Your search found 143 comics:29 NOV 1985 Script We'll see what the principal has to say about your attention span, young man! The valiant Spaceman Spiff has been captured! The aliens doubtlessly want the secret formula to the atomic napalm neutralizer! Moments from the torture chamber, Spiff springs into action! Why is he eating his hall pass?
Description Miss Wormwood takes Calvin to the office to see the principal. Spaceman Spiff is captured and is being taken for torture. He knows the aliens are after the formula to the atomic napalm neutralizer. Spiff springs into action. The principal asks Miss Wormwood why Calvin is eating his hall pass.
Appears In 08 DEC 1985 Script Our hero, the valiant Spaceman Spiff, is marooned on a strange world ... I'll set my Mertilizer on "deep fat fry." Calvin! You're not paying attention! ... we join Spaceman Spiff on the distant planet Zorg ... Gronk! Argh! Trapped by a hideous Graknil, Spiff draws his trusty atomic napalm neutralizer! Chew electric death snarling cur! But the weapon is useless! Spiff is doomed!! Our hero makes a break and ducks into a nearby cave! Weeoo! What's that awful smell? Eep! Who was that? Beats me, Fred.
Description Miss Wormwood calls to Calvin about not paying attention. Spaceman Spiff shoots the atomic napalm neutralizer at the snarling cur, but to no avail. Spiff runs off to a nearby cave, where he smells something awful. Suddenly, a light comes on, and Spiff finds himself in the midst of several monsters. Calvin runs out of the teachers lounge, as they ask who that was.
Appears In 15 DEC 1985 Script We join our hero Megazorks above the planet Gloob ... Spaceman Spiff, conqueror of the cosmos, is pursued by the hideous scum beings of planet Q-13! Spiff hyper-freem drive malfunctions! The aliens close in! suddenly, a searing bolt of deadly fram ray slices across the blackness! Our hero is unfazed. Another bolt! Spiff is hit!! Spiff is going down can he make it?? Is this the end?!? AAAAAA Spiff's alive! He made it!! I'm alive! Ha ha ha! I kiss the sweet ground! Maybe you should play on the swings, Calvin.
Description Spiff is being pursued. His hyper-freem drive fails. A frap ray nearly misses. Finally, Spiff is hit. He's going down and wonders if he'll make it. As Calvin lands on the ground after coming down the slide, he kisses the sweet ground. Miss Wormwood thinks maybe Calvin should play on the swings instead.
Appears In 06 JAN 1986 Script All right class, who would like to give his book report first? Calvin, how about you? Calvin? Calvin? Spaceman Spiff cooly draws his death ray blaster ...
Description Miss Wormwood asks the class who will be the first to do his book report. Calvin, sitting at his desk with a smile on his face, is chosen. Calvin just sits there as Miss Wormwood calls his name again. Then, Spaceman Spiff pulls his death ray blaster as the monster approaches him.
Appears In 26 JAN 1986 Script McZargald's ... next exit ... 50 Megazorks. Over 7Million earthlingburgers served." Spaceman Spiff is going down!!! We join our hero as he struggles to land his damaged spacecraft! The altitude flaps refuse to respond, but fearless Spiff is unfazed! Spiff careens through the alien canyon! Is this the end?? No! moments before impact, Spiff ejects! Now are you through charging around the house or are you going to fall down the stairs again? Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien ...
Description Spaceman Spiff is going down. He fights to control his damaged spacecraft. Spiff careens through the alien canyon but ejects right before impact. Mom asks whether he's done running through the house or if he is going to fall down the steps again. Calvin thinks Spiff has regained consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.
Appears In 20 FEB 1986 Script Calvin, you're not paying attention again! Spaceman Spiff, conqueror of the cosmos, is trapped by a hideous Zondarg! With lightining speed, Spiff bolts for the air lock, making a daring escape! Nice try Calvin.
Description Miss Wormwood tells Calvin he's not paying attention again. Spaceman Spiff is trapped. He dives for the air lock. Miss Wormwood grabs his shirt as he's hanging out the school window. She tells him, "Nice try, Calvin".
Appears In 10 APR 1986 Script Spaceman Spiff, bold interplanetary explorer, spies on a Zarg! Spiff calibrates his blaster. Ready ... aim ... Calvin, if you shoot that paper clip at me, I'll get your bottom hauled to the principal's office so fast you'll think you were in a time warp!! Confound it. The blaster jammed.
Description Spaceman Spiff spies a Zarg. He readies his blaster. Susie turns around and warns Calvin that if he shoots her with that paper clip, she'll have him hauled to the principal's office so fast he'll think he's in a time warp. Spiff is confounded by his jammed blaster.
Appears In 15 APR 1986 Script The valiant Spaceman Spiff is being pursued by a disgusting scum being! Spiff spots his hovering spaceship and bolts for the ladder! But he's too late! The awful scum being is upon him! It's all over! It's all over!! I told you three times recess was over! Now get inside!
Description Spaceman Spiff is being chased by a scum being. He spots his hovering spaceship and heads for the ladder. As he climbs, the scum being is upon him, and he knows he's too late. Miss Wormwood has told Calvin three times that recess is over and to get inside.
Appears In 28 APR 1986 Script Fearless Spaceman Spiff closes in on the fleeing Zargons! Once again our hero is about to teach vicious alien scum that virtue is it's own reward! He locks onto target! Psst, Calvin! What was the capital of Poland until 1600! Krakow. Thanks. Krakow! Krakow! Two direct hits!
Description Spaceman Spiff, in his spacecraft, closes in on the Zargons. He's going to teach that alien scum that virtue is its own reward. Susie asks Calvin what the capital of Poland until 1600 was. He replies "Krakow". Susie thanks him as Calvin keeps shooting at the Zargons...krakow, krakow, two direct hits.
Appears In 07 MAY 1986 Script Spaceman Spiff closes in on the alient vessel! The alien being unnaturally stupid, is blissfully ignorant of it's imminent doom! Our hero locks onto target and warms up his frap-ray blaster! Miss Wormwood!! Zounds! A Gorkon death station appears! Evasive action!
Description Spaceman Spiff closes in on the alien vehicle. The alien is unaware of its imminent doom. Spiff readies his frap-ray blaster. Calvin has a book in his hand, standing on his desk, ready to smack Susie on the head. Susie calls for Miss Wormwood. Calvin calls for evasive action from the Gorkon death station.
Appears In 02 JUNE 1986 Script Susie, wanna hear a secret? Sure. I think the principal is a space alien spy. He's trying to corrupt our young innocent minds so we'll be unable to resist when his people invade the Earth! Promise not to tell anyone? Don't worry.
Description Calvin asks Susie if she wants to know a secret. Calvin tells her he thinks the principal is a space alien spy. He goes on to say the spy is corrupting their minds so they'll be unable to resist when his people invade earth. He asks Susie not to tell anyone. She reassures him not to worry.
Appears In 08 JUNE 1986 Script No Earthling has ever before seen the cratered, scarred surface of the distant planet Zog! ... although it's not unlike some of those zit cream commercials ... we join the fearless Spaceman Spiff interplanetary explorer extraordinaire, out at the farthest reaches of the galaxy ... with nerves of steel, our hero sets forth on his dangerous mission! He fires his hyper-jets and ... blasts into the fifth dimension! Into a world beyond human comprehension! Into a world where time has no meaning! Man, this class lasts forever! So we carry the three into the tens column ...
Description Spaceman Spiff is in his spacecraft. He fires his hyper-jets and blasts into the fifth dimension. Into a world beyond human comprehension, where time has no meaning. Calvin sits at his desk in class thinking this class lasts forever.
Appears In 31 JULY 1986 Script The aliens are gaining on our hero! In a surprise move, Spaceman Spiff shifts into reverse! The aliens roar ahead! Spiff shifts back into forward, and pursues the aliens! ... but the aliens have turned around and are headed straight for our hero! Spiff shifts into reverse! I'm getting sick.
Description Spaceman Spiff is trying to outrun aliens. He shifts into reverse. As the aliens pass, Spiff shifts to forward and chases the aliens. The aliens turn around, so Spiff shifts back into reverse. Calvin, riding in a swing, feels he's getting sick.
Appears In 31 AUG 1986 Script Gravity is arbitrary! Calvin wakes up one day to find he is immune to the force of gravity. He hangs on to the ground for dear life, but his grip is weakening! He can't hold on! He ... he let's go! Aaaaa. Higher and higher, as upward he falls! Only by grabbing the tail pin of a passing jet does Calvin save himself from being hurled out into space! No, no, let him finish. This is very interesting, so after you landed in Phoenix, what happened? Well, I don't care. I'm not sewing velcro on the outside of all his clothes. Well, about then my gravity came back, so I ...
Description Calvin finds he's immune to the laws of gravity. He tries to hold on, but he loses his grip. Up into the sky he falls. Higher and higher he goes, until he grasps the tailfin of a passing jet. Dad wants him to continue with his story after he lands in Phoenix. Mom says she will not sew velcro on the outside of all Calvin's clothes.
Appears In 14 SEPT 1986 Script Spaceman Spiff is hit! He's going down! Fortunately, our hero always buckles up! The fearless Spaceman Spiff has crashed on a distant world! The planet's atmosphere is thick with noxious fumes and gases! Our hero can hardly breathe. Spiff must find help quickly ... but is there any life on this hostile world? His question is answered when a hideous blob of of gelatinous muck oozes out of a crevice toward him! Spiff's blaster is useless against the slime! Our hero tries to escape, but the suffocating stench envelops him! What a disgusting fate! Yechh! I sure wish I'd brought my lunch today! That's gross, Calvin! If you don't like the cafeteria's tapioca, just leave it alone!
Description Spaceman Spiff crashes. The atmosphere is hardly breathable. Spiff looks for life, but notices a gelatinous blob of muck coming after him. His blaster is useless. He tries to escape, but the stench envelops him. Calvin is playing with his food. Susie tells him to leave the cafeteria's tapioca alone if he doesn't like it.
Appears In 13 OCT 1986 Script Tomorrow we're going to discuss "current events" in school. Each of us has to find a newspaper article, read it to the class, and explain it. What article did you choose? This one. "Space alien weds two-headed Elvis clone." Actually, there's not much left to explain.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes they are going to discuss current events at school. He tells Hobbes each student had to pick an article, read it to the class, then explain it. Hobbes asks which article he chose. Calvin tells him "Space Alien Weds Two-Headed Elvis Clone". Calvin comments that there's not much left to explain.
Appears In 20 OCT 1986 Script As you can see, Spaceman Spiff, we have ways of extracting information from even the most uncooperative prisoners! Our hero, captured by Zorkons, eyes the diabolical instruments of torture! Very amusing. You twisted space frog. What's this fiendish device called? A chin-up bar. Get on it. Spiff readies his daring escape.
Description Spaceman Spiff is going to be interrogated by Zorkons. He looks at their implements of torture. At one particular device, he asks the Zorkon what the name of the device is. Calvin's gym teacher tells him it's a chin-up bar and to get on it. Spiff readies his daring escape.
Appears In 30 NOV 1986 Script A brilliant bolt of deadly frap ray blazes by the intrepid Spaceman Spiff! Our hero has very high insurance premiums. The courageous Spaceman Spiff is hit! He plummets toward planet Zog! Breaking through the cloud layer, he careens over an alien city! There's no place to land! Spiff wrestles the uncooperative controls! More freem drive to the thuster busters! Too much stress! The fuel explodes in flame! The situation is grim! Ten seconds to impact! Nine ... eight ... Well Calvin?? Seven! Very good Calvin. Ten minus three equals seven. I didn't think you were paying attention. That question was worth three points. Our hero miraculously makes a three-point landing. Spiff saves the day again!
Description Spaceman Spiff is hit. He plummets toward planet Zog. There's no place to land. His controls don't respond. His fuel explodes due to the stress. He has ten seconds to impact. He starts counting down...nine, eight. Miss Wormwood says "Well, Calvin?". He shouts "Seven". Miss Wormwood congratulates him on his correct answer for ten minus three. She thought he wasn't paying attention. Miraculously, Spiff makes a three-point landing. Spiff saves the day again.
Appears In 12 APR 1987 Script During emergency landing, replace dinner tray and bring seat to upright position. Extinguish all smoking materials. Including spacecraft, if possible. Out of fuel, the courageous Spaceman Spiff is forced to land on the distant planet Zok! The valiant explorer surveys the Zokkian landscape, who knows what dangers lie hidden in the cratered terrain? Undaunted, Spiff sets out to find help! Miles later, it is evident the planet is completely uninhabited! Our hero is marooned on a lifeless planet! Alone on an alien world. Alone ... all alone ... Darn it, why doesn't anyone ever tell me when the lunch bell rings?
Description Spaceman Spiff is forced to land on planet Zok. He surveys the landscape and goes for help. It's obvious the planet is uninhabited. Spiff is marooned on a lifeless planet. Calvin looks around his classroom and sees all the empty desks. As he runs out, he wonders why no one tells him when the lunch bell rings.
