Your search found 292 comics:22 DEC 1985 Script There! Our fortress is completely indestructible! "Sunny and warmer today, high in the upper thirties ... " Our snow fort is impenetrable! At the slightest provocation, we'll let loose a merciless barrage of stinging ice!! None dare attack us! We rule all!! Together, a veritable fist of defiance, we stand immune to any onslaught! We are invincible!! We ... uh ... umm ... piff!
Description Calvin finishes building a snow fortress. As he and Hobbes are inside, Calvin rants about being invincible. That the fort is impenetrable, and that they rule and are immune to any onslaught. Calvin then looks over at Hobbes, who is grinning widely. Hobbes then smacks Calvin with a snowball.
Appears In 05 JAN 1986 Script I love winter days. They're so peaceful. Ha ha! Gotcha Susie! Hey, you dummy! You'll never be able to throw a snow ball that big! Ha! Stupid girl! Hey, what are you doing? Get away. Hey! Put me down! Where are you taking me?! Hey! Hey! Chunk.
Description Calvin smacks Susie in the back of the head with a snowball. Susie, enraged, rolls up a huge snowball. Calvin taunts Susie about the size of the snowball and her inability to throw it. Susie walks up to Calvin, picks him up, and deposits him in the snowball.
Appears In 06 FEB 1986 Script Ready? No. Hurry up! Okay, I'm ready!
Description Standing behind a snow berm, Calvin asks whether Hobbes is ready. Hobbes replies no. Calvin continues to make snowballs and yells to Hobbes to hurry up. Hobbes, standing on a lever and fulcrum with a huge snowball at the end says he's now ready.
Appears In 14 FEB 1986 Script Calvin, you baloney brain! You sent me a hate-mail valentine and a crummy bunch of dead flowers! So here's a valentine for you, you insensitive clod!! A valentine and flowers! He likes me! She noticed! She likes me!
Description Susie calls Calvin a baloney brain. She yells at him for giving her a hate-mail valentine and dead flowers. She smacks him with a snowball. As she walks off, she smiles and thinks Calvin likes her because of the valentine and flowers. Calvin, buried in the snow, thinks Susie likes him because she noticed the gifts he sent.
Appears In 15 FEB 1986 Script No text
Description Mom is sitting at the table when Calvin walks by dressed in his coat and hat. Puzzled, Mom goes upstairs and opens the bedroom door. There, she finds Calvin has opened the window letting snow into the room. Calvin is working on a snowman. Mom just covers her face.
Appears In 10 MAR 1986 Script Boy, is it cold! You should get a good fur coat like mine. Woof! What did you eat for breakfast? Cement? Look, was this my idea?
Description Calvin is complaining that it's cold outside in the snow. Hobbes tells him he should get a good fur coat like he has. Calvin looks at Hobbes, then puts Hobbes over his shoulder. Calvin wonders if Hobbes ate cement for breakfast as Hobbes reminds Calvin that this wasn't his idea.
Appears In 11 MAR 1986 Script Oh no, I lost my quarter! Where did you lose it? It's somewhere in this field. We'll never find it. You'll have to wait till the snow melts. Till the snow melts? It's 25 cents!!
Description Calvin drops a quarter into the snow. He tries to find it, but Hobbes tells him he'll have to wait until the snow melts. Calvin won't have any of that, so he gets hold of a hair dryer and goes to work on the snow.
Appears In 16 NOV 1986 Script Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop. Snow pants. Well? Let's have some snow!! It's snowing! I can make it snow! I'm psychokinetic! Hey! Hey! Ohh, he's going to hate me for this.
Description Calvin angrily sits on his sled at the top of the hill. He's dressed for winter, but there's no snow on the ground. He yells for there to be snow. Suddenly, snow starts falling. Calvin runs off claiming to be psychokinetic. After he leaves, the snow stops. Hobbes is sitting on a tree branch with an empty bag of snow he dumped down. With a smile on his face, Hobbes suggests that Calvin will hate him for this.
Appears In 28 DEC 1986 Script Toboggans give better rides than runner sleds. Why is that? There's no way to steer. On these cloudy winter days, sometimes I like to lie back on my sled and look at the sky. It's just gray and silent. No birds singing or bugs buzzing. Everything is muffled by the snow. Imagine what it would be like without any people or houses around. It would be perfectly still. Pretty neat huh? Yes, very peaceful. I hate all that silence.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are on the hill with their sled. Calvin says he sometimes likes to lie back on his sled and look at the sky. It's gray, no birds are singing, everything is muffled by the snow. He says without people or houses, everything would be perfectly still. Hobbes is on the sled, Calvin standing next to it. They both look into the sky. Calvin asks if Hobbes thinks that's pretty neat. Hobbes agrees that it's very peaceful. Calvin kicks the sled down the hill. As Hobbes yells in terror, Calvin says he hates all that silence.
Appears In 29 DEC 1986 Script Behold the dreaded toboggan: suicide sled. It's unique design sends a blinding spray of snow on it's passengers at the slightest bump. Note too, the lack of any steering mechanism. Yes, this sled is truly a hazard to life and limb. Wheee! Oomph!
Description Calvin points out the toboggan, suicide sled, to Hobbes. He indicates the unique design that gets snow sprayed into your face and the shows the lack of steering mechanism. He says it's truly a danger to life and limb. Calvin and Hobbes go down the hill, coated in snow, cheering with joy.
Appears In 08 JAN 1987 Script Whifffff whiff whiff whiff whiff whiff. For all that preparation you sure are a lousy shot.
Description Susie is walking along in the snow. A snowball flies overhead. Suddenly, several snowballs come toward her, but none hit. Calvin is standing in the distance next to a wheelbarrow with some snowballs in it. Susie yells that for all the preparation, Calvin is sure a lousy shot.
Appears In 09 JAN 1987 Script Go ahead down. You'll miss all those trees. You can do it. You'll stop before you go over that ledge at the bottom. You won't go into that pond. Besides, the ice is probably real thick anyway. Go ahead down. My brain is trying to kill me.
Description Calvin sits on the top of the snowy hill on his sled. He's thinking that it's okay to go down the hill, he'll miss the trees. He'll stop before he goes over the ledge at the bottom. He won't go into the ice-covered pond. Besides, the ice is probably really thick. Calvin says his brain is trying to kill him.
Appears In 12 JAN 1987 Script I called Susie a boogerbrain after school, and she went home crying. Goodness, why'd you do that? I dunno, I was just teasing. It sounds like you hurt her feelings. I didn't mean for her to take the insult personally!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are walking through the snow. Calvin tells Hobbes he called Susie a booger-brain at school and she went home crying. Hobbes asks why he did that. Calvin says he was just teasing her. Hobbes tells Calvin that it sounds like he hurt her feelings. Calvin says he didn't mean for Susie to take the insult personally.
Appears In 15 JAN 1987 Script Sticks and stones may break my bones. But words will never hurt me. Yeah, right.
Description Susie walks through the snow saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". She walks along smiling, then drops her head down and says "Yeah, right".
Appears In 18 JAN 1987 Script Should I or shouldn't I? Too late! I did. Wap! Did you throw a snowball at me?! Me? A snowball? Did someone throw a snowball at you? Oh, don't play innocent with me, you liar! I know you threw that! Call me a liar. Will you? Well, it takes one to know one, Mr. Tapioca head! Ooh! An insult! I've been maligned! I'll never speak to you again! Hmph. Promises, promises! Oh yeah? Twbbthbpthh! Yeah! Thbthbbptb! Thbppbpth! Thbbth! This is you: aggle aggle aggle! Oh yeah? This is you: gakka wakka wakka! Calvin, time to come in! leave it to mom to interrupt our repartee. ... just when I had you wriggling in the crushing grip of reason too ...
Description Hobbes hits Calvin with a snowball. Calvin accuses Hobbes, who proclaims his innocence. Calvin calls him a liar. Hobbes replies Calvin is Mr. Tapioca Head. Calvin has been maligned. He promises not to speak to Hobbes again. They stick their tongues out at each other. Calvin mocks Hobbes walking. Hobbes returns the insult by mocking Calvin. They continue making fun of each other and making noises. Mom yells for them to come inside. Calvin laments Mom's interruption of their repartee. Hobbes is sure he had Calvin wriggling in the crushing grip of reason.
Appears In 31 JAN 1987 Script Hey! It snowed last night! Oh, boy! Look at it all! They'll have to close the schools! Snow everywhere! It must be waist deep! Unfortunately, that's a relative measure.
Description Calvin looks out the window and sees that it snowed. He's sure they'll have to close all the schools. He says the snow must be waist deep. As he stands waiting for the school bus, we see that it is waist high...his waist. Calvin says "Unfortunately, that's a relative measure".
Appears In 08 FEB 1987 Script Why can't I ever find my stupid scarf? Hobbes and I are going outside Mom. This is going to be the biggest snowman ever built! People will come from miles to see our gigantic snoman! This won't go any more. It's too big to push. Ok, leave it here. I'm exhausted! Well we can't stop now! We need nine more of these! Nine more?! Sure! This is just one of his toes!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are pushing a big snowball. Calvin says this will be the biggest snowman ever. He says people will come from miles to see their snowman. Hobbes can't push the snowball anymore, so Calvin tells him to leave it there. Hobbes says he's exhausted. Calvin tells him he can't stop now, they need nine more. The snowball they've been pushing has been only one of the snowman's toes. As Hobbes walks off, we see Calvin has been stuffed into the snowball and has his head poking out the top of the snowball.
Appears In 10 FEB 1987 Script Wanna call that a single, or give this up?
Description Hobbes carefully makes a snowball and throws it. Calvin swings his bat and hits the snowball. PIFF! Calvin asks Hobbes if he wants to call that a single or give this up.
Appears In 21 JUNE 1987 Script Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. Wait! Wait! I've got to savor this moment! The brilliance of it all! I'm a genius! A sheer genius! Susie's playing on the sidewalk! Now's my chance to use the snowball I've been saving in the freezer! She'll never expect a snowball in June! Boy, will she be mad! Ha ha ha! This is going to be great! Here it comes! Oh boy! Oh boy! Hey Susie!! Piff. I missed! Darn it! Darn it! Darn it! Of all the miserable luck! Aaarrghh! There must've been a cross breeze! I can't believe it! I save that snowball for three whole months! I ... scoop scoop. I ... I ... uh ... pow! The irony o fthis is just sickening.
Description Calvin gleefully pulls out a snowball from the freezer. Susie is playing on the sidewalk. Calvin knows she'll never expect a snowball in June. He sneaks up on her and throws. PIFF! He misses her. He starts ranting about how he had bad luck. He figures there was a cross-wind. While Calvin is complaining, Susie repacks the snowball and looks at Calvin. POW! Calvin lies on the sidewalk with his face covered in snow as Susie walks off smiling. Calvin says the irony of this is just sickening.
Appears In 15 AUG 1987 Script Some trooper you are! What's a little rain? This is what being in the wilderness is all about! Ha ha! At least it's not snowing, right? Right? I mean, say it was snowing so hard we couldn't make a fire. Boy, I love cold canned ravioli.
Description Dad is standing in the rain when Calvin comes out. Dad says he's a trooper. He asks what's a little rain. Dad says at least it's not snowing. Calvin dejectedly looks at the ground while Dad says "Right?". Dad continues on to say he meant snowing so they couldn't light a fire. Calvin says he loves cold, canned ravioli.
Appears In 20 SEPT 1987 Script You only packed two sandwiches for our entire trip to the Yukon? Relax, Hobbes. These sandwiches will give us energy to spare. Mmff. Whath Thith? Honey n marthmallowth? That one is the other has chocolate syrup. As long as we're taking a break, we might as well record our progress in the log. Journey to the Yukon: Day one. Have traveled for twenty minutes. No snow so far. Food supplies low. Nevertheless, morale is high as we push north. My morale would be a lot higher if you'd carry the toboggan. Me?! I'm the leader of this expedition! I'm forging the path! I think it's my turn to be leader now. You can't be the leader! See I've got the commander hat. That can easily be remedied. Hey! Leggo! This is my helmet! Ow, quit biting! This is mutiny! Give that back. I'm the captain now. I give the commands. First, I decree double rations for all officers to aid their decision making capabilities. Oh, no you don't! that last sandwich is mine.
Description Since they're taking a break, Calvin decides to record their progress in the log. They've traveled twenty minutes, but no snow yet. Hobbes adds that food supplies are low. Calvin writes morale is high as they push north. Hobbes says his morale would be higher if Calvin carried the toboggan. Calvin says he's the leader of the expedition. Hobbes wants to take a turn as leader. Calvin says he can't, because Calvin has the commander hat. Hobbes tells him he can remedy that. They have a big fight. Hobbes ends up with the helmet. Calvin demands the hat back, but Hobbes says he's the captain now. He makes the commands. He then immediately decrees double rations for officers to aid their decision-making capabilities. Calvin yells the last sandwich is his.
Appears In 15 DEC 1987 Script Anything yet? Not one snowflake.
Description Calvin dances back and forth. He asks Hobbes whether there is anything yet. Hobbes looks out the window and tells him there isn't one snowflake.
Appears In 29 DEC 1987 Script Look at this! You call this snow?! It's not even an inch high! What good is less than an inch of snow?! Well, it's pretty. Nobody ever closed a school on account of prettiness.
Description Calvin looks at the small amount of snow on the ground. He complains it isn't an inch of snow. He asks what good less than an inch of snow is. Hobbes says that it's pretty. Calvin laments "Nobody ever closed a school on account of prettiness".
Appears In 30 DEC 1987 Script This will be the strongest snow fort ever made! Keep packing on snow. This will be indestructible. We'll pour water on it, so it freezes overnight. That way our fort will be here until July! Where's that kid?!
Description Calvin is building a snow fortress. He says it will be the strongest ever. He tells Hobbes to keep packing in on. The fort will be indestructible. He suggests pouring water over it so it freezes overnight. Their fort will be there until July. The next morning, Dad opens the garage door to back the car out and notices a wall of frozen snow running all across the yard, running right across the driveway. He yells "Where's that kid?!".
Appears In 31 DEC 1987 Script This snow fort can repel any attack! I hate this neighborhood.
Description From behind his snow fort, Calvin declares the fort can repel any attack. He ducks down, then stands up and leans on the fort. No one is attacking. He puts his hand on the side of his head and laments that he hates this neighborhood.
Appears In 01 JAN 1988 Script Whap! I'm glad to see you're inside. It's handy not to have to boots and a coat to take off.
Description Calvin is smacked on the back of his head with a snowball. He falls into the snow. He looks around for who the attacker was, but sees no one. He goes into the house. Hobbes is lying on the sofa, reading a comic book. Calvin walks by, snowball on head, and says he's glad Hobbes is inside. Hobbes sheepishly looks up and thinks it's handy to not have boots and a coat to take off.
Appears In 02 JAN 1988 Script My snow fort makes me invulnerable! From behind it's thick wall, I can launch a brutal snowball barrage and remain safe from retaliation! Whap! You're supposed to attack from that side of the fort, dummy!!
Description Calvin yells out that his snow fort makes him invulnerable. He boasts how he can launch a barrage and remain safe from retaliation. Suddenly, a snowball smacks into the back of his head. Hobbes is making another snowball as Calvin complains that he was supposed to attack from the other side of the fort.
Appears In 10 JAN 1988 Script Two parts slush, one part solid ice, one part hard-packed snow a dash of assorted debris. Sculpt into a sphere, and serve at high velocity without warning. Oh, boy, here comes Susie! Hey, Susie! Whap! Ha ha! I gotcha, you dumb girl!! Aughh! My eyeball! Where's my eyeball! What are you talking about? I hit you in the back. It knocked my eyeball out! Find it and pack it in snow so they can save it. Ooh. Ooh. Gosh, did you really lose your eyeball? I didn't know they came out! Wow. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to knock it out. Can I see the socket? Boy, where do you suppose it rolled. Somewhere over there, poop head!! Boot! What are you doing? My eyeball fell out. Help me look for it.
Description Calvin hides behind a tree and throws a snowball at Susie. It hits her in the back of the head. Calvin gloats over having hit her. Susie complains that it knocked her eyeball out. She tells Calvin to find it, so they can pack it in snow and save it. Calvin apologizes. He didn't know eyeballs could come out. He wants to see her eye socket. He's looking in the snow and asks if she knows where it rolled. Susie kicks Calvin into the snow. She had been faking all along. Hobbes comes by to see Calvin face down in the snow. He asks Calvin what he's doing. Calvin tells him his eyeball fell out and wants Hobbes to help him look for it.
Appears In 17 JAN 1988 Script I've got to go in. Another five minutes out here, and I'll be frozen solid. Ooh, I hope that was no one I knew. You looked pretty cold coming up the hill, so I fixed you some hot chocolate and crackers with peanut butter. Go wrap up in a blanket and take these in front of the fire. Here's Hobbes and a comic book. Getting toasty? Uh huh. Thanks. She even put marshmallows in the chocolate. Nobody knows how to pamper like a mom. So are you going to eat all those peanut butter crackers yourself, or what?
Description Calvin comes in from the snow. Mom fixed him some hot chocolate and crackers with peanut butter. She tells him to wrap up with a blanket and to take the food in front of the fireplace. She brings Hobbes and some comic books. After Mom leaves, Calvin notices she even put marshmallows in the hot chocolate. He says "nobody knows how to pamper like a Mom". Hobbes wants to know if Calvin is going to eat all those peanut butter crackers himself, or what.
Appears In 07 FEB 1988 Script I'm going outside! I'll be out back if anyone wants me! I'll probably be gone a couple hours! I'm leaving now! I'm going! So long! Se you later! Bye! Stomp stomp stomp. Hey Susie, look! I found dinosaur tracks! Pretty scary, huh? I'll be you didn't know there were dinosaurs in this neighborhood! Especially not dinosaurs with size 5, treaded toes.
Description Calvin jumps into the snow, stomping out patterns. When he's finished, he tells Susie he found dinosaur tracks. Calvin says it's pretty scary with dinosaurs in the neighborhood. Susie walks off saying the dinosaur tracks are made with size five, treaded toes. Calvin imagines being the dinosaur throwing a snowball at Susie.
Appears In 28 FEB 1988 Script My dad is a big ... hey! I think we'd better get that kid to a psychologist.
Description Calvin is busily making snowmen in the yard. Calvin finishes them and leaves. Mom and Dad go out to the car, only to find three snowmen looking at the broken body of a fourth. Calvin built them in front on the car, to make it look like the car hit the snowman.
Appears In 28 OCT 1988 Script It's not quite the same, is it? And it probably won't snow for another month at least.
Description Calvin and Hobbes rake up a pile of leaves. They run off, and come back with a carrot and a hat. They put them on the leaf pile, trying to make it look like a snow man. Hobbes says it's not quite the same. Calvin says it probably won't snow for at least another month.
Appears In 27 NOV 1988 Script If I was in charge, we'd never see grass between October and May. On 'THREE,' ready? One... two... three! SNOW! I SAID SNOW! C'MON! SNOW! SNOW! OK, then, don't snow! See what I care! I LIKE this weather! Let's have it forever! PLEEAASE snow! Please?? Just a foot! Ok, eight inches! That's all! C'mon! Six inches, even! How about just six?? I'M WAAIITING... RRRRGGHHH DO YOU WANT ME TO BECOME AN ATHEIST?
Description Calvin looks to the heavens and yells for snow. He keeps yelling for it to snow. Then he says he doesn't care. He likes this weather and hopes it stays like that forever. He gets to his knees to beg for snow. He clutches his hands together in prayer. He just wants a foot, then eight inches, then he'd settle for six. He yells that he's waiting. He runs around in circles. Finally, he stops. He looks again to the heavens and asks "Do you want me to become an atheist".
Appears In 01 DEC 1988 Script I wish it would snow eight feet in the next five minutes so they'd have to close school. C'mon, snow! Snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow! So close... and yet so far.
Description Calvin is standing waiting for the bus. He looks up and says he wishes it would snow eight feet in the next five minutes so they'd have to close school. He grits his teeth and clenches his fists, wishing for snow. Something's coming down. Unfortunately for Calvin, it's rain. Calvin is now standing in the rain waiting for the bus. He says it was so close, yet so far.
Appears In 09 DEC 1988 Script It snowed last night! Turn on the radio! Maybe they closed school! Maybe the school buses all froze up! Maybe the principal can't get out of his driveway! Get dressed, Calvin. It only snowed an inch. Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
Description Calvin looks out the window and sees it snowed. He asks Mom to turn on the radio to see if they closed school. He hopes the buses froze up and the principal can't get out of his driveway. Mom tells him to get dressed. It only snowed an inch. As Calvin walks to the bus, he says getting an inch of snow is like winning ten cents in the lottery.
Appears In 11 DEC 1988 Script Here we are at the top of "Dismemberment Gorge". Ready to go down? How about if I steer this time? Get on, you big sissy. I've been good all day so far. Christmas is getting near, huh? You got it. I've been wondering, though. Is it truly being good if the only reason I behave well is so I can get more loot at Christmas? I mean, really, all I'm doing is saying I can be bribed. Is that good enough, or do I have to be good in my heart and spirit? In other words, do I really have to BE good or do I have to ACT good? I suppose in YOUR case, Santa will have to take what he can get. OK... so exactly how good do you think I have to act? REALLY good, or just PRETTY good?
