1991
Attention! All rise! This meeting of G.R.O.S.S. is now called to order by the great grandiose dictator-for-life, the ruler supreme, the fearless, the brave, the held-high-in-esteem, Calvin the Bold! Yes, stand up and hail his humbleness now! May his wisdom prevail! Three cheers for First Tiger and El Presidente, Hobbes, the delight of all cognoscenti! He's savvy! He has a prodigious IQ, and lots of panache, as all tigers do! In his fancy chapeau, he's a leader with taste! May his orders be heeded and his views embraced! You can tell this is a great club by the way we start our meetings!
Calvin calls the meeting of G.R.O.S.S. to order with a poem. He's dictator-for-life, ruler supreme, fearless, brave, and held high in esteem. Calvin the Bold, stand up and hail. His humbleness now, may his wisdom prevail. Hobbes joins in, as first tiger and el presidente. He's the delight of all cognoscenti. He has a prodigious IQ, and lots of panache, as all tigers do. He's a leader with taste, whose views must be embraced. Calvin says you can tell this is a great club by the way they start their meetings.
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The Days are Just PackedThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


24 APR 1991
You get two demerits for singing the club anthem before it was on the agenda! Well YOU get FIVE demerits for not taking off your hat during its hallowed refrain! You can't give me demerits! I outrank you! Ha! You're just a figurehead! Your duties are ceremonial! I have all the REAL responsibilities! WHAT? I"m dictator-for-life! I have ten TIMES the importance of a lowly First Tiger! A HUNDRED times! A MILLION TIMES! If you're so important, how come you sing the soprano part of our anthem? THAT'S JUST TILL MY VOICE CHANGES!
Calvin gives two demerits for singing the anthem before it was on the agenda. Hobbes gives Calvin demerits for not taking his hat off during its hallowed refrain. Calvin tells him he outranks Hobbes and can't be given demerits. Hobbes says Calvin's duties are ceremonial. He has all the real responsibilities. Calvin yells that he has ten times the importance of a lowly first tiger. A million times. Hobbes asks why, if he's so important, does Calvin sing the soprano part of the anthem. Calvin angrily says that's only until his voice changes.
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The Days are Just PackedThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


31 JULY 1991
As dictator, I have the sole voice in government! I will not tolerate dissent! I alone shall decide the good! I alone shall ... time for bed, Calvin. Couldn't we vote on this?
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The Days are Just PackedThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


26 OCT 1991
Your polls are slipping Dad. Better get with it. Calvin, being your Dad is not an elected position. I don't have to respond to pools. Not elected? You mean you can govern with dictatorial impunity? Exactly. In short, open revolt and exile is the only hope for change? I don't like the direction this conversation is taking.
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The Days are Just PackedThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


28 FEB 1993
Here comes somebody! This meeting of the top secret club G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS) will come to order. Today this august assembly will decide whether to demote President Hobbes on charges of heresy! HERESY?! Let the record show that the defendent made an UNdisparaging comment about the possible membership of Susie Derkins, an admitted girl and enemy of this club. Let the record ALSO show that Supreme Dictator-for-Life Calvin is a nincompoop. OK, just for that, you're also charged with insubordination! This court finds you guilty on both counts and strips you of your title! Ha! As court stenographer, I refuse to enter the verdict! In fact, I'm PROMOTING myself to "El Tigre Numero Uno"! Oh yeah?! Well then, I promote MYself to "Most highest grandest exalted, um, supreme, uh..." There! I wrote "Hobbes equals great" in the official club notebook! Now it's a law! IT IS NOT! GIMME THAT! Ha ha ha! I'M writing "Hobbes equals ugly fur ball"! What do you think of THAT? Oh ho! I take the supreme dictator hat! Now I'M the supreme dictator! You give that back! I declare you null and void! Truce? Truce. What a great club. Too bad we don't have more members. Maybe we should allow Susie to join.
Calvin walks up to Dad sitting in the chair. Calvin says "Kazam". Dad turns into a slug. Calvin does it again, and the lamp and table turn into a bug. Dad tells him to be quiet. Calvin does it again, and Mom turns into a bug. Mom says if Calvin is bored, they'll find something for him to do. Calvin goes upstairs to his room and opens his window. He looks outside and says "Kazam". The neighborhood is a desolate landscape.
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Homicidal Psycho Jungle CatThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