Appears In 05 JULY 1987 Script The dreaded scum beings fire! Spaceman Spiff is hit! It never fails. I just washed and waxed this thing. Our hero, the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, struggles with the controls of his damaged spacecraft! The freem propulsion blasters are useless! Spiff crashes onto the surface of an alien planet! Unscathed, the fearless space explorer emerges from the smoldering wreckage! He is marooned on a hostile world! Scorched by twin suns, the planet is nothing but barren rock and methane! There's no hope of finding food or water. Spiff collapses! Oh, no. a hideous alien spots him! In his weakened state, Spiff is no match for the monster! This could be the end!! Lunchtime! I brought you a sandwich and some lemonade. Bring the dishes back when you're done, ok? ... oh well. Thanks Mom.
Description Spaceman Spiff fights the controls of his spacecraft. He crashes on an alien planet. He's marooned on a hostile planet. He sees there is no hope for food and water. A hideous alien approaches. In his weakened state, Spiff is no match for the monster. The monster hands Spiff a sandwich and some lemonade. Mom tells him to bring the dishes in when he's done.
Appears In 30 JULY 1987 Script Deep in a dank dungeon on the dismal planet Zog, the fearless Spaceman Spiff is held prisoner by the sinister Zog king. A guard leads Spiff to the interrogation room. Our hero is stoic and defiant! At last I meet the famed Spaceman Spiff! I trust you are ... heh ... heh ... enjoying your visit? You're wasting your time, maggot from mars! I'll never give in! Never, you hear me?! Never! Kid, don't make me recant the Hippocratic oath, ok?
Description Spaceman Spiff is in a dungeon on the planet Zog. A guard leads Spiff to the interrogation room. The inquisitor says he finally gets to meet the famed Spaceman Spiff. He trusts Spiff is enjoying his visit. Spiff calls him a maggot from Mars and says he'll never give in. Calvin is hiding behind the scale with the doctor on his knees telling Calvin not to make him recant his Hippocratic oath.
Appears In 03 SEPT 1987 Script All ready? I'll just push the button and off we go into the future! Up, up and awaayyy! We're approaching light speed Hobbes! Hang on! I have to go to the bathroom. Now?! In hyperspace?! Are you crazy?!
Description Calvin pushes the button and off they go. Up, up and away. They approach light speed. Hobbes has to go to the bathroom. Now? Calvin can't believe it. He tells Hobbes they're in hyperspace. Is Hobbes crazy?
Appears In 17 SEPT 1987 Script Well, I guess we're all packed. Comic books, dart gun, space helmet and toboggan! We're off to the Yukon! Do we have a map? Ooh, that's right! Glad you remembered! I'll go get one! Don't we have any road maps of the Yukon, Mom? I doubt it. Ok, here's the Yukon. Now see if you can find the United States. Here they are! Look how close it is! This won't take any time at all!
Description Calvin finishes packing. They're ready to go. Hobbes asks if Calvin has a map. Calvin looks for one and asks Mom if they have a road map of the Yukon. She doubts it. Finally, Calvin and Hobbes look at a globe. They find the Yukon. Hobbes finds the United States and comments on how close they are. He figures the trip will take no time at all.
Appears In 18 SEPT 1987 Script So long, "Mom"! We're off to the Yukon. It's been nice living here ... but not real nice! Ha ha! Calvin! Wait a minute. Leave it to a mother to drag out a goodbye. Sheesh. You're going southeast, north is that way. Oh yeah. I knew that.
Description Calvin says so long to Mom. He says it's been nice living there, but not real nice. They're off to the Yukon. Calvin has his space helmet on and is dragging his sled. Calvin and Hobbes are walking along. Mom yells for Calvin. Calvin stops, saying "leave it to a mother to drag out a goodbye". She walks up and tells him they're heading southeast. North is the other way. Calvin says that he knew that.
Appears In 18 OCT 1987 Script A dazed Spaceman Spiff crawls from the smoking wreckage of his ship! Our hero now regrets not buying a towing rider on his insurance policy. The courageous Spaceman Spiff has been captured by the hideous Zorgs of Planet X-13! Led through the dank corridors of the dungeon, Spiff looks in vain for an opportunity to escape! Our hero is brought before the Zorg despot! So this is the famed space explorer Spiff! I've waited a long time for this moment earthling scum! You have knowledge we need. Cooperate and we'll kill you rather painlessly. Let's dispense with the pleasantries, you twisted space crustacean. What is it you want from me? A summary of Lewis and Clarks expedition to the Pacific! Ha! Wild Zontars couldn't drag that information out of me! Do your worst! You didn't read the assignment, did you, Calvin?
Description Spaceman Spiff has been captured by the hideous Zorgs of planet X-13. He looks for an avenue of escape as he's led through the dungeon. He's brought before the Zorg despot. The leader has been waiting for this moment. He tells Spiff he has information they want. If Spiff cooperates, they'll kill him painlessly. Calvin asks the twisted space crustacean what he wants. The reply is "a summary of Lewis and Clark's expedition to the Pacific". Calvin tells Miss Wormwood that wild Zontars couldn't drag that information out of him. Miss Wormwood asks if he didn't read his assignment.
Appears In 11 NOV 1987 Script Grandpa says the comics were a lot better years ago when newspapers printed them bigger. He says comics now are just a bunch of Xeroxed talking heads because there's no space to tell a decent story or to show any action. He thinks people should write to their newspapers and complain. Your grandpa takes the funnies pretty seriously. Yeah, mom's looking into nursing homes.
Description Calvin is telling Hobbes that Grandpa says comics were a lot funnier years ago when they used to print them bigger. He says comics now are just Xeroxed talking heads because there's no space to tell a decent story or show action. He says people should write to their newspapers and complain. Hobbes says Grandpa takes his funnies pretty seriously. Calvin says Mom is looking into nursing homes.
Appears In 20 NOV 1987 Script Spaceman Spiff flees the despicable scum beings of planet Q-13! In a surprise maneuver, our hero turns to face the adversary! His hand tightens around the death ray trigger! It doesn't respond. Spiff reaches for the mertilizer beam, but it doesn't work either! Neither do the phospho bombs or the mordo blasters! Nothing is working!! 1812! Gettysburg! 16 fluid ounces! I before E! Thomas Edison! Perhaps someone who has been paying attention can help out Calvin!
Description Spaceman Spiff flees the scum beings of planet Q-13. He turns his spaceship around to face the adversary. He tightens his grip on his death ray trigger. It doesn't work. He tries his mertilizer beam. It doesn't work. Neither does his phospho bombs nor his mordo blasters. Nothing is working. At his desk, Calvin is saying "1812! Gettysburg! 16 fluid ounces! I before E! Thomas Edison!" The teacher asks if someone who has been paying attention can help Calvin.
Appears In 29 JAN 1988 Script Look, bird brain, you wasted the entire week in the library. We have to give our report on Monday. You'd better bust your butt over the weekend, or I'm telling the teacher you didn't do any work. Got it? ... well, what do you say?! Am I getting through to you?! This is important! Gronk! Gribble gok! Gak gork! Goonk!! Our hero regards the strange alien. ... it seems to be trying to communicate.
Description Susie warns Calvin their paper is due on Monday. He's goofed around all week. Susie tells him she'll let the teacher know she did all the work if he doesn't do his part over the weekend. Susie asks if she's getting through to him. Spaceman Spiff says the alien seems to be trying to communicate.
Appears In 31 JAN 1988 Script Planet Bog - pools of toxic chemicals buble under a choking atmosphere of poisonous gases. ... but aside from that it's not much like Earth. We find Spaceman Spiff struggling across the terrain of distant planet! Suddenly the ground begins to shake! A cloud of dust appears on the horizon! It's a Zorg!! Our hero runs for cover, but the Zorg is instantly upon him! Spiff fires his blaster, but the weapon is useless agains the monster! The fearless space explorer is taken to the Zorg's cave, where he discovers a vat of boiling water! Oh no! our hero is about to be cooked alive! Spiff's mind races furiously. Well? Get in. Don't you want to lean way, way over, and test how hot the water is?
Description Spaceman Spiff walks along the planet's terrain. The ground begins to shake. It's a Zorg. Spiff runs for cover, but the Zorg is upon him. The blaster has no effect. Spiff is taken to the Zorg's cave, where there is a vat of boiling water. He's about to be cooked alive. Mom tells Calvin to get into the bathtub. Calvin asks if she doesn't want to lean way, way over and test how hot the water is.
Appears In 27 MAR 1988 Script A red spaceship? On the monitor, your vileness. It's that infernal Spaceman Spiff! Open fire! Spaceman Spiff is hit! He aims for planet Mok, hoping to find a reputable body shop. We join our hero after a crash landing on the hostile planet Mok. Ominous figures appear in the horizon. The daring Spaceman Spiff lays waste with his death ray zorcher, but he is hopelessly outnumbered! Surrounded, our hero is taken prisoner, and carried to a subterranean dungeon! Still, won't talk, eh, Spiff? We'll see about that! You'll never get anything from me, space squid! You had your chance, earthling! Take him to the interrogation room and wash his hair! Aaugh! You got soap in my eyes on purpose! Sinister fiend! If you'd stop thrashing around, maybe it wouldn't happen!
Description Spaceman Spiff crash lands on the planet Mok. Ominous figures appear on the horizon. He fires his death ray zorcher, but he's outnumbered. He's taken prisoner and taken to a dungeon. Spiff won't talk to the creatures. One of them orders Spiff taken to the interrogation room and to have his hair washed. Mom is trying to bathe Calvin. He tells the sinister fiend she got soap in his eyes on purpose. Mom replies it might not happen if he'd stop thrashing around.
Appears In 04 JUNE 1988 Script Hello, I'm wondering if you sell kegs of dynamite. You don't? How about plastic explosives? You're kidding. Well, what about land mines? Do you sell those? ... You don't? Look, I'm trying to send a girl I know into deep space. Perhaps you could suggest something.
Description Calvin calls someone on the phone and asks if they sell kegs of dynamite. They don't, so Calvin asks about plastic explosives...then land mines. Finally, he says he's trying to send a girl he knows to deep space. He asks if they could suggest something.
Appears In 21 JUNE 1988 Script Ahhh, what a day! Up at dawn! Fresh air! Tranquility! No demands, no phones, no pressure! The whole day is one's own! Isn't this great? Isn't this the life? Spaceman Spiff, a prisoner on the Zong slave galley, plans his daring overboard escape! Ahh, what a day!
Description Dad is paddling the canoe with Calvin at the bow. Dad says what a day. He talks about the fresh air, being up at dawn, the tranquility, no demands, phones, or pressures. He says "Isn't this the life". Spaceman Spiff, a prisoner on the Zog space galley, plans his daring overboard escape.
Appears In 22 JUNE 1988 Script Gosh, I could look at the stars all night. Without the streetlights or pollution here, it seems like you can see forever into space. SNAP CRUNCH Of course, if you've seen one star, you've seen them all. True, true. Shall we mosey on the back to the tent?
Description Calvin and Hobbes are looking up at the stars. Calvin says that without the street lights or pollution, it looks like you can see forever into space. Suddenly, there is a snap and a crunch from nearby. Calvin and Hobbes jump up. As they run back to the tent, Calvin says "if you've seen one star, you've seen them all".
Appears In 03 JULY 1988 Script Spaceman Spiff explores the outermost reaches of the universe. By popular request. Intrepid explorer Spaceman Spiff lands on an uncharted planet. What strange wonders will he discover here? Spiff sets out in search of sentient life! What a strange planet this is! It's surface is surpisingly soft and porous. And here curious geysers blast hot air! Suddenly it dawns on him! Spiff is not on the planet's surface at all! He's walking on a reclining alien!! Our hero sets his death ray blaster. Zz.. mmf hm?
Description Spaceman Spiff lands on an uncharted planet. He sets out in search of life. It's a strange planet, it's surface is soft and porous. Curious geysers blast hot air. Suddenly, it dawns on him. He's not on the planet surface. He's on a reclining alien. Calvin aims his dart gun at a sleeping Dad. Calvin says that our hero sets his death ray blaster.
Appears In 17 SEPT 1988 Script We did it! We cleared Earth's orbit! Mars, here we come! Are you sure this is the way? What? You didn't bring the map?!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are in the wagon in space. Calvin says they cleared Earth's orbit. Calvin yells "Mars, here we come". Hobbes asks if he's sure this is the way. Calvin asks if he didn't bring the map.
Appears In 19 SEPT 1988 Script Space travel makes you realize just how small we really are. When you see Earth as a tiny blue speck in the infinite reaches of space, you have to wonder about the mysteries of creation. Surely we're all part of some great design, no more or less important than anything else in the Universe. Surely everything fits together and has a purpose, a reason for being. Doesn't it make you wonder? I wonder what happens if you throw up in zero gravity. Maybe you should wonder what it's like to walk home.
Description Calvin says space travel makes you realize how small we are. The earth is a tiny blue speck in the infinite reaches of space. Calvin wonders about the mysteries of creation. He thinks they're part of some great design, no more or less important than any other thing in the universe. Everything fits together and has a reason for being. He asks Hobbes if it makes him wonder. Hobbes wonders what happens when you throw up in zero gravity. Calvin tells him maybe he should wonder what it's like to walk home.