Description Calvin and Hobbes are sledding down the hill. Calvin says he's been good all day so far. Hobbes asks if Christmas is getting near. Calvin wonders if it's truly being good if the only reason he behaves is to get more loot at Christmas. All he's doing is saying he can be bribed. He wonders if that's good enough, or does he need to be good in heart and spirit. As they crash into a tree and go flying, Calvin asks if he really has to be good or does he just have to act good. Hobbes, covered in snow, says in Calvin's case, Santa will have to take what he can get.
Appears In 18 DEC 1988 Script Ahh... the perfect slushball! Hard enough to sting, yet sloppy enough to dribble down the collar and soak the undergarments. Here comes Susie. Now's my chance to hit her with the slushball! I see you! You'd better not throw that! Santa Claus is watching you right now! ZINGG FWISSHHH! WHAP! Oh yes! YES! It was worth it! What a shot! I'm not sorry! Oh, it was beautiful! I'd do it again in a minute! Ha ha! Santa's gonna skip this block for years.
Description Calvin has a slushball. He sees Susie coming and says this is his chance. Susie sees him cocking his arm. She tells him he'd better not throw the slushball. Santa Claus is watching him right now. Calvin stops, and he thinks. Finally, he lets loose the slushball. WHAP! Calvin rejoices. He says it was worth it. He's not sorry. It was beautiful, and he'd do it again in a minute. He laughs. Suddenly, he sees Susie coming after him. He runs. Calvin, now buried in snow, says Santa's going to skip this block for years.
Appears In 26 DEC 1988 Script There's nothing prettier than new fallen snow on a clear freezing moonlit night. ...through a window, that is.
Description Calvin and Hobbes look out the window to the evening. The moon is shining in the sky, snow is on the ground. Calvin says there's nothing prettier than new fallen snow on a clear, freezing, moonlit night. Then he adds, "through a window, that is".
Appears In 02 JAN 1989 Script Shovel, shovel, shovel! Why can't we get a snow blower?? We must be the only family in the world that still shovels the driveway by hand! I'm freezing! It builds character. Keep at it. Pretty convenient how every time I build character, HE saves a couple of hundred dollars.
Description Calvin is shoveling snow. He asks why they can't buy a snow blower. He says they must be the only family in the world that shovels the driveway by hand. He complains it's freezing. Dad opens the door and tells him to keep at it. It builds character. Calvin says it's pretty convenient that every time he builds character, Dad saves a couple hundred dollars.
Appears In 03 JAN 1989 Script Next time we go down, I get to steer the sled. You?! You steer like an old lady! Yeah, well, I'm sick of going over and through every obstacle on the hill. "Every obstacle"?!? We missed the briar patch, didn't we?! By going down the gully and into the stream, yes. Oh, you make everything sound so terrible. You should be glad we're alive.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are both covered with snow. Hobbes says the next time they go down the hill, he gets to steer. Calvin complains that Hobbes steers like an old lady. Hobbes replies that he's tired of going over and through every obstacle on the hill. Calvin retorts that they missed the briar patch. Hobbes clarifies that they did by going down into the gully and into the stream. Calvin tells him he makes everything sound so terrible. He says Hobbes should be glad they're alive.
Appears In 04 JAN 1989 Script This is the finest snowball ever made! Painstakingly hand-crafted into a perfect sphere from a secret mixture of slush, ice, dirt, debris and fine powder snow. This IS the ultimate winter weapon. Yes, this marvel of crystalline engineering wi... WHAP!! Another casualty of the seduction of art.
Description Calvin has created the finest snowball ever made. He's handcrafted a perfect sphere from a secret mixture of slush, ice, dirt, debris and fine powder snow. He calls it the ultimate winter weapon. As he continues praising his snowball, he's smacked by a snowball thrown by Hobbes. Hobbes says Calvin is another casualty of the seduction of art.
Appears In 08 JAN 1989 Script C'mon, we'd better go outside for a while. How come? Mom's getting that look. This will be the best snow fort ever built! OK, the main fortress will be a wall five feet high, and go from here down over that hill, with turrets every 50 feet. Over here we'll build an inner wall, in case we have to retreat, and a bin to hold our snow ball reserves. Got it. Hmm... the snow doesn't pack too well, does it? It's not wet enough. Gosh, it'll take forever just to build the outer wall... even without the turrets. I'm cold. Me, too. Let's go in. Maybe we can have some hot chocolate by a fire! This is more fun than actually building the fort anyway. Now where should we put the icicle spikes? All along the outer wall, after the moat. Say, I think you got more marshmallows in your hot chocolate than I did.
Description Calvin and Hobbes run out to build the best snow fort ever. Calvin plans for five foot high walls, and turrets every fifty feet. He shows Hobbes where an inner wall will be, along with a bin to store snowball reserves. The snow isn't wet enough to pack. Calvin realizes it will take forever to build just the outer walls. Hobbes is cold. Calvin is too, so they go inside to have hot chocolate by the fire. They decide to draw the snow fort. Calvin wonders where the ice spikes should go. Hobbes tells him, and also thinks Calvin got more marshmallows in his chocolate than Hobbes did.
Appears In 11 JAN 1989 Script I'M HO-OME! KAPOW WUMPH! Great. The snow cushioned the blow to my spine, so I can now die of pneumonia. Aww, has oo got de sniffoos?
Description Calvin comes home and opens the door. Hobbes pounces on him and knocks him into the snow. Calvin says the snow cushioned the blow to his spine, so now he can die of pneumonia. Hobbes makes fun of Calvin, mocking him with "Has oo got de sniffoos".
Appears In 12 JAN 1989 Script I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are walking along in the snow. Calvin likes the cold, gray winter days. He says days like these let you savor a bad mood.
Appears In 13 JAN 1989 Script You try it and I'll watch. Sissy.
Description Calvin has built a loop out of snow on the downslope of the hill. Hobbes is standing nearby as Calvin pulls the sled up the hill. Hobbes tells Calvin to try it. He'll watch. Calvin calls him a sissy.
Appears In 14 JAN 1989 Script Look, I put a snowball on top of this snowman's head. Now I'll be the next William Tell, and I'll hit the snowball clean off! Ouch. Ahhh! He flinched!
Description Calvin puts a snowball on the head of a snowman. He's going to be the next William Tell, and he'll hit the snowball clean off. He throws a snowball. Hobbes looks at the snowman and says "ouch". Calvin complains that he flinched.
Appears In 15 JAN 1989 Script Put 'er down here. You know, these things should really come with air bags. Ready? Ready. OFF WE GO-O! Ooh! Yikes! Wow! See? I TOLD you. Help me gather up the sled, you sissy.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are sitting on the toboggan. Calvin asks if Hobbes is ready. He says yes, so off they go. Hobbes steps off the back of the toboggan. He brushes the snow off himself and watches the toboggan go down the hill. He turns his head at one point, covering his eyes. He covers his mouth at another. He looks into the air, following Calvin's journey. As Calvin comes back up the hill, covered in snow and branches, Hobbes tells him he told him so. Calvin tells Hobbes to help him gather the sled, and he calls him a sissy.
Appears In 19 JAN 1989 Script Calvin, what are you doing? You're supposed to be on the school bus! Get over here! Our hero blasts off with his emergency jet pack! Another daring escape for the intrepid Spaceman Spiff! Zounds! The Zogwargs are on rocket scooters! Spiff fires his death ray blaster! It's your own grave you're digging, buster!
Description Mom gets on her coat and tells Calvin to get over there. Our hero blasts off on his jet pack. Another daring escape for the intrepid Spaceman Spiff. The Zogwargs are on rocket scooters. Spiff fires his death ray blaster. Calvin is throwing snowballs at Mom as she chases him. She tells him he's digging his own grave.
Appears In 22 JAN 1989 Script OK, let's see... if the wind is blowing north-northeast at 6mph, and I throw the snowball due west at 90 mph with a slight top spin ... Ha! Susie didn't even hear me sneak up. Now I'll cream her cranium with a barrage of snowballs! WHZZZ PUFF These darn crozz breezes! She didn't even notice! You're the worst shot in the world, Calvin! If it wasn't for gravity, you probably couldn't even hit the ground! SMACK! I did it! I did it! Just when it counted, I did it! Ha ha ha! Right in the kisser! Ha ha! Bad news, Mom. I promised my soul to the devil this afternoon. Oh? That recently?
Description Calvin hides behind a tree. He plans to cream her cranium with a barrage of snowballs. Susie is busy making a snowman. Calvin misses with the toss. He blames the cross breezes. Then he throws several snowball, which all miss Susie. She taunts him by saying he's the worst shot in the world. She says if it wasn't for gravity, he wouldn't hit the ground. SMACK! Susie gets nailed by a snowball. She runs after Calvin, who gleefully comments he did it when it really counted. After going home, Calvin tells Mom that he has bad news. He says he promised his soul to the devil that afternoon. Mom asks if it was that recently.
Appears In 27 JAN 1989 Script When do you think we'll get a thunder and lightning storm? I don't kow. Probably not until spring. I think he's going to melt before we can bring him to life.
Description Dad is shoveling snow when Calvin asks him when he thinks they'll get a thunder and lightning storm. Dad says probably not until spring. Calvin walks back to Hobbes, who's standing next to a snowman prone on the ground. Calvin says he thinks the snowman will melt before they can bring him to life.
Appears In 28 JAN 1989 Script Hey, Susie, stand on this "X". Why? No reason. Just do it. I dare you. No. Please? C'mon! Get lost. This may not work out as well as I thought.
Description Calvin asks Susie to stand on the "X" he made in the snow. Susie asks why. Calvin says there's no reason. He dares her. She refuses, then walks away. Calvin pleads for her to do it, but Susie tells him to get lost. Calvin looks at his bunch of snowballs sitting on a plank lying on top a log. He says this may not work out as well as he thought.
Appears In 30 JAN 1989 Script Wow, you've made a lot of snowmen today! Yep. They're efficies. Each one represents someone I hate. When the sun comes out, I'll watch their features slowly melt down their dripping bodies until they're nothing but noses and eyes floating in pools of water. I wasn't aware you even knew this many people. The ones I REALLY hate are small, so they'll go faster.
Description Hobbes looks at all the snowmen Calvin made. Calvin says they're effigies. Each one represents someone he hates. Calvin says when the sun comes out, he'll watch the snowmen melt until they're nothing but noses and eyes floating in pools of water. Hobbes looks to the distance. He says he didn't know Calvin knew so many people.
Appears In 02 FEB 1989 Script What's this? A crash test dummy. Now I can see if the hill is safe to go down. Off you go! Ooh, I think I'm going to be sick. Well, I wouldn't have steered like THAT! He deserved it!
Description Calvin puts a snowman on his toboggan. He tells Hobbes it's a crash test dummy. He's going to see if the hill is safe to go down. Calvin pushes the toboggan forward, and down it goes. They both watch the toboggan. Hobbes holds his paws over his mouth and says he thinks he's going to be sick. Calvin proclaims he wouldn't have steered that way. He says the snowman deserved it.
Appears In 05 FEB 1989 Script No text.
Description Calvin makes a bunch of tiny snowmen. He stands in the middle of them. He gets an evil look on his face. The tyrannosaurus is loose in the city. People are running in fear.
Appears In 19 FEB 1989 Script What's this? A Calvin decoy. Pretty good, huh? Now I can find out who my enemies are! I'll hide behind that tree over there and watch to see who throws snowballs at the decoy, thinking it's me! Your enemies must not be very bright. That's why they're out to get me. They can't stand my genius. Hey, Calvin! I see a way your plan might fail. Pipe down, will ya? How can I hide when you're yelling to me from across ... SMACK! See there? My plan to discover my enemies was a complete success. Too bad you took off your coat and hat. You must be soaked.
Description Calvin builds a snowman he is using as a Calvin decoy. He dresses the snowman in his hat and coat. He tells Hobbes he's going to hide behind the tree and watch to see who throws snowballs at the decoy. He'll find out who his enemies are. Hobbes looks at the snowman and says Calvin's enemies must not be too bright. Calvin agrees, saying that's why they're out to get him. They can't stand his genius. As Calvin hides behind the tree, Hobbes yells that he sees a way his plan might fail. Calvin tells him to quiet down. Hobbes smacks Calvin with a snowball. Calvin, poking out upside down from the snow, says his plan to discover his enemies was a complete success. Hobbes says it's too bad he took off his hat and coat, because he must be soaked.
Appears In 22 FEB 1989 Script I wish snow was dry, so that you didn't get all cold and wet when you played in it. ...then again, if snow was dry, you couldn't pack it into snowballs. That wouldn't be good. I wish it snowed in summer. Wouldn't that be fun? ... Well no, actually that would make it hard to run when you play baseball. Heck, it's OK just the way it is. We're glad you approve.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes he wishes snow was dry so you didn't get all cold and wet when you play in it. Then, he mentions that you couldn't make snowballs, which is bad. He then wishes it snowed in summer. But that would make it hard to run when you play baseball. As he and Hobbes walk away, he decides things are okay as they are. Hobbes is glad he approves.
Appears In 23 FEB 1989 Script You can always tell when you get to OUR house.
Description Mom and Dad are walking down the sidewalk. They look into a yard and see a snowman with a hat and broom. A little further on, they see a snowman with a scarf and cap. They keep walking past a snowman with a small snowman next to it. They come to their yard and see a snowman with two heads, with both heads having their mouths open. Dad says you can always tell when you get to their house.
Appears In 24 FEB 1989 Script I think our snow forts are too far apart.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are each in a snow fort. There is a bunch of snowballs lying on the snow in front of each fort. Calvin says he thinks their snow forts are too far apart.
Appears In 12 NOV 1989 Script Calvin suddenly realizes the world has no hue, value, or chroma! Have the photoreceptors in Calvin's eyes stopped working properly, or has the fundamental nature of light changed?? Perhaps some strange nuclear or chemical reaction on the sun has caused electromagnetic radiation to defy separation into a spectrum! Maybe objects no longer reflect certain wavelengths! Whatever the cause, it's clear to Clavin that there's no point in discussing things with his Dad! The problem is, you see everything in terms of black and white. SOMETIMES THAT'S THE WAY THINGS ARE!!
Description Calvin is dragging the sled, but there's no snow on the ground. Hobbes asks what he's doing. Calvin says he plans an appeal to the snow demons. He says they're tormenting them with wimpy weather because they're angry. Calvin is going to lie on his sled and think snow thoughts until the snow demons have mercy and unleash a blizzard. Calvin says a rhyme about it snowing. Hobbes looks at the sky. He walks away and says he'll come out in January to see how he's doing. Calvin tells him to let Mom know he'll need his meals out there and that he won't be going to school tomorrow.
Appears In 19 NOV 1989 Script While lying on my back to make an angel in the snow, I saw a greenish craft appear! A giant UFO! A strange, unearthly hum it made! It hovered overhead! And aliens were moving 'round in view ports glowing red! I tried to run for cover, but a hook that they had low'r'd Snagged me by my overcoat and hoisted me aboard! Even then, I tried to fight, though they numbered many, I poked them in their compound eyes and pulled on their antennae! It was no use! They dragged me to a platform, tied me up, and wired to my cranium a fiendish suction cup! They turned it on and current coursed across my cerebellum, coaxing from my brain tissue the things I wouldn't tell 'em! All the math I ever learned, the numbers and equations, were mechanically removed in this brain-draining operation! My escape was an adventure. (I won't tell you what I did.) Suffice to say I cannot add, so ask some other kid.
Description Calvin gets dressed and walks out the door. He trips on a rock and falls through the sky. He wakes up. He gets out of bed, gets dressed, goes out the door, and falls through the sky. He wakes up. He hears Mom call to him, asking if he's getting up.
Appears In 03 DEC 1989 Script YOU CALL THIS DECEMBER?! Pitiful. Just pitiful. Here comes Susie. Ooh, if only I had a snowball, I'd smack it right across the back of her fat head! I'll bet Santa Claus heard that! Oh, man, I forgot! I hate this time of the year. You'd better say you're sorry. I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! You'd better say you LIKE Susie. WHAT?! Never! That's going too darn far. You'd better say you'd like to give her muchas smoochies! MUCHAS SMOOCHIES?! Hi Calvin, what are you doing? Fighting. Go away. I don't know what's weirder, that you're fighting a stuffed animal, or that you seem to be losing. I'M NOT LOSING! HOBBES CHEATS! Quit it, you! Ow! Stop it! After today, I'll bet Santa takes a shovel to the reindeer stalls to fill YOUR stocking. You're no better off than I am, buddy.
Description Calvin is mailing his Christmas list to Santa. It's costing $2.40 to send. Calvin says Santa had better read it carefully. Last year, he didn't get half of what he wanted. Hobbes asks Calvin if he behaved better this year. Calvin says he's been a veritable angel this year, like always. Hobbes says in that case, they can have a cookout with his stocking contents. Hobbes asks if Calvin put anything on his list for him. Calvin tells him to make his own list. Hobbes sticks his tongue out and tells Calvin "tidings of comfort and joy to you too". Calvin tells him it's every man for himself in this world. But since Calvin can't reach the mail box flap to open it, he tells Hobbes to give him a boost.
Appears In 10 DEC 1989 Script I'M HO-OME! A tiny snowman! Why are you down there without a coat? Me? No reason.
Description It has snowed overnight. Calvin walks out into it. He says a mountain of ice has crushed half the neighborhood. It's a glacier in his own town. Wooly mammoths walk about. Calvin declares a new Ice Age. He pulls out his sled. There has really only been one...lousy...half...inch. Hobbes tells Calvin the sun is coming out.
Appears In 12 DEC 1989 Script I hate this time of the year. I've got to be good for two more weeks if I want any goodies this Christmas! I'll never make it.I TRY to be good! I DO! My heart is as pure as driven snow! It's just that, well, sometimes events beyond my control conspire against me! I'm usually an innocent bystand... HEY, I SAW you roll your eyes! So you don't believe me, eh?! ME?? By golly, each of your eyes will be rolling toward the other when I'M through with you! Ha! I hope you asked Santa for some crutches!
Description Calvin tells Hobbes he hates this time of year. He has two more weeks to be good if he wants Christmas goodies. He says he tries to be good. He says his heart is pure as the driven snow. He says sometimes events beyond his control conspire against him. Hobbes rolls his eyes, and Calvin catches him. They start fighting. Calvin says Hobbes' eyes will be rolling toward each other when he's through with him. Hobbes counters by saying he hopes Calvin asked Santa for some crutches.
Appears In 17 DEC 1989 Script There. Now we need to get this on the roof. SANTA --- WEIGHTED DOWN WITH EXTRA TOYS? DROP 'EM OFF HERE! --- CALVIN. I've been thinking. They say Santa knows if you've been bad or good, right? Right. But think how many kids there are in the whole world! Nobody could be watching every kid every single minute! I mean, Santa's OLD! He probably takes naps! THe way I figure it, Santa must just make a few random checks on us once or twice a week. That's all? Sure. He'd catch enough bad kids that way to scare everyone else into being good most of the time. He'd create the impression he's watching more than he really is! Pretty shrewd. Yeah, but now that I'm on to him, I'm going to smack Susie with a snowball! If I do it quick, the odds of Santa watching me at that exact moment are virtually nil! What if Susie tells on you? Ooh, I didn't think of that! She's a girl, so she probably WOULD snitch! Phoeey. Well, I sure hope Santa's watching now, seeing as I'm being so good. Unwillingly good, but good nonetheless.
Description Hobbes brings Calvin a letter from the "North Pole". Calvin opens the note and reads that he's a rotten little kid, he's obviously the naughtiest kid in the whole world, but he has seven days to get on the "good boy" list. The note suggests being kind to animals. Perhaps an animal who would like a snack soon, or one who could read his comic books sometime. It's signed "Santa Claws". Calvin recognizes the handwriting. It is from Hobbes. Calvin offers Hobbes a knuckle sandwich for a snack.
Appears In 27 DEC 1989 Script New hat, Dad? Yep. I like it. Thank you. So do I. AAUGH! You're going to be late for work, Dad!
Description Calvin is standing in the snow watching Dad walk by. Calvin asks if Dad is wearing a new hat. Dad says yes. Calvin says he likes it, and Dad says he does, also. Calvin makes a snowball. Dad's briefcase is lying on the sidewalk next to his new hat which has snow around it. Off screen, Calvin yells that Dad is going to be late for work.
Appears In 28 DEC 1989 Script You don't LIKE my "Snowman House of Horror", do you?!
Description There are snowmen on the yard. One is holding his head, one has three eyes and two noses, one was built around a tree so it looks like the tree sticks up from the snowman, one is cut in half by a smaller snowman on a sled. Mom has her tongue stuck out. Calvin asks if Mom likes his "Snowman House of Horror".
Appears In 29 DEC 1989 Script I SEE YOU, HOBBES! MAN, WHAT A LOUSY SHOT! TIGERS CAN'T THROW WORTH A ... SMACK! I just threw the first one so you'd turn around.
