Your search found 207 comics:06 DEC 1985 Script You can't come up here, Susie! No girls allowed. What on earth makes you think I'd want to sit up in a stupid tree in the first place?!? Leave it to a girl, to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.
Description Calvin, up in a tree house, tells Susie she can't come up and that no girls are allowed. Susie wonders why he would think she'd want to sit up in a tree anyway. Calvin thinks about that and decides she's taken all the fun out of sex discrimination.
Appears In 09 JAN 1986 Script We are a fierce and dirty band of cutthroat pirates! Keep a sharp lookout Matey. We want no sissy girls on our ship! We don't like girls? Of course not dummy! We're a murderous bunch of pirates, remember?! Who do we smooch then?
Description Calvin and Hobbes are in their treehouse, wearing paper hats and brandishing swords. They're a fierce and dirty band of cutthroat pirates. Calvin tells Hobbes to keep an eye out so no girls come on board. Calvin reiterates that they're a murderous bunch of pirates. Hobbes wants to know who they smooch.
Appears In 07 FEB 1986 Script I have a question. Do you believe in life after death? You know, reincarnation? You just steer, okay?
Description Sledding down the hill, Calvin asks Hobbes whether he believes in life after death, reincarnation. As they go zinging through the trees, Hobbes covers his eyes and tells Calvin to just steer.
Appears In 19 MAR 1986 Script Here comes Moe, the class bully. He's not smart but he's streetwise. That means he knows what street he lives on.
Description Calvin sees Moe coming and comments that Moe isn't smart, but is streetwise. After Moe passes, Calvin clarifies that means Moe knows which street he lives on.
Appears In 21 MAR 1986 Script A little lower ... ok, fine! Thanks for helping me put up this swing. Where did you ever find this great tire? Calvin! I've got to go to work!!
Description Hobbes is hanging in a tree, lowering a rope. Calvin thanks him for helping put up the tire swing. Hobbes wonders where he got such a nice tire. Dad, standing in his garage, is next to his jacked-up car with one tire missing.
Appears In 16 APR 1986 Script As dictator, I have the sole voice in government! I will not tolerate dissent! I alone shall decide the good! I alone shall ... time for bed, Calvin. Couldn't we vote on this?
Description Calvin, in a paper hat and standing in his treehouse, declares as dictator that he is the sole voice of government. He'll tolerate no dissent. He alone will decide the good. As he keeps proclaiming, Mom comes up and tells him it's time for bed. As she carries him to the house, he asks whether they can vote on it.
Appears In 27 APR 1986 Script I'm taking the umbrella outside. Well, that's showing a little foresight for once. Good for you. Wait a minute. You really think this will work? Of course! Let's go! Smash! Bonk bonk bonk. Look! I'm flying!! I had my eyes shut. How was it? Great! What a ride! Let's get some other kids and charge 'em!
Description Hobbes is sitting in the wagon at the top of the hill. Calvin is standing in skates with an umbrella in his hand. He asks if Calvin thinks this will work. Calvin is sure. Down the hill they go, racing around trees, crashing over bumps, until finally they fly off the end of the pier into the lake. Calvin yells that he's flying. In the water, Hobbes asks how it was. Calvin thinks it is great, and that they should get some other kids and charge them for the ride.
Appears In 16 MAY 1986 Script Hi, Baby Doll. It's me. Yeah. I'm baby sitting the kid down the street. Yeah. That's right. The little monster ... mmm? Well so far no problem. He hasn't been any trouble you just have to show these kids who's the boss. Mm hmm. How much longer till she lets us out of the garage? She said 8 o'clock and it's almost 6:30 now.
Description Rosalyn is lying on the sofa, talking to her boyfriend on the phone. She tells him she's baby sitting Calvin. The boyfriend wonders if she's having any problems. Rosalyn says no. She says you have to show kids who's boss. Calvin and Hobbes are in the garage. Calvin asks Hobbes how much longer it will be till Rosalyn lets them out. Hobbes says she told them 8:00, and it's almost 6:30 now.
Appears In 03 JUNE 1986 Script Hobbes, what should I do when Moe comes to beat me up in gym class? Well, you can always do what we tigers do when a rhino charges. What's that? We scramble like maniacs for the nearest tree. That's your advice?!? To sit in a tree all day? It doesn't impress the girls, of course, but there's no sense in impressing them and then getting killed my dad used to say.
Description Calvin asks Hobbes what he should do when Moe comes to beat him up in gym class. Hobbes offers the thing tigers do when a rhino charges, climbing up the nearest tree. Calvin laments that advice. Hobbes muses that it doesn't impress the girls, but it's better than impressing them and getting killed.
Appears In 16 JUNE 1986 Script I've never been this high in a tree before. Me either, you can see for miles from up here. I'll say! I'm glad we're up here. That was quite a crash, wasn't it?
Description Calvin and Hobbes are sitting on a tree branch. Calvin comments about never having been that high in a tree before. Hobbes notes that you can see for miles. Calvin says that was quite a crash, as we see the wagon lodged into a lower branch than the one they're on.
Appears In 04 JULY 1986 Script You know what I like about summer days? They're just made for doing things ... even if it's nothing. Especially if it's nothing.
Description Lying under a tree, Hobbes tells Calvin that what he likes most about summer days is that they're made for doing things. They continue to lie under the tree as Hobbes says even if it's nothing. Calvin adds that it's the case especially if it's nothing.
Appears In 20 JULY 1986 Script It's another new morning for Mr. Monroe. He glances at the newspaper headlines over a cup of coffee, and gets in his red sports car to go to work. Little does he realize it's his last day on the face of the earth! Calvin drinks the magic elixer and begins an incredible transformation. Instantly he grows! Bigger and bigger! Higher and higher! He is now over 300 feet tall! The formula is a success! Calvin, the mighty giant, goes on a terrible rampage, striking fear into the hearts of the populace! Nothing can stop him! It's panic in the streets! A town lies in ruins! No, I won't buy you any more toy cars. I saw you! You deliberately stomped on those!
Description Calvin drinks a magic elixir and starts to grow. He gets bigger and bigger. The giant goes on a rampage, striking fear into the hearts of the populace. There's panic in the streets, a town lies in ruins. Mom tells Calvin she will not buy him more toy cars, she saw him deliberately stomping on the ones he already has.
Appears In 28 JULY 1986 Script Hi Calvin, what are you doing? Big important secret things! Go away! Get lost! All right, dandelion head! Who cares what you do anyway! We're doing great things. We're having fun! I thought we were bored out of our skulls. Oh hush. You don't know anything.
Description Susie Derkins comes up to Calvin and Hobbes sitting under a tree. She asks what they're doing. Calvin hustles her away by saying they're doing important secret things. Susie calls Calvin a dandelion head and decides she doesn't care what he's doing. Calvin reiterates they're having fun and doing great things. After Susie is gone, Hobbes says that he thought they were bored out of their skulls. Calvin tells him he doesn't know anything.
Appears In 30 JULY 1986 Script Susie, Hobbes thought I was rude, so I'm sorry, and you can come play with us if you want. Thanks, Calvin. That's really nice of you. Ok, we'll play house now. I'll be the high-powered executive wife, the tiger here can be my unemployed, housekeeping husband, and you can be our bratty and brainless kid in a day care center. This was your idea, pea brain. Don't you talk to your father that way! I'm off to wall street. Don't wait up.
Description Calvin approaches Susie and tells her she can play with them if she wants. Susie thanks Calvin and proceeds to establish the rules of the game. She'll be the high-powered executive wife, Hobbes can be the unemployed, housekeeping husband, and Calvin can be the bratty and brainless kid in the day care center. Off Susie goes to Wall Street. Calvin reminds Hobbes this was his idea and calls Hobbes a pea brain. Hobbes scolds Calvin for talking that way to his father.
Appears In 09 SEPT 1986 Script Calvin and his trusty navigator Hobbes roar down the residential road at 90 MPH! Hobbes puts on the turn signal. Faster and faster they go! A busload of school children dives from the sidewalk! Hobbes puts on the windshield wipers. The police are after them! Calvin crawls down to put in the clutch and shift! Hobbes steers and blows the horn! All right, I'm back already! Can't I even run an errand without you blowing the horn across the parking lot?! It was Hobbes, Mom, not me.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are in the car, pretending to drive. Calvin races along the residential streets at 90 mph. Hobbes flips on a turn signal. Calvin makes school kids dive for safety. Hobbes puts on the windshield wipers. The police are after Calvin, so he downshifts. Hobbes blows the horn. Mom comes back with groceries in hand asking if she can run an errand without Calvin honking the horn across the parking lot. Calvin pleads that it wasn't him blowing the horn.
Appears In 12 SEPT 1986 Script Calvin, I don't want you up in that ree. Why not? Some of the branches are dead and they might break. Come on down. Mom spoils everything. This isn't quite the same, is it?
Description Mom tells Calvin she doesn't want him up in the tree. Calvin, sitting on a branch with Hobbes, asks why not. She explains some of the branches are dead and might break. As Calvin climbs down, he comments that Mom spoils everything. As they sit on top of a ladder, Hobbes comments that it just isn't the same.
Appears In 29 SEPT 1986 Script What are you doing? Being "cool." You look more like you're being bored. The world bores you when you're cool.
Description Calvin is leaning against a tree when Hobbes asks what he's doing. Calvin replies he's being "cool". Hobbes says he looks more like he's bored. Calvin replies that "The world bores you when you're cool".
Appears In 02 OCT 1986 Script Here comes Susie. I'm going to throw a pine cone at her. Wwhippp. Pow!
Description Calvin sees Susie coming. He throws a pine cone at her. Suddenly, the pine cone comes whizzing back at Calvin and smacks him. Susie walks down the street carrying her lacrosse stick.
Appears In 16 OCT 1986 Script I don't understand this business about death. If we're just going to die. What's the point of living? Well, there's seafood. I don't know why I even talk to you before dinner.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are sitting under a tree. Calvin mentions he doesn't understand about death. He wonders if we're all going to die, what's the point of living? Hobbes ponders that and offers an answer of "Seafood". In a huff, Calvin says he doesn't know why he even talks to Hobbes before dinner.