Appears In 21 SEPT 1988 Script See any signs of Martian life? Not yet... Hey, look! It's the old "Viking" spacecraft that landed here in the '70s. Gosh, I wonder if it's still working. BLAHHHH HOOP HOOP BOOLA BOOLA ACKACKACK That ought to blow some circuits at NASA! Hee Hee Hee! I've always wanted to do something like that.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are walking on Mars looking for signs of life. Calvin notices the old "Viking" spacecraft that landed in the 70's. Hobbes wonders if it's still working. They walk up to the craft, make funny faces at it, and make odd noises. As they walk away laughing, Calvin says that ought to blow some circuits at NASA.
Appears In 30 SEPT 1988 Script There's Earth. We're almost home. Look, you can see the continents. Hmm... if I remember my atlas, we live in a big, purple country. And our house is by the giant letter "E" in the word "States".
Description As they ride in the wagon through space, they approach earth. Calvin says you can see the continents. He says if he remembers his atlas, they live in a big, purple country. Hobbes adds their house is by the giant "E" in the word "States".
Appears In 03 OCT 1988 Script For show and tell, I have brought a space alien I captured in my back yard. Yes, for the last two days I've been keeping it in this special zarnium-coated bag, and feeding it pure ammonia! And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! AARGH How'd it work? My teacher says Mom and Dad both have to sign my report cards this year.
Description Calvin brings in the space alien he caught in his back yard to show and tell. He tells the class that for two days, he's kept it in a special zarnium-coated bag, feeding it pure ammonia. He opens the bag, and he has a hand puppet on. He makes a growling sound. Later, Hobbes asks how it went. Calvin tells him the teacher said both Mom and Dad have to sign his report cards this year.
Appears In 16 OCT 1988 Script The valiant Spaceman Spiff, energetic inter-galactic explorer, comes in over the mountains of a strange planet! Our hero desperately hopes to find a rest area with working facilities. Spaceman Spiff lands on the distant planet Zokk. Climbing down from his spacevraft, our hero prepares to explore te surface! Unexpectedy, Spiff's first step sends him careening through the sky! Spiff quickly realizes that Planet Zokk has only a fraction of Earth's gravity. With practice, our hero soon finds he can bound effortlessly across the landscape. Stop bouncing on the bed and go to sleep.
Description Spaceman Spiff lands on the planet Zokk. He prepares to explore the surface. Spiff's first step sends him careening through the sky. Spiff realizes Zokk has only a fraction of earth's gravity. With practice, our hero finds he can bound effortlessly across the landscape. Dad opens the bedroom door and yells to Calvin to quit bouncing on the bed and go to sleep.
Appears In 05 DEC 1988 Script Spiff's spacecraft is immobilized! The navigatron has shorted out! A zillion miles from any planet, our hero must climb out and fix it himself in zero gravity! Upside down, Spiff clings tightly to his spaceship! One slip will send him hurling into the horrors of the infinite beyond! GO... TO... SCHOOL! NO!
Description Spaceman Spiff's spacecraft is immobilized. Our hero must climb out and fix it in zero gravity. Upside down, Spiff clings to the spaceship. One slip will send him hurling into the horrors of the infinite beyond. Calvin is hanging upside down, holding onto both sides of the doorway while Mom tries to push him out the door to go to school.
Appears In 28 DEC 1988 Script Every day I have to get up and go to school. Nothing ever changes. It's just school, school, school. But not today. Today, I go for the gusto. I think you should ask your Mom if it's OK.
Description Calvin is getting dressed. He complains every day he has to get up and go to school. He says nothing ever changes. It's just school, school, school. But today, he goes for the gusto. He dresses in a space helmet and cape. Hobbes suggests Calvin should ask Mom if it's okay.
Appears In 16 JAN 1989 Script The fearless Spaceman Spiff finds himself on the planet closest to star X-351! An alien approaches... but in the blinding light, our here can hardly make it out! Is it friendly or hostile? What are you still doing in bed still? Get ready for school! Definitely hostile.
Description Spaceman Spiff finds himself on the planet surface. An alien approaches. In the blinding light, Spiff can't tell whether the alien is friendly or hostile. Mom comes in to yell at Calvin who's still sitting on his bed. She tells him to get ready for school. Spiff, being carried off by the alien, says that it's definitely hostile.
Appears In 17 JAN 1989 Script The school bus will be here any minute! Go! Scoot! Spaceman Spiff, captured by vicious zogwards, is about to be transported to the labor camp! Our hero hatches a bold plan! At the last second, Spiff makes his break! Taking advantage of the planet's low gravity, our hero is away like a shot. There's the bus... but why don't I see Calvin?
Description Calvin is tossed out the door. Mom tells him the bus will be by any minute. Get going! Spaceman Spiff, captured by the Zogwargs, is being transported to the labor camp. Our hero hatches a plan. He makes his break. Using the planet's weaker gravity, our hero is away like a shot. Mom looks out the window. She says she sees the bus, but why doesn't she see Calvin?
Appears In 19 JAN 1989 Script Calvin, what are you doing? You're supposed to be on the school bus! Get over here! Our hero blasts off with his emergency jet pack! Another daring escape for the intrepid Spaceman Spiff! Zounds! The Zogwargs are on rocket scooters! Spiff fires his death ray blaster! It's your own grave you're digging, buster!
Description Mom gets on her coat and tells Calvin to get over there. Our hero blasts off on his jet pack. Another daring escape for the intrepid Spaceman Spiff. The Zogwargs are on rocket scooters. Spiff fires his death ray blaster. Calvin is throwing snowballs at Mom as she chases him. She tells him he's digging his own grave.
Appears In 29 JAN 1989 Script The valiant Spaceman Spiff is led by his captors to a secret dungeon to be debriefed! Little do they realize that our hero doesn't WEAR briefs! Eat your dinner, Calvin. Ugh. Poised precariously over a percolating pit of putrid pasta, Spaceman Spiff is held prisoner! Still won't talk, eh, Earthling? Our hero's mind races furiously! He's had his chance! Let's make him eat! LOOK BEHIND YOU!! Fool! The human scum escaped! Not for long, Zokbar-2! And tomorrow morning he'll have cold manicotti for breakfast!
Description Mom tells Calvin to eat his dinner. Spaceman Spiff is held over a pit of putrid pasta. Our hero's mind races furiously. The aliens say that he's had his chance. Let's make him eat. Calvin looks surprised, points behind Mom and Dad, and tells them to look behind them. When they look, Calvin runs off. One alien says the human scum has escaped. The other says tomorrow morning, he'll have cold manicotti for breakfast.
Appears In 02 APR 1989 Script Three... two... one... LIGHT SPEED! Blasting across the galaxy in hyper light drive, it's Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer extraordin... Since Calvin seems to be enjoying the lesson, let's have him demonstrate the next problem. ZOONDS! A Zok death sloop appears out of nowhere and fries Spiff's stabilizers! Our hero hurls out of control towar his imminent doom! The situation is desperate! This could be the end! What can our hero do?? His mind racing furiously, Spiff springs into action! He downshifts his spacecraft and ... stalls. RINGG! Oh, darn, out of time. Once again Spaceman Spiff beats all odds to save the day!
Description Spaceman Spiff blasts across the galaxy. Miss Wormwood asks Calvin to demonstrate the next problem. A Zok death sloop appears and fries Spiff's stabilizers. He hurls out of control toward his doom. Calvin writes the math problem on the chalkboard. The situation is desperate. What can our hero do? He downshifts his spacecraft and...stalls. Calvin writes a bunch of numbers and lines on the board. The class bell rings. Oh, darn, out of time. Spaceman Spiff once again beats all odds to save the day.
Appears In 11 APR 1989 Script Dad! Dad! Outer space aliens just landed in the back yard! Oh, reall. What do they look like? Sort of like big baked potatoes with laser guns. I think we should do what they say. Did they say what they want? Yeah, they want 10 dollars. I'll bet they do. Since you're so busy, you can give the money to me, and I'll take it over to them.
Description Calvin runs up to Dad, telling him aliens just landed in their back yard. Dad asks what they look like. Calvin tells him like baked potatoes with laser guns. Dad asks if they said what they wanted. Calvin replies they want ten dollars. Dad says he bets they do. Calvin offers that since Dad is so busy, he could give the money to Calvin and he'll take it over to them.
Appears In 04 AUG 1989 Script Hey, Mom, did you know that gravity in outer space works as if space was a soft, flat surface? It's tru. Heavy matter, like planets, sinks into the surface and anything passing by, like light, will "roll" toward the dip in space made by the planet. Light is actually deflected by gravity! Amazing, huh? And speaking of gravity, I dropped a pitcher of lemonade on the kitchen floor when my roller skates slipped. How can kids know so much and still be so dumb?
Description Calvin asks Mom if she knew gravity in outer space works as if space was a soft, flat surface. He explains that heavy matter, like planets sink into the surface, and anything passing by, like light, will "roll" toward the dip in space made by the planet. Light is deflected by gravity. Then he adds that he dropped a pitcher of lemonade on the kitchen floor when his roller skates slipped. As Mom mops up the mess, she wonders how kids can know so much, yet be so dumb.
Appears In 15 AUG 1989 Script Z Z CRAACKK BOOM What do you think? A thunderstorm, or a space alien ray gun invasion? Whichever, tell me when it's over.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are soundly sleeping. Suddenly, there is a big CRACK! Light fills the room. Then there is a big BOOM! Calvin and Hobbes fly up into the air. They get under the bed. Calvin asks if it's a thunderstorm or a space alien ray gun invasion. Hobbes doesn't care and just wants to know when it's over.
Appears In 03 SEPT 1989 Script How's your math homework going? AUGH! FINE! ...sighhhh... RGHH! GRR YIPE! RGHH RRGH YIPE! YIPE! SNAP AIEE! EEK! EEK! SNAP SNAP CRUNCH URRPP YAA! AUGH! Your book ate your homework, hmm? That's a new one. I'm lucky to be alive! I had to break its spine!
Description Spaceman Spiff is going down over planet Gork. The planet is inhabited. Spiff's stabilizers refuse to respond. Our hero's going to crash. This spells disaster! Calvin is startled by the teacher calling his name. He spells disaster. The teacher congratulates him for paying attention. Once again, Spaceman Spiff beats all odds to save the day. The teacher tells him he can sit down. He's standing on his chair, fists clenched together.
Appears In 07 SEPT 1989 Script The fearless Spaceman Spiff is being pursued across the galaxy by dreaded scum beings! They're gaining! Spiff's only chance to lose them is to release a giant smoke cloud behind his spacecraft! Our hero throws the lever! Heh heh... just uh, clapping the erasers, heh heh... (cough) You again? *sighhhh* I can't believe it's not even 8:30 yet.
Description Spaceman Spiff is being pursued by scum beings. Spiff's only chance is to release a giant smoke cloud behind his spacecraft. Miss Wormwood is standing next to Calvin, who's clapping the erasers together into a billowing cloud. The principal opens the door for Calvin, who can't believe it's not even 8:30 yet.
Appears In 11 OCT 1989 Script A blinding bolt of blazing crimson careens across the sky! It's STUPENDOUS MAN! Seconds later, the amazing marvel alights upon an observatory telescope at Mount Palomar! With stupendous strength, STUPENDOUS MAN carefully unscrews the giant lens... ... and blasts into space with it!
Description Stupendous Man flies to the observatory telescope at Mount Palomar. With his stupendous strength, he carefully unscrews the giant lens and blasts into space with it.
Appears In 14 OCT 1989 Script And why, may I ask, are you standing in your underwear in the closet? Oh, no reason. Um.. I was hot. You're SUPPOSED to be doing your homework! I don't need to do it now, thanks to STUPENDOUS MAN! Oh yeah? It was great! He fried the school with a big magnifying lens in space! I'm sure it will be in all the papers tomorrow. Boy, she'll be in trouble when she gives me my costume back. BIG trouble.
Description Mom asks why he's standing in his closet in his underwear. Calvin says because it was hot. Mom reminds him he's supposed to be doing his homework. Calvin tells her he doesn't have to do it, thanks to Stupendous Man. He explains how Stupendous Man fried the school with a big magnifying glass in space. He's sure it will be in all the papers tomorrow. Calvin, sitting at his desk reading his homework, grumbles that she'll be in trouble when she gives him his costume back.
Appears In 23 OCT 1989 Script The strangest thing happened to me a few minutes ago. Oh? What? I was minding my own business, when suddenly I was zapped into some sort of space void vortex! There I watched helplessly as an evil duplicate of myself from a parallel univere too my place on earth, and... what have you done NOW? No, no, see, it wasn't ME...
Description Calvin tells Mom the strangest thing happened to him a few minutes ago. He was suddenly zapped into some sort of space void vortex. He watched helplessly as an evil duplicate of himself from a parallel universe took his place and... Mom asks what he did now. Calvin quickly says it wasn't him.