Description A snowball flies over Calvin's head. He turns and says he sees Hobbes. He says Hobbes is a lousy shot. The next snowball smacks Calvin right in the face. Hobbes comes over and says he just threw the first one so Calvin would turn around.
Appears In 30 DEC 1989 Script A new decade is coming up. Yeah, big deal! Hmph. Where are the flying cars? Where are the moon colonies? Where are the personal robots and the zero gravity boots, huh? You call this a new decade? You call this the future?? HA! Where are the rocket packs? Where are the disintegration rays? Where are the floating cities? Frankly, Im not sure people have the brains to manage the technology they've GOT. I mean, look at this! We still have WEATHER?! Give me a break!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are walking across the snow covered field. Hobbes says a new decade is coming up. Calvin says big deal. Calvin asks where are the flying cars, the moon colonies, the personal robots, and zero gravity boots. He scoffs that this is the future. He asks where are the rocket packs, disintegration rays, and floating cities. Hobbes isn't so sure people have the brains to manage the technology they have.
Appears In 01 JAN 1990 Script No text
Description Calvin makes a snowball and rolls it down the hill. He watches it go down, then cheers. At the bottom of the hill, under a huge snowball, Susie yells back up the hill at Calvin.
Appears In 03 JAN 1990 Script How cold is it outside? I don't know. Why don't you check? It's pretty darn cold. I'd say. Let me show you an interesting gadget that's hanging outside the window.
Description Calvin asks Mom how cold it is outside. Mom suggests he go check. Calvin opens the front door and stands there. Snow starts piling up around him and on his head. He tells Mom he'd say it's pretty darn cold. Mom is ready to wring his neck and says she wants to show him an interesting gadget that's hanging outside the window.
Appears In 04 JAN 1990 Script No text
Description Calvin throws a snowball at Susie that goes over her head. She makes fun of Calvin. He storms off with an angry expression. Susie looks started. She runs off with Calvin in close pursuit. He has a shovel full of snow in his hand.
Appears In 05 JAN 1990 Script This is the part of winter I like best ... when you come inside, freezing cold and soaked ... and you put on fresh dry clothes, and run up to the warm kitchen, where Mom's got a steaming mug of hot chocolate waiting for you! Mom? Mom? HEY MOM! "Calvin, I'm next door. Don't have anything to eat, or you'll spoil your appetite. Mom." It's going to be a long, cold, dark winter.
Description Calvin and Hobbes come in from the snow. Calvin says this is the part of winter he likes. You come inside cold and soaked, you put on dry clothes and go into the kitchen, where Mom has a steaming mug of hot chocolate waiting for you. He calls for Mom, but there's no answer. Hobbes reads a note that says Mom is next door. She writes for him not to eat anything or he'll spoil his appetite. Calvin says this is going to be a long, cold, dark winter.
Appears In 06 JAN 1990 Script While I'M doing this brain surgery, YOU can make a donor and do a heart transplant! Forget it, Calvin. I'm not playing with you any more.
Description Calvin has built a snowman that lies on the ground. Calvin has a saw in his hand, taking the top of the snowman off. Calvin tells Susie that while he's doing the brain surgery, she can build a donor and do a heart transplant. Susie walks off saying forget it. She's not going to play with him any more.
Appears In 07 JAN 1990 Script I've decided to be more of a "people" person, and make more friends. How come? I don't get enough presents. From now on, I'm devoting myself to the cultivation of interpersonal relationships. After all, no man is an island. We all need love and the support of others. We're social beings with social needs. So as of today, my goal is to be one with my fellow man, to develop and foster those deep connections that ... just a minute ... Hey Susie! Heads up!! Ha ha!! Augh help help I've changed my mind, Hobbes. People are scum. I think TRUE happiness can only be found in the wanton indulgence of animals.
Description Calvin declares himself a genius. He has loaded snowballs onto his toboggan. He sees Susie building a snowman down the hill. He plans to zip down and pelt her silly with the snowballs. He tells Hobbes to steer, while he throws. Susie hears them coming. Calvin is telling Hobbes to steer closer. Then, they're too close. Calvin calls "Mayday". PIFF! They run into Susie's snowman. Calvin, lying in the snow, says another genius is thwarted by an incapable assistant. Susie has the head of her snowman in her hands above her head. She tells Calvin to look up.
Appears In 14 JAN 1990 Script The distant planet Z-12. Distant, that is, to everyone but Spaceman Spiff! The fearless explorer Spaceman Spiff cruises over the desolate dunes of an uncharted planet! No vegetation covers the rolling terrain. Millions of years of harsh exposure without an atmosphere has swept the surface clean. What strange chemicals must compose this alien soil! Crossing a rift, the rocks abruptly change color! ZOUNDS! A huge mountain suddenly rises out of the plain! Our hero pulls up! Over the top, Spiff discovers that it is not a mountain at all! The whole landscape is... is bedding for a horrendous monster! Zg! Mf! Huh? All right, what time is it?! The creature appears hostile! With no time to lose, our hero readies a hydro bomb!
Description Calvin asks Dad to play outside in the snow with him. Dad is doing paperwork, so he can't play. Dad keeps working, but it's hard to concentrate. He looks out the window, then at his papers. He gets up and joins Calvin outside. They build a snowman together. That night, Dad is again working on his papers, but Mom holds Calvin up so he can give Dad a goodnight kiss on the head.
Appears In 28 JAN 1990 Script Nyup nchyp. I think a burp died trying to get out of my mouth. I'm thursty. THUMP. Monster eyes! HELP! HELP! IT'S AFTER ME! IT'S GOT ME! I CAN FEEL IT'S TERRIBLE FANGS! CRASH BONK Sleepwalking again! Let's go back to bed, honey. You had a nightmare. Oh, it was YOU! It sure is creepy having a friend whose eyes glow in the dark. It's so we can see people who might be sneakin out of bed to fix a snack without making arrangements to share.
Description Calvin stands looking at the snow, saying everything looks so pretty. He says it's his favorite time of the year. A shadow falls over Calvin. He looks up to see Hobbes. WUMPH! They tumble in the snow and roll down the hill. Covered with snow, Hobbes says this is his favorite time of the year. The new snow muffles approaching footsteps. Also covered with snow, Calvin says he can't wait for spring.
Appears In 02 FEB 1990 Script WHAP! DID YOU THROW THAT?!? Throw what? Let me see your mittens! There, look! Flecks of bark, pieces of gravel, spots of mud, and granules of ice! That was YOUR snowball, all right! That's the problem with having a signature style.
Description WHAP! Susie gets smacked in the back of the head with a snowball. She asks Calvin if he threw it. Calvin pleads ignorance. Susie looks at Calvin's mittens and sees bits of gravel, bark, mud, and ice. She says it was his snowball. Calvin, lying in a pile of snow, says that's the problem with having a signature style.
Appears In 03 FEB 1990 Script HA! YOU MISSED BY A MILE! NYA NYAHH! THBPTBH! Yes? You're darn lucky I didn't get a snow blower for Christmas!
Description Calvin aims and throws a snowball. He's angered when his target says he missed by a mile. Calvin storms over. Hobbes is there, and Calvin tells him he's lucky Calvin didn't get that snow blower for Christmas.
Appears In 11 FEB 1990 Script Uh oh, here comes Calvin... The incurable weirdness poster child. Hi Calvin. What's with the mask and bucket? HMPH. This is a poem! Please do what you're told! And here is a bucket of water ice-cold! Please take this water, and dump it on me! Don't hesitate! Do it A.S.A.P.! Just wait till YOU touch the "pernicious poem place"!! Oooh, you'll be sorry THEN! Whee! I love playing CalvinBall! This is a bag flag zone!
Description Susie stands in the snow saying winter has wrapped the land in a soft, white blanket, and the earth sleeps quietly. Suddenly, she hears yelling coming down the hill. It's Calvin, yelling at Hobbes to lean, yelling "look out below", "mayday", and "bail out". Calvin's sled crashes. He yells at Hobbes for almost getting them killed. They start fighting. Susie walks away, saying that when she grows up, she'll live in the tropics. Hobbes tells Calvin to get the sled out of the tree so they can do it again. Calvin wants to get a siren for the sled.
Appears In 13 FEB 1990 Script Readyyy.. Aimmm...
Description Calvin makes a big snowball. He makes another and sets it on top the first. He makes a snowman standing against a tree. He puts a blindfold on it and a stick in its mouth. Calvin gets a snowball in his hand and says ready, aim...
Appears In 16 FEB 1990 Script See? SEE? Starboard is RIGHT! PORT is left! OK, so I was wrong for once in my life! Shut up.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are covered with snow, their sled stuck into the ground. They stomp along, still covered with snow. They're both frowning as they take their coats off and brush off the snow. They both stomp along, still frowning. Hobbes points to the page in the dictionary. He says he told Calvin that starboard is right, and port is left. Calvin concedes that he was wrong for once in his life and tells Hobbes to shut up.
Appears In 17 FEB 1990 Script AARGHH! I MISSED! It's these fuzzy mittens! The snow STICKS to 'em and you can't throw straight! Darn it! Darn it! Darn it! I HATE these fuzzy mittens! If only Mom had gotten me padded gloves instead of these no-good, awful, rotten fuzzy mittens! WHAP! Well I'll be! My fuzzy mittens HAVE pads!
Description Calvin throws a snowball, but misses. He laments his fuzzy mittens. He complains the snow sticks to them, preventing him from throwing straight. As he packs another snowball, he says he hates his fuzzy mittens. If Mom had gotten him padded gloves instead of those mittens....WHAP! He's hit by a snowball. Hobbes walks over to the snow-covered Calvin, looks at his paws, and says that his fuzzy mittens have pads.
Appears In 18 FEB 1990 Script GRGHHG rGHHHH GRRGH RGGHH SNORRTT GHACKHGG Heh heh heh... Sorry... A litle sinus congestion... Sighhh...
Description Spaceman Spiff cruises over Planet Quorg. Our hero explores the peculiar rock formations, looking for life. The rock formations are too peculiar. Spiff suddenly realizes this landscape was not created by geological forces. Spiff hits the thrusters. The formations are footprints. While Spiff was searching for alien life, it was searching for him. Spiff is sure it wanted the earthling for dinner. Calvin sees footprints in the snow, while he hears his name being called to dinner. Calvin runs the opposite way.
Appears In 19 FEB 1990 Script WUMP!
Description Susie happily builds a snowman. Calvin and Hobbes come rocketing down the hill on their sled. WUMP! The snowman goes down the hill on the sled. Susie, Calvin, and Hobbes are stacked up where the snowman used to be.
Appears In 20 FEB 1990 Script ANY dumb kid can build a snowman, but it takes a genius like me to create ART. This snow sculpture transcends corporeal likeness to epxress deeper truths about the human condition! This sculpture is about grief and suffering! One look at the tortured countenance of this figure confirms that the artist has drunk deeply from the cup of life! This work shall endure and inspire future generations!
Description Calvin is building a snowman. He tells Hobbes that any dumb kid can build a snowman, but it takes a genius like him to create art. He says his snow sculpture transcends corporeal likeness to express deeper truths about the human condition. His sculpture is about grief and suffering. He says one look at the tortured countenance of the figure confirms the artist has drunk deeply from the cup of life. He says his work will endure and will inspire future generations. As they stand there, the sun starts to melt the snowman.
Appears In 21 FEB 1990 Script Still making snow art? Yep! Yesterday your sculpture melted. This time I'm taking advantage of my medium's impermanence... This sculpture is about transcience. As this figure melts, it invites the viewer to contemplate the evanescence of life. This piece speaks to the horror of our own mortality! Hey stupid! It's too warm to build a snowman! What a dope! Ha ha ha ha! A philistine on the sidewalk. Genius is never understood in its own time.
Description Hobbes asks if Calvin is making more snow art, since his snowman melted the day before. Calvin tells him that this time, he's taking advantage of the medium's impermanence. This sculpture is about transience. As the snowman melts, it invites the viewer to contemplate the evanescence of life. It speaks to the horror of our own mortality. Someone yells that it's too warm to build a snowman, and they laugh at Calvin. Hobbes says there is a philistine on the sidewalk. Calvin says genius is never understood in its own time.
Appears In 22 FEB 1990 Script How's your snow art progressing? I've moved into abstraction! Ah. This piece is about the inadequacy of traditional imagery and symbols to convey meaning in today's world. By abandoning representationalism, I'm free to express myself with pure form. Specific interpretation gives way to a more visceral response. I notice your oeuvre is monochromatic. Well c'mon, it's just snow.
Description Hobbes asks how Calvin's snow art is coming. Calvin says he's moved into abstraction. His piece is about the inadequacy of traditional imagery and symbols to convey meaning in today's world. By abandoning representationalism, he's free to express himself with pure form. Specific interpretation gives way to a more visceral response. Hobbes notices Calvin's oeuvre is monochromatic. Calvin replies that it's just snow.
Appears In 23 FEB 1990 Script Dad, if you threw a snowball at someone, but deliberately missed, would that be 'bad'? Well, I suppose that would be provoking, so yes, it would be a little bad. As bad as if you'd hit the person? No, not THAT bad, but worse than if you hadn't thrown it at all. Suppose you just GRAZED the person. How bad would that be? Say maybe you knocked off his hat and his glasses or something. That would mean instant death.
Description Calvin asks Dad if he threw a snowball at someone and deliberately missed, would it be "bad". Dad says that since it would be a little provoking, it would be a little bad. Not as bad as if you hit the person, but more than if you hadn't thrown it at all. Calvin then asks how bad it would be if you just grazed the person, or knocked off his hat and glasses. Dad says that would mean instant death.
Appears In 27 FEB 1990 Script All set? Yep! OK, get read! NOW! SMASH Too bad the back of the camera opened when we landed. That would've been a great picture.
Description On the toboggan, Calvin asks if Hobbes is set. Hobbes is carrying a camera. Down the hill they go. Calvin tells Hobbes to get ready. They smash into a rock and fly into the air. Calvin yells "Now", and Hobbes snaps the picture. Coming back up the hill covered with snow, Calvin tells Hobbes it's too bad the camera opened when they landed. That would have been a great picture.
Appears In 11 NOV 1990 Script Toboggans give better rides than runner sleds. Why is that? There's no way to steer. On these cloudy winter days, sometimes I like to lie back on my sled and look at the sky. It's just gray and silent. No birds singing or bugs buzzing. Everything is muffled by the snow. Imagine what it would be like without any people or houses around. It would be perfectly still. Pretty neat huh? Yes, very peaceful. I hate all that silence.
Description Calvin is yawning, making odd faces, frowning, making pucker faces, sticking his tongue out, sticking his finger in his nose, lifting the ends of his mouth, and pulling his face. Dad and Mom are looking at pictures. Dad says that's their son. Mom says these pictures will remind them of more than they want to remember.
Appears In 23 NOV 1990 Script Can we burn these leaves? No, that pollutes. But how can we appease the mighty snow demons if we don't sacrifice any leaves?! We'll have a warm winter. I don't know whether your grasp of theology or meteorology is the more appalling. I guess I'll go light some candles around the toboggan and beg for mercy.
Description Dad has rakes leaves into a pile. Calvin asks if they can burn them. Dad says that pollutes. Calvin wonders how they'll appease the mighty snow demons if they don't sacrifice any leaves. They'll have a warm winter. Dad doesn't know whether Calvin's grasp of theology or meteorology is more appalling. Calvin walks off saying he'll light some candles around the toboggan and beg for mercy.
Appears In 30 NOV 1990 Script Look out of the window! It's snowing! There's must be almost half an inch! By morning, I'll bet there's tons of snow! Do you think the schools will close?? What? OH YEAH? WELL, SAME TO YOU!! I wonder how a crabby guy like him got to be superintendent.
Description Calvin is on the phone. He tells someone to look out the window, it's snowing. By morning, he bets there'll be tons of snow. He asks if the person thinks the schools will close. Calvin hears the answer and angrily says back "Well, same to you". Climbing back in bed, Calvin asks Hobbes how a crabby guy like that got to be superintendent.
Appears In 01 DEC 1990 Script That was quite a ride. I'll say. I've never seen a sled catch fire before. We're lucky the pond hadn't frozen.
Description Covered with snow, Calvin tells Hobbes that was quite a ride. Hobbes says he's never seen a sled catch fire before. Calvin says they're lucky the pond hadn't frozen.
Appears In 02 DEC 1990 Script Why can't I ever find my stupid scarf? Hobbes and I are going outside Mom. This is going to be the biggest snowman ever built! People will come from miles to see our gigantic snoman! This won't go any more. It's too big to push. Ok, leave it here. I'm exhausted! Well we can't stop now! We need nine more of these! Nine more?! Sure! This is just one of his toes!
Description Calvin sees Susie. He wishes he had a snowball to smack her with. Hobbes says he bets Santa Claus heard that. Calvin remembers. Hobbes suggests Calvin apologize. Calvin does. Hobbes suggests he better say he likes Susie. Calvin says that's going too far. Hobbes says he better say he'd like to give her muchas smooches. Calvin starts to fight with Hobbes. Susie asks what he's doing. She doesn't know what's weirder, that he's fighting a stuffed animal, or that he seems to be losing. Susie leaves. Hobbes says after today, Santa will take a shovel to the reindeer stalls to fill Calvin's stocking.
Appears In 16 DEC 1990 Script If you ask ME, Hobbes, the whole notion of "instant gratification" is a MYTH! I don't ever get what I want when I want it! I always have to wait! Look how long it's taken me to be six years old! Practically forever! When do I get to drive?! When can I go see gory, violent movies?! Why do I have to wait till I'm older? People say life's a journey, but I'm tired of wasting my precious time in transit! I say, if you want to find out where the road goes, get in the fast lane and hit the gas! Spare me the scenery and let's get where we're going! I'm a busy guy! I've got places to be! SUMP! SPLOOP Gosh, that was over quick.
Description Calvin thinks nobody could be watching every kid every minute. He says Santa's old. He figures Santa makes just random checks on them once or twice a week. He tells Hobbes Santa would catch enough bad kids that way to scare everyone else into being good most of the time. Now that Calvin is on to Santa, he's going to smack Susie with a snowball. If he does it quick, the odds of Santa catching him are virtually nil. Hobbes asks what if Susie tells on him. He hadn't thought of that. He drops the snowball. He walks off with Hobbes saying he hopes Santa's watching now, seeing as he's being so good. Hobbes says he's unwillingly good, but good nonetheless.
Appears In 19 DEC 1990 Script Susie's still concentrating on her snowman! Let's sneak up and barrage her with slushballs! Two minutes ago we were on our way to tell Santa how GOOD you are, remember? Have you lost your marbles?! Oops. I forgot. How many presents do you think I'd forfeit for just one clean smack upside Susie's head?
Description Calvin tells Hobbes Susie is concentrating on her snowman. He wants to barrage her with slushballs. Hobbes reminds him that two minutes ago, they were on their way to tell Santa how good Calvin was. Calvin looks at the slushballs on the ground. He asks Hobbes how many presents he thought Calvin would forfeit for one clean smack upside Susie's head.
Appears In 22 DEC 1990 Script Back from the north pole already? No, we didn't even get past Susie's house. But Mom, I PROVED how good I am! Susie hit me with a snowball and I didn't even get her back! Santa has GOT to give me lots of presents NOW! Why did Susie hit you with a snowball? She overheard us plotting to... I mean, um, we were just minding our business when suddenly, for no reason, Susie... OK, you lied. Do something good fast, and maybe the last hour will sort of even out to neutral.
Description Calvin comes back in the house saying he proved how good he was. He says Susie hit him with a snowball, and he didn't hit her back. He figures Santa has to give him lots of presents now. Mom asks why Susie hit Calvin with a snowball. Calvin says they were minding their own business when she attacked for no reason. Hobbes tells Calvin that since he lied, if he does something good fast, the last hour will even out to neutral. Calvin laments that he won't make it three more days.
Appears In 27 DEC 1990 Script That's enough TV! Go play outside. I don't WANT to go outside. Hmph.
Description Dad turns off the TV and tells Calvin to play outside. Calvin doesn't want to. Grumpily, he goes outside. He starts to build a snow man. He places it by the window looking in at Dad. Twigs are placed for hands to have the snow man thumbing his ears at Dad.
Appears In 28 DEC 1990 Script Behind the impenetrable walls of my snow fort, I am utterly invincible! No one dares attack me! Everybody is too chicken! I'm outside my fort now!
Description Calvin shouts out that he's invincible behind the walls of his snow fort. He says no one dares to attack him. Everyone is too chicken. He ducks behind the wall. He waits. Nothing happens. He comes out and yells that he's outside his fort now.