Appears In 26 OCT 1986 Script ... so if you capture the other guy's flag and make it back to your territory, you win. Win what? The game. No luggage? No toaster oven? Hey, you can't hide your flag in a tree! It's too hard to capture! That's not a rule. I can hide my flag anywhere! Well, it's a rule now! From now on, no flags in trees! Ok, but I just tagged you, so you have to go to jail. What?? It's a time out! I was making a new rule! You didn't officially call a time out. Off to jail with you! Forget it! From now on, if you are discussing a new rule, it's automatically a time out. Ok, time in! Tag! You can't do that! We have to say "time in" together! Since when?? You're just changing rules so you'll win! I am not! I'm just trying to keep you from cheating! Just a minute. Muffin head. Are you calling me a cheater? Who's a muffin head! Yowp! Arrgh! Oatmeal face! Strudel brain! Mom says we should take up Monopoly. No way, buster. I know all about those "interest free bank loans" to yourself!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are playing a game of flag capture. Calvin complains to Hobbes that he put the flag too high in the tree. Hobbes informs Calvin that isn't a rule, so Calvin makes it a rule. Hobbes tags Calvin and tells him to go to jail. Calvin's argument that he had a time out falls on deaf ears. Calvin declares another new rule about automatic time outs when discussing rules. Hobbes calls time in and tags Calvin. Calvin tells him he can't do that, and they need to call time in at the same time. Hobbes accuses Calvin of continually changing the rules so he can win. Calvin retorts that he's doing it so Hobbes can't cheat. They call each other cheater and muffin head. They fight. As they stand in the laundry room covered in dirt, Calvin says Mom suggests taking up playing Monopoly. Hobbes, peeking out from the washing machine, says he knows all about the "interest-free bank loans" Calvin makes to himself.
Appears In 16 NOV 1986 Script Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop. Snow pants. Well? Let's have some snow!! It's snowing! I can make it snow! I'm psychokinetic! Hey! Hey! Ohh, he's going to hate me for this.
Description Calvin angrily sits on his sled at the top of the hill. He's dressed for winter, but there's no snow on the ground. He yells for there to be snow. Suddenly, snow starts falling. Calvin runs off claiming to be psychokinetic. After he leaves, the snow stops. Hobbes is sitting on a tree branch with an empty bag of snow he dumped down. With a smile on his face, Hobbes suggests that Calvin will hate him for this.
Appears In 28 NOV 1986 Script The soldiers advance up the hill! Oh, no! a squadron of bombers appears on the horizon! The bombs begin to fall! Bonk bonk. Two direct hits! I see you up there!
Description Calvin's playing with his toy soldiers. They're marching up the hill. Bombers appear on the horizon. Bombs begin to fall. Suddenly, pine cones rain down on Calvin's head. Hobbes, standing up on a tree branch, says he had two direct hits.
Appears In 09 JAN 1987 Script Go ahead down. You'll miss all those trees. You can do it. You'll stop before you go over that ledge at the bottom. You won't go into that pond. Besides, the ice is probably real thick anyway. Go ahead down. My brain is trying to kill me.
Description Calvin sits on the top of the snowy hill on his sled. He's thinking that it's okay to go down the hill, he'll miss the trees. He'll stop before he goes over the ledge at the bottom. He won't go into the ice-covered pond. Besides, the ice is probably really thick. Calvin says his brain is trying to kill him.
Appears In 11 JAN 1987 Script Boy, is this hill big! We'll have a good long ride down! Provided we improve our steering. Hobbes, do you think human nature is good or evil? Watch out for those trees. I mean, do you think people are basically good, with a few bad tendencies, or basically bad, with a few good tendencies? There's a rock up ahead! Look out! Or, as a third possibility. Do you think people are just crazy, and who knows why they do anything? Not so close to the ledge! Well? What do you think? Are people good, bad or crazy? Aughh! I can't look! Wump! You know, it's very rude of you to keep changing the subject after every sentence. I choose crazy.
Description As they come down the hill on the sled, Calvin asks Hobbes whether he thinks human nature is good or evil. Hobbes wants Calvin to watch out for the trees. Calvin clarifies about being basically good, with bad tendencies or basically bad, with good tendencies. Hobbes wants his to watch out for the rock. Calvin offers a third choice, that people are basically crazy. Hobbes thinks they're too close to the edge. Calvin wants to know what Hobbes thinks. Hobbes can't watch as they crash into a tree. Calvin thinks it's rude for Hobbes to change the subject after each sentence. Hobbes chooses crazy.
Appears In 19 MAR 1987 Script Hey! What happened to the trees here? Who cleared out the woods? There used to be lots of animals in these woods! Now it's a mud pit! This sign says, "Future site of Shady Acres condominiums." Animals can't afford condos! "Shady Acres"? The only shade I see is from that bulldozer.
Description As they continue their walk in the woods, Calvin asks what happened to the trees. They've been cleared out. Calvin says there used to be lots of animals in the woods, now there is just a mud pit. Hobbes reads a sign saying that area will become the Shady Acres condominiums. As Hobbes looks around, the only shade he sees is from a bulldozer.
Appears In 20 MAR 1987 Script Where are all the animals supposed to live now that they cut down these woods to put in houses?? By golly, how would people like it if animals bulldozed a suburb and put in new trees?!? No good, they didn't leave the keys.
Description Calvin wants to know where the animals are going to live since they've cut down the woods. Calvin wonders what people would think if animals bulldozed a suburb and put in trees. Calvin and Hobbes both look up. Hobbes checks the bulldozer, but the keys weren't left in it.
Appears In 05 MAY 1987 Script Ahoy! Toss the rope ladder down! What's the password? Tigers are mean! Tigers are fierce! Tigers have teeth and claws that pierce! Tigers are great! They can't be beat! If I was a tiger that would be neat! He can climb the tree without the ladder, so he got to make up the password. Go on, what's the third verse?
Description Hobbes is in the tree fort when Calvin yells up to have Hobbes toss down the rope ladder. Hobbes asks Calvin for the password. Calvin proclaims tigers are mean and fierce, with claws that pierce. Tigers are great and can't be beat. As Hobbes asks Calvin to keep going with the third verse, Calvin explains that since Hobbes can climb up the tree without the ladder, he got to make up the password.
Appears In 07 MAY 1987 Script Now! Are you sure there's a career to be made as a "human discus"? Well, we gotta get a bigger field.
Description Hobbes has Calvin by the hands and is swing him around and around. Calvin tells him to let go. Calvin ends up smashed into a tree. Hobbes asks if he's sure there is a career to be made as a "human discus". Calvin thinks they have to get a bigger field.
Appears In 16 MAY 1987 Script My cigarette smoke mixed with the smoke of my .38. If business was as good as my aim, I'd be on easy street. Instead, I've got an office on 49th street and a nasty relationship with a string of collection agents. Yeah, that's me. Tracer Bullet. I've got eight slugs in me. One's lead, and the rest are bourbon. The drink packs a wallop, and I pack a revolver. I'm a private eye. Suddenly my door swung open, and in walked trouble. Brunette, as usual. Take your hat off at the dinner table, Calvin. It's not polite. She was a pushy dame. But she had a case.
Description Calvin is in a 1940's detective outfit in his office. He's Tracer Bullet, private eye. The door opens, and in walks trouble...a brunette. Mom tells Calvin to take off his hat at the dinner table. Calvin thinks she's a pushy dame, but she has a case.
Appears In 13 JUNE 1987 Script Boy, I love summer vacation. I can feel my brain beginning to atrophy already. Shhh ...
Description Calvin and Hobbes are sitting under a tree in the woods. Calvin says he loves summer vacation. He tells Hobbes he feels his brain starting to atrophy already.
Appears In 14 JUNE 1987 Script I'm going outside Mom! Hold all my calls. Calvin looks around something is different. The odd-colored tree behind him slowly lifts up! It's not a tree at all! It's a let! Oh no! Calvin is the size of a bug to a bug he runs for his life! A claw crashes with deafening impact! The bug is trying to step on Calvin! What a horrible fate! Calvin scrambles madly, promising himself that he'll never squish another bug if he lives to return to normal size! Suddenly in a spray of slime, the bug is gone! A monstrous frog licks its chops! Calvin is saved! Aacck! What's that on my plate?! Good heavens, get it off the table!! But Mom, frogs are our friends!
Description Calvin has shrunk to the size of a bug to a bug. He's being chased by an enormous bug. The bug tries to step on Calvin as he runs. As he runs, he promises he'll never step on another bug if he is returned to normal size. Suddenly, the bug is gone as a giant frog eats him. Mom shrieks as a frog is put on the table. She yells for Calvin to get it off the table. Calvin replies that frogs are their friends.
Appears In 24 JUNE 1987 Script Hold still. There's a monster horsefly on your head. Pow! Can you believe it? I missed! So excuse me for trying to help! you wanna scratch a stinging welt all day? Fine! Go away! No, wait there's a mosquito on you.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes there is a monstrous horsefly on his head. He smacks him with the fly swatter. As the fly goes away, Calvin asks if Hobbes can believe he missed it. Calvin is up on a tree branch telling Hobbes he can scratch a welt next time. Hobbes waves a fly swatter at Calvin and tells him there's a mosquito on him.
Appears In 30 JUNE 1987 Script What a perfect day! If something doesn't happen here soon, I'm gonna wack out.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are lying under a tree. Hobbes says it's a perfect day. They lie there looking around. After a bit, Calvin tells Hobbes that if something doesn't happen soon, he's going to wack out.
Appears In 26 JULY 1987 Script That's it, you climb up and then help me up! Tigers are natural-born tree climbers. Of course we usually have grappling hooks, ropes and utility belts. Hey, here's a great tree for climbing! Let me get on your shoulders so I can reach the first branch, ok? Geez, how many bricks do you have in your pockets?! Whoa! Hold steady, you weakling. I've almost got it! Move up, move up! Hurry and grab it before my spine telescopes. Got it! Hey, don't let go! Hold me up! Forget it! You can support your own weight, bowling ball butt. Mmph! Mmph! I can't get up! Give me a boost! Hey! What are you doing?! Don't take off my shoes! Are you nuts? Hey, stop! Aack! Oh no! don't tickle! Pbth! Eek! Hee hee ha ha! Stop it! I can't hold on! Hee hee hoo hoo! Aaugh! Nice landing. I'm probably paralyzed. All except your mouth obviously. I'm not sorry at all. Give me back my shoes. No.