Appears In 29 OCT 1989 Script His stabilizers useless, his fuel about to explode, our hero careens out of control over a strange, unexplored planet! Yes, it's just another typical day for the incredible Spaceman Spiff! Zorched by Zarokes, Spaceman Spiff's crippled craft crashes on Platet Plootarg! Dazed but undaunted, our fearless hero sets off in search of a service station! Zounds! The zealous zarches have followed Spiff to the planet's surface to finish him off! With a sudden chill, our hero realizes the planet's soft granular ground makes him easy to track! Thinking quickly, Spiff runs backward, so his tracks show him going the opposite direction! By continuing past a hiding place and doubling back, our hero fools the hideous aliens! CALVIN! It's time to come in! We know he went this way. We'll find him.
Description Calvin asks Dad why old photographs are black and white. He asks if they didn't have color film back then. Dad tells him they did, but the world was black and white then. He says the world didn't turn color until the 1930's. Calvin says that's weird. Dad says truth is stranger than fiction. Calvin then asks why old paintings are in color. If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted it that way? Dad says a lot of great artists were insane. Calvin asks how they could have painted in color. Their paints would have been shades of gray. Dad says the paints turned colors like everything else did in the '30s. Calvin then asks why old black and white photos didn't turn color. Dad says because they were color pictures of black and white. Later, Calvin tells Hobbes the world is a complicated place. Hobbes says whenever it seems that way, he takes a nap in a tree and waits for dinner.
Appears In 17 NOV 1989 Script All this wide open ceiling space! I wish I could get my roller skates. Heyh, maybe I can climb up this bookcase and when I get to the bottom shelf, leap to a chair. Then I can pull myself across other pieces of furniture and work my way to the chest. I can hear Mom now: How on earth did you get sneaker prints on the underside of each shelf?!"
Description With all the open ceiling space, Calvin wishes he could get his roller skates. He decides to try climbing down the bookcase and jumping to a chair. Then he can pull himself across other pieces of furniture to get to his toy chest. As he walks down the bookcase, he says he can hear Mom wondering how he got sneaker prints on the underside of each shelf.
Appears In 26 NOV 1989 Script Mom never lets me stay up to watch the TV shows I really want to see. Why not? She says they're too educational. I watched a nature program on TV last night. Afterward, I asked Dad if life was really nothing more than surviving long enough to reproduce before you became food for something else. Well, he looked at me a minute, and said he didn't know about the rest of it, but he thought that the importance of reproducing was greatly overrated. I've noticed in those programs how the young males often leave the herd at an early age. I think it's GOOD that everyone becomes food.
Description The muck monsters of Mordo are closing in on Spaceman Spiff. They fire at them, but just miss. He tries to fly through the rings of the planet below. The monsters veer off, afraid to follow Spiff. Swerving left, right, up, and down, Spiff pilots around each hurling missile. POW! Our hero's going down. Moe has hit Calvin with a ball. Calvin, lying against a wall, says he hates playing "dodge ball" in gym class.
Appears In 14 JAN 1990 Script The distant planet Z-12. Distant, that is, to everyone but Spaceman Spiff! The fearless explorer Spaceman Spiff cruises over the desolate dunes of an uncharted planet! No vegetation covers the rolling terrain. Millions of years of harsh exposure without an atmosphere has swept the surface clean. What strange chemicals must compose this alien soil! Crossing a rift, the rocks abruptly change color! ZOUNDS! A huge mountain suddenly rises out of the plain! Our hero pulls up! Over the top, Spiff discovers that it is not a mountain at all! The whole landscape is... is bedding for a horrendous monster! Zg! Mf! Huh? All right, what time is it?! The creature appears hostile! With no time to lose, our hero readies a hydro bomb!
Description Calvin asks Dad to play outside in the snow with him. Dad is doing paperwork, so he can't play. Dad keeps working, but it's hard to concentrate. He looks out the window, then at his papers. He gets up and joins Calvin outside. They build a snowman together. That night, Dad is again working on his papers, but Mom holds Calvin up so he can give Dad a goodnight kiss on the head.
Appears In 18 FEB 1990 Script GRGHHG rGHHHH GRRGH RGGHH SNORRTT GHACKHGG Heh heh heh... Sorry... A litle sinus congestion... Sighhh...
Description Spaceman Spiff cruises over Planet Quorg. Our hero explores the peculiar rock formations, looking for life. The rock formations are too peculiar. Spiff suddenly realizes this landscape was not created by geological forces. Spiff hits the thrusters. The formations are footprints. While Spiff was searching for alien life, it was searching for him. Spiff is sure it wanted the earthling for dinner. Calvin sees footprints in the snow, while he hears his name being called to dinner. Calvin runs the opposite way.
Appears In 08 APR 1990 Script HEY, CALVIN! Are we near a slaughterhouse, or did you forget your deodorant?! DROP DEAD, SUSIE! You're so ugly, I hear your Mom puts a bag over your head before she kisses you goodnight!! It's shameless, the way we flirt. What's it like to fall in love? Well... say the object of your affection walks by... Yeah? First your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation short circuits to your brain, and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until she leaves. THAT'S love?!? Medically speaking. Heck, that happened to ME once, but I figured it was COOTIES!!
Description Spaceman Spiff lands on Planet Gorzarg-5. He sets off across the desolate terrain in search of help. In the distance, methane clouds rain sodium hydroxide, a caustic alkali. The downpour was too heavy for the ground to absorb. A steaming river of corrosive liquid rushes toward our hero. Spiff scrambles to higher ground, but the flood continues to rise. Our hero is trapped. How could things get worse? Calvin is leaning across the bathtub as Mom tells him to just get in.
Appears In 30 APR 1990 Script Our hero, the fearless Spaceman Spiff, is marooned on the most distant planet in the galaxy! There's no hope of rescue from this bleak and isolated world! Oh, what a desolate place to be trapped! Spiff tries desparately to repair his disabled spacecraft! CRACK High fly to left field! Who's out there?! Our hero pauses. There's some commotion on the horizon. ALIENS! Spiff grabs his blaster!
Description Spaceman Spiff is marooned on the most distant planet in the galaxy. There's no hope of rescue from this bleak world. Spiff tries to repair his disabled spacecraft. CRACK! There's a fly ball to left field. Calvin says there is a commotion on the horizon. Aliens! Calvin says Spiff grabs his blaster.
Appears In 20 MAY 1990 Script Hey Dad, remember our car? Why sure. Wait a minute, what do you mean, "remember"? Hobbes, I have a conjectural moral question. Maybe you can help. Sure. Suppose I did something bad, should I tell Dad? How bad are we supposing? Well, hypothetically, let's say pretty bad, like to his car, hypothetically. How bad, hypothetically, to his car? Well, let's pretend it was REAL bad. Should we pretend it could be fixed? If we imagined he could FIND the car, we could pretend it might be fixed. I see. You can keep the book. I'll call the bus station. Que Pasa, Senorita? I am el fugitivo!
Description Spaceman Spiff zooms to the surface of Ahnooie-4. He sets off to search for sentient life. Spiff only discovers a hideous blob so stupid it just stares completely straight ahead, unaware of anything around it. Our hero decides to put the blob out of its misery. Susie yells to Miss Wormwood that Calvin's shooting spit balls. Perplexed by the blob's resilience, Spiff adds more juice and prepares to fire again. A giant creature comes up behind him.
Appears In 21 MAY 1990 Script On a distant planet Zark, we find the empty red spacecraft of our hero, the bod SPACEMAN SPIFF! Uh oh! Up ahead, the rocks are charred with death ray blasts! A violent struggle took place here! And only the tracks of a large, sinister alien leave the scene! What has happened to the earthling explorer? Calvin, this is humiliating!! I don't want to go! Put me down!
Description On Planet Zark, Spaceman Spiff's spacecraft sits empty. The rocks are charred with death ray blasts. A struggle has taken place. Only the tracks of a sinister alien leave the scene. What has happened to Spiff? Mom is pushing Calvin into the school bus. She tells him this is humiliating. Calvin doesn't want to go.
Appears In 22 MAY 1990 Script Spaceman Spiff is being held prisoner by hideous aliens! What do they want with him? Spiff is soon to find out! Our hero is called before the alien potentate! ... where it becomes clear that Spiff is about to be sacrificed... ... to appease the evil god they call "nollij"! Up to the blackboard. Hurry up.
Description Calvin sits at his desk with teeth gritted. He says Spiff is being held prisoner by hideous aliens. He wonders what they want with him. Spiff is called before the alien potentate. It becomes clear Spiff is going to be sacrificed....to appease the evil god they call "Nollij". Miss Wormwood tells Calvin to go to the blackboard.
Appears In 24 MAY 1990 Script Spiff escapes! The dank and smelly corridors of the alien fortress are deserted! All the aliens had gathered for the spectacle of our hero's demise! The fearless space explorer makes it to the planet surface, but the alien queen is in pursuit! Calvin, get back here! Spiff jumps into the cockpit, pressurises the launch thrusters, and... blasts off! Our hero is safe! Tomorrow: Or IS he??
Description Spiff escapes. The smelly corridors of the fortress are deserted. All the aliens had gathered for the spectacle of our hero's demise. The space explorer makes it to the planet surface, but the alien queen is in pursuit. Miss Wormwood yells for Calvin to come back to the room. Spiff jumps into his spacecraft and blasts off. He's safe!
Appears In 28 MAY 1990 Script UFOs! Are they real?? Have they landed in our towns and neighborhoods? Do the chilling photographs by an amateur photographer really show a sinister alien spaceship and the grim results of a close encounter, or are the pictures an elaborate hoax? Listen to an expoert on space aliens speculate on their hideous biology and their horrifying weaponry! All this and more... ...on Calvin's show and tell ... NEXT! Calvin, will you come here please?
Description Calvin stands in front of the class and asks if UFO's are real. He holds up pictures while asking if the amateur photographer got pictures of a sinister alien spaceship and the grim results of a close encounter. Or are they an elaborate hoax? He implores the class to listen to the space alien expert speculate on their hideous biology and their horrifying weaponry. All this and more on Calvin's show and tell coming up next. Miss Wormwood asks Calvin to come over to her.
Appears In 01 JULY 1990 Script No Earthling has ever before seen the cratered, scarred surface of the distant planet Zog! ... although it's not unlike some of those zit cream commercials ... we join the fearless Spaceman Spiff interplanetary explorer extraordinaire, out at the farthest reaches of the galaxy ... with nerves of steel, our hero sets forth on his dangerous mission! He fires his hyper-jets and ... blasts into the fifth dimension! Into a world beyond human comprehension! Into a world where time has no meaning! Man, this class lasts forever! So we carry the three into the tens column ...
Description Calvin suggests a game of tossing a water balloon back and forth. Each time they catch it, they take a step back. Calvin throws the balloon to Hobbes. Calvin catches the return toss. He steps back and hits Hobbes with the balloon. He starts laughing at Hobbes, who stands there drenched. Hobbes picks Calvin up. He asks if Hobbes can't take a joke. He says he didn't do it on purpose. Hobbes dunks Calvin in the rain barrel. As he climbs out, Calvin says it's no fun to play games with a poor sport.
Appears In 26 AUG 1990 Script Gravity is arbitrary! Calvin wakes up one day to find he is immune to the force of gravity. He hangs on to the ground for dear life, but his grip is weakening! He can't hold on! He ... he let's go! Aaaaa. Higher and higher, as upward he falls! Only by grabbing the tail pin of a passing jet does Calvin save himself from being hurled out into space! No, no, let him finish. This is very interesting, so after you landed in Phoenix, what happened? Well, I don't care. I'm not sewing velcro on the outside of all his clothes. Well, about then my gravity came back, so I ...
Description Hobbes tells Calvin he just ran into the invisible sector. He has to cover his eyes. Calvin, playing Calvinball, didn't know they had an invisible sector. He asks where it is. Hobbes tells him he can't see it. It's invisible. He asks how to know he went into it. Hobbes says he can't see anything, right? He hits Calvin on the head with the Calvinball. He gets a point. Calvin chases him. He says Hobbes just ran into a vortex spot. He has to spin around until he falls down. Hobbes informs Calvin that spot is in the boomerang zone, so the vortex returns to who called it. Calvin has to spin. He claims that's not fair. Hobbes tells him he knows the rules. Calvin admits that anything they make up are the rules. Calvin spins himself dizzy while saying this game lends itself to certain abuses. Hobbes has the Calvinball. He asks Calvin to guess how he gets out of the boomerang zone.
Appears In 09 SEPT 1990 Script Spaceman Spiff is hit! He's going down! Fortunately, our hero always buckles up! The fearless Spaceman Spiff has crashed on a distant world! The planet's atmosphere is thick with noxious fumes and gases! Our hero can hardly breathe. Spiff must find help quickly ... but is there any life on this hostile world? His question is answered when a hideous blob of of gelatinous muck oozes out of a crevice toward him! Spiff's blaster is useless against the slime! Our hero tries to escape, but the suffocating stench envelops him! What a disgusting fate! Yechh! I sure wish I'd brought my lunch today! That's gross, Calvin! If you don't like the cafeteria's tapioca, just leave it alone!
