Your search found 15 comics:12 APR 1986 Script What a peculiar dream I had last night! I dreamed I was in a big fight with a ferocious weasel! What do you suppose it means? It means you're sleeping on the floor tonight, you nincompoop!
Description Hobbes sits up in bed and tells Calvin he had a peculiar dream. Hobbes explains he dreamed he was fighting a ferocious weasel and wonders what it means. Calvin rolls over from the covers, and we see he's all torn up. Calvin angrily tells Hobbes it means he will be sleeping on the floor tonight and calls him a nincompoop.
Appears In 29 JULY 1986 Script That stupid Calvin. He's so mean. All I try to do is be friends, and he treats me like I'm nobody. Well, who needs jerks like him anyway? I don't need him for a friend. I can have fun by myself! Poop!
Description Susie is walking back complaining that Calvin is so mean. She tries to be friends, but he treats her like a nobody. Susie feels she doesn't need a friend. She can have fun by herself. As she sits alone on a rock with a stick in her hand, she dejectedly says "Poop".
Appears In 13 DEC 1986 Script Look, I got a letter I'm supposed to copy and send to 20 people for good luck. It's a chain letter. It says, "A man in Denver made 20 copies and the next day he got a raise. A man in Seattle broke the chain and he went bald." Ha! You believe that? These letters are for superstitious nincompoops. Throw it away. "... and a dumb kid like you listened to a friend and got run over by a cement mixer."
Description Calvin receives a chain letter in the mail. He reads that a man in Denver made copies and got a raise. A man in Seattle broke the chain and went bald. Hobbes scoffs at the letter. He says those notes are for superstitious nincompoops and to throw the note away. Calvin continues, saying "a dumb kid like you listened to a friend and got run over by a cement mixer".
Appears In 07 JUNE 1987 Script Croquet is a gentleman's game. That's hard to believe. I've played before and I can tell you the temptation to misuse these things is awful. Hey, don't put the wickets so far apart. This is the way they're supposed to be. No it isn't, you big cheater. You're doing this because you can hit the ball harder than I can. Cheater?? Who took the lucky red ball when I wasn't looking? I got to pick first because you did last time! That's a lie! You always take the lucky red ball first! Call me a liar. Will you? Well, you're just a poop head! So there! Thbpbpthpt! Potty mouth! Potty mouth! Calvin is a potty mouth! You're asking for a toothless mouth buster! Yeah? Says you and what army? You couldn't knock the teeth out of a mosquito! Ha! Mosquito's don't even have teeth. That shows how dumb you are! Compared to you, I'm Einstein! Leggo my leg! Ow! Go stick your nose in a rubber hose, you walking flea condo! I'd say it takes one to know one bozo! Why don't you go play in the food processor! It's getting dark, Calvin. C'mon inside! Aw Mom, we're right in the middle of a croquet game!
Description Calvin tells Hobbes not to put the croquet wickets so far apart. Hobbes says that's the way they're supposed to be. Calvin calls him a cheater. Hobbes asks who took the lucky red ball when Hobbes wasn't looking. Calvin tells him he got to choose first. Hobbes replies that he always takes the lucky red ball. Calvin calls Hobbes a poop head and sticks his tongue out. Hobbes yells that Calvin is a potty mouth. Calvin comes at Hobbes saying he's looking at a toothless mouth. They start fighting as they continue to insult one another. Hobbes is called a walking flea condo. Hobbes tells Calvin to play in the food processor. Mom yells for them to come in, since it's getting dark. Calvin says they're right in the middle of a croquet game.
Appears In 10 JAN 1988 Script Two parts slush, one part solid ice, one part hard-packed snow a dash of assorted debris. Sculpt into a sphere, and serve at high velocity without warning. Oh, boy, here comes Susie! Hey, Susie! Whap! Ha ha! I gotcha, you dumb girl!! Aughh! My eyeball! Where's my eyeball! What are you talking about? I hit you in the back. It knocked my eyeball out! Find it and pack it in snow so they can save it. Ooh. Ooh. Gosh, did you really lose your eyeball? I didn't know they came out! Wow. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to knock it out. Can I see the socket? Boy, where do you suppose it rolled. Somewhere over there, poop head!! Boot! What are you doing? My eyeball fell out. Help me look for it.
Description Calvin hides behind a tree and throws a snowball at Susie. It hits her in the back of the head. Calvin gloats over having hit her. Susie complains that it knocked her eyeball out. She tells Calvin to find it, so they can pack it in snow and save it. Calvin apologizes. He didn't know eyeballs could come out. He wants to see her eye socket. He's looking in the snow and asks if she knows where it rolled. Susie kicks Calvin into the snow. She had been faking all along. Hobbes comes by to see Calvin face down in the snow. He asks Calvin what he's doing. Calvin tells him his eyeball fell out and wants Hobbes to help him look for it.
Appears In 11 FEB 1988 Script A chicken?? You transmogrified me into a chicken! You were supposed to turn me into a pterodactyl, you nincompoop! All you had to do was think of a pterodactyl! Why did you think of a chicken? It's almost lunchtime. Oh, I see well I'm glad you weren't hungry for a hotdog!
Description Hobbes changes Calvin into a chicken. Calvin yells at Hobbes. He was supposed to change him into a pterodactyl. Calvin, the chicken, asks why he thought of a chicken instead of a pterodactyl. Hobbes says it was because it was almost lunchtime. Calvin continues to badger Hobbes by saying that he's glad Hobbes wasn't hungry for a hot dog.