Appears In 30 DEC 1990 Script The whole problem with modern times is that there's no pride in craftsmanship. When most kids make a snowball, the just mush a bunch of snow together. Everyone's a slave to efficiency! No time for aesthetics! No love of things for their own sake! But when I make a snowball, it's a work of art! This snow, for example, is just a little too powdery. It won't sting properly. I prefer a wetter snow: something with some more weight! Something that will really knock the wind out of the opponent! And how much loose rubble and dirt is acceptable before it affects the aerodynamics? Do you get better spin with an ellipsoid or a true sphere? Nobody considers these things any more! It's a lost tradition, I tell you! My snowballs aren't assembly line productions! They take me longer to make, but each one is a unique masterpiece! That's why I sign them. Watch this - HEY SUSIE! POW POW POW POW. It's a crass culture, Hobbes. Shoddy and quick is all anybody knows. Artists always suffer.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes he's getting disillusioned with these New Years. He says they don't seem new at all. Each new year is just like the old year. Another year's gone by, and everything is still the same. There's still pollution, war, stupidity, and greed. Things haven't changed. He asks what kind of future this is. He thought things were supposed to improve. He thought the future was supposed to be better. Hobbes says the problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
Appears In 31 DEC 1990 Script By the power invested in me by the mighty and awful snow demons, I command you to come to life! LIVE! LIVE! LIVVVE! RRGHH!
Description Calvin stands next to a snowman lying on the ground. Calvin says that by the power invested in him by the mighty and awful snow demons, he commands the snowman to come to life. He tells the snowman to live! The snowman rises up. Calvin runs off, with the snowman in hot pursuit.
Appears In 01 JAN 1991 Script *GASP* I (pant, pant) MADE it! *GASP* What's with you? I thought you were out building a snowman. I did (pant, pant), but I brought him to life (pant, pant) and now he's after me! I barely escaped! Uh huh. Lookout the window! He's probably lurching around the yard! Good heavens, you build a snowman right on the front step?! How are we going to get out the door?! AUGHH! He's looking in! he knows where I live!!
Description Calvin runs inside, gasping for air. Calvin tells Mom he built the snowman, but then he brought it to life. Now, the snowman is after Calvin. Calvin tells Mom to look out the window. Mom looks and sees the snowman on the front step. She asks how they'll get out the door. Horrified, Calvin says he's looking in and now knows where he lives.
Appears In 02 JAN 1991 Script You brought a snowman to LIFE?? I didn't think he'd be evil! What are we going to do? I dunno, but we've got to get rid of him somehow. Maybe we could lure him inside and he'd melt! It would take him HOURS, and if he didn't kill Mom, she'd have a fit about the water on the floor. Hmm... how did they finally kill "Frosty"? Beats me. Now I wish I'd watched that dumb show! Maybe they stabbed him with an icicle.
Description Calvin and Hobbes hide behind a tree. Calvin didn't know the snowman he brought to life would be evil. He knows they have to get rid of it. Hobbes suggests luring him inside so he'd melt. Calvin rejects that idea. It would take hours, it might kill Mom, and if it didn't, Mom would have a fit about the water on the floor. Hobbes asks how they finally killed "Frosty". Calvin wishes he'd watched that show. He suggests maybe they stabbed him with an icicle.
Appears In 03 JAN 1991 Script Yikes! There he is! Pack snowballs! Maybe we can knock him out! Yaa! Yaaa! UNGHH! The snowballs just STUCK to him! Look, it's given him an idea! He's packing more snow onto himself! He's making himself bigger! Oh NO!
Description Hiding behind a tree, Calvin and Hobbes attack the snowman with snowballs. They stick to the snowman. That gives the snowman an idea. He starts packing more snow onto himself, making himself bigger.
Appears In 04 JAN 1991 Script He keeps packing more snow on himself! He's getting huge! This is really creepy. Now he's made a big snowball and he's putting rocks and sticks in it! I wonder what he's making. Ewww! He's giving himself two weird heads!! Any time the sun wanted to come out, it would be just fine with me. NOW he's added another ARM! He's turned himself into a deranged mutant killer monster snow goon!!
Description The snowman packs more snow onto himself. It makes a big snowball and puts rocks and sticks onto it. The snowman has given himself another head. Hobbes says anytime the sun wants to come out is alright with him. Calvin notices the snowman has added another arm. It's turned itself into a deranged mutant killer monster snow goon.
Appears In 05 JAN 1991 Script The snow goon is lumbering off toward the front yard! Let's cut around the house and build a fort! What do you suppose it's going to do? I don't know, but whatever it is, we're going to need protection! Calvin, that snowman out front is hideous. Why can't you make a NORMAL snowman? I tried, Dad. I tried.
Description The snow goon goes to the front yard. Calvin and Hobbes cut around the house to build a snow fort. Calvin doesn't know what the snow goon is going to do, but he knows they're going to need protection. Dad tells Calvin the snowman out front is hideous. He asks why Calvin can't build a normal one. Calvin replies that he tried.
Appears In 06 JAN 1991 Script You know, Hobbes, it seems the only time most people go outside is to walk to their cars. We have houses, electricity, plumbing, heat... maybe we're so sheltered and comfortable that we've lost touch with the natural world and forgotten our place in it. Maybe we've lost our awe of nature. That's why I want to ask YOU, as a tiger, a wild animal close to nature, what you think we're put on earth to do. What's our purpose in life? Why are we here? We're here to devour each other alive. Turn on the lights! Turn up the heat!
Description Calvin builds a snowman on the porch. He puts his coat and hat on the snowman. He yells that he's home and hides next to the porch. Hobbes opens the door, sees the snowman, then asks why Calvin is on the ground without his coat. He says no reason. Calvin puts his coat and hat back on, kicks the snowman off the porch, starts to open the door, and Hobbes pounces on him.
Appears In 07 JAN 1991 Script This will be the strongest snow fort ever built! Ughh ngghh rghh mnhg UNNHH. There! We're safe from that snow goon NOW! I wonder why we haven't seen him for a while.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are building their snow fort. The snow goon makes another snow goon. Calvin, in their snow fort, says they're safe now. Hobbes wonders why they haven't seen him for awhile.
Appears In 08 JAN 1991 Script Hi Calvin. Nice snow fort. I'll say! The walls are two feet thick and we've got snowballs in here! Who are you fighting? There's a snow goon running loose! If I were you, I wouldn't stick around. This could get ugly. What's a snow goon? It's like a snow man, but a grotesque, evil, demented monster. Oh, is THAT what all those ugly things you made in the front yard are? What do you mean, "all those"?
Description Susie comments on Calvin's snow fort. Calvin tells her the walls are two feet thick and they have fifty snowballs. Susie wonders who he's fighting. Calvin tells her there's a snow goon running loose. Susie asks what a snow goon is. Calvin explains it's like a snowman, but it's an evil, grotesque, demented monster. She asks if that's what all those ugly things in the yard are. Calvin asks what she means by "all those".
Appears In 09 JAN 1991 Script Look, a NEW snow goon! That's not the one I made! The original snow goon must be making his OWN snow goons! OH NO! I'll bet he's making an army! In a few days, he could build a hundred snow goons! If each of THEM build ANOTHER hundred, and then THOSE all build a hundred MORE, why... that would be pretty cool, if they weren't out to kill me. I vote we make tracks for Florida.
Description There's a new snow goon, but it's not one Calvin made. He says the original snow goon must be making his own. Calvin fears he's making a snow goon army. He speculates how many there would be if the original made a hundred snow goons, then each of them makes their own goons. Calvin thinks that would be cool, if they weren't out to kill him. Hobbes suggests making tracks for Florida.
Appears In 10 JAN 1991 Script Calvin, it's late! Time to come in! I can't, Mom! I've got to kill snow goons! You can kill them tomorrow after school. C'mon inside. But by tomorrow, there will be more of them! Let's go, Calvin. Moms and reason are like oil and water.
Description Mom yells for Calvin to come inside, it's late. Calvin replies that he has to stay to kill snow goons. Mom says he can kill them after school tomorrow. Calvin warns there will be more of them then. Mom tells Calvin to come in. As he heads to the house, Calvin says that Moms and reason are like oil and water.
Appears In 11 JAN 1991 Script Can you see the snow goons out there? Yeah. They're still making more of each other. How many did you see? About 15. Man, how am I going to school tomorrow? I'll never even make it to the bus stop! I can't outrun 15 snow goons! I'm as good as dead! Sweet dreams. Yeah, right! Can I take an ax to school tomorrow for ... um... show and tell?
Description In bed, Calvin asks Hobbes if he sees any snow goons outside. He says they're still making more. There are about fifteen now. Calvin doesn't think he'll even make it to the bus stop tomorrow. He is sure the snow goons will catch him. Mom kisses Calvin good night. Calvin asks her if he can bring an ax to school tomorrow....for show and tell.
Appears In 12 JAN 1991 Script The snow goons aren't moving! They're asleep! Now's our chance to go bump 'em off! We can't go outside NOW! It's 10 o'clock at night! Oh yeah. Mom and Dad are still up. We'll have to wait at least an hour.
Description At night, Calvin looks out his window to see the snow goons aren't moving. They're asleep. Calvin thinks this will be their best chance to bump them off. Hobbes says they can't go out now, it's 10:00 at night. Calvin says Mom and Dad will still be up. They'll have to wait at least an hour.
Appears In 14 JAN 1991 Script Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! HA HA HA! DIE SNOW GOON, DIE!
Description Calvin and Hobbes quietly come down the stairs, saying "Shh" to each other. They get dressed to go outside, saying "Shh" to each other. They leave the house, saying "Shh" to each other. Mom and Dad are startled awake by Calvin yelling for the snow goon to die.
Appears In 15 JAN 1991 Script More water, Hobbes! We'll freeze the snow goons right where they snooze! Die! Die! Let out more hose! Ha ha! These monsters will be popsicles through July! There! We got 'em all! I'll spray a little extra water around, just to make sure everything's absolutely frozen. Psst, Calvin! Your parents' light is on! I think your Dad's coming! Uh oh! Maybe I should get HIM with the hose, too.
Description Calvin is spraying water over the snow goons. He says he'll freeze them where they snooze. He walks through the yard spraying water all over. He covers all the snow goons, then sprays some more water around to be sure everything's frozen. Hobbes notices Mom and Dad's light is on. He tells Calvin that he thinks Dad is coming. Calvin wonders if he should spray Dad, also.
Appears In 16 JAN 1991 Script That IS Calvin! He's outside with the garden hose! It's after midnight! What do we have to do, CHAIN him in bed?! CALVIN GET IN HERE! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE WAAUGHH! THE WHOLE YARD'S ICE! Run, Hobbes! Dad's a snow goon too!
Description Mom and Dad get out of bed. Mom sees Calvin outside with the garden hose. Dad runs outside yelling for Calvin to come inside. He slips on the ice created by Calvin's watering and slides across the yard. Calvin runs off with Hobbes while being chased by Dad, who is covered with snow. Calvin yells that Dad is a snow goon, too.
Appears In 17 JAN 1991 Script Dad, don't kill me! I can explain this! Help! Help! Snow goons! I froze 'em! They were going to GET me, so I had to get them first! Ask Hobbes! Calvin, it is after midnight. Believe me, we will discuss this VERY thoroughly tomorrow. You get into bed this instant. Like I'm going to get any sleep NOW.
Description Dad carries Calvin into the house. Calvin says he can explain. He tells Mom that he had to freeze the snow goons or they would have gotten him. Dad tells Calvin it's after midnight. He says they'll discuss it very thoroughly tomorrow. He sends Calvin to bed. Wide-eyed, Calvin tells Hobbes he's not going to get any sleep now.
Appears In 18 JAN 1991 Script See?? See the snow goons? I didn't make them! I mean, I made ONE, sort of by accident, but the rest made themselves! They were building an army, see? See, that's why I had to freeze them last night! I had to get 'em while they were sleeping! It was my only chance, see? See, it all makes sense! See? See?? They never see.
Description Calvin explains to Mom and Dad how the snow goons were building an army. He asks if they see. He explains he had to freeze them while they were sleeping. He asks if they see. He says it all makes sense. He asks if they see. Mom and Dad just look at Calvin. Sitting on his bed, Calvin tells Hobbes they never see.
Appears In 19 JAN 1991 Script Well, Hobbes, I guess there's a moral to all this. What's that? Snow Goons are bad news. That lesson certainly ought to be inapplicable elsewhere in life. I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
Description As the snow goons melt, Calvin tells Hobbes there's a moral to all this. He says "snow goons are bad news". Hobbes says that lesson certainly ought to be inapplicable elsewhere in life. Calvin tells him he likes maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
Appears In 21 JAN 1991 Script You have to admit it's slowed down the traffic on our road.
Description There is a snowman with a hole shot in him from a cannon behind. There is a snowman with a shovel, looking at the ground where the head of another snowman lies. Calvin has another snowman on a chair with a noose around its neck. Looking out the kitchen window, Dad tells Mom that she has to admit it's slowed down the traffic on their road.
Appears In 23 JAN 1991 Script Any luck? I'm so disappointed. HEY JET PILOTS! DO A BARREL ROLL!
Description Calvin is walking in the snow, clearing a path. He jumps over to start another path. He starts still another. Hobbes asks if he's had any luck. Calvin says he's so disappointed. In the snow, Calvin has made a message to jet pilots to do a barrel roll.
Appears In 24 JAN 1991 Script WHAP!! Did you thow that?! Who, me? Who, ME? Who?! ME?? WHO... ME?! Who, me???
Description WHAP! Susie gets hit in the back of the head with a snowball. She angrily asks Calvin if he threw that. Calvin points to himself and asks "Who, me". Calvin lies in the snow. At home, he stands in front of a mirror practicing saying "Who, me" to sound more convincing next time.
Appears In 26 JAN 1991 Script No text
Description Calvin throws a snowball. Hobbes walks over to Calvin while brushing off snow from his shoulder. Calvin looks worried. Hobbes puts Calvin on the ground. Calvin is stuck, rolled up in the middle of a big snowball.
Appears In 01 FEB 1991 Script There ought to be a law against having school on days when there's enough snow to play in. Of course, I don't think there should be school in FALL either... and summer's out altready... and then there's spring... I guess I'd go to school a day in November and a day in March. By second grade, you'd be packing your lunch box with denture cleaners. And before I got to third grade, I could reture.
Description Standing on the corner, waiting for the school bus, Calvin tells Hobbes there ought to be a law against having school on days there is enough snow to play in. Calvin goes on to say he doesn't think there should be school in the fall, either. Summer's out already, then there is spring. Calvin guesses he'd go to school a day in November and a day in March. Hobbes says that by second grade, he'd be packing his lunch box with denture cleaners. Calvin finishes the thought by saying before he got to third grade, he could retire.
Appears In 04 FEB 1991 Script Look what I made, Hobbes. What is it? What IS it? Why, it's a huge bird foot. I'm going to press it in the snow and make everyone think a two-ton chickadee walked by. I guess time weighs more heavily on some people's hands than others'. He's just jealous because I accomplish so much more than he does.
Description Calvin shows Hobbes a bird foot he made. He tells Hobbes he's going to press it in the snow and make everyone think a two ton chickadee walked by. Hobbes suggests time weighs more heavily on some people's hands than others'. As Calvin presses the bird foot into the snow, he says Hobbes is just jealous because he accomplishes so much more than Hobbes.
Appears In 05 FEB 1991 Script Hey Dad, you know how you wanted me to shovel the driveway? Well I thought up a BETTER idea! I'll shovel and pack the snow into a big ramp! You can get in the car, rev up to near red line, throw out the clutch, leave a patch of multen rubber out the garage, and zoom up the ramp! Then we could line barrells and stuff down the driveway and see how many you could clear! Wouldn't that be great?? I don't see why some people even HAVE cars.
Description Calvin tells Dad he has a better idea for shoveling the driveway. He'll pack the snow into a big ramp. Then Dad can rev up the car, throw out the clutch, and leave a patch of molten rubber in the garage, then zoom up the ramp. Calvin will have barrels down the driveway to see how many Dad can clear. He thinks that would be great. Apparently, Dad doesn't. Calvin walks through the snow, shovel over his shoulder, not knowing why some people even have cars.
Appears In 06 FEB 1991 Script AUGHHH! A SNOW SNAKE'S GOT ME! Horrible inner teeth on its separately moving upper jaw bones are pulling me down its frigid gullet! Run for your life! At least I HAVE a life... unlike some weirdos I know. I suppose if I had two X chromosomes, I'D feel hostile too.
Description Calvin is lying inside the mouth of a snow snake. Susie is walking by. Calvin tells her about the horrible inner teeth pulling him into the snake's frigid gullet. He tells Susie to run for her life. Susie walks away saying she, at least, has a life...unlike some weirdos she knows. Later, Calvin stands next to the snow snake saying that if he had two x chromosomes, he'd feel hostile, too.
Appears In 07 FEB 1991 Script No one ELSE at office talks about this kind of thing.
Description Dad pulls the car into the driveway to see several snowmen standing in the yard near the driveway. The snowmen are carrying signs saying "Later bedtimes, fewer baths", "Egad, bad Dad", "Calvin's Dad unfair", and "Too strict". Dad says no one else at the office talks about this kind of thing.
Appears In 09 FEB 1991 Script Calvin's been outside building something since early this morning. I can't tell what it is. Can you? It doesn't look like anything from here.
Description Calvin is making something in the snow. It looks like a raised zigzag pattern. Mom and Dad look out from the window at Calvin, saying he's been working on it since early that morning. They can't tell what it is. From the window, it doesn't look like anything. From above, we see that Calvin has been making an image of a monster getting ready to bite down on the house.
Appears In 10 FEB 1991 Script ... so if we subtract five from... OUIR FEARLESS HERO ESCAPES! We join the valiant Spaceman Spiff as he flees his bloatoid captors! Our hero scrambles into his waiting spacecraft! Spiff pressurizes the magnetronic altitude-o-lators and hits the turbo hyper-thrust drive! Instantly our hero blasts to escape velocity! Half a micromoment later, Spiff is just another speck in the infinite sea of outer space! Alone and free in an endless frontier! Free to roam the heavens in man's noble quest to investigate the weirdness of the universe! Whee, what fun! I'm glad you could come home so early! C'mon ol' buddy! Let's go exploring and find some gross bugs! Hello? ... speaking... HE WHAT?!
Description In rhyme, Calvin is lying in the snow, making an angel. He sees a UFO. The aliens snag Calvin with a hook on his overcoat and hoist him aboard. He tries to fight away, but it's no use. The tie him up and wired his cranium to a suction cup. Current courses across his cerebellum, coaxing things from his brain tissue he wouldn't tell them. All the math he ever learned were removed in this operation. Calvin tells Miss Wormwood his escape was an adventure, but suffice to say, he cannot add, so she should ask some other kid.
Appears In 11 FEB 1991 Script There's Susie! Heh heh! Watch me knock her fillings loose! YAAA! PIFF You know, I THOUGHT Earth's gravity felt exceptionally strong today. I guess that explains how you spilled your oatmeal down the heater this morning.
Description Calvin prepares a snowball to throw at Susie. He tells Hobbes to watch him knock her fillings loose. Calvin throws the snowball. PIFF! It falls a couple feet away. They look at the fallen snowball. Calvin tells Hobbes he thought earth's gravity felt exceptionally strong today. Hobbes figures that explains why Calvin spilled his oatmeal down the heater that morning.
Appears In 12 FEB 1991 Script Obviously I can't throw snowballs at Susie when Earth's gravity has increased. THIS is a job for... ...for? Mom must've put my cape in the wrong drawer!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are still looking at the snowball. Calvin says he can't throw snowballs at Susie if the earth's gravity has increased. Calvin says "This is a job for..." and runs off. Hobbes stands puzzled. Hobbes goes back inside the house to see Calvin rummaging through his dresser drawers. He has his Stupendous Man cowl on. As he tosses clothes aside, he says Mom must have put his cape in the wrong drawer.
Appears In 13 FEB 1991 Script So who is this a job for? STUPENDOUS MAN! Mmf! Ghh! Super heroes wear snow pants? When there's snow out, they do! This looks like a REAL job for Stupendous Man! Well of course the zipper's going to get stuck if everyone stands around watching me!
Description Hobbes asks Calvin who this is a job for. Calvin replies "Stupendous Man". Calvin struggles with his pants. Hobbes asks if super heroes wear snow pants. Calvin angrily replies they do when there's snow out. Calvin is on his back, trying to get his pants on. Hobbes looks down on him and says this looks like a real job for Stupendous Man. Calvin tells Hobbes of course the zipper's going to get stuck if everyone stands around watching him.
Appears In 14 FEB 1991 Script Earth's excessive gravity is no match for STUPENDOUS MAN's stupendous strength! With muscules of magnitude, the masked man of might rolls a gigantic snowball... and flies it high into the stratosphere... where he uses his stupendous vision to locate the diabolical arch-fiend ANNOYING GIRL!
Description Earth's excessive gravity is no match for Stupendous Man's strength. The masked man of might makes a gigantic snowball, flies high into the stratosphere, where he uses his stupendous vision to locate the diabolical arch-fiend, Annoying Girl. Susie is walking down the sidewalk.
Appears In 15 FEB 1991 Script From high in the sky, STUPENDOUS MAN takes advantage of Earth's strong gravity! A direct hit! STUPENDOUS MAN triumphs! With ANNOYING GIRL vanquished, the whirlwind wonder zooms back to resume his secret identity! Did you save the day? Justice reigned once more! Calvin, Susie's Mom just called. I want to talk to you.