Description Susie gives Calvin an invitation to a milk and cookie party. Calvin declines. He wouldn't attend if she paid him. Susie doesn't care and walks off. She calls Calvin a jerk and says she went to all the trouble to set up the table and chairs. She says to Mr. Bun they can have a nice party by themselves. Calvin happily tells Hobbes they showed her. Hobbes wonders what kind of cookies they were. Calvin and Hobbes go to the party. Susie is happy. Calvin says they don't attend parties, they crash them.
Appears In 22 SEPT 1990 Script Man, this is going to be great! Not only am I going to ace this quiz, but I'm going to win a quarter from Susie when I get a better score than she does! OK! The first problem is 6+5. Oh, easy! The answer is... um.... ummmmmmm... UMMMMMMMM His spacecraft quietly humming, the incredible Spaceman Spiff approaches the sixth plant of the Mysterio system!
Description Calvin is excited that not only will he ace the quiz, he'll win a quarter from Susie when he gets a better score. He reads the first problem, 6 + 5 =. He thinks about it. Spaceman Spiff approaches the sixth planet of the Mysterio system.
Appears In 24 SEPT 1990 Script A small red spacecraft breaks through the cloud cover of Mysterio system planet 6! At the controls, it's none other than our fearless hero, Spaceman Spiff! Piloting over the lifeless world, he reflects on his unusual mission... QUIZ 1. 6+5= ... to somehoe crash planets 6 and 5 together!
Description Spiff commands the red spacecraft breaking through the clouds of Planet 6. He reflects on his unusual mission, to somehow crash Planets 6 and 5 together.
Appears In 25 SEPT 1990 Script In a scientific mission to discover what happens when two planets collide, Spaceman Spiff drops anchor! The anchor catches on a hillside! Spiff downshifts and guns the motor! Imperceptibly at first, the planet slowly moves, towed along by our hero, until... ...breaking orbit, planet 6 picks up speed, hurling towards planet 5!
Description Spaceman Spiff drops an anchor onto the Planet 6 surface. Spiff downshifts and guns the motor. The planet slowly moves, towed by our hero. It breaks orbit and speeds toward Planet 5.
Appears In 26 SEPT 1990 Script Pulled by Spaceman Spiff, planet 6 is about to collide with planet 5! With no time to lose, our hero cuts loose the anchor and flies to safety! The planets crash, grinding and shattering with awful force! Planet 5, being smaller, is crunched to dust! Only 6 remains! 6+5=6. Time! Pass your papers forward. TIME?! I just finished the first problem!
Description Planet 6 is about to collide with Planet 5. Our hero cuts loose the anchor and flies to safety. The planets grind and shatter with awful force. Planet 5, being smaller, is crunched to dust. Only Planet 6 remains. Calvin answers the problem....6 + 5 = 6. The teacher calls time. Calvin is horrified. He's only answered the first problem.
Appears In 07 OCT 1990 Script ... so if you capture the other guy's flag and make it back to your territory, you win. Win what? The game. No luggage? No toaster oven? Hey, you can't hide your flag in a tree! It's too hard to capture! That's not a rule. I can hide my flag anywhere! Well, it's a rule now! From now on, no flags in trees! Ok, but I just tagged you, so you have to go to jail. What?? It's a time out! I was making a new rule! You didn't officially call a time out. Off to jail with you! Forget it! From now on, if you are discussing a new rule, it's automatically a time out. Ok, time in! Tag! You can't do that! We have to say "time in" together! Since when?? You're just changing rules so you'll win! I am not! I'm just trying to keep you from cheating! Just a minute. Muffin head. Are you calling me a cheater? Who's a muffin head! Yowp! Arrgh! Oatmeal face! Strudel brain! Mom says we should take up Monopoly. No way, buster. I know all about those "interest free bank loans" to yourself!
Description Spaceman Spiff explores a new planet. The only sign of life is a strange lichen growing on the rocks. Spiff bends down for a better look. It's not lichen. It's tiny trees on tiny farmland. Looking ahead, Spiff sees a city, with skyscrapers an inch high. The planet is inhabited. Our hero reflects that human scale is by no means the standard for life forms. To drive the point home, a blimp-sized monster appears over the hillside. Calvin has been playing with ants. Moe is making fun of Calvin by yelling to one of his friends. Calvin, slowly reaching for a rock, says Spaceman Spiff reaches for his stun blaster.
Appears In 28 OCT 1990 Script A brilliant bolt of deadly frap ray blazes by the intrepid Spaceman Spiff! Our hero has very high insurance premiums. The courageous Spaceman Spiff is hit! He plummets toward planet Zog! Breaking through the cloud layer, he careens over an alien city! There's no place to land! Spiff wrestles the uncooperative controls! More freem drive to the thuster busters! Too much stress! The fuel explodes in flame! The situation is grim! Ten seconds to impact! Nine ... eight ... Well Calvin?? Seven! Very good Calvin. Ten minus three equals seven. I didn't think you were paying attention. That question was worth three points. Our hero miraculously makes a three-point landing. Spiff saves the day again!
Description Hobbes passes the football to Calvin. Calvin runs after it, and Hobbes runs past him. Calvin makes the catch, only to turn and have Hobbes tackle him. Hobbes picks up the fumble. He asks whose team he was on when he recovered the ball. Calvin tells him it doesn't matter. The game's called on account of sudden death.
Appears In 20 JAN 1991 Script What do you know about love, Hobbes? Lots! Yeah? Like what? I'm not telling. WHY NOT? It's a sophisticated thing. SOPHISTICATED?! Whaddaya MEAN sophisticated?? I'M sophisticated! Why won't you talk about it? Nice weather today. RRRRGH!! You know something and you won't tell me what it is! Maybe when you're older. When I'm OLDER?! Why can't you tell me now?! Some things you wouldn't understand. Ha! I bet you don't know ANYthing about love! THAT's why you won't tell me!! If that's what you want to believe, go ahead. TELL ME! NO! TELL ME! NOT! TELL ME! NO! TELL ME! NO! TELL ME! NO! Look, just give me a hint, OK? One hint, c'mon! OK, here! "Snoogy-woogy wips". EWW See? I told you you weren't old enough.
Description Spaceman Spiff crashes on Planet Plootarg. He sets off in search of a service station. He sees the Zarches have followed him to the planet's surface to finish him off. The planet's soft, granular ground makes him easy to track. He runs backwards, so his tracks show him going the opposite direction. By continuing past a hiding place and doubling back, Spiff fools the aliens. Calvin, up in a tree, looks down at Mom and Dad. They're yelling that it's time to go in. Dad says he knows Calvin went this way, and that they'll find him.
Appears In 10 FEB 1991 Script ... so if we subtract five from... OUIR FEARLESS HERO ESCAPES! We join the valiant Spaceman Spiff as he flees his bloatoid captors! Our hero scrambles into his waiting spacecraft! Spiff pressurizes the magnetronic altitude-o-lators and hits the turbo hyper-thrust drive! Instantly our hero blasts to escape velocity! Half a micromoment later, Spiff is just another speck in the infinite sea of outer space! Alone and free in an endless frontier! Free to roam the heavens in man's noble quest to investigate the weirdness of the universe! Whee, what fun! I'm glad you could come home so early! C'mon ol' buddy! Let's go exploring and find some gross bugs! Hello? ... speaking... HE WHAT?!
Description In rhyme, Calvin is lying in the snow, making an angel. He sees a UFO. The aliens snag Calvin with a hook on his overcoat and hoist him aboard. He tries to fight away, but it's no use. The tie him up and wired his cranium to a suction cup. Current courses across his cerebellum, coaxing things from his brain tissue he wouldn't tell them. All the math he ever learned were removed in this operation. Calvin tells Miss Wormwood his escape was an adventure, but suffice to say, he cannot add, so she should ask some other kid.
Appears In 03 MAR 1991 Script Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of homor? When you think about it, it's weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We LAUGH at nonsense. We LIKE it. We think it's funny. Don't you think it's odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us? I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life. I can't tell if that's funny or really scary.
Description Spaceman Spiff cruises over the desolate dunes of an uncharted planet. There is no vegetation. Millions of years of harsh exposure without an atmosphere has swept the surface clean. Crossing a rift, the rocks abruptly change color. A huge mountain rises out of the plain. Our hero pulls up. Spiff discovers it's not a mountain at all. The whole landscape is bedding for a horrendous monster. Dad sleepily looks to see what time it is. Calvin, next to Dad in bed, says the creature appears hostile. Our hero readies a hydro bomb. Calvin has a glass of water poised to douse Dad.
Appears In 05 MAY 1991 Script I've been reading about the beginning of the universe. They call it "The Big Bang". Isn't it weird how scientists can imagine all the matter of the universe exploding out of a dot smaller than the head of a pin, but they can't come up with a more evocative name for it than "The Big Bang"? That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empericists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder. What would you call the creation of the universe? "The HORRENDOUS SPACE KABLOOIE!" Hmm... that IS better. Almost anything would be. We should lobby to change that. And I think "Tyrannosaur" should be changed to monstrous killer death lizard".
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Appears In 27 MAY 1991 Script All right class, who would like to give his book report first? Calvin, how about you? Calvin? Calvin? Spaceman Spiff cooly draws his death ray blaster ...
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Appears In 27 JUNE 1991 Script Calvin, you're not paying attention again! Spaceman Spiff, conqueror of the cosmos, is trapped by a hideous Zondarg! With lightining speed, Spiff bolts for the air lock, making a daring escape! Nice try Calvin.
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Appears In 14 JULY 1991 Script The fearless Spaceman Spiff flies low over an uncharted planet! Suddenly, the alien-indicator light flashes! The bizarrotron shows a 3.7 weirdness level! our hero hits the decelerator! Watching for the alien, Spiff reflects that weirdness is nature's way of adapting life to its environment. Species are endlessly inventive in their will to survive! ZOUNDS!! THERE IT IS! What horrible circumstances of evolution would conspire to make a creature so profoundly UGLY? Our hero moves in for further examination of its hideousness! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?? GET AWAY FROM ME!! According to Spiff's field guide, the creature is a "gurl". Spiff makes a note that the bizarrotron has been reading a bit low lately. WEIRDO!
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Appears In 30 JULY 1991 Script The valiant Spaceman Spiff is being pursued by a disgusting scum being! Spiff spots his hovering spaceship and bolts for the ladder! But he's too late! The awful scum being is upon him! It's all over! It's all over!! I told you three times recess was over! Now get inside!
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Appears In 19 AUG 1991 Script Susie, wanna hear a secret? Sure. I think the principal is a space alien spy. He's trying to corrupt our young innocent minds so we'll be unable to resist when his people invade the Earth! Promise not to tell anyone? Don't worry.
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Appears In 26 SEPT 1991 Script The aliens are gaining on our hero! In a surprise move, Spaceman Spiff shifts into reverse! The aliens roar ahead! Spiff shifts back into forward, and pursues the aliens! ... but the aliens have turned around and are headed straight for our hero! Spiff shifts into reverse! I'm getting sick.
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Appears In 20 OCT 1991 Script The fearless Spaceman Spiff pilots his craft at speeds never before imagined! He discovers galaxies and planets never before charted! He courageously lands on alien worlds never before explored... ...bravely confronting space species never before encountered! Yes, our hero, the incredible Spaceman Spiff, is a cosmic pioneer, boldly facing the unknown in a universe of wild adventure! EWW! I've never had this before! I won't eat it!
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Appears In 25 NOV 1991 Script Tomorrow we're going to discuss "current events" in school. Each of us has to find a newspaper article, read it to the class, and explain it. What article did you choose? This one. "Space alien weds two-headed Elvis clone." Actually, there's not much left to explain.
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Appears In 02 DEC 1991 Script As you can see, Spaceman Spiff, we have ways of extracting information from even the most uncooperative prisoners! Our hero, captured by Zorkons, eyes the diabolical instruments of torture! Very amusing. You twisted space frog. What's this fiendish device called? A chin-up bar. Get on it. Spiff readies his daring escape.
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Appears In 12 JAN 1992 Script Glogga muck bluh Spiff! Spiff chug wunka! We join our hero, the courageous Spaceman Spiff, as he is pursued across the galaxy by hostile aliens! A bolt of Explode-o-Ray explodes behind him! The aliens are closing in! Spiff punches the accelerator and dives towards the mysterious world below! Blasting low over the planet's surface at near light speed, our hero is horrified to discover the aliens are still on his trail! Spiff has but one desperate chance! He flies through a tight arch, hoping the aliens will crash as they follow! Zounds! The ol' battleship is surprisingly maneuverable! Don't call me that! And you are going to bed if I have to chase you all night!
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Appears In 29 MAR 1992 Script That certainly was a grim spectacle. I LIKE breakfast on the run. But Mom, it's their NATURE! Why can't you eat at the table like a civilized human being?!
Description Calvin darts out of the classroom. Spaceman Spiff flees his Bloatoid captors. He scrambles into his spacecraft. He hits the hyper-thrust drive. He's soon just another speck in the infinite sea of outer space. He's free to roam the heavens in man's noble quest to investigate the weirdness of the universe. Outside, Hobbes is happy Calvin could come home so early. Calvin suggests they go exploring and find some gross bugs. Inside, Mom answers the phone. The school tells her what happened.