Description Calvin asks Hobbes to put him on his shoulders so he can climb into a tree. Hobbes asks how many bricks he has in his pockets. Calvin tells him to hold steady. Hobbes tells him to hurry up before his spine telescopes. Calvin is hanging from a branch. He asks Hobbes to help hold him up. Hobbes takes off Calvin's shoes and starts tickling him. Calvin falls from the tree. He lands on Hobbes. Hobbes tells him he's paralyzed. Calvin replies that he's not sorry at all and to give his shoes back.
Appears In 02 AUG 1987 Script The fire's not lighting, huh? Can I make a suggestion? Give up on that sissy lighter fluid. Can't we cook the hamburgers yet? The coals aren't hot enough. But I'm hungry I want to eat now! Well, you'll just have to wait. You know, Calvin sometimes the anticipation of something is more fun than the thing itself once you get it. Here we are, it's a beautiful evening. It's nice to just sit here and look at the trees while we wait for the coals to get hot, don't you think? Dinner will be over soon, and afterward we'll be distracted with other things to do. But now we have a few minutes to ourselves to enjoy the evening. These summer days go by so quickly. It's good that every now and then we have to wait for something. So should I go to McDonald's then, or what? Yeah, I know you think you are going to be six all of your life.
Description Calvin wants to cook the hamburgers on the grill, but the coals aren't hot enough yet. Calvin tells Dad he wants to eat now. Dad explains sometimes the anticipation of getting something is sometimes better than when you get it. Dad looks out at the woods and says it's nice to sit looking while the coals get hot. He says dinner will be over soon and they'll be distracted by other things. They have a few moments by themselves to enjoy the evening. He says it's good they have to wait for something every now and then. Calvin looks out, then asks whether he should go to McDonald's or what.
Appears In 22 AUG 1987 Script C'mon Hobbes. Let down the rope ladder. What's the rest of the password? I think five verses extolling tigers is plenty. You know it's me! Let me up! No. ooh, why you lousy rotten, stinking ... If you call me names, you have to start over at the beginning. Verse six: "Tigers are nimble and light on their toes, my respect for tigers continually grows." You're not doing the dance.
Description Calvin yells up to Hobbes in the tree fort to let down the rope ladder. Hobbes insists Calvin give the rest of the password. Calvin thinks five verses extolling tigers is enough. Hobbes won't do it. Calvin starts calling him names, and Hobbes tells him he'll have to start over with the password if he continues. So Calvin goes through verse six. Hobbes tells him he's not doing the dance.
Appears In 24 AUG 1987 Script The end of summer is always hard on me. Trying to cram all the goofing off I've been meaning to do.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are lying under a tree. Calvin says the end of summer is always hard on him, cramming in all the goofing off he's been meaning to do.
Appears In 02 SEPT 1987 Script OK, Hobbes, our time machine is all set, put on your goggles and we'll be off to the future! Why do we have to wear goggles? Geez, do you think traveling years into the future is like driving down the street?! We've got to contend with vortexes and light speeds! Anything could go wrong! Of course we need to wear goggles! Gosh, I think my goggles are in the bedroom. If I'm not back in a couple of minutes, you can go without me. Sit down, sissy. I already got your goggles.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes to put on his goggles, and they'll be ready to go. Hobbes wants to know why he needs goggles. Calvin explains time travel is not like driving down the street. There are vortexes and light speeds to contend with. Anything could go wrong. Of course they need goggles. Hobbes tries to get out by saying his goggles are in the bedroom. He tells Calvin to leave without him if he isn't back in a couple minutes. Calvin tells him to sit down. He has Hobbes' goggles.
Appears In 07 SEPT 1987 Script Let's have a look around I'm sure we'll run into a robot or something. Look at this. Gosh, I wonder what futuristic device this is! Some sort of transportation pod, I'd guess. I wonder how you get in? I don't see a door or license number anywhere. This is very peculiar. Have you ever seen a tree this color?
Description Calvin climbs out of his time machine. They're going to look around. They'll probably run into a robot or something. Hobbes picks up something egg-shaped. Calvin thinks it's some type of transportation pod. Hobbes can't figure out how to get in it. Calvin notices there are no numbers or doors on it. As Calvin ponders the peculiar item, Hobbes asks if Calvin has ever seen a tree this color. He's looking at what appears to be a giant leg.
Appears In 25 OCT 1987 Script I wish it was Saturday instead of Sunday. Any day you have to take a bath and to go to bed early isn't a day off in my book. Autumn Sundays are the worst. You can ever really enjoy Sunday's because in the back of your mind you know you have to go to school the next day. And when the leaves change color it just reminds you even more that summers over and school's just begun. Gee, I like this season best of all! The trees are like natures own fireworks display! I love the brisk air, the early evenings, the ... uh ... the ... yes, well ... hmm. Kapow! Fwoosh! Zingg! You didn't mention fresh applesauce, fuzzhead. Do you like applesauce.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are walking in the woods. Calvin is complaining that you can't enjoy autumn Sundays because you have to go to school the next day. The leaves changing color remind him that summer is over and school has begun. Hobbes likes this season best of all. He says the leaves are like nature's fireworks. As he continues saying how he likes the brisk air and the early evenings, he notices Calvin is fuming. He stops talking, and they walk along silently. Finally, Hobbes looks at the trees and describes the fireworks sounds. Calvin angrily reaches for some apples on the ground and tells Hobbes he didn't mention fresh applesauce. Does he like it?
Appears In 20 DEC 1987 Script Can we get this tree, Mom? Can we? I don't know Calvin. It's awfully expensive. Yeah, but just think how much loot would fit under it! Dad! Come bring in the Christmas tree Mom and I picked! It's a great one! This year I thought we'd just keep the tree in the garage. In the garage?! Sure. You can go out and look at it any time you like. And it saves all the trouble of decorating it. We're not going to decorate it?! Why bother? We just take it all down in two weeks, on Christmas day. If you get a present. If I get a present? You can take it out to the garage to open, and pretend the tree has lots of lights and ... Mommmmm! I know somebody who's going to get a lot of coal in his stocking buster. This season gets less jolly every year.
Description Calvin excitedly tells Dad that he and Mom have picked a Christmas tree. He tells Dad to help bring it in. Dad tells him he thought they'd keep the tree in the garage this year. Dad continues that you can go out and look at it, and that saves the trouble of decorating it. Calvin can't believe they're not decorating the tree. Dad says they take it down in two weeks, so it's not worth the bother. He mentions that if Calvin gets a present......and Calvin is shocked to hear IF he gets A present. Dad continues ....you can take it to the garage and pretend the tree has lots of lights. Calvin runs off yelling for Mom. Mom points her finger into Dad's nose and tells him she knows somebody who's going to get a lump of coal in his stocking this year. Dad comments on the season getting less jolly every year.
Appears In 10 JAN 1988 Script Two parts slush, one part solid ice, one part hard-packed snow a dash of assorted debris. Sculpt into a sphere, and serve at high velocity without warning. Oh, boy, here comes Susie! Hey, Susie! Whap! Ha ha! I gotcha, you dumb girl!! Aughh! My eyeball! Where's my eyeball! What are you talking about? I hit you in the back. It knocked my eyeball out! Find it and pack it in snow so they can save it. Ooh. Ooh. Gosh, did you really lose your eyeball? I didn't know they came out! Wow. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to knock it out. Can I see the socket? Boy, where do you suppose it rolled. Somewhere over there, poop head!! Boot! What are you doing? My eyeball fell out. Help me look for it.
Description Calvin hides behind a tree and throws a snowball at Susie. It hits her in the back of the head. Calvin gloats over having hit her. Susie complains that it knocked her eyeball out. She tells Calvin to find it, so they can pack it in snow and save it. Calvin apologizes. He didn't know eyeballs could come out. He wants to see her eye socket. He's looking in the snow and asks if she knows where it rolled. Susie kicks Calvin into the snow. She had been faking all along. Hobbes comes by to see Calvin face down in the snow. He asks Calvin what he's doing. Calvin tells him his eyeball fell out and wants Hobbes to help him look for it.
Appears In 12 MAR 1988 Script Ok, we're tigers. We're out in the wilderness. Teach me how to survive. Let's say we're hiding up in a tree. Our keen tiger eyes and noses detect some prey nearby. What do we do? I suppose it would depend on what kind of prey it was. I don't care pick something. Well, if it's a box of rigatoni noodles, first you would go put on some water ...
Description As they walk in the woods, Calvin tells Hobbes to teach him to survive. Calvin gives him a scenario. They're in a tree, and they detect prey. What would they do? Hobbes says it depends on what the prey was. Calvin tells him to pick something. Hobbes says that if it was a box of rigatoni noodles, you'd go put on some water.
Appears In 14 MAR 1988 Script Hobbes, you're supposed to be teaching me how to be a tiger. We've been sitting in this dumb tree all morning and you haven't taught me how to hunt or anything! It's instinct. You can't teach that. Well, if you won't help, I'll just go look up tiger in the encyclopedia. As long as we're going in, let's fix some soup and sandwiches, ok? You know what you are? A disgrace, that's what.
Description Sitting on a tree branch, Calvin tells Hobbes he's supposed to be teaching him how to be a tiger. They've been sitting in the tree all day, and Hobbes hasn't shown Calvin how to hunt or anything. Hobbes says it's instinct, which you can't teach. Calvin suggests looking up "tiger" in the encyclopedia. Hobbes hops down and says that since they're going inside, they should fix some soup and sandwiches. Calvin calls Hobbes a disgrace.
Appears In 25 MAR 1988 Script I'm home! Pow! Gald to see me?? What I would give to be a latchkey kid.
Description Calvin steps off the school bus and comes into the house. He yells that he's home, and Hobbes pounces on him. Out the door they fly. Calvin ends up on his back, with his feet up on a tree. Hobbes asks if he's glad to see him. Calvin replies he'd love to be a latchkey kid.
Appears In 01 APR 1988 Script Why do you suppose we're here? Because we walked here. No, no. I mean here on Earth. Because Earth can support life. No, I mean why are we anywhere? Why do we exist? Because we were born. Forget it. I will, thank you.
Description Sitting under a tree, Calvin asks Hobbes why they're here. Hobbes replies that they walked there. Calvin is referring to why they are on earth. Hobbes tells him because earth can support life. Calvin tries to clarify. He wonders why they even exist. Hobbes says because they were born. Calvin gives up and tells Hobbes to forget it.