Description Stupendous Man drops the snowball, taking advantage of earth's strong gravity. Susie lies on the sidewalk, covered with the snowball. Stupendous Man, sitting on a tree branch above, triumphs. He zooms back to resume his secret identity. Entering the bedroom, Hobbes asks Calvin if he saved the day. Calvin tells him justice reigns once more. From downstairs, one of Calvin's parents yells up that Susie's Mom just called. Calvin is going to be talked to.
Appears In 16 FEB 1991 Script Susie's Mom says you dropped a snowball the size of a bowling ball on Susie from a tree. It couldn't have been ME! I'm very mild mannered. She described exactly the hood and cape I made you. Why, it must've been STUPENDOUS MAN, defender of liberty and justice! I'm sure Susie deserved whatever she got. Listen to me. You could hurt someone that way, and if I ever hear of anything like this again, I'll take away your costume for good, got it? Hmm, this sounds like ANOTHER job for Stupendous Man! Actually, it doesn't sound like QUITE his type of job.
Description Mom is talking to Calvin. She says Susie's mom said Calvin dropped a snowball the size of a bowling ball on Susie from a tree. Calvin says it couldn't have been him. He's mild-mannered. Mom crosses her arms and says Susie's mom described the hood and cape she made for Calvin. Calvin says it must have been Stupendous Man, and that Susie probably deserved whatever she got. Mom tells him he could hurt someone that way, and that if she ever hears of anything like this again, she'll take away his costume for good. Hobbes says this sounds like another job for Stupendous Man. Calvin says it actually doesn't sound like quite his type of job.
Appears In 19 FEB 1991 Script Hi honey! How was school? I got stuck in my snow pants. Uh oh. What happened? Well, the zipper got covered with ice, so I tried to force it. Then my mitten got caught and jammed the zipper. I tried to PULL my snow pants off, but I forgot to take my boots off first, so THOSE got stuck, and then the pants got all twisted, so I fell over, and finally the teacher had to call two custodians to get me out! So I want to be sure to wear them again tomorrow.
Description Mom asks how Calvin's day went. Calvin tells her he got stuck in his snow pants. He says the zipper got covered with ice, he tried to force it, but his mitten got caught. He then tried to take his snow pants off, but he hadn't taken his boots off first. Then the pants got twisted, he fell over, and the teacher had to call two custodians to get him out. He tells Mom he wants to wear them again tomorrow.
Appears In 24 FEB 1991 Script Susie, would you do me a really big favor? No. Pleeeeease?? It's nothing bad. What is it? Just go up to my house, open the front door, and yell, "I'm home." Why should I? Um... it's a surprise. I mean, no reason. I just dare you. Well forget it. C'mon, there's nothing to it! Look, I'll give you a quarter if you'll do it! OK. Oh man, this is going to be great! Yes! Yes! I'm opening the door... She'll never know what hit her! Hee hee hee! I'M HOME! Thanks for the quarter, sucker. No wait! It didn't happen! Say it again! Doggone it! What's wrong with that furball?? Where's his killer instinct when you really ... WAAA KAPOW! Never never never never NEVER trust a tiger. I can always tell when it's you by the bad smell! Yoo hoo hoo!
Description Calvin says that he's devoting himself to the cultivation of interpersonal relationships. He tells Hobbes no man is an island. They all need love and the support of others. As of today, his goal is to be at one with his fellow man. As he says he's going to develop and foster deep connections, he tells Hobbes to wait a minute. He makes a snowball and hits Susie with it. She chases him. Later, Calvin is head-first in the snow. He tells Hobbes he's changed his mind. People are scum. Hobbes thinks true happiness can only be found in the wanton indulgence of animals.
Appears In 27 OCT 1991 Script This is my latest snow sculpture. Where? All of this! But you didn't do anything. Right. Art is dead! There's nothing left to say. Style is exhausted and content is pointless. Art has no purpose. All that's left is commodity marketing. Consequently, I'm signing this landscape, and you can own it for a million dollars. Sorry... it doesn't match my furniture. The problem with being avant-garde is knowing who's putting on who.
Description
Appears In 03 NOV 1991 Script Some November this is. The leaves are down but there's now snow. Everything is just sitting around waiting for winter, but nothing is happening. C'mon, what's the big holdup?! Let's go, up there! Bring on the snow! Sighh No efficiency. No accountability. I tell you, Hobbes, it's a lousy way to run a universe. Whatever happend to the work ethic?
Description
Appears In 10 NOV 1991 Script ... sighhhh... We've been out here half an hour and nobody's attacked our fort. We don't have enough enemies, that's our problem. We're just too darn popular. Yeah, everybody likes us because we're so great. It's true. And of course, I'm a genius, so people are naturally drawn to my fiery intellect. Their admiration overwhelms their envy. Actually, I believe jungle cats are held in higher esteem, whereas one can hardly take a kid out in public. Tigers add panache and savoir faire to any social occassion. Whaddaya MEAN kids can't go out in public?!? At least kids don't have FLEAS! That's only because fleas can't stand the way kids SMELL! By golly, you're asking for a snowball in the mouth! You can't threaten me! I've got snowballs too! PIFF PAFF PEFF POOF PUFF You know, maybe we don't NEED enemies. Yeah, best friends are all I can take.
Description
Appears In 22 DEC 1991 Script I wish Santa would publish the guidelines he uses for determining a kid's goodness. For example, how much does he weigh motives? Does he consider the kid's natural predisposition? I mean, if some sickeningly wholesome nerd LIKES being good, it's EASY for him to meet the standards! There's no challenge! Heck, anyone can be good if he WANTS to be! The true test of one's mettle is being good when one has an innate inclination towards evil. I think one good act by ME, even if it's just to get presents, should count as FIVE good acts by some sweet-tempered kid motivated by the pureness of his heart, don't you? HEY SUSIE! POW! Of course, in your case, the question is academic. I wanted to put a rock in the snowball, but I didn't! That should be worth a lot!
Description
Appears In 05 JAN 1992 Script It's a new year... a new beginning! New possibilities! This snowman represents the spirit of the new year. Looking ahead, he strides forward with confidence and determination! He challenges! He imagines! He invents! He calls forth the best qualities of the human drive and ingenuity! Very inspiring. Thanks you. ... and over here is the REAL world? Right. This is why we're always glad when the old year is over.
Description
Appears In 13 JAN 1992 Script Behold the dreaded toboggan: suicide sled. It's unique design sends a blinding spray of snow on it's passengers at the slightest bump. Note too, the lack of any steering mechanism. Yes, this sled is truly a hazard to life and limb. Wheee! Oomph!
Description
Appears In 02 FEB 1992 Script GAAAA. It is 0701 hours. You are late. Extra soap today, robot three. Mom out. Extra soap affirmative. Attention, kitchen. Calvin arriving in turbo chute 4. Clear receiving pad. I've got a moon meeting today. I'll be home for diner, if the shuttle isn't late. Have a good day. See you tonight. Calvin, you're going to be late for school! Put on your jacket! Why are you just standing there? Calvin? Calvin?? Honestly! Would you please try to stay in the PRESENT?! Sighhh...
Description Riding down the hill on the sled, Calvin tells Hobbes the whole notion of instant gratification is a myth. He says he never gets what he wants. He complains how long it's taken to be six years old. He asks Hobbes when he gets to drive and see violent movies. He wants to know why he has to wait until he's older. Calvin says people say life's a journey, but he says he's tired of wasting his precious time in transit. He says he's a busy guy and has places to be. They hit a rock and fall into the snow. Calvin looks at Hobbes and says that was quick.
Appears In 04 FEB 1992 Script It's no surprise to ME that nobody's sold a house on this street for six years.
Description Calvin rolls a big snowball. He's making a snowman. The snowman has its mouth open, with stick arms. Calvin lays inside the mouth of the snowman. Susie walks by. She says it's no surprise nobody's sold a house on this street for six years.
Appears In 06 FEB 1992 Script No text
Description Calvin looks at the hillside. He starts building something in the snow. Later, Dad walks by and looks at the hillside. It appears a giant head is peeking over the hill down at him.
Appears In 08 FEB 1992 Script OH SURE! NICE TRY! Darn, darn, darn, darn, darn!
Description Susie walks through the snow. She comes upon a rope hanging from a tree. The rope has a note saying "pull". Susie looks up into the tree. She yells to Calvin that it was a nice try. Calvin, up in the tree with a pail of snowballs attached to the rope, says "darn".
Appears In 10 FEB 1992 Script Aren't you supposed to be doing your homework now? I quit doing homework. Homework is bad for my self-esteem. It is Sure! It sends the message that I don't know enough! All that emphasis on right answers makes me feel bad when I get them wrong. So instead of trying to learn, I'm just concentrating on liking myself the way I am. Your self-esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus? Please! Let's call it "informationally impaired".
Description Hobbes asks if Calvin shouldn't be doing his homework. Calvin replies he quit doing it. It's bad for his self-esteem. Calvin says it sends the message he doesn't know enough. He feels bad if he doesn't get the right answer. As he rolls a snowball, Calvin says instead of trying to learn, he's concentrating on liking himself just the way he is. Hobbes asks if his self-esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus. Calvin says they should call it "informationally impaired".
Appears In 11 FEB 1992 Script See, Hobbes, we shouldn't need accomplishments to feel good about ourselves. Self-esteem shouldn't be conditional. That's why I've stopped doing homework. I don't need to learn things to like myself. I'm fine the way I am. So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met? Right. We should take PRIDE in our mediocrity. Remind me to invest overseas. I think this snowman is good enough, don't you?
Description As they roll two snowballs, Calvin tells Hobbes they shouldn't need accomplishments to feel good about themselves. Self-esteem shouldn't be conditional. Calvin says he stopped doing homework because he's fine just the way he is. Hobbes asks if the secret to good self-esteem is to lower expectations to the point they're already met. Calvin says he's right. They should take pride in their mediocrity. Calvin looks at the snowman they made with only two snowballs. He says the snowman is good enough.
Appears In 16 FEB 1992 Script 15 bucks a glass?! That's right! Want some? How do you justify charging 15 dollars? Supply and demand. Where's the demand?! I don't see any demand! There's LOTs of demand! Yeah? Sure! As the sole stockholder in this enterprise, I DEMAND monstrous profit on my investment! And as President and CEO of the company, I DEMAND an exorbitant annual salary. And as my own employee, I DEMAND a high hourly wage and all sorts of company benefits! And THEN there's overhead and actual production costs! But it looks like you just threw a lemon in some sludge water! Well, I have to cut expenses SOMEwhere if I want to stay competitive. What if I got sick from that? "Caveat Emptor" is the motto we stand behind! I'd have to charge more to follow health and environment regulations. You're out of your mind. I'm going home to drink something else. Sure! Put me out of a job! It's you anti-business types who ruin the economy! I need to be subsidized.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes there's no pride in craftsmanship anymore. Calvin explains most kids just mush a bunch of snow together to make a snowball. There's no time for aesthetics. But when he makes a snowball, it's a work of art. He looks at the snow and says it's a bit too powdery. It won't sting properly. He prefers a wetter snow. Something that will knock the wind out of the recipient. How much loose rubble is acceptable before it affects aerodynamics? Calvin says no one thinks of these things. It's a lost tradition. His snowballs are unique masterpieces. Calvin winds up and yells to Susie. She whirls around and hits Calvin with four snowballs. Lying on the snow, Calvin says it's a crass culture. Hobbes says artists always suffer.
Appears In 18 FEB 1992 Script He knows I hate this.
Description Calvin is building snowmen. As Dad gets home and comes up the walkway, there is a line of snowmen with stick arms saluting him. Dad says Calvin knows he hates this.
Appears In 19 FEB 1992 Script This is my snow sculpture, "Bourgeois Buffoon". Can you believe Mom rejected my grant application to continue making these? Why do you need a grant? I'm on the cutting edge of art! My work deserves public support! What if the public doesn't like your work? They're not SUPPOSED to like it! This is avante-garde stuff! I'm criticizing the lowbrows who can't appreciate great art like this! But you'll take their money. What do you want me to do, suffer?!
Description Calvin shows Hobbes his snow sculpture "Bourgeois Buffoon". He says Mom rejected his grant application to continue making them. Hobbes asks why Calvin needs a grant. Calvin says he's on the cutting edge of art. His work deserves public support. Hobbes asks what happens if the public doesn't like his work. Calvin explains they're not supposed to like it . He's criticizing the lowbrows who can't appreciate his art. Hobbes clarifies that Calvin will take their money. Calvin asks if Hobbes expects him to suffer.
Appears In 20 FEB 1992 Script This snowman doesn't look especially avant-garde. Actually, it's VERY avant-garde. This is my new art movement, "neo-regionalism". I'm appealing to popular nostalgia for the simple values of rural america 50 years ago. I figure the public will eat this up and I'll make a fortune. So how is this avant-garde? It's secretly ironic.
Description Hobbes tells Calvin his latest snowman doesn't look avant-garde. It looks like a regular snowman with a pipe, hat, and shovel in its hand. Calvin says this is his new art movement, "neo-regionalism". He's appealing to popular nostalgia for the simple rural values of America 50 years ago. Calvin figures the public will love it, and he'll make a fortune. Hobbes asks how that's avant-garde. Calvin tells him it's secretly ironic.
Appears In 22 FEB 1992 Script I see you with that snowball! Go ahead and throw it! I'm not scared! You couldn't hit the side of a barn! C'mon, throw it! I dare you! POW!! Seriously, you could never have done that if my taunts hadn't boosted your adrenalin. I can find only one of your socks.
Description Calvin yells that he can see Hobbes with a snowball. He taunts Hobbes to throw it. He says Hobbes couldn't hit the side of a barn. POW! Lying on his back in the snow, Calvin tells Hobbes he couldn't have done that if Calvin hadn't boosted his adrenaline by taunting him.
Appears In 26 FEB 1992 Script DING DONG You really need professional help. What makes you think I did it??
Description Susie is playing in her house, and the doorbell rings. She answers it, to find a snowman's head on her step. She goes over to Calvin's house and tells him he needs professional help. Calvin asks what makes her think he did it.
Appears In 27 FEB 1992 Script What's wrong with Easter Island? I LIKE Easter Island.
Description Dad looks at the row of giant snowman heads. Calvin asks what's wrong with Easter Island. He likes Easter Island.
Appears In 28 FEB 1992 Script Hello, is this the hardware sotre? Yes, I'm wondering if you sell catapults. No?? Well, I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello? I don't understand how some of these places stay in business.
Description Calvin calls the hardware store, asking if they sell catapults. He says he's looking for something to deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. They hang up on him. As he walks off, he says he can't understand how some of these places stay in business.
Appears In 29 FEB 1992 Script I don't think you have enough to do.
Description Dad walks through the snow and sees a few miniature snowmen. As he walks, he sees more and more. He comes up to Calvin building a full-size snowman, with upraised stick arms, and an expression of a yell. Dad tells Calvin he doesn't think Calvin has enough to do.
Appears In 04 OCT 1992 Script Boy, it's cold out! It's a perfect day for us snowmen! What a great spot for a few feet of snow! Yes sir. A snowman like me could be real happy here! ... sighhhh... The decoy isn't working? Maybe ducks are easier to fool than snow.
Description Calvin doesn't like real experience. It's too hard to figure out. He prefers to have life filtered through television. Then you know events have been packaged for your convenience. If you don't like what's happening, "click", you change the channel. That's how life should be. Hobbes says "click" and trips Calvin. As Calvin falls, Hobbes holds his paws up like a television screen and says it's a farce. Calvin chases Hobbes.
Appears In 18 OCT 1992 Script Look at that kid's snowman! What a pathetic cliche! Am I supposed to identify with this complacent moron and his shovel?? This snowman says nothing about the human condition! Is this all the kid has to say about contemporary suburban life?! The soulless banality of this snowman is a sad comment on today's art world. Now come look at MY snowman. I call it, "The Torment of Existence Weighted Against the Horror of Nonbeing". As he melts, this sculpture will become even more poignant. I admire your willingness to put artistic integrity before marketability.
Description Mom checks the thermometer. Calvin has a fever. He says his throat's scratchy. She tells Calvin to rest on the sofa, and she'll bring him some soup. Hobbes hungrily peeks over the back of the sofa. He asks Calvin if he isn't feeling well. Calvin is horrified. He yells that he's fine and is the picture of health. As Hobbes leaves, Calvin says he knows what he's thinking. He says if Hobbes tries to carry him off to dispatch, he'll be in for a big surprise. Mom brings the soup and notices he's sweaty. Calvin says other people's best friends don't wait for them to get sick and weak.
Appears In 25 OCT 1992 Script That's two outs! I should've stayed at second base. You've still got a snowman at third. I love a good game of speed sled base snow ball!
Description Hobbes looks for Calvin, who hides with the football behind a bush. They cross the stream. Calvin hides in the mailbox. Calvin hides in the sandbox. Running around a tree, Calvin says every sport should be played cross-country.
Appears In 08 NOV 1992 Script We got some new snow last night! Let's look for animal tracks! Here are some bird tracks. Look, you can see wing impressions where they took off! And these are rabbit tracks. Looks like they were going pretty fast. No wonder! Look at THESE tracks! Something was chasing them all over the place! Hmm... big pads... could be a wolf. But there are no clan impressions. It's more like a bobcat, or a mountain lion, or... or... This explains the cold wet feet in my bed this morning. The snow was falling and I thought, "The birds and the rabbits around here need some exercise."
Description Mom watches Calvin go to school in his raincoat and cap. Once outside, Calvin takes the raincoat and cap off and splashes in all the puddles on the way to the bus stop. It's raining the entire time. Calvin sits dripping at his desk. After school, he comes home carrying his raincoat and cap. He splashes in the puddles again. He puts his raincoat and cap on, then goes into his house. Mom takes the rain gear off. Calvin then sneezes.
Appears In 15 NOV 1992 Script AAAAUGHH! Is the water too cold? Um... no, it's fine. Then stop that infernal screaming. Yes, Mom.
Description Calvin complains about the November they're having. Leaves are down, but there's no snow. He yells for the snow to start. Nothing happens. As they walk off, Calvin says it's a lousy way to run a universe. Hobbes wonders whatever happened to the work ethic.
Appears In 11 DEC 1992 Script Look at this great snowball! I'd sure like to paste someone upside the head with it. ... but I figure each snowball I throw means I'll get one less present from Santa. I wish I knew if Santa was bringing me any underwear.
Description Calvin has a snowball. He wants to paste someone with it. He figures each snowball he throws will cost him one present from Santa. He looks at the snowball and says he wishes he knew if Santa was bringing him any underwear.
Appears In 12 DEC 1992 Script Ski resorts use man-made snow. They have snow-making machines that can cover a whole hillsie. Hint hint. You can rely on the weather like every other kid.
Description Calvin tells Dad ski resorts use man-made snow. They have machines that can cover a hillside. Dad sits there. Calvin tells him "hint, hint". Dad says Calvin can rely on the weather like every other kid.
Appears In 18 DEC 1992 Script OK Hobbes, I've got a plan. Yeah? If I do ten spontaneous acts of good will a day from now until Christmas, Santa will have to be lenient in judging the rest of this last year! I can claim I've turned a new leaf! Ten spontaneous acts of good will a day? That's pretty many. Don't remind me. Well, here's your chance. Susie's coming this way. Maybe I'll start tomorrow and do 20 a day.
Description Calvin has a plan. He'll do ten spontaneous acts of good will a day between now and Christmas. Santa will have to be lenient in judging the rest of this last year. Hobbes thinks ten is a lot. He says here comes Calvin's chance. Susie is coming. Calvin starts to make a snowball, saying maybe he'll start tomorrow and do twenty a day.
Appears In 19 DEC 1992 Script Oh man, Susie's right in range! It's a clear shot! I can't miss! I thought you were going to do ten spontaneous acts of good will a day. It's not even noon. I'll do 'em after lunch. Look, doing ten good acts isn't going to impress Santa if you do BAD things all morning! Suppose I just graze her jaw and knock some fillings loose. That would be in the gray area, don't you think? Don't expect to play with all MY presents when you don't get any.
Description Hiding behind a snowman, Calvin has a clear shot at Susie. Hobbes says he thought Calvin was going to do ten acts of good will a day. Calvin says he'll do them after lunch. Hobbes tells him doing good deeds isn't going to impress Santa if he does bad things all morning. Calvin wonders if grazing her jaw would be in a gray area. Hobbes tells Calvin not to expect to play with his toys when Calvin doesn't get any.
Appears In 20 DEC 1992 Script My hands were all shaky, my face had gone pale. A letter from Santa just arrived in the mail! It was hand-written in old-fashioned ink pen. It was handsomely printed and dated twelve ten. "Dear Calvin," it said, "I'm writing because this year I've repealed my 'naught / nice' laws. So now, I urge you: be vulgar and crude! I LIKE it when children are boorish and rude! Burp at the table! Gargle your peas! Never say 'Thank you', 'You're welcome', or 'Please'. Talk back to your mother. Do as you're told. Stick your tongue out at your Dad if he scolds! Drive everyone crazy, I really don't care! Act like a jerk, anytime, anywhere! I'm changing the rules! The BAD girld and boys will be, from now on, the ones who get the toys! Good little kids make me sick, it's no joke. Sincerely, signed Santa." ... and then I awoke. I hate being good (or trying to fake it). Six days until Christmas! I don't think I'll make it.