Appears In 10 MAY 1992 Script The fearless Spaceman Spiff descends toward the mysterious planet below! Our hero's bizarrotron indicates the presence of aliens! Spiff sets out to investigate! Crouching behind a boulder, our hero hears alien voices... talking about HIM! BLORG GABLORD SPIFF! HA HA! Spiff bursts into the open, death ray blaster blansting! "I'll give you something to talk about!" he yells! Excuse me a moment. Back in the darkness of outer space, Spiff reflects on his one miscalculation. Our hero resolves to revisit the planet, THIS time with more ammo! No sleep tonight, I see.
Description Calvin feels rumbling. He looks outside to see brontosauruses walking past his house. He hops on the head of one and rides off. Calvin, with his stick horse, tells Mom he never gets to do anything really fun. Mom tells him that if he's bored, he can clean his room.
Appears In 07 JUNE 1992 Script A solitary zokk circles high in the sweltering skies of a desert planet. Below, a thin plume of smoke rises from the wreckage of a small, red spacecraft. Our hero, the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, crawls across the sun-baked land! He... he must find shelter! Wait! Something is approaching! Is it a mirage? Goodness, put on some sun screen and wear a hat if you're going to be out here. Honestly, show a little common sense. And don't give me that look. Spiff survives, fixes his ship and sets off to find a more temperate planet with fewer aliens.
Description Calvin, the commercial pilot, decides to see the Grand Canyon...up close. The jet flies into the canyon. Tourists on the rim wave at Calvin's screaming passengers. After pulling out, Calvin says everyone will be glad later that Calvin took the scenic detour. In the car's back seat, Calvin says if he was driving that's where they would go. Mom says Calvin's not driving, and Arizona is not on the way to the grocery store.
Appears In 21 JUNE 1992 Script A bee nest! I hate bees! WHAP ZZZZZZZ AIEE! AAAAAAAAA YOWW! I don't see the "harpoon" that "gored" you, but this will help the sting. Call the national guard. I'm sure they can track the bee on radar.
Description Calvin wonders how scientists can imagine all the matter of the universe exploding out of a dot smaller than the head of a pin but couldn't name it better than "the big bang". Hobbes asks what Calvin would call it. Calvin says "the horrendous space kablooie". Hobbes thinks that is better. He suggests they lobby to change it.
Appears In 30 AUG 1992 Script DING DONG. C'mon, c'mon... answer the door! DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG. What's wrong with you people?? Don't you answer your door? AAAUGH! Oh, it figures it's you. Mom says our doorbell is not a toy. Go away. Hopeless. From now on, it's illegal to hide in other people's houses. Good try, though. Girls just don't understand sports. That's the problem.
Description Spaceman Spiff flies over an uncharted planet and notices an alien. Spiff reflects that weirdness is nature's way of adapting life to its environment. He sees the monster. He wonders what circumstances of evolution made a creature so ugly. Calvin is staring at Susie. She tells him to get away from her. Spiff's field guide says the creature is a "gurl".
Appears In 20 SEPT 1992 Script If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be? ...hmm... Anything at all! Whatever you want! A sandwich. A SANDWICH?!? WHAT KIND OF A STUPID WISH IS THAT?! Talk about a failure of imagination! I'D ask for a trillion billion dollars, my own space shuttle and a private continent. I got MY wish.
Description Hobbes pounces on Calvin, drags him along, then dumps him on the floor. Calvin says he needs to make friends with some less territorial animals.
Appears In 13 DEC 1992 Script You got something in the mail. It looks like a Valentine card. Huh? Open it up! It IS a valentine! Who would send me a valentine? Read it! Read it! "Roses are rd, violets are blue, tu-lips are what we'll be kissing, woo woo! Love, Susie." AAAUGGHH! Ho HO! Muchas smooches for el conKISStador! This can't be happening! It's all a nightmare! Some horrible hallucination! Susie loves Calvin! Calvin loves Susie! I've got to pull myself together! What can I DO? My natural studliness has overwhelmed Susie's fragile grip on reality! Big, sloppy smackers! Smmmrppp! Hey, there's Susie now! She's coming this way! Oh NO! Quick! A slushball! I need a slushball! Hi Cal... OOMP!! THAT'S what I think of your mushy Valentine card! POW! I didn't send you a Valentine card, you smelly, snot-nosed troll! Why on earth would I send a valentine to YOU?? You didn't? But... but... I'm telling! ... then who...?? Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match... YOU!! You write that card! You tricked me!! Wheeeeee! Love makes the world go round! You're gonna see STARS go round, I promise!
Description Spaceman Spiff pilots his craft at high speeds. Spiff discovers galaxies and planets not charted. He lands on worlds not explored, confronting species never encountered. He's a cosmic pioneer, boldly facing the unknown. Mom gives Calvin a plate of food. He cringes, saying he's never had it before and won't eat it.
Appears In 06 FEB 1993 Script You know what astronauts can do right in their spacesuits? Geez, how am I ever going to learn to be an astronaut?
Description Mom bundles Calvin for the cold. Calvin asks Mom if she knows what astronauts can do right in their spacesuits. As Calvin walks into the bathroom, he asks how he's ever going to learn to be an astronaut.
Appears In 07 FEB 1993 Script Stranded on a distant planet, the fearless Spaceman Spiff has been captured by a horrible Yukbarf! So the earthling villain won't cooperate, eh? We'll see about that! Take him to the dungeon! Yes, your most supreme odoriferousness! You don't scare ME, you talking blobs of oozing slop! I am impervious to pain! Hey, what kind of dungeon is this?! Aren't you going to torture me? Oh yes! Have a seat and let's see how you withstand a calm discussion of wholesome principles! AAAUGH. Yes. life is tough and suffering builds character. Nothing worth having ever comes easy. Virtue is its own reward and when I was your age...
Description Bugs are stirring something. They says it's bubbling up. They run, as the mixture is going to blow. Calvin belches at the dinner table. Dad tells him that's enough. Calvin says he can't help it. His stomach microbes can't handle the awful food.
Appears In 07 MAR 1993 Script Sssss ssssss. If there's more to life than this, I don't know what it is.
Description Spaceman Spiff is pursued by hostile aliens. Spiff dives toward the mysterious world below. The aliens are still on his trail. He flies through a tight arch, hoping the aliens will crash as they follow. Calvin is under a table, with Mom grabbing at his feet. Calvin says the ol' battleship is surprisingly maneuverable. Mom says Calvin is going to bed if she has to chase him all night.
Appears In 21 MAR 1993 Script Three... two... one... LIGHT SPEED! Blasting across the galaxy in hyper light drive, it's Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer extraordin... Since Calvin seems to be enjoying the lesson, let's have him demonstrate the next problem. ZOONDS! A Zok death sloop appears out of nowhere and fries Spiff's stabilizers! Our hero hurls out of control towar his imminent doom! The situation is desperate! This could be the end! What can our hero do?? His mind racing furiously, Spiff springs into action! He downshifts his spacecraft and ... stalls. RINGG! Oh, darn, out of time. Once again Spaceman Spiff beats all odds to save the day!
Description Calvin wakes up thirsty, so he heads for a drink of water. Hobbes follows and stalks Calvin. Calvin sleepily returns to the bedroom, but Hobbes pounces. Calvin has a horrified expression on his face. Mom and Dad turn on the light to find him on the floor. They think he was sleepwalking, but Calvin says it was a homicidal psycho jungle cat. In bed, Hobbes laughs about how Calvin's face looked. Calvin says if Mom and Dad cared about him at all, they'd buy some infrared nighttime vision goggles.
Appears In 23 MAR 1993 Script Scientific names? Sure. Scientists come up with great, wild theories, but then they give them dull, unimaginative names. For example, scientists think space is full of mysterious, invisible mass, so what do they call it? "DARK matter"! Duhh! I tell you, there's a fortune to be made here! I like to say "quark"! Quark, quark, quark, quark! Instead of making an idiot of yourself, why don't you go find me some scientists?
Description Calvin is selling scientific names for a dollar. He tells Hobbes scientists are great for theories, but they give them dull names. He tells Hobbes scientists think space is full of mysterious, invisible mass. They call it "dark matter". Calvin says there's a fortune to be made. Hobbes says he likes to say "quark". He says it several times. Calvin tells him that instead of making an idiot of himself to go find him some scientists.
Appears In 21 APR 1993 Script "F"?! It seems to me that if I'm not learning this material, you must not be a very good teacher! Wogga muk gubba pum wup! Boo! Gop! What??
Description Calvin gets a grade of "F". He complains that if he's not learning the material, Miss Wormwood must not be a very good teacher. She says something, but Calvin imagines Spaceman Spiff facing a horrible alien. After she's finished, Calvin asks what she just said.
Appears In 30 MAY 1993 Script Historical marker. "Calvin's house". In January, some 40 snowmen met a gruesome fate on this spot. Every day I look for a moving van here. Knock knock. Great moons of neptune! A fool mortal female! Calvin? I'M not Calvin! I'm Stupendous Man! Friend of freedom! Opponent of oppressions! Uh huh. What are you doing? I was just about to use my stupendous powers to liberate some cookies being held hostage on the top shelf of the pantry! Now if you'll excuse me, duty calls! SLAM! A blot of crimson streaks across the sky! The man of mega-might is off to save the day! Did they have an egg you could borrow? No one was home, Mom.
Description An alien beams down from his spaceship and talks to Calvin, but he doesn't understand. The alien attacks Calvin. Calvin runs into his house and hides in the corner while the alien comes to him. The alien notices the television, so Calvin turns it on for him. The alien is happy, and Calvin is relieved. The alien beams back to his spaceship. Dad turns off the television and complains to Calvin about it being on. Calvin tries to explain.
Appears In 27 JUNE 1993 Script Another one of THESE days. Uh oh! In another of life's mysterious quirks, Calvin finds himself an inch tall on the writing desk! His only hope is to tear off a sheet from a nearby pad of paper! At his tiny size, folding the sheet is difficult, but soon Calvin's patience is rewarded. He pushes off and catches a small thermal rising up the front of the desk! A gust from an open window sends Calvin soaring across the house! There's Dad! Lean! Lean! Yes! Calvin is able to steer! THIS should get Dad's attention! I don't need parents. All I need is a recording that says, "Go play outside!"
Description Spaceman Spiff hops out of his craft. There is indication of aliens. He crouches behind a boulder listening to aliens talk about him. He bursts into the open, shooting his death ray blaster. He yells he'll give the aliens something to talk about. Calvin has shot rubber-tipped darts at Mom, Dad, and their guests. Mom chases Calvin. Later in bed, Calvin says Spiff reflects on his miscalculation. He'll revisit the planet, this time with more ammo.
Appears In 25 JULY 1993 Script To make instant fun... ...just add water! Heh heh heh FWOOSH. Hee hee. Looking for someone? Uh, who? ME? Ha ha ha ha ha! Um, no-o. I mean, yes... but someone ELSE. Heh heh. Not you. Here's a hypothetical questionyou should ask yourself. If you knew today was your last day on earth, what would you do different? ... ESPECIALLY if, bu doing something DIFFERENT, today might NOT be your last day on earth. I don't think that question was very hypothetical at all.
Description A Zokk circles above a planet where Spaceman Spiff's spacecraft has crashed. Spiff crawls across the sun-baked land. An alien comes over, tells him to put on sun screen and wear a hat if he's going to be outside. The alien walks off telling Spiff to have some common sense. Mom tells Calvin not to give him that look. Spiff survives, fixes his ship, and goes to find a more temperate climate with fewer aliens.
Appears In 15 AUG 1993 Script Calvin? Calvin? Calvin! Hmm... the engine's making funny noises. Spaceman Spiff is going down over Planet Gork! Zounds! The planet is inhabited! An alien metropolis opens up before our hero's eyes! Spiff's stabilizers refuse to respond! Our hero is going to crazh! THIS SPELLS DISASTER! CALVIN! ..uh... D... I... S... A... S... T... E... R. Very good. I'm glad you were paying attention. YES! Once again the incredible Spaceman Spiff beats all odds to save the day! You may sit down, Calvin.
Description Calvin and Hobbes hop out of bed. They read the paper, run outside to play, dig for dinosaurs, look under rocks for bugs, play Calvinball, fight, hit Susie with a water balloon, run from a snake, look at the moon, and catch fireflies. Mom drags Calvin inside to bed. Calvin says summer days are supposed to be longer, but they seem shorter to him. Hobbes says they didn't get to do half their itinerary.
Appears In 26 SEPT 1993 Script I've been thinking, Hobbes. On a weekend? Well, it wasn't on purpose... I believe history is a force. Its unalterable tide sweeps all people and institutions along its unrelenting path. Everything and everyone serves history's single purpose. And what is that purpose? Why, to produce ME, of course! I'm the end result of history. YOU? Think of it! Thousands of generations lived and died to produce my exact, specific parents, whose reason for being, obviously, was to produce ME. All history up to this point has been spent preparing the world for my presence. Hmm, 4.5 billion years probably wasn't long enough. Now I'm here, and history is vindicated. So now that history's brought you, what are you going to do? Ooh, you wascawwy wabbit!