Appears In 15 APR 1988 Script Much as I appreciate your offer, I don't need an image consultant. I prefer to let the wisdom of my words and deeds speak for themselves. In that case, you'll have a lot of time to write your memoirs. We'll see. Now it's past your bedtime. Dad buried in landslide! Jubliant throngs fill streets! Stunned father inconsolable-demands recount! Good night.
Description Dad doesn't think he needs an image consultant. Dad prefers to let the wisdom of his words and deeds speak for themselves. Calvin thinks that means Dad will have plenty of time to write his memoirs. Dad tells Calvin to go to bed. Calvin offers dire headlines, "Dad buried in landslide", "Stunned father inconsolable - demands recount", "Jubilant throngs fill streets".
Appears In 01 MAY 1988 Script Good night, Calvin. ... all right where are you?! Calvin, I thought I said to get ready for bed! Now hurry up! I can't! I'm trapped in slow motion! Well you'd better get in normal speed ... now! Ahh! Time snap!
Description Hobbes is in the tree fort. Calvin tells Hobbes to let him up. Hobbes says he might be some other kid in disguise. Calvin calls Hobbes a hairball barfer. Hobbes says he can stay down on the ground forever. Calvin sees Susie coming and wants to be let up so they can throw things at her. Calvin apologizes for insulting Hobbes. He wants the rope dropped down. Hobbes tells him he has to say the password. Susie comes up behind him as he's on the seventh verse of the poem password. Susie says she was going to ask him to come over and play house, but she thinks he'd be a weird example for their children. Calvin yells up to Hobbes saying one of these days he'll make Hobbes into a rug.
Appears In 02 JUNE 1988 Script Is the bee still on me or not? I'm not telling. You called me a hairball. OK, OK, I'm sorry. You're not a hairball. Now, is the bee there or not? No. Good. Now I ... OWW!! I meant "No, there IS a bee." Today is opposite day! Don't forget ... at midnight opposite day is over, OK? "Yes."
Description Calvin asks if the bee is still on him or not. Hobbes isn't telling him, since Calvin called him a hairball. Calvin apologizes for calling Hobbes a hairball. He asks if there is a bee. Hobbes tells him no. Calvin moves and OWW! He gets stung. Hobbes tells him that today is opposite day. So Hobbes' no meant yes, there was a bee. Hobbes is in a tree at night. Calvin, armed with a baseball bat, is standing at the bottom of the tree. Hobbes reminds him that opposite day is over at midnight.
Appears In 05 JUNE 1988 Script FWOOSH As if life isn't short enough.
Description Calvin fills a water balloon with an evil grin on his face. He sneaks behind a tree. He sneaks over behind a barrel. He comes up behind the tree Hobbes is sleeping under. Calvin lifts the water balloon, and Hobbes says "As if life isn't short enough" without opening his eyes. Calvin stops, sets the balloon down, an lies down under the tree with a frown on his face.
Appears In 18 JUNE 1988 Script Boy, don't go near Dad. What a grouch! I don't see why he can't be civil just because I accidentally dropped a duffel bag overboard and he broke his glasses. Are you going to tell him he left the car lights on back where we got the canoe? I think YOU should tell him.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes not to go near Dad, he's a grouch. Calvin can't see why Dad can't be civil just because Calvin dropped a duffel bag overboard and Dad broke his glasses. They walk along a downed tree trunk. Hobbes asks if Calvin told Dad that he left the car lights on back where they picked up the canoe. Calvin thinks Hobbes should tell him.
Appears In 22 JUNE 1988 Script Gosh, I could look at the stars all night. Without the streetlights or pollution here, it seems like you can see forever into space. SNAP CRUNCH Of course, if you've seen one star, you've seen them all. True, true. Shall we mosey on the back to the tent?
Description Calvin and Hobbes are looking up at the stars. Calvin says that without the street lights or pollution, it looks like you can see forever into space. Suddenly, there is a snap and a crunch from nearby. Calvin and Hobbes jump up. As they run back to the tent, Calvin says "if you've seen one star, you've seen them all".
Appears In 24 JULY 1988 Script Rustle rustle zing! WHAM! We tigers just LIVE for that! Not for long, you won't!
Description Hobbes sneaks behind a tree, then through some tall grass. He crouches, ready to attack. Calvin is unsuspectingly playing in his sandbox. He's covered in shadow, and he looks up. Hobbes crashes down on him. Hobbes brushes off his arms and says tigers just live for that. Calvin, peeking up from the sand, says that he won't for long.
Appears In 29 JULY 1988 Script Do you know what day it is? Nope. Why? Oh, no reason. I was just curious. I sure like summer vacation.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are lying under a tree. Calvin asks if Hobbes knows what day it is. Hobbes doesn't, and he wonders why Calvin asked. Calvin replies there was no reason, he was just curious. They start to doze off. Calvin says he sure likes summer vacation.
Appears In 05 AUG 1988 Script What would you do if I creamed you with this water balloon right now? Take the worst thing you can imaging, and imagine something a hundred times worse than that. You'd do THAT? No, I'd do something even worse. He piqued my curiosity.
Description Hobbes is lying under a tree. Calvin comes up with a water balloon. He asks Hobbes what he'd do if he got creamed by the water balloon. Hobbes tells him to take the worst thing he can imagine, then imagine something a hundred times worse. Calvin asks if he'd do that. Hobbes tells him he'd do something worse. Calvin hits Hobbes with the balloon and takes off running. Calvin says Hobbes piqued his curiosity.
Appears In 07 AUG 1988 Script The race will finish at that trr, OK? This tree? Right. Readysetgo, I win! On your mark ... get set ... Go! Hey! Leggo! OW! Stop that! MMF RRG PUFF PUFF FINISH! Oof. Ten minutes! That's our best time yet for the 50-yard dash!
Description Calvin and Hobbes line up for a race. When Calvin take a lead, Hobbes holds the back of his shirt. When Hobbes gets a lead, Calvin pulls his tail. Hobbes pounces on Calvin, and they fight. As they're wrestling with each other, Hobbes finally gets to the finish line. Calvin, lying on Hobbes' back, says ten minutes is their best time yet for the 50-yard dash.
Appears In 24 AUG 1988 Script A shadow falls over the large city skyscrapers! It's a gigantic ant! With one footstep, it pulverizes the entire downtown! Millions die instantly! The ant brushes the city off the map! People flood the streets in panic, only to be smashed in the horrible wreckage! Well... maybe I won't...
Description A shadow falls over the city's skyscrapers. It's a gigantic ant. One step pulverizes downtown. Millions die instantly. The ant brushes the city off the map. People flood to the streets in panic, only to be smashed in the wreckage. Calvin has his foot above an ant hill, ready to smash it. He decides maybe he won't.
Appears In 05 OCT 1988 Script You know, when you think about it, our lives are pretty nice. A lot of kids don't have as good of a home life as we do. We really can't complain. ... which isn't to say we should go home yet. When do you think they'll see the car windshield?
Description Calvin tells Hobbes their lives are pretty nice. He says a lot of kids don't have as good a home life as they do. They really can't complain. They keep walking over rocks and fallen trees. Calvin adds that isn't to say they should go home yet. Hobbes asks when he thinks they'll see the car windshield.
Appears In 09 OCT 1988 Script My parents are the two stupidest people on earth. Just my luck, they'd get married and have me. I hate everybody. I don't see home anyone could ever fall in love. People are jerks. Sometimes they are, but look at the colors on the trees today. Yeah? So what? I think it's more fun to see something like this WITH someone than just by yourself. I GUESSSS so... but I'd still rather see this with a tiger than a person. Well, THAT goes without saying.
Description In the woods, Calvin tells Hobbes he hates everybody. He can't see how anyone could fall in love, because people are jerks. Hobbes says that sometimes they are, but look at the colors of the trees today. Calvin looks around and says so what. Hobbes thinks it's more fun to see something like this with someone than by yourself. They look at each other. They walk off across a fallen tree. Calvin says he guesses, but he'd rather see this with a tiger than a person.
Appears In 11 DEC 1988 Script Here we are at the top of "Dismemberment Gorge". Ready to go down? How about if I steer this time? Get on, you big sissy. I've been good all day so far. Christmas is getting near, huh? You got it. I've been wondering, though. Is it truly being good if the only reason I behave well is so I can get more loot at Christmas? I mean, really, all I'm doing is saying I can be bribed. Is that good enough, or do I have to be good in my heart and spirit? In other words, do I really have to BE good or do I have to ACT good? I suppose in YOUR case, Santa will have to take what he can get. OK... so exactly how good do you think I have to act? REALLY good, or just PRETTY good?
Description Calvin and Hobbes are sledding down the hill. Calvin says he's been good all day so far. Hobbes asks if Christmas is getting near. Calvin wonders if it's truly being good if the only reason he behaves is to get more loot at Christmas. All he's doing is saying he can be bribed. He wonders if that's good enough, or does he need to be good in heart and spirit. As they crash into a tree and go flying, Calvin asks if he really has to be good or does he just have to act good. Hobbes, covered in snow, says in Calvin's case, Santa will have to take what he can get.
Appears In 25 DEC 1988 Script I'm leaving out a sandwich for Santa. That's nice. What do you think he'd like with that? Some milk? I think "Santa"would rather have a cold beer. DEAR! Psst! Wake up! It's Christmas! Are you sure? It's still dark out. It's four in the morning! Let's see if santa left our loot yet! Oh boy! We'll let Mom and Dad sleep another hour, but we can at least count all our packages. I get to plug in the tree lights! Ha ha! Look at all this booty! Let's see which ones are for me! Here's one for you. Strange that Santa would go to the trouble to wrap a box of coal. Har har. Here's one for Mom. Here's one for me...This one is for Dad... Hey, were are YOUR presents? Santa goofed up! Good thing tigers are naturally gifted to begin with. MOMM! DAAD! SANTA DIDN'T BRING HOBBES ANYTHING! Uh oh. think quick, Dear. It had better be a lot later than it feels like. Well, here's a present from ME anyway. Hope it fits. The best presents don't come in boxes. I'll treasure this one forever.