Description Calvin wishes Santa would publish his guidelines for goodness. Calvin says if a nerd likes being good, it's easy for him to meet the standards. He says the true test of one's mettle is being good when one has an inclination toward evil. He thinks one good act by him is worth five good acts by a good-natured kid and asks if Hobbes agrees. He hits Susie with a snowball. As Calvin and Hobbes run off, Hobbes says in Calvin's case, the question is academic.
Appears In 21 DEC 1992 Script SMACK YES! I'M SORRY! Not as sorry as you're GOING to be! I think as long as you SUFFER for your sins, they don't count. It's your only hope.
Description Calvin throws the snowball and hits Susie. Calvin thinks of Santa and says he's sorry to Susie. She chases him. Lying buried in snow, Calvin says if you suffer for your sins, they don't count. Hobbes thinks that's his only hope.
Appears In 26 DEC 1992 Script The snow isn't deep enough for sledding. And it's not wet enough to pack, either. Sighhhh. Fortunately, I'm the stoic type. You're an inspiration to us all.
Description Calvin notices the snow isn't deep enough for sledding, not wet enough to pack. He sighs. He says fortunately, he's the stoic type. Hobbes says he's an inspiration to us all.
Appears In 01 JAN 1993 Script Wow, look at the snow coming down! The roads are a mess! I hope Dad makes it home OK. Face it, Dad. The season's over. Are you kidding? In this stuff, I reach my optimal heart rate in no time!
Description Calvin looks out the window at the snow outside. He hopes Dad makes it home alright. Dad comes home from his bicycle ride. He's got a coat, scarf, and gloves on. Calvin tells him the season's over. Dad says with his outfit, he hits his optimal heart rate in no time.
Appears In 03 JAN 1993 Script YA-A! WHOK. UHN-GG. There were two ways to resolve our differences. I ruled out a thoughtful discussion. Foolish Amazon! I am only toying with you! YEAH?? Well, toy with THIS!! The hyper-phase distortion blaster? I could feel my spine shatter. It hurt... BUDDOW. ...a lot. Next ISH --- "Injuries to go" ...hehh hah hooh... hahh heh hmh Click. No you don't. There's too much violence on TV. Why don't you go read something?
Description Calvin shows Hobbes a snowman representing the spirit of the new year. The snowman has stick arms making it look like the snowman is looking to the distance. Calvin says it strides forward with confidence, calling forth the best qualities of human drive. Hobbes says that's very inspiring. They look over to other snowmen, built so they're laughing and pointing at the other snowman. Hobbes asks if those snowmen are the real world. Calvin tells him that's why they're glad when the old year is over.
Appears In 04 JAN 1993 Script I'm not getting up until it's as warm out there as it is in here.
Description As snow falls outside, Mom tries to wake Calvin up. From beneath the covers, he tells Mom he's not getting up until it's as warm outside as it is inside.
Appears In 10 JAN 1993 Script I'M HO-OME! Click. OOMF! SEE? SEE?! That's what he does when I come home!! He thinks YOU tossed ME in the air?! Why, I've never been so insulted in my life! I need to get a video camera.
Description Calvin shows Hobbes his latest snow sculpture. Hobbes doesn't see anything. Calvin tells Hobbes art is dead. There's nothing to say, so art has no purpose. He signs his name in the snow and offers it to Hobbes for a million dollars. Hobbes says it doesn't match his furniture. Calvin says the problem with being avant-garde is knowing who's putting on who.
Appears In 11 JAN 1993 Script This snowman doesn't look very happy. He's not. He knows it's just a matter of time before he melts. The sun, ignores his entreaties. He feels his existence is meaningless. Is it? Nope. He's about to buy a big screen TV.
Description Hobbes looks at a snowman that has a frown. Calvin tells Hobbes the snowman knows it's a matter of time before the sun melts it. The snowman feels his life is meaningless. Hobbes asks if it is. Calvin says no, the snowman is going to buy a big screen TV.
Appears In 12 JAN 1993 Script Home, sweet home.
Description Dad walks on the sidewalk heading home. At the end of sticks put next to the sidewalk are heads of snowmen with frowns on their faces. Dad says it's home, sweet home.
Appears In 13 JAN 1993 Script For the townsfolk below, the day began like any other day.
Description Calvin makes a tiny snowman. He makes several more, then walks up a hill. On his toboggan at the top of the hill, Calvin says the townsfolk below began their day like any other day.
Appears In 14 JAN 1993 Script What's wrong with your snowman? It's a snow WOMAN. I don't care. We're not having an anatomically correct snowman in the front yard.
Description Calvin asks Susie what's wrong with her snowman. It has breasts. Susie tells him it's a snow woman. Later, with Calvin standing next to a snowman with its back to Mom, she tells Calvin they're not having an anatomically correct snowman in the front yard.
Appears In 16 JAN 1993 Script Ha ha! I'd sure like to see Mom make me come inside NOW! With this fort and arsenal of 200 snowballs, NOBODY can tell ME what to do! I can stay out here all day! At last, I'm the master of my fate! I'll stay outside as long as I please! Back inside so soon? It's too cold out.
Description In his snow fort, with several snowballs made, Calvin says he'd like to see Mom make him come inside. He says with his arsenal, he can stay out all day. He's the master of his fate and can stay outside as long as he pleases. Mom sees Calvin warming his hands and asks if he's back inside so soon. Calvin says it's too cold out.
Appears In 17 JAN 1993 Script Blecchhh. "TO BE?? ...or... NOT to be? *sighhh* That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to SUFFER the SLIGNS and ARROWS of outrageous fortune... ...or to take ARMS against a sea of troubles... and by opposing, END them? To die: to sleep: no more! And by a sleep to say we END the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to... *sniff* 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished! To die, to sleep! To sleep perchance to DREAM: Ay, THERE'S the rub! ... for in that sleep of death, what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause." Blink blink. FEEHEELINGGS wo wo wo. You finished that right up! Did you like it? Let's not have this ever again.
Description In the snow fort, Calvin and Hobbes complain nobody's attacked their fort. They're too popular. Calvin says he's a genius, so people are drawn to his intellect. Hobbes believes jungle cats are held in higher esteem. He says you can't take a kid out in public, but tigers add savoir faire to any social occasion. Calvin says at least kids don't have fleas. Hobbes counters that's because fleas can't stand the way kids smell. They threaten each other, then throw snowballs. As they lie on the ground, covered with snow, Hobbes suggests they don't need enemies. Calvin says best friends are all he can take.
Appears In 18 JAN 1993 Script Eggplant Casserole tonight? Why, yes!
Description Dad gets out of the car to see snowmen. One is lying face down, one bent over retching. Another is clutching at its throat. Inside, Dad asks Mom if they're having eggplant casserole. Mom says "why, yes".
Appears In 20 JAN 1993 Script NICE TRYYY!
Description Mom looks in the bathtub to find a snowman looking like Calvin inside. Mom yells that it's a nice try.
Appears In 22 JAN 1993 Script Why is this snowman looking at a snowball? He's contemplating snowman evolution. Obviously, if he evolved from a snowball, it raises tough theological questions for him. Like the morality of throwing someone's precursors at someone? Sure. And what about shoveling one's genetic material off the walk?
Description Calvin has built a snowman looking at a snowball. He tells Hobbes he's contemplating snowman evolution. If he evolved from a snowball, it raises tough theological questions. Hobbes asks if one of those would be the morality of throwing one's precursors at someone. Calvin says yes, and adds the question of shoveling one's genetic material off the walk.
Appears In 23 JAN 1993 Script It's that moment of dawning comprehension I live for.
Description Calvin stops when a snowball plops in front of him. He looks up. Horrified, he's hit by several snowballs. Up in the tree, Hobbes says it's that moment of dawning comprehension he lives for.
Appears In 24 JAN 1993 Script Look at this! Some idiot dumped trash out here! People seem to forget that others of us have to live on this planet too. You know, I don't understand why humans evolved as such thoughtless, shortsighted creatures. Well, it can't stay that way forever. You think we'll get smarter. That's one of the two possibilities. Maybe we'll stop polluting before it's too late. We're all holding our breath.
Description The dinosaur comes out attacking another. Calvin hits Susie with a snowball. She gets up. The second dinosaur chases the attacking one. Calvin closes his front door, marches upstairs, and throws away his book on dinosaurs.
Appears In 27 JAN 1993 Script Where are my glasses? I thought they were right here. Hmm... I put them down... I went to get my book... I told Calvin to shovel the walk... Where could they be??
Description Dad can't find his glasses. He tries to trace what he did. He remembers telling Calvin to shovel the walk. As he wonders where they might be, outside there are two snowmen. One looks like Calvin holding a shovel. The other looks like Dad, including glasses, with a rope in his hand. It looks like it's threatening to whip the Calvin snowman.
Appears In 30 JAN 1993 Script If you do a job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
Description Calvin has shoveled a path from the front steps around the house to the driveway. On each side of the path, in front of the door, and behind the car, there is a pile of snow. Calvin tells Hobbes that if you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
Appears In 04 FEB 1993 Script Today for Show and Tell, I've brought a tiny marvel of nature: a single snowflake. I think we might all learn a lesson from how this utterly unique and exquisite crystal... turns into an ordinary, boring molecule of water, just like every other one, when you bring it in the classroom. And now, while the analogy sinks in, I'll be leaving you drips and going outside. CALVIN!
Description Calvin brought a single snowflake for show and tell. He says they can all learn a lesson from how the unique crystal turns into a boring molecule of water, just like every one of the class, when you bring it into the classroom. He walks off saying that while the analogy sinks in, he'll be leaving.
Appears In 08 FEB 1993 Script Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that's unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true, hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. I only throw consecrated snowballs.
Description In poem, Calvin talks about a snowball packed with care smacking a head that's unaware. With freezing ice to spare, it melts and soaks through underwear. He tells the snowball to fly true, hit square, he tells the snowball that's his prayer. He says he only throws consecrated snowballs.
Appears In 09 FEB 1993 Script What are you doing? I'm throwing people off my trail with deceptive footprints. See everyone will think these tracks were made by a one-legged kid going THAT way, and they'll be completely wrong! Who exactly is on your trail? Look, it doesn't hurt to take precautions.
Description Calvin hops backward in the snow. He's making deceptive footprints. He tells Hobbes people will think the tracks were made by a one-legged kid going the other way. Hobbes asks who's on his trail. Calvin says it doesn't hurt to take precautions.
Appears In 10 FEB 1993 Script Nobody can make me go inside! I've got 200 snowballs that say I'm staying OUT! No one's gonna make ME come in the house! DOESN'T ANYBODY MISS ME?!?
Description Calvin has 200 snowballs in his snow fort. He says nobody's going to make him come in the house. He waits, and waits. He opens the door to the house, asking if anybody misses him.
Appears In 13 FEB 1993 Script SMACK! AH HA HA HA! That was hilarious! Ha ha ha! POW! A joke is never as funny the second time you hear it.
Description Calvin hits someone with a snowball. He laughs, saying that was hilarious. He gets hit by a snowball. He says a joke is never as funny the second time you hear it.
Appears In 14 FEB 1993 Script 140 million years ago, the incredible 'ultrasaurs' wander over the earth! Some weigh over 70 tons, and even the vicious allosaurs are no match for these giants! But wait! A distant rumbling sends the ultrasaurs into a panicked stampede! Is it a volcano? Is it an earthquake? No! It's... it's a Calvinosaurus! Named after the renowned archeologist who discovered it, the huge calvinosaur can eat an ultrasaur in a single bit! Phooey! I never find ANYthing. It looks like you've hit the sewer pipe.
Description Hobbes asks if Susie is Calvin's valentine this year. Calvin says no. Hobbes bets Calvin's heart beats faster at the sound of her name. He says Calvin longs to look into Susie's eyes. Hobbes says Calvin's cheeks are flushed. He says Calvin quivers to imagine Susie and him locked for eternity in a passionate embrace. Calvin gets angry and fights with Hobbes. Hobbes asks where the honeymoon is, if he can be "best tiger", and if Calvin has picked out a ring yet. Susie comes up to them and hits Calvin with a snowball for sending her a valentine with a picture of her as a worm-eaten corpse. Hobbes asks if Calvin sent her a card. He pages Doctor Love, Doctor I.M.N. Love.
Appears In 15 FEB 1993 Script I should be doing my homework now. But the way I look at it, playing in the snow is a lotm ore important. Out here I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life. Such as? Procrastinating and rationalizing.
Description Building a snowman, Calvin says he should be doing his homework. He thinks playing is more important. He's learning skills that he can apply throughout his life. Hobbes asks what skills those are. Calvin says procrastinating and rationalizing.
Appears In 16 FEB 1993 Script Look at that! An angel. It must be a FALLEN angel! Generally they burn up in the atmosphere, but this one apparently vaporized on impact, leaving this angel-shaped crater in the snow! There are more over there. God must've been punting angels left and right. Strange that there would be so many in Susie's front yard. I'll bet they're all related to her.
Description Calvin and Hobbes see a snow angel. Calvin thinks it must be a fallen angel. He says they usually burn up in the atmosphere. Hobbes sees more snow angels. Calvin thinks God must have been punting angels right and left. Hobbes thinks it's strange so many would be in Susie's front yard. Calvin figures they're all related to her.
Appears In 17 FEB 1993 Script I'm making a monumental, heroic snow sculpture. It will be called "The Triumph of Perseverence." Very inspiring. What will it look like? This. You're through? I'm bored.
Description Calvin's making a heroic snow sculpture. He has one snowball made. He will call it "The Triumph of Perseverance". Hobbes asks what it will look like. Calvin says like this. Hobbes asks if he's through. Calvin says he's bored.
Appears In 18 FEB 1993 Script It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Description Susie sees a sign saying there is an important message with an arrow. She runs over to see another sign, saying the next sign has the important message. She gets to the sign which reads "Look out". Above the sign, in the tree, Calvin drops a big snowball. He says it's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Appears In 19 FEB 1993 Script Look at this! This is the biggest snowball in the world! Ha ha! I can't wait to plaster somebody with it! How are you going to pick it up? Reality continues to ruin my life. Maybe you could put it someplace where someone will walk into it.
Description Calvin makes what he says is the biggest snowball in the world. He can't wait to hit someone with it. Hobbes asks how he's going to pick it up. Calvin is mortified. He says reality continues to ruin his life. Hobbes suggests he could put it someplace someone will walk into it.
Appears In 08 MAR 1993 Script They're snowmen prophets of doom. You certainly take the pleasure out of waiting for daffodils.
Description Calvin builds snowmen prophets of doom. They hold signs saying "the end is near" and "spring is coming". They're partially melted. Mom says he takes the pleasure out of waiting for daffodils.
Appears In 13 MAR 1993 Script When you're a kid, you don't have much variety of experience. You live with your parents and that's all you know. You grow up thinking whatever they do is "normal". Ahh, what a day! Up at 6:00, a 10-mile run in the sleet, and NOW a big bowl of plain oatmeal! How I love the crazy hedonism of weekends! Well, maybe "normal" is too strong a word. I think we'd know normal if we saw it.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are playing with toys on the floor. Calvin says when you're a kid, you don't have much variety of experience. You grow up thinking whatever your Mom and Dad do is normal. Dad comes in from outside. He says he finished a 10 mile run in the sleet after getting up at 6:00. He's going to get a bowl of oatmeal. His cheeks are flushed, and there is snow on his wool cap. Calvin tells Hobbes that maybe "normal" is too strong a word.
Appears In 30 MAY 1993 Script Historical marker. "Calvin's house". In January, some 40 snowmen met a gruesome fate on this spot. Every day I look for a moving van here. Knock knock. Great moons of neptune! A fool mortal female! Calvin? I'M not Calvin! I'm Stupendous Man! Friend of freedom! Opponent of oppressions! Uh huh. What are you doing? I was just about to use my stupendous powers to liberate some cookies being held hostage on the top shelf of the pantry! Now if you'll excuse me, duty calls! SLAM! A blot of crimson streaks across the sky! The man of mega-might is off to save the day! Did they have an egg you could borrow? No one was home, Mom.
Description An alien beams down from his spaceship and talks to Calvin, but he doesn't understand. The alien attacks Calvin. Calvin runs into his house and hides in the corner while the alien comes to him. The alien notices the television, so Calvin turns it on for him. The alien is happy, and Calvin is relieved. The alien beams back to his spaceship. Dad turns off the television and complains to Calvin about it being on. Calvin tries to explain.
Appears In 07 NOV 1993 Script I'm bored. Let's go in. But we've only been out here a few minutes. This is taking too long. What's the hurry? We've got all day! Yeah, but it's kind of cold, and the sun's too bright, and my gloves are getting wet. And when you think about it, building a snowman is a lot of work. I didn't come here to do something hard. Besides, what if the snowman doesn't come out very good? We'd be failures! Who wants to be a failure?! Or even if it's good, what's the point? It's just going to melt in a few weeks anyway! It's all futile! So instead of wasting my time, I'm going to go inside, pull down the shades and watch TV. That way, in complete physical comfort, I can vicariously experience the activity of actors pretending to do things! Are you sure it's not too much trouble to turn on the TV? That's why we have a remote control. Virtual reality is already here. I can't believe the only way to get inside is by WALKING.
Description Calvin asks Hobbes what he'd wish for if he could have anything in the world. Hobbes says a sandwich. Calvin asks what kind of stupid wish that is. Calvin says he'd wish for a trillion dollars, a private continent, and his own space shuttle. In the house, Hobbes is eating a sandwich. He tells Calvin he got his wish.
Appears In 21 NOV 1993 Script Sighhh... I wish I could go to the moon. I wish I could too. Dear...
Description Calvin paints a lunch bag white, to look like a snowman's head. He puts it on. He dresses up with a hat and coat, puts a pipe in his mouth, then stands outside saying it's a perfect day for snowmen. He says a snowman could be real happy there. He stands, then looks up into the sky, then sighs. Hobbes asks if the decoy is working. Calvin says ducks are easier to fool than snow.
Appears In 28 NOV 1993 Script This sculpture will be called "The spirit of compromise". We'll each make a snowman and have them shanking hands. This will be very insprational! People will weep to see two snowmen overcoming their differences and cooperating! Soon we'll be rolling in public commissions! Make your snowman's arm longer. His hand won't reach my snowman's hand. Why should I make a new arm? Just make YOURS longer. Then it will look like my snowman had to reach farther than yours did. They should be equal. Then build your snowman closer over here! I'm not going to start all over! Just make your arm longer! I refuse. You can't tell me what to do! In that case, my snowman refuses to shake with your snowman! So what?? My snowman won't even TALK to yours! I'm turning his head the other way! Ha! While he's looking over there, MY snowman will kick YOUR snowman in his big white butt! Oh yeah, well, mine knocks your snowman's head off! Fine! My snowman feeds your snowman his own nose! Why you...!! Leggo OW OOF Stop it! I don't think this sculpture is very good. It's a compromise.
Description A robot doctor looks at Calvin. It slices his head open to look at the brain. The doctor puts more brains into Calvin's skull. The robot doctor asks how Calvin feels. Calvin says "smart". The doctor says the knowledge implant should provide all the wisdom you'll need. Calvin walks out of the office needing no more school. The robot doctor says to go home and have 12 years of fun. Calvin sighs as he gets onto the school bus.
Appears In 05 DEC 1993 Script That's strange. I don't remember a door being here before. Here's your breakfast! M-MOM?? Eat up! Mmm! It looks yummy! Y-YOU'RE NOT MY MOM! Yes I am! Eat your oatmeal! What's going on? This isn't my house an dyou're not my Mom!! Oh no! That's not our yard outside! It's a CAGE! NAUGH!! I'm trapped in a lab and they're trying to get me to imprint on my own species before they return me to the wild! He's on to us, Wayne. There goes our funding. Here's your breakfast. What's the matter? Prove you're my Mom.
Description Calvin looks at a snowman. It has a shovel in hand and is wearing a hat. Calvin tells Hobbes it's a pathetic cliche. He says the snowman says nothing about the human condition. He says the banality of the snowman is a sad comment on today's art world. He shows Hobbes the snowman he made. It's a horrible snowman with bulging eyes, an open mouth with tongue hanging out. Calvin says the snowman is "The torment of existence weighed against the horror of nonbeing". Hobbes comments that he admires Calvin's willingness to put artistic integrity before marketability. Hobbes walks away. Calvin stands there, then starts building a normal snowman.
Appears In 12 DEC 1993 Script POW! SMACK!
Description Hobbes throws a snowball to Calvin, who hits it with a bat. He takes off on his sled, going down the hill. Hobbes makes a snowball as Calvin goes around a tree and a bush. Hobbes throws the snowball and knocks Calvin off the sled. Hobbes says there are two outs. Calvin says he should have stayed at second base. Hobbes reminds him he has a snowman at third. Calvin loves a good game of speed sled base snow ball.