Description Spaceman Spiff makes some system checks. He prepares for countdown. Calvin watches the clock in the classroom. Spiff blasts off, flying to his home. Mom asks how his day went. Calvin tells Mom he enjoyed coming home.
Appears In 07 NOV 1993 Script I'm bored. Let's go in. But we've only been out here a few minutes. This is taking too long. What's the hurry? We've got all day! Yeah, but it's kind of cold, and the sun's too bright, and my gloves are getting wet. And when you think about it, building a snowman is a lot of work. I didn't come here to do something hard. Besides, what if the snowman doesn't come out very good? We'd be failures! Who wants to be a failure?! Or even if it's good, what's the point? It's just going to melt in a few weeks anyway! It's all futile! So instead of wasting my time, I'm going to go inside, pull down the shades and watch TV. That way, in complete physical comfort, I can vicariously experience the activity of actors pretending to do things! Are you sure it's not too much trouble to turn on the TV? That's why we have a remote control. Virtual reality is already here. I can't believe the only way to get inside is by WALKING.
Description Calvin asks Hobbes what he'd wish for if he could have anything in the world. Hobbes says a sandwich. Calvin asks what kind of stupid wish that is. Calvin says he'd wish for a trillion dollars, a private continent, and his own space shuttle. In the house, Hobbes is eating a sandwich. He tells Calvin he got his wish.
Appears In 16 JAN 1994 Script The courageous Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer extraordinaire, lands on yet another bizarre planet! Setting his death ray blaster on "frappe", our hero sets off in search of alien weirdness! Zounds! A mysterious mist materializes out of nowhere! The fearless Spiff can't see a thing! ... so we add two to four... OUR HERE'S IN A TOTAL FOG! The atmosphere here is a... a... p-powerful se... se... sedative! Spiff can't keep his eyes o... open. KLUNK zzzzz. Our hero suddenly comes to!
Description Spaceman Spiff's craft plunges into the water. He climbs out swimming and is attacked by fish. Then a giant creature comes out of the water behind him. The creature asks if the water is too cold. Spiff says no. Mom leaves the bathroom saying he should stop his infernal screaming.
Appears In 20 FEB 1994 Script Get going or you'll miss the school bus. Uh... greetings. My name is Calvin. POOF. Grittings. Ma name is Kahlfin. Grittings. Ma nam is Kahlfin. Um... yes! Well Calvin, here's your lunchbox. Have a good day at school. Hoffa gud tay. Lunboks. Hi Calvin. Grittings. Ma nam is Kahlfin. Heeryor lunkboks. Hoffa gut tay askool. Calvin's principal says to say hello. Huh boy. It troo! Dat darn Kahlfun stole ma spacechip!
Description Two superheroes, one man and one woman, are fighting. He hits her, while she blasts him with a distortion blaster. Calvin stops reading his comic book and walks off in a daze. He turns on television. Mom turns it off and tells Calvin there is too much violence on TV. She tells him to read something.
Appears In 27 MAR 1994 Script You know, Hobbes, some days even my luck rocketship underpants don't help. Well, you've done all you can do.
Description Spaceman Spiff is stranded on a planet, captured by a horrible yukbarf. The alien says to take Spiff to the dungeon. It looks like a living room. Spiff asks what kind of dungeon this is. He asks if they aren't going to torture him. The alien says yes. He asks Spiff to sit to discuss wholesome principles. Dad tells Calvin life is tough, and suffering builds character. He says virtue is its own reward, and nothing worth having ever comes easy. Calvin yells.
Appears In 17 APR 1994 Script The fearless Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer extraordinaire, gazes across the forbidding landscape of an uncharted planet! What dangers lie ahead for our hero? What horrible aliens inhabit this world? What strange adventures await the intrepid Spiff? What bizarre occurrence will our hero be the first to witness? The suspense! ...Our hero chucks a few rocks. ...sighhh... If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to MAKE some! Now yer talkin'!
Description
Appears In 26 JUNE 1994 Script My Mom and Dad are not what they seem. Their dull appearance is part of their scheme. I know of their plans. I know their techniques. My parents are outer space alien freaks! They landed on Earth in spaceships humongous. Posing as grownups, they now walk among us. My parents deny this, but I know the truth. They're here to enslave me and spoil my youth. Eary each morning, as the sun rises, Mom and Dad put on their earthling disguises. I knew right away their masks weren't legit. Their faces are lined - they sag and don't fit. The Earth's gravity makes them sluggish and slow. They say not to run, wherever I go. They live by the clock. They're slaves to routine. They work the year 'round. They're almost machines. They deny that TV and fried food have much worth. They cannot be human. They're not of this Earth. I cannot escape their alien gaze, and they're warping my mind with their alien ways. For sinister plots, this one is a gem. They're bringing me up to turn ME into THEM!
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Appears In 03 JULY 1994 Script BLOGG! Ukh huggablukk Spiff! Spiff?! Blecckh blecckh! We join our here, the courageous Spaceman Spiff, as he flees the awful bug beings of Zartron-9! Spiff's only chance is a daring strategy of head-to-head combat! Our hero swings around and readies his computer-guided death-ray blaster! ..tum te tum tum... I wish this booted up faster. C'mon, c'mon. There we go. Let's see. Get the "file" icon... double click on "blaster"... Hmm, pull down "settings"... get the dialog box... click on "rays"... select "death"... hit "OK". Hey, what's the matter? Why didn't my screen change?! Hit "F1" for "help"... "About blasters"... nope... "Calibrating blasters"... nope... " "charging the fizzler"... no... "fizzling the charger"... no... "incineration guidelines"... oh, this is annoying! Oh wait, I didn't enter the number of volts! That's it! Type in "gazillion", hit "OK". What?! "Invalid setting". DARN! Go back to "volts", highlight "gazillion", press "Delete", type in... KRAKK. SPIFF IS HIT! HE'S GOING DOWN! Hey, why won't this boot up? Has somebody been playing with this thing?! The whole thing went down, Dad. Luckily I jumped clear at the last second.
Description
Appears In 07 AUG 1994 Script The intrepid Spaceman Spiff is stranded on a distant planet! .. our hero ruefully acknowledges that this happens fairly frequently.. To survive, Spiff must... ...find... food! Spiff follows a scavenger mordon! Perhaps there's a fresh kill nearby! Ughhh! The stench! Our hero becomes a vegetarian on the spot! But the grasses are indigestible! The fruit is poisonous! There's nothing to eat at all! Weak and despairing, Spiff peers into a frozen geyser pit! What's down there? Ice cream sandwiches! Our hero is saved! That's not very healthy. I only need to survive until I escape, our hero mutters grimly.
Description
Appears In 12 AUG 1994 Script Hey, Mom, did you know that gravity in outer space works as if space was a soft, flat surface? It's tru. Heavy matter, like planets, sinks into the surface and anything passing by, like light, will "roll" toward the dip in space made by the planet. Light is actually deflected by gravity! Amazing, huh? And speaking of gravity, I dropped a pitcher of lemonade on the kitchen floor when my roller skates slipped. How can kids know so much and still be so dumb?
Description
Appears In 07 SEPT 1994 Script The fearless Spaceman Spiff is being pursued across the galaxy by dreaded scum beings! They're gaining! Spiff's only chance to lose them is to release a giant smoke cloud behind his spacecraft! Our hero throws the lever! Heh heh... just uh, clapping the erasers, heh heh... (cough) You again? *sighhhh* I can't believe it's not even 8:30 yet.
Description
Appears In 19 SEPT 1994 Script A small red spacecraft breaks through the cloud cover of Mysterio system planet 6! At the controls, it's none other than our fearless hero, Spaceman Spiff! Piloting over the lifeless world, he reflects on his unusual mission... QUIZ 1. 6+5= ... to somehoe crash planets 6 and 5 together!
Description
Appears In 20 SEPT 1994 Script In a scientific mission to discover what happens when two planets collide, Spaceman Spiff drops anchor! The anchor catches on a hillside! Spiff downshifts and guns the motor! Imperceptibly at first, the planet slowly moves, towed along by our hero, until... ...breaking orbit, planet 6 picks up speed, hurling towards planet 5!
Description
Appears In 21 SEPT 1994 Script Pulled by Spaceman Spiff, planet 6 is about to collide with planet 5! With no time to lose, our hero cuts loose the anchor and flies to safety! The planets crash, grinding and shattering with awful force! Planet 5, being smaller, is crunched to dust! Only 6 remains! 6+5=6. Time! Pass your papers forward. TIME?! I just finished the first problem!
Description
Appears In 20 NOV 1994 Script Our hero, the valiant Spaceman Spiff, is marooned on a strange world ... I'll set my Mertilizer on "deep fat fry." Calvin! You're not paying attention! ... we join Spaceman Spiff on the distant planet Zorg ... Gronk! Argh! Trapped by a hideous Graknil, Spiff draws his trusty atomic napalm neutralizer! Chew electric death snarling cur! But the weapon is useless! Spiff is doomed!! Our hero makes a break and ducks into a nearby cave! Weeoo! What's that awful smell? Eep! Who was that? Beats me, Fred.
Description
Appears In 27 NOV 1994 Script We join our hero Megazorks above the planet Gloob ... Spaceman Spiff, conqueror of the cosmos, is pursued by the hideous scum beings of planet Q-13! Spiff hyper-freem drive malfunctions! The aliens close in! suddenly, a searing bolt of deadly fram ray slices across the blackness! Our hero is unfazed. Another bolt! Spiff is hit!! Spiff is going down can he make it?? Is this the end?!? AAAAAA Spiff's alive! He made it!! I'm alive! Ha ha ha! I kiss the sweet ground! Maybe you should play on the swings, Calvin.
Description
Appears In 15 JAN 1995 Script McZargald's ... next exit ... 50 Megazorks. Over 7Million earthlingburgers served." Spaceman Spiff is going down!!! We join our hero as he struggles to land his damaged spacecraft! The altitude flaps refuse to respond, but fearless Spiff is unfazed! Spiff careens through the alien canyon! Is this the end?? No! moments before impact, Spiff ejects! Now are you through charging around the house or are you going to fall down the stairs again? Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien ...
Description Calvin is freezing in bed. Hobbes tells him he should have a fur coat like his. Calvin puts his feet on Hobbes to warm up. Hobbes jumps. Calvin tells him to quit letting cold air in. Hobbes tells Calvin to keep his cold feet on his side of the bed. Calvin protests that Hobbes' behind was on his side. Hobbes indicates the demilitarized zone between their sides. Calvin claims the whole bed and says animals should sleep on the floor. Hobbes takes the blanket and leaves. The sounds of their fighting is heard by Mom. Calvin is looking for Hobbes when a ghostly apparition rises before him. Calvin yells in terror. Hobbes has the bed to himself. Dad is awakened by icy cold feet. Calvin is in bed with him and Mom. Mom tells Dad that Calvin had a nightmare. Calvin says that if it's too crowded, they are welcome to sleep downstairs.
Appears In 22 JAN 1995 Script What should we have Dad read us tonight? ... so in the next panel, Supertoad goes "Plooie" and ... "My what big teeth you have! Said little Red Riding Hood. The better to eat you with! Said the wolf ... tiger ... said the tiger, and he pounced on Little Red Riding Hood. Just then a hunter came by, and when he saw the wolf ... tiger ... when he saw the tiger he picked up his gun and ... and? ...and it was too late. The tiger ate them both and he lived happily ever after. The end." Good story Dad! Thanks! Sniff. I always cry at happy endings.
Description Calvin, the astronaut, hops out of the space lander. He hops in the lunar rover and drives around the surface of the moon. From space, you can read "Calvin is great" in tire tracks on the surface of the moon. Calvin looks at the moon with binoculars. He tells Dad he wishes he could go to the moon. Dad says he wishes Calvin could, too.
Appears In 05 MAR 1995 Script Ready? Let me check what the deductible is on my insurance policy ... Munch munch. Would you care for a soft drink? Ok. H-H-here y-you a-a-are! Any desert? No, thanks. We'll be landing shortly. The captain has turned off the seat belt sign. Thank you for choosing Calvin's flight 240 non-stop to Stoney Gulch. Next time I won't take the dinner flight.
Description Spaceman Spiff lands on a bizarre planet. A mysterious mist arises out of nowhere. Spiff can't see a thing. At school, Calvin is at his desk. Miss Wormwood is explaining a math problem. Calvin says our hero's in a total fog. He says the atmosphere is a powerful sedative. Spiff can't keep his eyes open. Miss Wormwood stands by his desk as his head drops on the desk. Spiff is hanging upside down from ankle locks in a dungeon. He says our hero suddenly comes to.
Appears In 19 MAR 1995 Script Did you ask your Mom if you could jump off the roof? Questions I know the answers to I don't need to ask right? Is this blanket big enough? Perfect! See, I'll just grab all the corners and make a parachute! You can watch as I float to the ground, gently as a leaf. Geronimo!! Crunch! His Mom's going to have a fit about those rose bushes.
Description Calvin finds a remote control gizmo in a drawer. He wonders what it does and clicks it. He drops down a tube to see Mom and Dad in a control room with a spacecraft. Mom and Dad are dressed in superhero costumes. Calvin stands in the living room looking at Mom and Dad. He sighs.