Description Calvin wakes Hobbes up and tells him it's Christmas. Hobbes asks if he's sure, since it's still dark outside. Calvin says it's four in the morning. He hops out of bed. He asks Hobbes to see if Santa left their loot yet. He says he'll let Mom and Dad sleep another hour, but they can at least count their packages. Calvin sees all the presents. Hobbes hands him one and says it's strange Santa would go to the bother to wrap a box of coal. Calvin starts dividing up the presents by who's getting them. He thinks Santa goofed up. Hobbes hasn't gotten any gifts. Calvin yells to Mom and Dad that Santa didn't get Hobbes anything. Calvin hugs Hobbes and tells him it's a present from him. He hopes it fits. Hobbes tells him the best presents don't come in boxes. He'll treasure it forever.
Appears In 18 JAN 1989 Script Spiff escapes! Did Calvin get on the bus? I didn't see. ... why? Someone just darted behind that tree. See, there he goes again. Isn't that Calvin? The zogwargs have spotted him! Our hero inflates the emergency jet pack he keeps in his pocket, and prepares for takeoff!
Description Spiff escapes! Dad asks if Calvin got on the bus. Mom says she didn't see. Dad mentions he saw someone darting behind a tree. They look and see it again. Dad asks if that's Calvin. Spiff inflates the emergency jet pack he keeps in his pocket. The Zogwargs have spotted him.
Appears In 22 JAN 1989 Script OK, let's see... if the wind is blowing north-northeast at 6mph, and I throw the snowball due west at 90 mph with a slight top spin ... Ha! Susie didn't even hear me sneak up. Now I'll cream her cranium with a barrage of snowballs! WHZZZ PUFF These darn crozz breezes! She didn't even notice! You're the worst shot in the world, Calvin! If it wasn't for gravity, you probably couldn't even hit the ground! SMACK! I did it! I did it! Just when it counted, I did it! Ha ha ha! Right in the kisser! Ha ha! Bad news, Mom. I promised my soul to the devil this afternoon. Oh? That recently?
Description Calvin hides behind a tree. He plans to cream her cranium with a barrage of snowballs. Susie is busy making a snowman. Calvin misses with the toss. He blames the cross breezes. Then he throws several snowball, which all miss Susie. She taunts him by saying he's the worst shot in the world. She says if it wasn't for gravity, he wouldn't hit the ground. SMACK! Susie gets nailed by a snowball. She runs after Calvin, who gleefully comments he did it when it really counted. After going home, Calvin tells Mom that he has bad news. He says he promised his soul to the devil that afternoon. Mom asks if it was that recently.
Appears In 12 FEB 1989 Script Hold still. Now boost! Lift! C'mon! Mph! Get your hand out of my eye! OK, forward! On the way back, you're carrying ME. Hey, I got some mail. It's a valentine card. From Susie Derkins! It says, "Please be my valentine." You're Susie's valentine! I'm not her valentine just because I got this in the mail, am I? Does the post-master general know about this? Calvin and Susie sitting in a tree-ee! Kay-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-En-Gee! I don't have to KISS her, do I?! Is that what valentines do??! Oh, gross! First comes Lo-ove, Then comes marriage, Then comes a baby in a baby carriage! This can't be happening! I need a lawyer! She can't make me be her valentine! Here she comes! Here comes Susie! Hi, Calvin. Get away from me! I'm not your valentine! Take your card back! Eww! Girls! Yecchh! That card wasn't for YOU, you moron. Didn't you read the back of the envelope? The back? "Calvin, please give this to Hobbes." HOBBES?! Me? Really? Hot dog! Smooch city, here I come!
Description Calvin gets a valentine in the mailbox. It's from Susie Derkins. Calvin reads the card, which says "Be my valentine". Hobbes starts making fun of Calvin. He starts singing "Calvin and Susie, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G". Calvin says he's not her valentine just because he got that in the mail. He asks if the Postmaster General knows about this. Hobbes continues ridiculing Calvin by singing "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage". Calvin is horrified to think he has to kiss Susie if they're valentines. Calvin wants a lawyer. He says she can't make him her valentine. Hobbes sees Susie coming. Susie says hi to Calvin, who throws the valentine on the ground. He tells her to get away from him, and he's not her valentine. He tells her to take her card back. Susie tells Calvin the card wasn't for him. She asks if he read the back of the envelope. When Calvin looks at it, it reads "Calvin, please give this to Hobbes". Calvin is shocked! Hobbes, with a smile on his face, says "Hot Dog! Smooch City, here I come".
Appears In 19 FEB 1989 Script What's this? A Calvin decoy. Pretty good, huh? Now I can find out who my enemies are! I'll hide behind that tree over there and watch to see who throws snowballs at the decoy, thinking it's me! Your enemies must not be very bright. That's why they're out to get me. They can't stand my genius. Hey, Calvin! I see a way your plan might fail. Pipe down, will ya? How can I hide when you're yelling to me from across ... SMACK! See there? My plan to discover my enemies was a complete success. Too bad you took off your coat and hat. You must be soaked.
Description Calvin builds a snowman he is using as a Calvin decoy. He dresses the snowman in his hat and coat. He tells Hobbes he's going to hide behind the tree and watch to see who throws snowballs at the decoy. He'll find out who his enemies are. Hobbes looks at the snowman and says Calvin's enemies must not be too bright. Calvin agrees, saying that's why they're out to get him. They can't stand his genius. As Calvin hides behind the tree, Hobbes yells that he sees a way his plan might fail. Calvin tells him to quiet down. Hobbes smacks Calvin with a snowball. Calvin, poking out upside down from the snow, says his plan to discover his enemies was a complete success. Hobbes says it's too bad he took off his hat and coat, because he must be soaked.
Appears In 26 MAY 1989 Script The car is rolling into the road!! What if someone hits it?!? LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT! THERE'S NO ONE DRIVING!! THERE IT GOES!! I can't watch! GRUNTCH Nobody hit it! It just went into the ravine across the street! Hooray, we're dead.
Description Calvin and Hobbes stand shocked. The car rolls out into the road. They cover their eyes and can't watch. GRUNTCH! Hobbes says nobody hit it. It went into the ravine across the street. Calvin says "Hooray, we're dead".
Appears In 27 MAY 1989 Script Oh man, oh man, oh man. Oh man. What do you suppose a car like this costs? I'll bet at LEAST $75. Oh MAN.
Description Calvin and Hobbes run across the street to see the car. It's sitting nose up in a ditch with half the car poking up. Hobbes asks what Calvin thinks a car like that costs. He bets at least $75. Calvin can only say "Oh man".
Appears In 06 JUNE 1989 Script Well, Mom's sure to have found the car by now and guessed what we did. Now I know what they mean when they say you can't go home again.
Description Calvin says Mom's sure to have found the car and guessed what they did by now. As Calvin and Hobbes walk across a downed tree, Calvin says now he knows what they mean when they say you can't go home again.
Appears In 07 JUNE 1989 Script What's that sound? I don't hear anything. There! Something is crashing through the brush! It It sounds big! Maybe it's a bear! There are BEARS out here?? Climb the tree! Climb the tree! If you ask ME, tigers are the only ferocious animals the world really needs. "Boy, 6, killed by bear! Parents saved the trouble."
Description Hobbes hears something crashing through the brush. Calvin thinks it's a bear. They run to a tree and climb up. Hobbes thinks tigers are the only ferocious animals the world needs. Calvin imagines the headlines "Boy, 6, killed by bear! Parents saved the trouble".
Appears In 08 JUNE 1989 Script Do you think we're safe? Should we climb higher? It's hard to say with bears. There it is! The bear's coming out of the brush! Oh no! It looks like it's on its hind legs! Bears stand up only when they're really mad!! Wait, that's not a bear. That's your Mom! AAUGHH! EVEN WORSE! CLIMB HIGHER! CLIMB HIGHER!
Description Calvin asks if they should climb higher in the tree. Calvin spots the bear coming out of the brush. He says it's on its hind legs, and they only do that when they're mad. Hobbes says that's not a bear, it's Mom. Calvin panics and says that's worse. He tells Hobbes to climb higher.
Appears In 09 JUNE 1989 Script THERE you are. Come down so I can talk to you. No. You'll kill us. We're running away. I'm not going to kill you. I just wanted to find out what happened. Are you OK? Was anyone hurt? No one was hurt. We were pushing the car into the drive and it kept rolling. The car didn't hit anything? It just went across the road and into the ditch. That's when we took off. Well, the tow truck pulled it out, and there's no damage, so you can come home now. First let's hear you say you love me.
Description Mom sees Calvin in the tree and tells him to come down. Calvin doesn't want to because he thinks she'll kill him. Mom says she won't, but wants to know what happened. She asks if anyone was hurt. Calvin says no one was hurt. He says they pushed the car into the drive and it kept rolling. Mom asks if the car hit anything. Calvin says it just went into the ditch. That's when they took off. Mom says the tow truck pulled the car out, and there was no damage. He can come home now. Calvin wants to hear her say she loves him first.
Appears In 15 JUNE 1989 Script Hi, Hobbes! Watcha doin'? Nothing. Nothing at all? Nope. I'll help. Please do.
Description Hobbes is lying against a tree. Calvin asks what he's doing. Hobbes replies "nothing". Calvin asks if he's doing nothing at all. Hobbes says no. Calvin says he'll help and lies down next to Hobbes.
Appears In 18 JUNE 1989 Script Do re mi fa so la ti do. A sparrow alights upon a tree branch. But this is no ORDINARY sparrow. This is a SONG sparrow. Swaying gently in the breeze, he prepares to burst forth a rapturious melody! ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI ALL COVERED WITH CHEEEESE, I LOST MY POOR MEEEATBALLL, WHEN...
Description A sparrow lands on the tree branch. This is a song sparrow. He prepares to burst forth in rapturous melody. On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese... Calvin gets tossed out the door of the house.
Appears In 25 JUNE 1989 Script You're out! I think the bases are too darn far apart. Ahh, you're just a big sissy.
Description Calvin runs around the house, slides down the ditch, runs over the stream, climbs through the fence, runs around the trees, and dives toward a rock. Hobbes tags him out. Calvin complains the bases are too far apart. Hobbes calls him a big sissy.
Appears In 04 JULY 1989 Script Mom took me to the library today, Dad. That's nice. Did you get out a book? Yep. It's great! I had no idea books could be so much fun. And you'll learn things, too. I'll say! My book says that this one wasp lays its eggs on a spider, so when the egg hatches, the larva ieats the spider, savings the vital organs for the last, so the spider stays alive while it's being devoured! Gross, huh? Isn't there a street corner where he can hang out instead? And color pictures, too! Want to see 'em?