02 AUG 1993
This meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club will now come to order! First tiger Hobbes will read the minutes of our last meeting. Thank you. "9:30 - Meeting called to order. Dictator-for-life Calvin proposes resolution condemning existence of girls." "9:35 - First tiger Hobbes abstains from vote. Motion fails. 9:36 - Patriotism of first tiger called into question. 9:37 - Philosophical discussion. 10:15 - Bandages administered. Dictator-for-life rebuked for biting." Is this a great club or what? "10:16 - Forgot what the debate was about. Medals of bravery awarded to all parties."
The meeting of G.R.O.S.S. comes to order. Hobbes reads the minutes of the last meeting. Calvin proposed a resolution condemning existence of girls. First tiger abstains from vote. Patriotism of first tiger called into question. Philosophical discussion, followed by bandages being administered. Hobbes ends with reading they forgot what debate was about, so medals of bravery were awarded to all.
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Homicidal Psycho Jungle CatThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


03 AUG 1993
Gentlemen, the purpose of today's meeting is to devise another brilliant plan to annoy our enemy! "Dictator-for-life Calvin's bold proposal is greeted with huzzahs from membership." We have tolerated the enemy's presence too long, I say! "Shouts of asset, much pounding on tables. Three cheers erupt for club ideals. Membership reduced to tears. More huzzahs. Pandemonium ensues. Boy, leading a club is a heady experience. Good meetings always turn into riots.
Today's meeting of G.R.O.S.S. is to devise a plan to annoy the enemy. Hobbes writes the proposal is greeted with huzzahs. Calvin says they've tolerated the enemy's presence too long. Hobbes writes there are shouts of assent, followed by pandemonium. Calvin says leading a club is a heady experience. Hobbes says good minutes turn into riots.
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Homicidal Psycho Jungle CatThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


19 AUG 1993
It's a dark day for the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club. Our great plan backfired and I'M the one who got soaked! Oh, the shame! The ignominy! ...sighhhh... If you resign, can I be dictator-for-life? I DIDN'T SAY I WAS RESIGNING!
Calvin says it's a dark day for G.R.O.S.S. His plan backfired, and he got soaked. Hobbes asks if he can be dictator-for-life if Calvin resigns.
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Homicidal Psycho Jungle CatThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


07 JULY 1994
C'mon Hobbes, we have to go outside. We HAVE to? Yeah, Dad won't let me watch TV. He says it's summer, it's light late, and I should go run around instead of sitting in front of the tube. Can you believe it?! What a dictator. How cruel it is to be forced to play. I'LL show him. I refuse to have fun.
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There\The Complete Calvin and Hobbes


28 MAR 1995
This emergency meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club will come to order. Dictator-for-life Calvin presiding! Oyez! Oyez! As we're all aware, the enemy has infiltrated our territory and is spreading disinformatio to the effect that homework ought to be done right after school! As my Mom may have covert girl sympathies, we must eradicate the hostile forces! Any questions? Yes, could we poke some air holes in here? Too risky. The box of secrecy must remain secure!
Calvin calls an emergency meeting of G.R.O.S.S. under a box in his bedroom. Calvin says they've been infiltrated by the enemy who is spreading disinformation that homework ought to be done right after school. Calvin says though Mom has covert girl sympathies, they must eradicate the hostile forces. He asks if there are questions. Hobbes asks if they can put some air holes in the box. Calvin says the box of secrecy must remain secure.
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There\It\The Complete Calvin and Hobbes


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