Appears In 19 DEC 1989 Script Still and quiet feline form, in the sun, asleep and warm. His tail is limp, his whiskers drooped, Man, what could make this cat so pooped? Sheeshh...
Description Calvin comes upon a sleeping Hobbes. Calvin says a poem. "Still and quiet feline form, in the sun asleep and warm, his tail is limp, his whiskers drooped, man what could make this cat so pooped". He walks off. Hobbes thinks "sheeshh".
Appears In 11 MAR 1990 Script I'm hooOaaGHhH! AAAAAAAAA If you ache, it's because you don't properly stretch before exercising. I didn't know I was going to BE exercising!!
Description A meeting of G.R.O.S.S. comes to order. Hobbes is accused of heresy. Calvin explains Hobbes made an undisparaging comment about the possible membership of Susie Derkins, an admitted girl and enemy of the club. Hobbes wants the record to show Calvin is a nincompoop. Calvin charges him with insubordination. Hobbes, as court stenographer, refuses to enter the verdict. He promotes himself to "El Tigre Numero Uno". Calvin promotes himself. Hobbes writes "Hobbes equals great" in the club notebook. That makes it law. Calvin takes the notebook. Hobbes takes Calvin's Supreme Dictator hat. They fight, then declare a truce. Calvin says this is a great club, but it's too bad they don't have more members. Hobbes says maybe they should allow Susie to join.
Appears In 24 AUG 1990 Script We've got our map, our code, and our water balloon! Let's go soak Susie! Our map says first we run to the big tree out back. Now to the bush out front! Now to the ditch out back! Now to the tree out front! In case you're wondering - this is to lose anyone who might be tailing us. I'm writing a message in code. How do you spell "nincompoop"?
Description They have their map, the code, and a water balloon. They're ready to soak Susie. Hobbes says they should run to the big tree out back, then to the bush out front, then the ditch out back, then the tree out front. He explains to a winded Calvin that's to lose anyone who might be tailing them. Calvin is going to write Hobbes a note in code. He asks how to spell "nincompoop".
Appears In 24 SEPT 1991 Script That stupid Calvin. He's so mean. All I try to do is be friends, and he treats me like I'm nobody. Well, who needs jerks like him anyway? I don't need him for a friend. I can have fun by myself! Poop!
Description
Appears In 04 JAN 1992 Script Look, I got a letter I'm supposed to copy and send to 20 people for good luck. It's a chain letter. It says, "A man in Denver made 20 copies and the next day he got a raise. A man in Seattle broke the chain and he went bald." Ha! You believe that? These letters are for superstitious nincompoops. Throw it away. "... and a dumb kid like you listened to a friend and got run over by a cement mixer."
Description
Appears In 28 FEB 1993 Script Here comes somebody! This meeting of the top secret club G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS) will come to order. Today this august assembly will decide whether to demote President Hobbes on charges of heresy! HERESY?! Let the record show that the defendent made an UNdisparaging comment about the possible membership of Susie Derkins, an admitted girl and enemy of this club. Let the record ALSO show that Supreme Dictator-for-Life Calvin is a nincompoop. OK, just for that, you're also charged with insubordination! This court finds you guilty on both counts and strips you of your title! Ha! As court stenographer, I refuse to enter the verdict! In fact, I'm PROMOTING myself to "El Tigre Numero Uno"! Oh yeah?! Well then, I promote MYself to "Most highest grandest exalted, um, supreme, uh..." There! I wrote "Hobbes equals great" in the official club notebook! Now it's a law! IT IS NOT! GIMME THAT! Ha ha ha! I'M writing "Hobbes equals ugly fur ball"! What do you think of THAT? Oh ho! I take the supreme dictator hat! Now I'M the supreme dictator! You give that back! I declare you null and void! Truce? Truce. What a great club. Too bad we don't have more members. Maybe we should allow Susie to join.
Description Calvin walks up to Dad sitting in the chair. Calvin says "Kazam". Dad turns into a slug. Calvin does it again, and the lamp and table turn into a bug. Dad tells him to be quiet. Calvin does it again, and Mom turns into a bug. Mom says if Calvin is bored, they'll find something for him to do. Calvin goes upstairs to his room and opens his window. He looks outside and says "Kazam". The neighborhood is a desolate landscape.
Appears In 17 SEPT 1993 Script You're dead at recess, Twinky. I feel sorry for you, Moe. You must have some serious personal problems if this is how you relate to people. POW. Then again, maybe he's just a world-class poop head.
Description Moe tells Calvin he's dead at recess. Calvin says Moe must have serious personal problems if this is how he relates to people. Moe punches Calvin. On the floor, Calvin says Moe may be just a world-class poop head.
Appears In 17 MAR 1994 Script What a busy day! I'm pooped! Mom says the roads are pretty clear, so school will probably open again tomorrow. NOW I wish I'd done my math homework instead of playing outside all day. ...or I wish I'd done it before dinner... or after dinner... or instead of watching TV... or before bed. But now it's too late. A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.
Description Hobbes yawns after a busy day. Calvin says the roads are clear, so they'll probably have school tomorrow. Now he wishes he had done his math homework instead of playing outside all day...or after dinner...or instead of watching TV. Now it's too late. He says a day can slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.
Appears In 20 DEC 1994 Script Still and quiet feline form, in the sun, asleep and warm. His tail is limp, his whiskers drooped, Man, what could make this cat so pooped? Sheeshh...
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Calvin & Hobbes : Copyright & All Rights Reserved by Bill Watterson and Andrews McMeel Universal
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This page is strictly a tribute to Calvin & Hobbes, the best comic ever, and two of the best characters who have taught me so much over many years. It is meant for research purposes only.