Description At the dinner table, Calvin tells Dad that Mom took him to the library. He didn't know it was such fun. Dad tells him that he'll learn things, too. Calvin explains that he learned one type wasp lays its egg in a spider so that when the egg hatches, the larva eats the spider, saving the vital organs for last, so the spider stays alive while its being devoured. Mom and Dad get odd look on their faces. Dad wonders if there isn't a street corner he could hang out on instead.
Appears In 31 JULY 1989 Script Off to work, eh, Dad? Yep. It sure is a nice day. The kind of day just made for sitting under a tree and reading a good novel cover to cover, don't you think? Too bad that's a luxury at your age. Well, maybe you can do it when you're 65. I'm sure you'll be that old before you know it. Enjoy your day at work. Dad sure is surly in the mornings.
Description Dad's going off to work. Calvin says it's a nice day to sit under a tree and read a good book. Calvin says it's too bad that's a luxury at Dad's age. He says maybe Dad can do it when he's 65. Calvin is sure Dad will be there before he knows it. He wishes Dad a good day at work. Calvin walks up to Mom and tells her Dad sure is surly in the mornings.
Appears In 03 AUG 1989 Script Arr! We're bloodthirsty pirates! Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Hoist the jolly roger and ready the plank! Here. What's this? Our booty!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are in their tree fort. Calvin says they're bloodthirsty pirates. Calvin calls avast, ye scurvy dogs. He tells Hobbes to hoist the Jolly Roger and ready the plank. Hobbes hands Calvin a small knit sock. Calvin asks what that is. Hobbes tells him "our booty" and starts laughing.
Appears In 07 AUG 1989 Script I performed a scientific experiment today. You know how maps always show north as up and south as down? I wanted to see if that was true or no. What did you find out? Not much. Your compass didn't survive the trip south from the top of the tree. MY compass?! Let me know when you get a new one. My junior scientist book says not to get discouraged by temporary setbacks.
Description Calvin tells Dad he performed a scientific experiment today. He wanted to see if it's true that north is up and south is down, like what maps show. Dad asks what he found out. Calvin tells him not much. Dad's compass didn't survive the trip south from the top of the tree. Calvin walks away telling Dad to let him know when he's replaced it. His junior scientist book told him not to be discouraged by temporary setbacks.
Appears In 19 AUG 1989 Script Ughh, there are times when I hate owning a house. All the maintenance! The walls need painting, the roof needs to be fixed, the tree out back needs to be sprayed... It seems like the whole place is falling apart. ... and what isn't falling apart is being actively destroyed!
Description Mom is on her knees, newspaper on the floor, getting ready to paint the wall. She complains that there are times she hates owning a house because of the maintenance. Painting walls, fixing roofs, spraying trees, it seems like the place is falling apart. She sees Calvin drilling holes in the other wall, and she gives chase. She adds that what isn't falling apart is being actively destroyed.
Appears In 25 AUG 1989 Script AAAGH!! You should be more alert! You wouldn't last two seconds in the jungle. THAT'S WHY I LIVE HERE, YOU DOLT!
Description Calvin is walking along under a tree. Suddenly, Hobbes pounces from the tree onto Calvin. They fight. Hobbes pins him down and tells him he should be more alert. He tells Calvin he wouldn't last two seconds in the jungle. Calvin replies that's why he lives here and calls Hobbes a dolt.
Appears In 27 AUG 1989 Script HEADS UP! GISHHH You rotten fleabag! I'll get you! You hear me?! Say your prayers! Ahh, you're all wet! Wee wee! By golly, I'll soak him with the hose! He won't dry out for a month! I've got you now, Hobbes, Ol' Buddy! Heh heh heh! Trying to get another balloon ready, eh? Well, you're too late! Hope you're thirsty, sucker! Hey, what's wrong?! This hose isn't working! Why won't it squirt?! Oh, I had to take this end off the faucet so I could fill my balloon. Uh-oh. Actually, I'm kind of looking forward to going to school next week.
Description Hobbes hides behind a tree and hits Calvin in the head with a water balloon. Calvin threatens to get even, while Hobbes tells Calvin he's all wet. Calvin grabs the hose and runs after Hobbes to give him a soaking. Calvin catches Hobbes filling another water balloon. He tells Hobbes he's too late and hopes Hobbes is thirsty. Calvin squeezes the handle, but nothing happens. He asks why it won't squirt. Hobbes tells him he had to take the other end of the hose off the faucet so he could fill his balloon. He pulls his arm back, and Calvin knows what's coming. Lying soaked on the ground, Calvin says he's kind of looking forward to school next week.
Appears In 21 SEPT 1989 Script You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place. That's why animals are so soft and huggy. ...yeah..
Description Sitting under a tree, Calvin says sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place. Hobbes tells him that's why animals are so soft and huggy. Calvin hugs him and says "yeah".
Appears In 08 OCT 1989 Script Why do animals always walk in circles before they lie down? Sorry. Privileged information. Z Psst! Hey kid! MONSTERS! What do you want? There's a big, shiny toy for you under the bed. Come get it! Oh sure! You just want me to come there so you can grab me with some oozing appendage, slowly paralyze me with some vile secretion, and devour me alive! Nice try! Forget it! Stupid monsters. All fangs and no brains. Psst! Tiger! We'll give you some salmon if you push the kid over the bed! Is the salmon fresh? Hold on, I'll check. Yeah, it's fresh. HOBBES, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!!
Description Calvin tells Hobbes he wishes he had more friends, but people are such jerks. Calvin says if you can get most people to ignore you and leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find one person you really like, you're lucky. He adds that if that person can stand you, you're really lucky. Hobbes asks what if you find someone you can talk to while you eat apples on a bright fall morning. They stop to eat their lunch. They sit up against a tree and eat their apples. Calvin supposes there's no point in being greedy.
Appears In 29 OCT 1989 Script His stabilizers useless, his fuel about to explode, our hero careens out of control over a strange, unexplored planet! Yes, it's just another typical day for the incredible Spaceman Spiff! Zorched by Zarokes, Spaceman Spiff's crippled craft crashes on Platet Plootarg! Dazed but undaunted, our fearless hero sets off in search of a service station! Zounds! The zealous zarches have followed Spiff to the planet's surface to finish him off! With a sudden chill, our hero realizes the planet's soft granular ground makes him easy to track! Thinking quickly, Spiff runs backward, so his tracks show him going the opposite direction! By continuing past a hiding place and doubling back, our hero fools the hideous aliens! CALVIN! It's time to come in! We know he went this way. We'll find him.
Description Calvin asks Dad why old photographs are black and white. He asks if they didn't have color film back then. Dad tells him they did, but the world was black and white then. He says the world didn't turn color until the 1930's. Calvin says that's weird. Dad says truth is stranger than fiction. Calvin then asks why old paintings are in color. If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted it that way? Dad says a lot of great artists were insane. Calvin asks how they could have painted in color. Their paints would have been shades of gray. Dad says the paints turned colors like everything else did in the '30s. Calvin then asks why old black and white photos didn't turn color. Dad says because they were color pictures of black and white. Later, Calvin tells Hobbes the world is a complicated place. Hobbes says whenever it seems that way, he takes a nap in a tree and waits for dinner.
Appears In 04 DEC 1989 Script When are we going to get a Christmas tree? Oh, I dunno. Probably a little after New Year's. AFTER NEW YEAR?? Sure. We can just go up the street and pick the best tree from the neighbors' driveways. WHAT?! Sometimes there's still tinsel on the tree too, so you don't even have to decorate it! We'll save time AND money! OK, what did your Dad tell you THIS time?
Description Calvin asks Dad when they're going to get a Christmas tree. Dad tells Calvin a little after New Year's. Calvin is shocked. Dad explains that they can go up the street and pick the best tree from the neighbors' driveways. Dad continues by saying there's sometimes some tinsel left on the trees, so you don't even have to decorate it. You save time and money. Calvin, horrified, clings to Mom's ankle. Mom asks what Dad told him this time.
Appears In 24 DEC 1989 Script and Santa, if I get any lords a-leaping or geese a-laying, you've HAD it. Hmm... That might not be politic. I'm getting nervous about Christmas. You're worried you haven't been good? That's just one question. It's all relative. What's Santa's definition? How good do you have to be to qualify as good? I haven't KILLED anybody. See, that's good, right? I haven't committed any felonies. I didn't start any wars. I don't practice cannibalism. Wouldn't you say that's pretty good? Wouldn't you say I should get lots of presents? But maybe good is more than the absence of bad. See, THAT's what worries me. ...OK, assuming I can get an overnight letter to the north pole, what would you charge to write me a glowing character reference? Oh no, I'm not going to perjure myself for you! MY record's clean!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are lying on the floor, by the Christmas tree and the fireplace. There is a poem about Christmas Eve. It reads the tree is decorated festively, Christmas songs play on the radio, his tiger is fast asleep, he turns to warm whatever's not hot. He gives his friend a gentle hug. Tomorrow is what he's waiting for, but he can wait a little more.
Appears In 25 DEC 1989 Script Ha ha! It's Christmas! Hurry up, Mom and Dad! It's almost dawn! Here, I got you a present. You got me a present? Gosh Hobbes, how nice! I picked it out myself! Open it! Why, it's ... It's three cans of ... Uh... Salmon. Um, thanks, Hobbes. Gee, I didn't get YOU a present. I feel terrible. I thought of that. See, you could give me mine back! That would be a GOOD present! Well then, here! Merry Christmas, Hobbes! Why, thank you! It's just what I wanted! Merry Christmas! Calvin, did you know these cans over in the pantry?
Description Calvin and Hobbes are under the Christmas tree. Hobbes gives Calvin a present. He picked it out himself. It's three cans of salmon. Calvin thanks Hobbes for the gift. Calvin feels bad because he didn't get Hobbes anything. Hobbes suggests Calvin give him back the gift. Calvin does, and Hobbes thanks him. They exchange Christmas wishes.
Appears In 28 DEC 1989 Script You don't LIKE my "Snowman House of Horror", do you?!
Description There are snowmen on the yard. One is holding his head, one has three eyes and two noses, one was built around a tree so it looks like the tree sticks up from the snowman, one is cut in half by a smaller snowman on a sled. Mom has her tongue stuck out. Calvin asks if Mom likes his "Snowman House of Horror".