Appears In 27 MAR 1995 Script Where's Susie? She's in the living room doing her homework. NOW? She's not putting it off until bedtime? She says she needs to get it done so she can practice the piano when she goes home! Wow, it's like science fiction or something. "The Gender from Outer Space"!
Description Calvin tells Hobbes that Susie is doing her homework. Hobbes wonders why she doesn't put it off until bedtime. Calvin informs him that she says she needs to get it done so she can practice the piano when she gets home. Hobbes thinks this is like science fiction. Calvin calls it "The Gender From Outer Space".
Appears In 09 APR 1995 Script Oops! I forgot to read chapter five for school tomorrow. What are you going to do? Catch a quick cold. Cough cough. You sound terrible, Calvin. I'll get you some cough medicine. It wasn't me coughing. It was Hobbes. Me? It wasn't me! I know, but that cough syrup tastes awful. So you're going to have me take it? Nothing doing, buster. I refuse! Here you go Calvin. Open up. Not me! Give it to Hobbes! He's the one who ... Gloomp Ackthp! Pbthbbppth!! Hack Hack. Mmm! That cough medicine is good! You should try some! Really! You're not fooling me one bit, you stinker.
Description On the way to the school bus, Calvin sees an alien appear in a spaceship. He introduces himself to the alien. The alien makes himself look just like Calvin and speaks in phonetic English. Calvin tells the alien to take his lunchbox and to have a good day at school. Susie says hello to the alien Calvin. He repeats what Calvin said about having a good day at school. Later, Mom opens the door for Dad saying that Calvin's principal said to say hello. Dad knows that means there was trouble. Calvin, still speaking in phonetic English, says Calvin stole his spaceship.
Appears In 30 APR 1995 Script Wanna go catch some fish? Sure. Ugh. I don't want to touch these worms will you put one on my hook? Me? I'm not gonna spear any worms. I know ... let's just dump the worms in the water, and when the fish come up to eat them, we'll catch them in the net! Pretty smart, huh? That's what I like about surviving in the wild ... pitting our wits against the raging elements! The worms are getting soggy. Ooh, they are starting to sink. Bloop bloop bloop. Let's pit our wits against some fast food cheesburgers. Those come in neat little boxes. Yeah, who'd want to eat something that eats worms anyway?
Description Someone is flying a spacecraft , cruising between large mesas, heading toward the horizon. A monster appears ahead of the spacecraft. Miss Wormwood is standing in front of Calvin's desk. He's startled awake. He looks at his school book. He sees a herd of dinosaurs as he come out of the bushes.
Appears In 28 MAY 1995 Script No Earthling has ever before seen the cratered, scarred surface of the distant planet Zog! ... although it's not unlike some of those zit cream commercials ... we join the fearless Spaceman Spiff interplanetary explorer extraordinaire, out at the farthest reaches of the galaxy ... with nerves of steel, our hero sets forth on his dangerous mission! He fires his hyper-jets and ... blasts into the fifth dimension! Into a world beyond human comprehension! Into a world where time has no meaning! Man, this class lasts forever! So we carry the three into the tens column ...
Description Some movie reels are gathered up in Calvin's unconscious. As they prepare to play the movies, the men hope they're better than last night's. The first one is bad. They replace it with another from a different film. It's a suspense movie. They try the third. It's a monster movie. None of the movies make sense. They are out of order. The lights are coming back on. They go back to their stations. Calvin wakes up. He says he had so many strange dreams and wonders what they mean.
Appears In 04 JUNE 1995 Script Wap! Thok! Poom. Wunk. Nice double play. Who's out? It depends are you on my team or am I on your team?
Description Spaceman Spiff gazes across the landscape. He wonders what dangers lie ahead. He wonders what bizarre occurrence he will be the first to witness. Spiff keeps looking across the expanse. He throws a few rocks. Spiff sighs. Calvin goes back inside. Hobbes comes with him, saying that if he couldn't find any weirdness, they'll have to make some.
Appears In 20 AUG 1995 Script Gravity is arbitrary! Calvin wakes up one day to find he is immune to the force of gravity. He hangs on to the ground for dear life, but his grip is weakening! He can't hold on! He ... he let's go! Aaaaa. Higher and higher, as upward he falls! Only by grabbing the tail pin of a passing jet does Calvin save himself from being hurled out into space! No, no, let him finish. This is very interesting, so after you landed in Phoenix, what happened? Well, I don't care. I'm not sewing velcro on the outside of all his clothes. Well, about then my gravity came back, so I ...
Description In poem form, Calvin says Mom and Dad aren't what they seem. They are outer space alien freaks. They landed in spaceships humongous, now they walk among us. He knows the truth, they're here to spoil his youth. Each morning, as the sun rises, they put on their earthling disguises. He knew their masks weren't legit, the faces are lined, they sag and don't fit. They're slaves to routine, they're almost machines. He can't escape their alien gaze, they warp his mind with their alien ways. For sinister plots, this is a gem. They're raising him up to turn him into them.
Appears In 27 AUG 1995 Script Do you think boogeymen really exist? I don't know. ... but if they do, I'm sure this is where they live. That was the creepiest campfire story I've ever heard. Let's get back to the tent! I don't think I'll ever sleep again. Shh! What? Did you hear something?? Didn't you? I don't know. What did it sound like? Sort of like breathing and drooling and ripping the meat off human bones. Yaahhhh. You were right. I'm glad we carried a generator all this distance.
Description Spaceman Spiff flees the bug beings of Zartron-9. Our hero swings around and readies his computer-guided death ray blaster. It's taking a long time to boot up. Finally, it does, and Spiff selects "blaster". He gets pull down settings and a dialog box. He makes his selections, but the screen doesn't change. He tries "F1" for help. He goes through the choices. None of them is correct. He hadn't set the number of volts. He enters it and gets an "invalid setting" indication. KRAKK! Spiff is hit and is going down. Dad can't get his computer to boot up. He asks if someone has been playing with it. Calvin walks by and says the whole thing went down, but he jumped clear at the last second.
Appears In 03 SEPT 1995 Script Spaceman Spiff is hit! He's going down! Fortunately, our hero always buckles up! The fearless Spaceman Spiff has crashed on a distant world! The planet's atmosphere is thick with noxious fumes and gases! Our hero can hardly breathe. Spiff must find help quickly ... but is there any life on this hostile world? His question is answered when a hideous blob of of gelatinous muck oozes out of a crevice toward him! Spiff's blaster is useless against the slime! Our hero tries to escape, but the suffocating stench envelops him! What a disgusting fate! Yechh! I sure wish I'd brought my lunch today! That's gross, Calvin! If you don't like the cafeteria's tapioca, just leave it alone!
Description Susie waits for the school bus and hears a noise. Calvin is being dragged by Mom. He has his blanket, which is dragging the lamp, phone, cereal, and school books along with it. Mom angrily stands next to Calvin, who's also standing angrily. Susie glances at them. The bus comes. Mom smiles, while Calvin is horrified and starts running. Mom catches him and stuff him onto the bus. As the bus drives off, Susie asks Calvin if he knows that nobody on their street sets an alarm clock in the morning. Calvin tells her to shut up.
Appears In 01 OCT 1995 Script Were there dinosaurs when you were a kid, dad? Oh sure! Your grandfather and I used to put on our leopard skins and hunt Brontosaurus for all the clan rituals. Listen, buster, I think Calvin's grades are bad enough already, don't you? The horrifying Tyrannosaurus lumbers across the prehistoric valley. The mighty dinosaur is a walking death machine! Only one other creature dares to challenge the terrible Tyrannosaurus! ... the savage Saber-Toothed Tiger! Gg mmf yow gzzzz mkn gbzz, yow. Wake up! The meek Tyrannosaurus victim of an innocent misunderstanding, tears like heck across the prehistoric valley.
Description Spaceman Spiff is stranded on a distant planet. To survive, he must find food. Spiff follows a scavenger Mordon. There may be a fresh kill nearby. Due to the stench, our hero becomes a vegetarian on the spot. The grasses can't be eaten. The fruit is poisonous. Weak and despairing, Spiff looks into a frozen geyser pit. Ice cream sandwiches! Our hero is saved! Susie tells him that isn't very healthy. Calvin mumbles he only needs to survive until he can escape.
Appears In 10 OCT 1995 Script My leaf collection is doomed! I can't believe Mom wouldn't take me to the arboretum. No wonder I get bad grades! Well, you did spring the idea on her at the last second... That's when I thought of it! The problem is that Mom's not flexible. What a stupid waste of time this is! I wish there was some way out of this assignment.
Description Calvin is grabbing leaves off the ground. He can't believe Mom wouldn't take him to the park. He says it's no wonder he gets bad grades. Hobbes says he did spring it on Mom at the last second. Calvin complains that's when he thought of it. The problem is that Mom isn't flexible. Calvin wishes there was some way out of the assignment. Suddenly, a spacecraft appears above them.
Appears In 11 OCT 1995 Script A UFO!! Take us to the Supreme Earthling Potentate. Um... well... Speaking. Ah! What luck. It was I who chose the landing site. Kudos for Navigator Nebular!
Description Two aliens come out of their spacecraft and ask to see the supreme earthling potentate. Calvin says they're speaking to him. One of the aliens says he chose the landing site. Kudos to navigator Nebular.
Appears In 17 OCT 1995 Script It's almost bedtime and the aliens haven't come back with the leaves. It's a long trip. What if they don't show up? They SAID they would. Maybe they got lost. Space aliens don't get lost! They've got superior technology! Everybody knows that! It's a big universe. I'll turn on some more lights.
Description As they play, Hobbes says it's almost bedtime, and the aliens haven't returned with the leaves. Calvin says it's a long trip. Hobbes asks what happens if they don't show up. Calvin says they told him they would. Hobbes wonders if they got lost. Calvin tells him their superior technology prevents them getting lost. Hobbes says it's a big universe. Calvin offers to turn on more lights.
Appears In 19 OCT 1995 Script Look! I see headlights coming over the trees! The aliens are back! Man, it's about time! C'mon, let's go get my leaf collection! You're out collecting LEAVES at THIS hour in your PAJAMAS?!? Get back in bed!! I TOLD you! Space aliens gave me these! They just left!
Description Hobbes sees headlights over the trees. Calvin thinks it's the aliens. He goes to collect his leaves. Dad sees Calvin outside collecting leaves in his pajamas. Dad has a flashlight. He tells Calvin to get in bed. Calvin says space aliens left the leaves for him.
Appears In 05 NOV 1995 Script Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop. Snow pants. Well? Let's have some snow!! It's snowing! I can make it snow! I'm psychokinetic! Hey! Hey! Ohh, he's going to hate me for this.
Description Calvin turns a tree into a transport pod and descends underground. He gets out of the pod, and a robot salutes him. He climbs into a spaceship and flies to a space station. He tells Mom he's home. Calvin looks around his house. He tells Mom his life could stand a lot more pizazz. Mom is vacuuming. She says he should tell her about it.
Appears In 09 NOV 1995 Script Yikes! Not another extreme close-up on somebody's anguish and grief! Why do TV cameras zoom in so close to people's faces that you can't even see their entire heads?! Do they think we can't read the person's expression from more than two inches away?! What a violation of personal space! What a shameless intrusion! What a heartless assault on human dignity! Why are you standing against the wall? I'm watching TV.
Description Dad watches television. He sees another extreme close-up of someone's anguish. He wonders why cameras zoom in so close you can't see their entire head. He asks if they think he can't read the person's expression from more than two inches away. He calls it a violation of personal space. It's a heartless assault on human dignity. Mom asks why he's standing against the wall. Dad says he's watching television.
Appears In 19 NOV 1995 Script A brilliant bolt of deadly frap ray blazes by the intrepid Spaceman Spiff! Our hero has very high insurance premiums. The courageous Spaceman Spiff is hit! He plummets toward planet Zog! Breaking through the cloud layer, he careens over an alien city! There's no place to land! Spiff wrestles the uncooperative controls! More freem drive to the thuster busters! Too much stress! The fuel explodes in flame! The situation is grim! Ten seconds to impact! Nine ... eight ... Well Calvin?? Seven! Very good Calvin. Ten minus three equals seven. I didn't think you were paying attention. That question was worth three points. Our hero miraculously makes a three-point landing. Spiff saves the day again!
Description Calvin runs out of the house, late for the school bus. He makes it, but realizes he left his lunch. Mom sees the lunch and runs to give it to Calvin. They miss each other. Mom is at the bus stop, and Calvin is inside looking for lunch. Mom and Calvin finally hook up, only to see the school bus taking off. They yell at each other. Mom angrily takes Calvin to school. Mom goes into the house. Calvin realizes something. Mom sees the books Calvin left in the house when he had gone in looking for his lunch.
Appears In
Calvin & Hobbes : Copyright & All Rights Reserved by Bill Watterson and Andrews McMeel Universal
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This page is strictly a tribute to Calvin & Hobbes, the best comic ever, and two of the best characters who have taught me so much over many years. It is meant for research purposes only.