Appears In 17 DEC 1993 Script No snow. ...which means I can't paste anyone with a snowball... which means I'm good... which means I'll get lots of Christmas presents! Ha! Nothing in life is ever easy.
Description Calvin stands outside with no snow. He says he can't paste anyone with a snowball, which means he's good and will get lots of Christmas presents. Then it starts snowing. He says nothing is life is ever easy.
Appears In 18 DEC 1993 Script Look at all this snow! I'm being tested. We got this snow so I'd be tempted to smack Susie with a slushball and forfeit all my Christmas presents. To evaluate my chatacter, my immediate pleasure is being pitted against my future greed! Poor Susie. IT'S NOT A FOREGONE CONCLUSION!
Description Hobbes notices all the snow. Calvin tells Hobbes he's being tempted to smack Susie with a slushball and forfeiting all his presents. His immediate pleasure is being pitted against his future greed. Hobbes laments for poor Susie. Calvin protests that it's not a foregone conclusion.
Appears In 19 DEC 1993 Script There. Now we need to get this on the roof. SANTA --- WEIGHTED DOWN WITH EXTRA TOYS? DROP 'EM OFF HERE! --- CALVIN. I've been thinking. They say Santa knows if you've been bad or good, right? Right. But think how many kids there are in the whole world! Nobody could be watching every kid every single minute! I mean, Santa's OLD! He probably takes naps! THe way I figure it, Santa must just make a few random checks on us once or twice a week. That's all? Sure. He'd catch enough bad kids that way to scare everyone else into being good most of the time. He'd create the impression he's watching more than he really is! Pretty shrewd. Yeah, but now that I'm on to him, I'm going to smack Susie with a snowball! If I do it quick, the odds of Santa watching me at that exact moment are virtually nil! What if Susie tells on you? Ooh, I didn't think of that! She's a girl, so she probably WOULD snitch! Phoeey. Well, I sure hope Santa's watching now, seeing as I'm being so good. Unwillingly good, but good nonetheless.
Description Calvin reads a letter he received from Santa. It's written in verse, to the pattern of "Night before Christmas". Santa writes that he's repealed his laws and suggests Calvin be vulgar and crude. Santa writes for Calvin to burp and never say "thank you" or "you're welcome". He suggests talking back to his parents and to act like a jerk, anytime, anywhere. Santa writes bad boys and girls will be the ones to get the toys. Calvin wakes up. He frowns and lies in bed. He hates being good six days until Christmas. He doesn't think he'll make it.
Appears In 20 DEC 1993 Script The day after Christmas is going to be epic.
Description Calvin builds snowballs. He keeps adding to his pile. Hobbes comes over and looks up at the mountain of snowballs. Calvin tells him the day after Christmas is going to be epic.
Appears In 21 DEC 1993 Script Throwing these snowballs would give me immediate and certain pleasure. Refraining from throwing these snowballs in the hope of being rewarded at Christmas is delayed and Uncertain pleasure. As usual, goodness hardly puts up a fight.
Description Calvin has a snowball and comments throwing it would give him certain pleasure. Refraining from throwing the snowballs in hope of being rewarded at Christmas is delayed and uncertain pleasure. Calvin looks at the mountain of snowballs. He says that as usual, goodness hardly puts up a fight.
Appears In 22 DEC 1993 Script What if there is no Santa Claus? You know, a lot of this Santa stuff is hard to believe. The flying reindeer, going around the world in one night, the whole chimney bit... What if it's all some cruel hoax and I'm being good for NOTHING? You've ALWAYS been good for nothing! If he exists, Santa will forgive this one.
Description Calvin wonders what if there isn't a Santa Claus. He says this Santa stuff is hard to believe. The flying reindeer, going around the world in a night, the chimney bit. He asks Hobbes what if it's a hoax and he's being good for nothing. Hobbes laughs that he's always been good for nothing. Calvin makes a snowball and says that if he exists, Santa will forgive this one.
Appears In 23 DEC 1993 Script I'm not bad. I'm just... um... ...exuberant! There's nothing wrong with being exuberant! Heads up! POW! Go on, explain the semantics to your Mom. Yikes, she got her wind back and she's gaining!
Description Calvin has a snowball. He says he's not bad. He's exuberant! He tells Hobbes there's nothing wrong with being exuberant. He throws the snowball and hits someone. He and Hobbes run. Hobbes tells Calvin to explain the semantics to Mom. Calvin notices Mom got her wind back and is gaining on them.
Appears In 24 DEC 1993 Script Piff. SANTA'S GONNA SKIP YOUR HOUSE FOR THAT, CALVIN! I figure this doesn't really count against me, since she's so sanctimonious and I keep missing.
Description A snowball barely misses Susie. She yells that Santa's going to skip Calvin's house for that. More snowballs fly toward Susie, but none hit her. Calvin tells Hobbes that this doesn't count against him, since she's so sanctimonious and he keeps missing.
Appears In 29 DEC 1993 Script AAUGHH. I meant to do that. Then it worked very well.
Description Calvin has a huge snowball on a plank, held up by a log. He jumps on the other end of the plank. The snowball barely climbs up and falls on top of him. He tells Hobbes he meant to do that. Hobbes tells him it worked very well.
Appears In 04 JAN 1994 Script Why does he have a hot water bottle on his head? He's committing suicide.
Description Hobbes asks Calvin why his snowman has a hot water bottle on his head. Calvin replies he's committing suicide.
Appears In 06 JAN 1994 Script Incredibly, people NEVER expect to get hit with a snowball in the house. I'll see you in your room momentarily.
Description Mom and Dad are sitting by the fire, with their backs to Calvin. Calvin tells Hobbes people never expect to get hit with a snowball in their own house. He readies two snowballs. Hobbes tells Calvin he'll see him in his room momentarily.
Appears In 07 JAN 1994 Script If anyone hits me with a snowball, I'll hit HIM with 250 snowballs! What if somebody hits YOU with 250 snowballs? ...sighhh...
Description Calvin has a mountain of snowballs. He tells Hobbes that if anyone hits him with a snowball, he'll hit that person with 250 snowballs. Hobbes asks what happens if someone hits Calvin with 250 snowballs. Calvin looks at his mountain of snowballs. He sighs and keeps making more snowballs.
Appears In 09 JAN 1994 Script YAWNN... I'm going to get some coffee, Ted. Want any? No thanks, Frank. Tum te ta ta tum... BLAM! GAKK AIEEE!! They got Frank!! RUN. You got 'im! He's a big one, too! Nice shot, Bamb. Somebody get the camera! ... needless to say, Frank's family was upset when he didn't come home that night, but everybody understood that the human population had doubled in just two generations to almost six billion, so some thinning of the herds was necessary to prevent starvation. Another parent-teacher conference. Your turn.
Description Calvin and Hobbes look for animal tracks in the new snow. Calvin notices bird and rabbit tracks. He sees the animals were chased by something. Calvin notices the big pads, so it might be a wolf. There are no claw impressions, so maybe it's a mountain lion. Or maybe Hobbes. Calvin says that explains the cold wet feet in bed that morning. Hobbes talks about how he felt the animals needed some exercise.
Appears In 10 JAN 1994 Script I don't think the schools assign enough homework.
Description Dad comes home to see several snowmen in the yard. They are yelling while one is eaten by a giant snow monster. Dad doesn't think schools assign enough homework.
Appears In 13 JAN 1994 Script Yes! POW. Wasn't that a great shot?? What control! What form! Did you notice the top spin? Did you notice how I packed the snow so that... A REAL friend would've been happy for me!
Description Calvin hits Hobbes with a snowball. He asks if Hobbes noticed what a great shot that was and if he noticed the top spin. Hobbes gets out of the snow angrily. Calvin's clothes are hanging from a tree branch out of reach. Calvin stands in his underwear in the snow. He says a real friend would have been happy for him.
Appears In 17 JAN 1994 Script OK, these are my footprints. Here I stop, hear something, and start to turn around. A few feet farther on, there's the impression of my body as I hit the ground. These are the powdered remains of the snowball that hit me. From the angle of particle dispersement, we can tell the snowball was thrown from over here, where we find... ...tiger tracks. Those could by ANYBODY's tiger tracks.
Description Calvin shows Hobbes his footprints in the snow. He shows an impression of his body when he hit the ground. He sees powdered remains of a snowball that hit him. He can tell the snowball was thrown from over by a tree, based on the angle of particle dispersement. He sees tiger tracks. Hobbes says those could be anybody's tiger tracks.
Appears In 18 JAN 1994 Script POW! I must say, the stinging snow makes your cheeks look positively radiant. Some people sure can't take a compliment.
Description Calvin throws a snowball and hits Susie. As she marches over to him, he says the stinging snow makes her cheeks look radiant. As he lies in the snow, Calvin says some people can't take a compliment.
Appears In 19 JAN 1994 Script Shrimp.
Description Calvin looks up as Dad walks by. He looks up as Mom walks by. He builds a tiny snowman. He looks down at it and calls it "shrimp".
Appears In 20 JAN 1994 Script Circumstantial evidence, that's all you've got! You can't get a fair trial in this town.
Description Susie sees a snowball pass overhead. Several others come, some hitting her. She walks over to Calvin, who is standing next to a wheelbarrow. He tells her all she has is circumstantial evidence. As he lies in the snow, he says you can't get a fair trial in this town.
Appears In 22 JAN 1994 Script On the other hand, the neighbors keep planting nice been trees next to us.
Description Mom and Dad look at a snowman. It's holding a shrunken snow head, with others in a snow pot next to it. Mom comments that on the other hand, the neighbors keep planting big trees next to them.
Appears In 23 JAN 1994 Script munch munch WHUNK! GAAAA!! GRRRRRRRR OOMF! munch munch. I'm still hungry. I fixed you a nice lunch. You can wait until dinner.
Description Calvin says a snowman looks unoriginal. He walks on to see one with female features. Calvin says provoking a reaction isn't the same thing as saying something important. He critiques a snowman family he sees. Calvin tells Hobbes it's hard being the sole guardian of high culture as he makes a snow scene. Hobbes says talent like theirs carries enormous responsibilities. They have made a snow UFO with two snow aliens. A snowman lies decapitated as they add to the scene.
Appears In 05 FEB 1994 Script How much longer are you going to repeat whatever I say? How much longer are you going to repeat whatever I say? OK then, just keep at it, Mr Annoying Human Echo. OK then, just keep at it, Mr Annoying Human Echo. "We can a priori and prior to all given objects have a knowledge of those conditions on which alone experience of them is possible, but never of the laws to which things may in themselves be subject without reference to possible experience." We can ah peoria and ...um... snow down, what? Hold on. Thbbpbptt! Cheater.
Description Hobbes asks how much longer Calvin will repeat what he says. Calvin repeats what Hobbes said. Hobbes tells him to keep at it. Calvin repeats Hobbes' words. Hobbes reads from a book of philosophy. Calvin tries to copy what Hobbes is saying, but he can't keep up. Hobbes sticks out his tongue at Calvin. Calvin calls him a cheater.
Appears In 15 FEB 1994 Script Mom and Dad don't value hard work and originality as much as they say they do.
Description Calvin and Hobbes build snowmen. One has a golf club and is ready to hit his head on the ground. One looks as though he dove off a springboard head first into the snow. Another snowman, has a tennis racket stuck through his head. Calvin says Mom and Dad don't value hard work and originality as much as they say they do.
Appears In 16 FEB 1994 Script DING DONG. Heh heh heh. Oh! Oop! ...um... Hi, Mrs. Derkins. I was hoping Susie would answer the ...uh... I mean, um, I'm selling huge snowballs. Would you like to buy one? My "Plan A's" are great, but my "Plan B's" leave a lot to be desired.
Description Calvin rings Susie's doorbell with a big snowball. He lifts it to hit Susie when she opens the door. Susie's Mom answers. Calvin tries to cover up by saying he's selling snowballs. Calvin walks off saying his "plan A's" are great, but his "plan B's" leave a lot to be desired.
Appears In 17 FEB 1994 Script POW! LOOK OUT! My snowballs go faster than the speed of sound. They do not, you big liar!
Description Hobbes hits Calvin with a snowball. After it hits, he yells to look out. Hobbes says his snowballs go faster than the speed of sound. Calvin, covered with snow, says they do not and calls Hobbes a liar.
Appears In 19 FEB 1994 Script What's THIS snowman? He's a paleontologist. He's looking for cretaceous snow dinosaurs. Why does he look so sad? He realized that snow doesn't fissilize. It just melts. Your nowmen lead tragic lives. Well, they're not very bright.
Description Calvin shows Hobbes a snowman paleontologist. Hobbes asks why the snowman looks sad. Calvin tells Hobbes the snowman just realized snow doesn't fossilize. It just melts. Hobbes says Calvin's snowmen lead tragic lives. Calvin says they're not too bright.
Appears In 21 FEB 1994 Script CALVIN, I'M LATE FOR WORK!
Description A large group of snowmen are set up crossing the yard and the driveway. Dad can't get the car down the driveway. He yells to the house to Calvin. He yells that he's late for work.
Appears In 25 FEB 1994 Script I bet I can knock Dad's hat off with this snowball. I bet you can't/. Oh yeah?! How much? A hundred dollars. You're on, fuzzbrain. Get out your wallet! Boy, five inches higher would've done it. You ALWAYS get me in trouble. You owe me $2,500 so far.
Description Calvin bets he can knock Dad's hat off with a snowball. Hobbes bets a hundred dollars he can't. Calvin tosses the snowball. In bed later, Calvin grumbles that five inches higher would have done it. He says Hobbes always gets him in trouble. Hobbes reminds Calvin he owes him $2500 so far.
Appears In 26 FEB 1994 Script Why should OTHER people benefit from MY hard work?
Description Calvin is shoveling. As he digs, he puts the snow behind him where he's already dug. Calvin asks why other people should benefit from his hard work.
Appears In 28 FEB 1994 Script Should I stay inside or go out? It's awfully cold out, but I suppose I could bundle up. It looks windy though. But still, I'd like to go sledding. Then again, maybe I'd rather stay in. On the other hand... GO OUT AND CLOSE THE DOOR! The more indecisive I am, the faster things get decided.
Description Calvin opens the door to see snow outside. He asks if he should stay inside or go out. He holds the door open while wondering if he could bundle up for the cold. He says he'd like to go sledding. Calvin wonders if he should stay in. He gets kicked out the door. Outside the house, Calvin says the more indecisive he is, the faster things get decided.
Appears In 03 MAR 1994 Script There! Whatcha doin'? I've hidden a cache of snowballs behind every tree in the yard! Now when my enemies come after me, I need only run to the nearest tree to be instantly armed. Ingenious. Now I need to make some enemies. I'll be one.
Description Calvin has a cache of snowballs behind every tree in the yard. He tells Hobbes when his enemies come for him, he just has to run to the nearest tree to be armed. He says he needs to make some enemies. Behind his back, Hobbes grabs a snowball and says he'll be one.
Appears In 12 MAR 1994 Script Wow, listen to the wind howl. It's really snowing! Pretty creepy. Things are ALWAYS creepy at 2:00am. Hey, I'll bet tomorrow's a snow day! I'll bet they close the schools! Let's call the superintendent and see! If tomorrow's a snow day, we can go right back to bed! ...or maybe we will anyway. Who IS this?!? You have two seconds to improve my mood.
Description Calvin notices how creepy it is with the snow and wind blowing. Hobbes says it's always creepy at 2:00 AM. He bets tomorrow is a snow day. He decides to call the superintendent to see. He says if tomorrow is a snow day, they can go right back to bed. As Calvin is on the phone, Dad comes up behind him. Calvin sees him and thinks maybe they will be going back to bed right away.
Appears In 14 MAR 1994 Script Time to get up, Calvin. Is it a snow day? Did they close the schools? I've got the radio on, so we'll hear. Get ready anyway, though. Oh man, I hope I hope I hope. If school's closed, I'll have the whole day to do the math homework I forgot yesterday. If school's open, I'm in big trouble. Suddenly I feel extremely religious. Another deathbed conversion.
Description Mom wakes Calvin. He asks if the school is closed for snow. She says the radio is on. She tells him to get ready. Calvin tells Hobbes he'll have the whole day to do his homework if school is closed. Calvin glances up and says he suddenly feels religious. Hobbes says it's another deathbed conversion.
Appears In 15 MAR 1994 Script Ha ha! They just announced the schools are closed! It's a snow day! WHEEEEEEE! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Talk about luck! Now you can do your homework and you won't get in trouble! Right, but there's over two feet of snow that requires our immediate and undivided attention. First things first. Math will still be there when the snow melts.
Description Calvin is overjoyed a snow day was declared. Hobbes says Calvin can now do his homework and not get into trouble. Calvin says there are over two feet of snow requiring their immediate attention. As they trudge through the snow, Hobbes says "first things first". Calvin says math will be there when snow melts.
Appears In 16 MAR 1994 Script Don't you think you'd enjoy this more if you did your math assignment first, so it wasn't hanging over your head? I'm a practical man, Hobbes. I don't waste time thinking about hypothetical situations. I heal with the world here and now. And the incontrovertible fact is that I'm outside in the snow! THAT's reality! THAT's what I think about! Tomorrow's a reality too. Hypothetically, it might be another snow day.
Description As they play, Hobbes asks Calvin if he'd enjoy playing more if his homework was done. Calvin says he doesn't waste his time thinking about hypothetical situations. He says the fact is that he's outside. That's reality and what he thinks about. Hobbes says tomorrow is a reality, also. Hypothetically, Calvin says, it might be another snow day.
Appears In 19 MAR 1994 Script I couldn't believe it! The bell rang just as the teacher was about to collect the homework I didn't do! That's twice you've been saved at the last minute. But I've learned my lesson THIS time. From now on, it's work before pleasure! No exceptions! And it will be a PLEASURE to have that homework done! C'mon, let's work on a snowman. No exceptions.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes the bell rang just as the homework was going to be collected. Hobbes says that's twice he's been saved at the last minute. Calvin says he's learned his lesson. He says it's work before pleasure. He runs off, saying it will be a pleasure to have that homework done. He goes to work on a snowman.
Appears In 30 MAR 1994 Script When it snows, you can go sledding. When it's windy, you can fly kites. When it's hot, you can go swimming. But when it's raining... sigh... ... the only sport is driving Mom crazy.
Description Calvin says when it snows, you can go sledding. When it's windy, you can fly kites. He looks out the window lamenting that when it's raining, the only sport is driving Mom crazy. He grabs a pot and spoon.
Appears In 18 SEPT 1994 Script Now if it would only snow! While we're waiting, I'll draw more spirals above Susie's head.
Description
Appears In 16 OCT 1994 Script POW! Did you throw that snowball at me?! What snowball? Ohhhh. Don't play innocent with ME, buster! That snowball had your name written all over it! Oh yeah?! Yeah! It was sneaky, fiendish, vicious, treacherous, grim, and ruthless! Put all that together and it spells "tiger"! No it doesn't! It spells "Calvin's new name is Mr. Stupid Soggyshorts!" Ooh, THAT does it! Ow! Hey! Stop that! Quit it! Leggo! No fair! No biting! Hey Calvin, you should have seen your expression when I hit you with that snowball! Ha ha! Ah hehh...
Description
Appears In 30 OCT 1994 Script Wow, it really snowed last night! Isn't it wonderful? Everything familiar has disappeared! The world looks brand new! A new year... a fresh, clean start! It's like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on! A day full of possibilities! It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol'd buddy... ...let's go exploring!
Description
Appears In 25 NOV 1994 Script Can we burn these leaves? No, that pollutes. But how can we appease the mighty snow demons if we don't sacrifice any leaves?! We'll have a warm winter. I don't know whether your grasp of theology or meteorology is the more appalling. I guess I'll go light some candles around the toboggan and beg for mercy.
Description
Appears In 02 DEC 1994 Script Look out of the window! It's snowing! There's must be almost half an inch! By morning, I'll bet there's tons of snow! Do you think the schools will close?? What? OH YEAH? WELL, SAME TO YOU!! I wonder how a crabby guy like him got to be superintendent.
Description
Appears In 04 DEC 1994 Script There! Our fortress is completely indestructible! "Sunny and warmer today, high in the upper thirties ... " Our snow fort is impenetrable! At the slightest provocation, we'll let loose a merciless barrage of stinging ice!! None dare attack us! We rule all!! Together, a veritable fist of defiance, we stand immune to any onslaught! We are invincible!! We ... uh ... umm ... piff!
Description
Appears In 18 DEC 1994 Script I love winter days. They're so peaceful. Ha ha! Gotcha Susie! Hey, you dummy! You'll never be able to throw a snow ball that big! Ha! Stupid girl! Hey, what are you doing? Get away. Hey! Put me down! Where are you taking me?! Hey! Hey! Chunk.
Description
Appears In 27 DEC 1994 Script ANY dumb kid can build a snowman, but it takes a genius like me to create ART. This snow sculpture transcends corporeal likeness to epxress deeper truths about the human condition! This sculpture is about grief and suffering! One look at the tortured countenance of this figure confirms that the artist has drunk deeply from the cup of life! This work shall endure and inspire future generations!