Appears In 07 FEB 1990 Script I stepped out into the rainy streets and reviewed the facts. There weren't many. Two saps, Jack and Joe, drive towards each other at 60 and 30 mph. After 10 minutes, they pass. I'm supposed to find out how far apart they started. Questions pour down like the rain. Who ARE these mugs? What were they trying to accomplish? Why was Jack in such a hurry? And what difference does it make where they started from? I had a hunch that, before this was over, I'd be sorry I asked.
Description Tracer steps out to the street to review the facts. Two saps, Joe and Jack, drive toward each other and pass. Questions pour down like rain. Who are these mugs? What are they trying to accomplish? Why was Jack in such a hurry? Why does it matter where they started? He had a hunch that before this was over, he'd be sorry he asked.
Appears In 11 FEB 1990 Script Uh oh, here comes Calvin... The incurable weirdness poster child. Hi Calvin. What's with the mask and bucket? HMPH. This is a poem! Please do what you're told! And here is a bucket of water ice-cold! Please take this water, and dump it on me! Don't hesitate! Do it A.S.A.P.! Just wait till YOU touch the "pernicious poem place"!! Oooh, you'll be sorry THEN! Whee! I love playing CalvinBall! This is a bag flag zone!
Description Susie stands in the snow saying winter has wrapped the land in a soft, white blanket, and the earth sleeps quietly. Suddenly, she hears yelling coming down the hill. It's Calvin, yelling at Hobbes to lean, yelling "look out below", "mayday", and "bail out". Calvin's sled crashes. He yells at Hobbes for almost getting them killed. They start fighting. Susie walks away, saying that when she grows up, she'll live in the tropics. Hobbes tells Calvin to get the sled out of the tree so they can do it again. Calvin wants to get a siren for the sled.
Appears In 13 FEB 1990 Script Readyyy.. Aimmm...
Description Calvin makes a big snowball. He makes another and sets it on top the first. He makes a snowman standing against a tree. He puts a blindfold on it and a stick in its mouth. Calvin gets a snowball in his hand and says ready, aim...
Appears In 06 MAR 1990 Script This morning I had a wonderful dream. By holding my arms out stiff and pushing down hard, I found I could suspend myself a few feet above the ground. I flapped harder, and soon I was soaring effortlessly over the trees and telephone poles! I could FLY! I folded my arms back and zoomed lower over the neighborhood. Everyone was amazed, and they ran along under me as I shot by. Then I rocketed up so fast that my eyes watered from the wind. I laughed and laughed, making huge loops across the sky! ... That's when Mom woke me up and said I was going to miss the bus if I didn't get my bottom out of the bot. 20 minutes later, here I am, standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and I just remembered I forgot my lunch. Tuesdays don't start much worse than this.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are standing in the rain, waiting for the bus. Calvin launches into a long speech about a dream he had. He could flap his arms and was able to fly. He zoomed over the neighborhood. His eyes watered from the wind. He laughed and laughed as he made loops in the sky. Then, Mom woke him up and said he'd miss the bus if he didn't get up. Twenty minutes later, he's standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and he just remembered he forgot his lunch. He tells Hobbes Tuesday's don't start much worse than this.
Appears In 14 MAR 1990 Script I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... She said they certainly wouldn't have PAID for me. You can relate this little story when reporters ask how I went bad.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are sitting under a tree. Calvin says he asked Mom if he was a gifted child. Mom had replied she certainly wouldn't have paid for him. He tells Hobbes he can relate this little story when reporters ask how he went bad.
Appears In 21 MAR 1990 Script Mom! Mom! I just saw the first robin of spring! Call the newspaper quick! Ha ha! A front page write-up! A commemorative plaque! A civic ceremony! All for me! Hooray! Hooray! Oh boy! Should I put the prize money in a trust fund or blow it all at once? Ha ha! I can't believe I did it! Calvin... It's a hard, bitter, cruel world to have to grow up in, Hobbes. Cheer up! Did I tell you I saw a robin yesterday?
Description Calvin runs around happily, saying he saw the first robin of spring. He figures he'll get a front-page write up in the paper, a commemorative plaque, and a civic ceremony. He wonders if he should put the money in a trust fund or spend it all at once. Mom gets his attention. Calvin is sitting under a tree with Hobbes. Calvin tells him it's a hard, bitter, cruel world to have to grow up in. Hobbes tells him to cheer up. He asks if he told Calvin that he saw a robin yesterday.
Appears In 07 APR 1990 Script There is no way I'm getting paid enough for this kind of aggravation. How could a kid with such little legs go so fast?! Secure in his secret fortress, STUPENDOUS MAN plans his strategy! Baby sitter girl is no match for STUPENDOUS MAN's stupendous intellect! Calvin, you're in big trouble if you don't come out! You made it back alive! Of course! I made a stupendous dash as soon as Rosalyn went around the house! She STILL doesn't know where I am!
Description Rosalyn is outside with a flashlight looking for Calvin. Stupendous Man, in his treehouse, plans his strategy. Calvin goes back inside to his bedroom. He tells Hobbes that he made a stupendous dash when Rosalyn went around the house. He says she still doesn't know where he is.
Appears In 14 APR 1990 Script Mom, can we go out to the highway? Do what? See, I'll put on my roller skates and tie a rope from the car bumper to my waist. Then when I give you the high five, you patch out while I ride behind at 55 mph! What do you say? Can we go? I sure wish YOU could drive.
Description Calvin asks Mom if they can go out to the highway. Calvin wants to put on his roller skates, tie a rope around himself to the car bumper, and skate along behind at 55 mph. Calvin asks again if they can go. Up on a tree branch, Calvin tells Hobbes he wishes Hobbes could drive.
Appears In 04 MAY 1990 Script I don't understand it, Hobbes. The kids teased me when I DIDN'T play baseball. Then they yelled at me when I DID play. Then the teacher called me a "quitter" when I STOPPED playing. Unless you're a star, you can't please ANYone. In that case, why not just please yourself? Because Mom won't let me move to Madagascar.
Description Up in the tree branch, Calvin tells Hobbes he doesn't understand. When he didn't play, the other kids teased him. When he did play, the other kids teased him. Then the coach called him a quitter when he stopped playing. Calvin says unless you're a star, you can't please anyone. Hobbes asks why he doesn't just please himself. Calvin replies that Mom won't let him move to Madagascar.
Appears In 22 JUNE 1990 Script OK, next we'll race to that tree over there. THIS race will determine the championship of the universe. Oh... wait. How long have we been out here? I dunno. An hour maybe. Really? Geez. Where does time go?! Hang on, I'll be right back. I'M NOT HAVING FUN!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are going to race to a tree. Hobbes says this one will determine the championship of the universe. Calvin asks how long they've been outside. Hobbes tells him an hour. Calvin races off saying where does the time go. He goes over to the window and tells Dad he's not having any fun.
Appears In 24 JUNE 1990 Script What's that smell? Either mom's cooking dinner, or somebody got sick in the furnace duct. Boy, does it stink in here! What are you cooking for dinner?! Whatever it is I'm not eating it. I'm stewing some monkey heads. Monkey heads? They'll be soggy enough to eat in about twenty minutes. Really?? We're having monkey heads! We are not ... are those really monkey heads? I've never had monkey heads before! I wonder what they're like. Wow! Monkey heads! Mm ... kinda squishy. Oow look, is that a nose? What's this? Brains? I didn't think they'd be so rubbery ... what? I thought these were stuffed peppers. Honey. What the heck is this?? Whatever it is I'm not eating it!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are tumbling, drawing pictures, chasing a frog, in their treehouse, playing baseball, reading comic books, swinging, playing treasure hunt, and playing in the sandbox. Mom asks Calvin to empty a bag into the garage trash can. Calvin complains some vacation this summer is.
Appears In 12 JULY 1990 Script Easy... easy now... that's it... Steady, boy... easy... nice bike... AUGH! PHPPBT!
Description Calvin warily approaches his bike. He says "easy now". He gets closer and says "steady boy....nice bike". Suddenly, the bike rears up and startles Calvin. Calvin peeks at the bike from behind a tree.
Appears In 14 JULY 1990 Script Maybe we should get your inner ear checked.
Description Calvin peeks out the door. After he's outside, the bike peeks around the corner at him. The bike chases him down the street. Looking at Calvin lying on the ground, Dad says maybe they should get his inner ear checked.
Appears In 15 JULY 1990 Script Calvin, quit horsing around! Hobbes is crowding me. This is my half of the seat. Got it stripeypants? That is your side! You stay over there! I see that!! Calvin, I'm trying to concentrate be quiet. Hobbes poked me. I don't care what Hobbes did! Just be quiet until we get out of this traffic. Hee hee! Stop it you heard Dad! Hoo hoo! Gkpthb! We're going to get in trouble. Mmp mp! Hee hee! Hee hoo ha hee ha ha! Calvin! I thought I said I wanted it quiet!! We were having a weird face contest Dad. But we're all through now. You won.
Description Calvin finds himself an inch tall on the writing desk. He tears off a sheet from a nearby pad of paper. At his size, folding the sheet is difficult, but Calvin's patience is rewarded. He makes a paper airplane, pushes off and catches a small thermal rising up the front of the desk. A gust from an open window sends Calvin across the house. Calvin leans to steer. He runs the paper plane into Dad. Sitting under a tree outside, Calvin tells Hobbes he doesn't need parents. All he needs is a recording that says "go play outside".
Appears In 16 JULY 1990 Script Hi Calvin! What are you doing down there? SHH! SHH! Get down! Be quiet! Have you seen my bicycle? No... Thank goodness. If my bike doesn't get me first, I'm going to cit all its spokes in two. You never saw me today, got it? Our class voted Calvin the "Most likely to be seen on the news some day."
Description Susie sees Calvin behind the tree. Calvin tells her to be quiet and asks if she's seen his bicycle. Calvin whispers to Susie that if his bike doesn't get him first, he's going to cut its spokes. He says she never saw him today. After Calvin leaves, Susie says her class voted Calvin "Most likely to be seen on the news some day".
Appears In 20 JULY 1990 Script Psst! Hobbes! What are you doing up there? Hiding from my killer bicycle. It can't climb trees, so I guess I'll stay here for the rest of my life. You should just wedge a big stick through the spokes of the front wheel. That way when the stick hits the fork, the wheel will jam and the bike will flip over. Hey, that's a GREAT idea! Hobbes, you're a lifesaver! We could mosey over to the kitchen if you're wondering how you can possibly thank me enough.