Description
Appears In 28 DEC 1994 Script Still making snow art? Yep! Yesterday your sculpture melted. This time I'm taking advantage of my medium's impermanence... This sculpture is about transcience. As this figure melts, it invites the viewer to contemplate the evanescence of life. This piece speaks to the horror of our own mortality! Hey stupid! It's too warm to build a snowman! What a dope! Ha ha ha ha! A philistine on the sidewalk. Genius is never understood in its own time.
Description
Appears In 29 DEC 1994 Script How's your snow art progressing? I've moved into abstraction! Ah. This piece is about the inadequacy of traditional imagery and symbols to convey meaning in today's world. By abandoning representationalism, I'm free to express myself with pure form. Specific interpretation gives way to a more visceral response. I notice your oeuvre is monochromatic. Well c'mon, it's just snow.
Description
Appears In 30 DEC 1994 Script Dad, if you threw a snowball at someone, but deliberately missed, would that be 'bad'? Well, I suppose that would be provoking, so yes, it would be a little bad. As bad as if you'd hit the person? No, not THAT bad, but worse than if you hadn't thrown it at all. Suppose you just GRAZED the person. How bad would that be? Say maybe you knocked off his hat and his glasses or something. That would mean instant death.
Description
Appears In 06 JAN 1995 Script Oh yeah? Define, "well-adjusted".
Description A big snow chicken has an axe it has stuck into a stump. Next to the stump, a snowman lies with its head on the ground to one side. Mom is standing next to Calvin. Calvin asks Mom to define "well-adjusted".
Appears In 07 JAN 1995 Script Why does man create? Is it man's purpose on Earth to express himself, to bring form to thought, and to discover meaning in experience? Or is it just something to do when he's bored?
Description Standing next to a snowman, Calvin asks why man creates. He asks if it's to express himself, to bring form to thought and discover meaning in experience. He ponders. Then Calvin asks if it's just something to do when he's bored.
Appears In 08 JAN 1995 Script It says here that "Religion is the opiate of the masses." ... what do you suppose that means? ... it means Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet. What are you watching? Garbage. This show would insult a 6-year-old! And I should know. So why watch it? All the other shows are even worse! Why watch TV at all then? There's nothing to do. Nothing to do?! You could read a book! Or write a letter! Or take a walk! When you're old you'll wish you had more than memories of this tripe to look back on. Undoubtedly.
Description Calvin is bored making a snowman. Hobbes says they've only been outside a few minutes. Calvin says it's taking too long. Hobbes says they have all day. Calvin says the sun's too bright and his gloves are getting wet. He says making a snowman is hard work. He asks Hobbes what happens if the snowman isn't very good. They'd be failures. He says even if it's good, it will melt in a few weeks. Instead of wasting his time, he's going inside to watch TV. He'll be in complete physical comfort while experiencing the activity of actors pretending to do things. Hobbes asks if it's too much trouble to turn on the TV. Calvin replies that's why they have a remote control. Hobbes says virtual reality is already here. Calvin can't believe the only way to get inside is to walk.
Appears In 10 JAN 1995 Script I'm ready for anything! Are you ready for unconditional surrender? That above all else.
Description In his snow fort, Calvin says he's ready for anything. A barrage of snowballs blasts him. Hobbes asks if he's ready for unconditional surrender. Lying under a pile of snowballs, Calvin replies "that above all else".
Appears In 12 JAN 1995 Script ... and so, with nothing left to life for, he obeys the chanted command from the distant crowd below.
Description Calvin is leaning out the attic window with a little snowman. He is looking at the ground below, where dozens of snowmen stand. Calvin says that with nothing to live for, the snowman obeys the chanted command from the crowd below.
Appears In 17 JAN 1995 Script On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home. So you'd only go to school on sunny days? Well no, on sunny days he judge would let you play outside. He's quite a guy. He'd make you go to school if it was hot, hazy, and humid with a lot of bugs.
Description Still waiting for the bus, Calvin says on gray days, you should be able to call a judge and take an oath that you'll read a good book, and he'd allow you to stay home. Hobbes asks if he'd only go to school on sunny days. Calvin says on those days, the judge would let you play outside. Hobbes comments that the judge is quite a guy. Calvin says he'd make you go to school if it was hot, hazy, and humid with a lot of bugs.
Appears In 20 JAN 1995 Script Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh Oh boy Oh boy Oh boy HA HA HA HA HA HA. Obviously I've tapped into some primeval well of the human psyche.
Description Calvin makes a snowball and starts chuckling. He continues to laugh as he finishes the snowball. He stops. He looks at the snowball and says that obviously he's tapped into some primeval well of the human psyche.
Appears In 21 JAN 1995 Script Snow sharks? That guy's a goner.
Description Calvin builds a snowman, looking like he's swimming. Behind the snowman, he builds small curved mounds. Hobbes asks if they're snow sharks. Calvin says the guy is a goner.
Appears In 24 JAN 1995 Script As an artist, I'll speak to future generations long after I'm gone! Smart thinking. I call this, "Nude descending a staircase."
Description Calvin tells Hobbes that as an artist, he'll speak to future generations after he's gone. Calvin shows his latest snow sculpture. It's a snowman with a rear end crack at the top of an icy set of stairs. Calvin calls it "nude descending a staircase".
Appears In 29 JAN 1995 Script Man the harpoons! Thar she blows!! Can Hobbes take a bath too? No, Hobbes doesn't need one. Hold still. By golly, what if I drown because nobody was here to rescue me?? Hobbes! C'mere! Mom can't know you're in here, okay? I'll disguise myself with bubbles. Hmm ... you need a hat. Hang on, and I'll get one of Dad's. I like his gray one the best. Maybe you should wear a tie, too. I'll be right back. Better hurry! I think I hear your mom coming! Dear! Why are you taking a bath?!? ... and wearing your best hat!!
Description Calvin is making a snow sculpture called "the spirit of compromise". He'll have his snowman shake hands with Hobbes'. Calvin says it will be very inspirational. He says they'll soon be rolling in public commissions. Hobbes tells Calvin to make his snowman's arm longer. The snowman's arm won't reach Hobbes'. Calvin asks why Hobbes doesn't make his snowman's arm longer. Hobbes says it will make it look like his snowman had to reach farther. They'd be unequal. Calvin tells him to make his snowman closer. Hobbes won't start over and tells Calvin to make his snowman's arm longer. Calvin refuses. Hobbes says his snowman refuses to shake hands with Calvin's. Calvin's won't even talk to Hobbes'. Hobbes thumbs his ears and says his snowman will kick Calvin's snowman in its big white butt. Calvin threatens Hobbes' snowman. They fight. Both snowmen are destroyed. Lying in the snow, Hobbes says he doesn't think the sculpture is very good. Calvin says it's a compromise.
Appears In 30 JAN 1995 Script In two seconds, every kid in the lunchroom is going to wish HE'D thought of putting snow in his thermos.
Description Calvin opens his lunch. He pours out the contents of his Thermos bottle and starts making snowballs. He readies his throw and says in two seconds, every kid in the lunchroom is going to wish he'd thought of putting snow in his Thermos.
Appears In 01 FEB 1995 Script CALVIN!
Description Calvin looks at a fire hydrant. He starts making a snowman. Mom yells when she sees he made a snow dog with a leg lifted, standing next to the fire hydrant.
Appears In 08 FEB 1995 Script Look at this hilarious cartoon I drew! See, this snowman is in a snow car and he says, "Darn it, the engine froze up!" Ha ha ha ha! Get it?? But if the car is made of snow, the engine would MELT if it wasn't frozen. Either way, it wouldn't run.
Description Calvin shows Hobbes a cartoon he drew. Calvin explains that it shows a snowman in a car saying "Darn it, the engine froze up". Calvin laughs. Hobbes says if the car is made of snow, the engine would melt if it wasn't frozen. Either way, it wouldn't run. Calvin crumples up the paper and frowns.
Appears In 09 FEB 1995 Script As I have created you, so I can destroy you! Therefore, in recognition of my supreme power, you must worship me! Yes, bow before the mighty Calvin and tremble, for I am the eternal, all knowing... PAFF
Description Calvin makes a snowman bowing down to him. Calvin tells him that as he created the snowman, he can destroy it. He says in recognition of his power, the snowman must worship him. He tells the snowman to bow before mighty Calvin. He is the eternal, all knowing.... Susie smacks him from behind with a snowball.
Appears In 10 FEB 1995 Script PIFF. I didn't do it! I never threw that! You can't prove I threw it! Besides, I MISSED, didn't I? The defendant petitions the court for a new trial on the grounds that his lawyer is incompetent.
Description Susie is just missed by a snowball. Calvin says he didn't do it. She can't prove he did it. Then he says that besides, he missed. Lying in the snow, Calvin says the defendant petitions the court for a new trial on the grounds his lawyer is incompetent.
Appears In 12 FEB 1995 Script Hey Mom, can I drive now? No. How about now? Oh no! oh you stupid car! What's wrong with you now?!? That's it Mom! Go ahead and swear! We don't mind! Calvin, be quiet! Want Hobbes and me to go get help? You stay where you are. I'll look under the hood. Kick the car Mom! It works on the TV! Look at all these cars going by. Nobody's stopping to help. Let's blow the horn! Maybe someone will come. Beeeep! Hoorayy!! Someone stopped! We're heroes!! Want me to call a tow truck lady? First call the police and report an infanticide.
Description Calvin makes a snowball and runs off. He hides behind a tree, waiting. He keeps waiting, and waiting. Finally, he throws the snowball at the tree and walks off. SMACK! Susie hits him with a snowball and laughs at him. Calvin angrily shakes his fist to the sky.
Appears In 19 FEB 1995 Script Aachoo! Gesundheit! Okay! How many monsters are under my bed tonight? Just one. That's good Hobbes! We outnumber him! Hee hee! Wanna get him? Yeah! See if you can reach the baseball bat! Heh heh! Quit shoving you hogs! Mommmmm! Nice going Maurice.
Description Calvin looks back and off they go, down the hill on the toboggan. Through the trees, snow flying around, just missing a tree. Blackness, with pained sounds follows. Upside down in the air, followed by blackness and more sounds of pain. In the tree branches, followed by sounds of pain and blackness. Calvin is upside down in the snow. He says that was the best ride ever. Hobbes, also in the snow, says he kept closing his eyes. He suggests they do it again.
Appears In 05 NOV 1995 Script Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop. Snow pants. Well? Let's have some snow!! It's snowing! I can make it snow! I'm psychokinetic! Hey! Hey! Ohh, he's going to hate me for this.
Description Calvin turns a tree into a transport pod and descends underground. He gets out of the pod, and a robot salutes him. He climbs into a spaceship and flies to a space station. He tells Mom he's home. Calvin looks around his house. He tells Mom his life could stand a lot more pizazz. Mom is vacuuming. She says he should tell her about it.
Appears In 12 NOV 1995 Script Can Hobbes and I come in the store with you, Dad? No, you stay in the car. Sheesh. Knock over one lousy display stand, and pay for it the rest of your life. I'll just be a minute. Wait here. Ok. Let's hide and give Dad a scare! Maybe he'll think we ran away! Lie down and I'll pull this blanket over us. Then put this bag on top. Hee hee! I hear him coming! Sshhh! Hee hee! Gee, I wonder where Calvin went! And his tiger's gone too! Now's my chance to get away before they get back! Won't Mom be glad when she hears I lost htem! Mom won't be glad at all, you sicko! Sorry to spoil your getaway! What? You're here?? Oh rats ... I mean, good!
Description There is a map, drawn to shop a sled ride down Mt. Vertigo, though the woods, going to the pine tree. The map shows picking up hidden snowballs and blasting Susie. It shows a getaway, and ending with a jump into an impenetrable fortress. Calvin looks around wishing it would snow.
Appears In 25 NOV 1995 Script I wish it would snow! I know when I'm being mocked.
Description Calvin looks to the sky and wishes it would snow. A single snowflake comes down and lands on his forehead. Calvin knows when he's being mocked.
Appears In 02 DEC 1995 Script I like the sound of sleet hitting the window panes at night. And I like when the sleet turns to heavy snow as it gets colder, so you know that tomorrow the world will be buried in ice and snow! It's one of the few pleasures reserved for those who don't drive.
Description Looking out his bedroom window, Calvin says he loves the sound of sleet hitting the window panes at night. When the sleet turns to heavy snow, he knows the world will be buried in ice and snow. He says it's one of the few pleasures reserved for those who don't drive.
Appears In 04 DEC 1995 Script I KNEW I should've thrown than snowball sooner!
Description At his desk, Calvin looks around. He opens his desk. He is shocked. He says he knew he should have thrown that snowball sooner.
Appears In 09 DEC 1995 Script I see you, Calvin, and you'd better not throw that snowball! I'm mailing a letter to Santa right now! Is the envelope already sealed? Yes, but I could write a P.S. on the back. Do you have a pen? As a matter of fact, I do. I'll bet she's bluffing but this isn't the time of year to tempt fate.
Description Susie sees Calvin and tells him not to throw a snowball. She's mailing a letter to Santa. Calvin asks if the letter is sealed. It is, but Susie says she could add a P.S. on the back. Calvin asks if she has a pen. She says she does. Calvin is sure she's bluffing, but he isn't going to tempt fate at that time of year. He drops the snowball.
Appears In 10 DEC 1995 Script Run! Aiee! Look out! I wonder why Japanese people keep moving their moths after they're through talking. Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean ... an undersea nuclear explosion awakens a giant prehistoric monster! It makes its way to the coast of Japan and emerges! Yaarghhh. He heads for the power lines, leaving a trail of destruction behind. Calvin, get back in the tub! You're making a mess! His ancient arch-rival Megalon! He spews a mighty fireball! Aauughh! Tokyo is in ruins! Megalon vanquished! He returns to the sea from whence he came! No more afternoon TV movies for you! ... Ever!!
Description Calvin is hit by a snowball. He asks Hobbes if he threw the snowball. Hobbes doesn't know what he's talking about. Calvin accuses him of being sneaky, grim, and ruthless. He says that spells "tiger". Hobbes says it spells "Calvin's new name is Mr. Stupid Soggyshorts". They start fighting. Susie comes over and tells Calvin he should have seen his expression when she hit him with the snowball. She laughs and walks away. Calvin thinks. He looks at Hobbes, who then pelts Calvin with snowballs for having accused him.
Appears In 11 DEC 1995 Script There's a tree! Hit the brakes! Trees ARE my brakes.
Description Going down the hill on the sled, Hobbes yells there is a tree. He tells Calvin to hit the brakes. The sled hits the tree. Buried in the snow, Calvin says trees are his brakes.
Appears In 12 DEC 1995 Script I have 200 snowballs! I am utterly invincible! I can act with total impunity! I can do whatever I want! So just hang on while I decide what that is!
Description Calvin has 200 snowballs. He declares himself invincible. He says he can do whatever he wants. He stands there. He says everyone should hang on until he decides what that is.
Appears In 13 DEC 1995 Script With 200 snowballs at my immediate disposal, I have no opposition! My will is law! I am omnipotent! How boring.
Description Calvin declares with 200 snowballs at his disposal, he has no opposition. His will is law. He is omnipotent. He stands there. He says "how boring".
Appears In 15 DEC 1995 Script First she says go out. Now she says come in.
Description A snowman has bowled another snowman's head down a lane into snow pins. Calvin tells Hobbes that first, Mom says go out. Now she says go in.
Appears In 16 DEC 1995 Script Ha! What a rotten snowman! That's the worst snowman I've ever seen! So go build a better one! Maybe I will! You're back? MY words speak louder than actions.
Description Calvin calls Susie's snowman the worst one ever. She tells him to go build a better one. He says maybe he will and walks away. He comes back and says his words speak louder than his actions.
Appears In 17 DEC 1995 Script Toboggans give better rides than runner sleds. Why is that? There's no way to steer. On these cloudy winter days, sometimes I like to lie back on my sled and look at the sky. It's just gray and silent. No birds singing or bugs buzzing. Everything is muffled by the snow. Imagine what it would be like without any people or houses around. It would be perfectly still. Pretty neat huh? Yes, very peaceful. I hate all that silence.
Description Going down the hill on the sled, Calvin wants to try a different path. He tells Hobbes change is invigorating. If you don't accept new challenges, you become lazy. Change forces them to experiment and adapt. That's how they learn and grow. As they sail off the edge of the hill, Calvin says there's a fresh challenge. Hobbes admits it's opened up new horizons. Stuck in the snow, Hobbes says new experiences are rarely the ones they choose.
Appears In 19 DEC 1995 Script Oh boy, look at all the snow! It must be six inches deep! This will be perfect for sledding or... DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG All right! I'm coming! I'm coming! What the heck is wrong with this planet you sold us?!
Description Calvin looks out the window to see snow. He thinks it will be perfect sledding weather. The doorbell rings. It's the aliens Calvin sold the planet to for fifty alien tree leaves. They asks what's wrong with the planet he sold.
Appears In 20 DEC 1995 Script Galaxoid and nebular! This cold white glop covers us and freezes our innards! It's snow. You'd better get used to it, 'cause we get it every winter. You did not tell us that this planet's axis would tilt away from the sun. You didn't ask. We paid 50 leaves for this planet! You greatly overcharged us! Yeah well, "let the buyer beware." You are a most dishonorable potentate! We demand you bring this planet up to code!
Description The aliens complain the cold white glop covers them and freezes their innards. Calvin says it's snow. They get it every winter. The aliens complain Calvin didn't tell them about that. He replies that they didn't ask. They say they were overcharged. Calvin tells them "let the buyer beware". The aliens walk off complaining that he's a dishonorable potentate. They demand he bring the planet up to code.
Appears In 24 DEC 1995 Script What a day! And no one to share it with! Woo hoo hoo. It's cold out there today! Brrrr! Brisk! Just the way I like it! Wow! Sniff. Ha! Weather like this lets you know you're alive! C'mon out gang! It's a perfect day! You'll get used to the wind if you keep moving! Hey, C'mon! are you guys just going to stay inside all day?!? Shut the dumb door!! Ok, ok! I was on my way back outside anyway! ... sheesh ... there's one in every house. Just how long did you know Dad before you married him?
Description One of Santa's elves wants him to look at Calvin's list. It includes a supplement on incendiary weapons. Santa asks if Calvin's naughty or nice. The elf hands Santa the dossier. Santa notices "the noodle incident". The elf says they have had trouble verifying the particulars of that case. Santa notices all the snowballs Calvin has thrown at Susie. The elf says that surveillance documents 400 incidents. The elf says the tiger vouches for the kid's character. Santa asks for the parents' comments. The elf indicates they're looking into the sarcasm factor. Santa says he's made up his mind and asks if Calvin's asleep. The elf says he is wide awake. In bed, Hobbes tells Calvin Santa won't come until they're asleep. Calvin can't take the suspense.
Appears In 25 DEC 1995 Script You say my present from you is outside? It's over here. A pile of ready-made snowballs! I wanted to give you something practical. You're the best, Hobbes, ol' buddy! Thanks! Merry Christmas. I suppose it would be wrong to throw these at YOU... I made my own pile, just in case.
Description Hobbes' present for Calvin is outside. Hobbes gave him a pile of ready-made snowballs. Calvin hugs Hobbes and says he's the best. He supposes it would be wrong to throw the snowballs at Hobbes. Hobbes tells him he made his own pile, just in case.
Appears In 26 DEC 1995 Script What's this? A generic snowman. I used to make original snowmen, but it was time-consuming, hard work, so I said, heck, this is crazy! Now I crank out crude imitations of what's already popular! It takes no time or thought, and most people don't care about the difference anyway! So cynical, yet so practical. And what good is originality if you can't crack it out?
Description Calvin makes a generic snowman. He says he used to make original snowmen, but it was hard work. Now he cranks out imitations of what's already popular. It takes no time, and people don't care about the difference. Hobbes says it's so cynical, yet so practical. Calvin asks what's good about originality if you can't crank it out.
Appears In 29 DEC 1995 Script See my snowman? He's enjoying the snow cone! There's nothing he likes better! And the snowman with the ice cream scoop in his back? It's a sordid story.
Description Calvin shows Hobbes a snowman, enjoying a snow cone. Hobbes asks about the other snowman, lying on the ground, with an ice cream scoop stuck in his back with several scoops taken out. Calvin says it's a sordid story.
Appears In 31 DEC 1995 Script Wow, it really snowed last night! Isn't it wonderful? Everything familiar has disappeared! The world looks brand new! A new year... a fresh, clean start! It's like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on! A day full of possibilities! It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol'd buddy... ...let's go exploring!
Description Wading through the snow, Calvin says it really snowed last night. He asks Hobbes if it isn't beautiful. Hobbes says everything familiar has disappeared. The world looks brand-new. Calvin says it's a new year, a fresh, clean start. Hobbes thinks it's like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on. Calvin says it's a day full of possibilities. They hop on the toboggan. Calvin tells Hobbes it's a magical world. Down they go. Calvin says "let's go exploring".
Appears In
Calvin & Hobbes : Copyright & All Rights Reserved by Bill Watterson and Andrews McMeel Universal
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This page is strictly a tribute to Calvin & Hobbes, the best comic ever, and two of the best characters who have taught me so much over many years. It is meant for research purposes only.