Description Calvin whispers down to Hobbes from a tree branch. Calvin tells him he's hiding from his killer bicycle. He says it can't climb trees, so he'll have to stay there the rest of his life. Hobbes tells him to wedge a big stick through the spokes of the front wheel. He explains when the stick hits the fork, the wheel will jam and the bike will flip over. Calvin comes down calling Hobbes a lifesaver. Hobbes suggests they could mosey over to the kitchen if Calvin wonders how he could possibly thank him enough.
Appears In 29 JULY 1990 Script It's another new morning for Mr. Monroe. He glances at the newspaper headlines over a cup of coffee, and gets in his red sports car to go to work. Little does he realize it's his last day on the face of the earth! Calvin drinks the magic elixer and begins an incredible transformation. Instantly he grows! Bigger and bigger! Higher and higher! He is now over 300 feet tall! The formula is a success! Calvin, the mighty giant, goes on a terrible rampage, striking fear into the hearts of the populace! Nothing can stop him! It's panic in the streets! A town lies in ruins! No, I won't buy you any more toy cars. I saw you! You deliberately stomped on those!
Description Dad gets the morning paper and notes that he always rushes off and never takes time to enjoy days like this. He has his coffee and says he'd like to have a quiet day around the house. He could read a book, go on a bike ride, spend time with Calvin. He thinks about taking the day off. Calvin runs by. Mom runs by, head covered with shampoo. She yells for Calvin to get back there and pick up every dead bug he put in her shampoo. Dad watches all this. Later, he is sitting at his desk whistling.
Appears In 05 AUG 1990 Script To make instant fun... ...just add water! Heh heh heh FWOOSH. Hee hee. Looking for someone? Uh, who? ME? Ha ha ha ha ha! Um, no-o. I mean, yes... but someone ELSE. Heh heh. Not you. Here's a hypothetical question you should ask yourself. If you knew today was your last day on earth, what would you do different? ... ESPECIALLY if, bu doing something DIFFERENT, today might NOT be your last day on earth. I don't think that question was very hypothetical at all.
Description With an evil grin, Calvin fills a water balloon. He waits behind a tree. Hobbes comes down from the tree, taps Calvin on the head, and asks Calvin if he's looking for someone. Calvin says yes, but for someone else, not for Hobbes. Hobbes gives him a theoretical question. If Calvin knew today was his last day on earth, what would he do different? He gets in Calvin's face and adds especially if, by doing something different, today might not be his last day on earth. Calvin looks at the water balloon. He walks off saying he doesn't think that question was very rhetorical at all.
Appears In 19 AUG 1990 Script Wanna toss the ol' pigskin around? Heck no. Phooey. The center snaps the ball! The quarterback looks for an opening! The defense disintegrates beneath the coming onslaught! The quarterback jumps and dodges! Hobbes breaks clear! Calvin passes! An amazing catch! Hobbes is at the 30 ... the 20 ... the 10 ... but he's tackled from behind and laterals to Calvin so he can make the touchdown! But Calvin fumbles the ball and Hobbes recovers it! But a penalty is called on the play and Hobbes is sent to the bench! Hobbes defects to the other team and is greeted with enthusiastic cheers! The crowd goes wild! Calvin prepares to cripple the traitor with an illegal face mask pull! Hobbes defies him by pouring out of his mouth guard onto Calvin helmet! Boy, you can see why football is such a violent game! Hobbes' team gains a yard! All the cheerleaders come out for smooches!!
Description Calvin's bicycle attacks him. He gets a rope and lassoes the bike. The bicycle drags him along the ground. Calvin ties the bike to a tree. Dad comes by later, sees the bike tied against the tree, and laments that you buy the kid a good, expensive lock, and look.
Appears In 22 AUG 1990 Script OK, here's our plan. I'll be the strike force commander. You'll be the special agend in charge of munitions. We'll fill up a water balloon and sneak up on Susie through the back yard! I get to be the official cartographer and map our hiding places and escape routes! Yeah! And I'LL be the code expert and make an unbreakable code! Oh boy! Let's get some paper! I hope Susie doesn't go anyplace for a while. OK, here's the United States...
Description As they climb down from their tree fort, Calvin says he'll be the strike force commander, while Hobbes is the special agent in charge of munitions. Calvin suggests filling a water balloon and sneaking up on Susie through the back yard. Hobbes wants to be official cartographer, mapping their hiding places and escape routes. Calvin decides to be the code expert and make an unbreakable code. Hobbes runs to get paper. As they both work on their tasks, Calvin says he hopes Susie doesn't go anyplace for a while.
Appears In 24 AUG 1990 Script We've got our map, our code, and our water balloon! Let's go soak Susie! Our map says first we run to the big tree out back. Now to the bush out front! Now to the ditch out back! Now to the tree out front! In case you're wondering - this is to lose anyone who might be tailing us. I'm writing a message in code. How do you spell "nincompoop"?
Description They have their map, the code, and a water balloon. They're ready to soak Susie. Hobbes says they should run to the big tree out back, then to the bush out front, then the ditch out back, then the tree out front. He explains to a winded Calvin that's to lose anyone who might be tailing them. Calvin is going to write Hobbes a note in code. He asks how to spell "nincompoop".
Appears In 29 AUG 1990 Script Mom, I can't find my doll. Have you seen it anywh... DING DONG Hmm, there's nobody here. What's this note? "Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out in front. Do not call the police. You cannot trace us. You cannot find us. Sincerely, Calvin."
Description Susie goes back inside telling her Mom that she can't find her doll. The doorbell rings. No one is there, but there is a note on the ground. Susie reads the note. It reads "Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front". It warns her not to call the police. It says she can't trace or find them. It's signed "Sincerely, Calvin".
Appears In 30 AUG 1990 Script It's a RANSOM note! That dirty Calvin stole my doll and he wants me to pay $100 to get her back! Of all the nerve! He can't get away with this! Why, that stinky little... Wait! There's something else in this envelope. A PHOTO OF BINKY BETSY TIED TO A CHAIR!! What a great club! How are you going to spend YOUR $50?
Description Susie is outraged to receive a ransom note. She crumples the note and says he can't get away with this. She notices something else in the envelope. It's a picture of Binky Betsy tied to a chair. Susie is horrified. In their tree fort, Calvin tells Hobbes this is a great club. Hobbes asks Calvin what he's going to do with his $50.
Appears In 31 AUG 1990 Script Let's stroll down the sidewalk REAL CASUALLY and see if Susie put the hundred bucks out by the tree yet. Great! Lovely day for a stroll, eh Hobbes? I certainly enjoy my afternoon constitutional! Yes, it's quite invigorating! Look! Look! There's the envelope! She did it! We're rich! Oh boy! Let's sneak up and get it! C'mon you louse. C'monnn... I don't see Susie. Do you?
Description Calvin suggests walking real casually down the sidewalk to see if Susie put the hundred dollars by the tree. They march along with Calvin saying he enjoys his afternoon constitutional. Hobbes says it's quite invigorating. They see the envelope. Calvin figures they're rich. Hobbes says they should sneak up and get it. Susie is hiding behind the tree.
Appears In 07 SEPT 1990 Script I've got to say, Hobbes, it doesn't give our club a lot of credit when the First Tiger is a willing captive of the enemy. THBPTB We stole HER doll, and I'm the one who had to pay ransom! It's a disgrace! You get 15 demerits for besmirching the club's reputation, plus five demerits for conduct unbecoming an officer, and a censure in the book club for not devouring Susie when you had the chance. Hmm, anything else? I almost told her our code when she rubbed my tummy. GOOD GRAVY, WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?!
Description In their tree fort, Calvin says it doesn't give their club a lot of credit when the First Tiger is a willing captive of the enemy. Hobbes sticks out his tongue. Calvin says they stole her doll, and he had to pay ransom. He says it's a disgrace. Calvin doles out demerits for besmirching the club's reputation and conduct unbecoming an officer. He also gives a censure for not devouring Susie when he had the chance. When Calvin asks if there's anything else, Hobbes tells him he almost gave her their code when she rubbed his tummy. Calvin asks whose side he's on.
Appears In 23 SEPT 1990 Script I'm hungry, when's lunch? Right now. Hi, Susie! Oh look, you've got your stuffed tiger! Can I squeeze him? What are you crazy? Hobbes is a ferocious man-eating jungle beast! Ferocious? He looks fuzzy and cuddly to me! Ha! Beneath that soft exterior lie terrible mandibles of bone crushing death! He'll grind you into hamburger! Each mighty paw hides razor-sharp claws to rip the living hide off any human that wanders too close! He's a monster! No, he's not. He's a big cutie. Oh no! I can't look!! ... so what happened to the mandibles of death. You sissy furball?!? I was beguiled by her feminine charms. Yow. Go soak your head.
Description Walking along, Calvin notices leaves rustling in the tree above. Hobbes jumps down and pounces on him. They fight, and Hobbes runs off. Calvin walks home. When he opens the door, Hobbes attacks again. Calvin crawls into the house. Mom opens the door to his room and asks what the big surprise is. Calvin, hiding behind her legs, says to try his closet.
Appears In 07 OCT 1990 Script ... so if you capture the other guy's flag and make it back to your territory, you win. Win what? The game. No luggage? No toaster oven? Hey, you can't hide your flag in a tree! It's too hard to capture! That's not a rule. I can hide my flag anywhere! Well, it's a rule now! From now on, no flags in trees! Ok, but I just tagged you, so you have to go to jail. What?? It's a time out! I was making a new rule! You didn't officially call a time out. Off to jail with you! Forget it! From now on, if you are discussing a new rule, it's automatically a time out. Ok, time in! Tag! You can't do that! We have to say "time in" together! Since when?? You're just changing rules so you'll win! I am not! I'm just trying to keep you from cheating! Just a minute. Muffin head. Are you calling me a cheater? Who's a muffin head! Yowp! Arrgh! Oatmeal face! Strudel brain! Mom says we should take up Monopoly. No way, buster. I know all about those "interest free bank loans" to yourself!
Description Spaceman Spiff explores a new planet. The only sign of life is a strange lichen growing on the rocks. Spiff bends down for a better look. It's not lichen. It's tiny trees on tiny farmland. Looking ahead, Spiff sees a city, with skyscrapers an inch high. The planet is inhabited. Our hero reflects that human scale is by no means the standard for life forms. To drive the point home, a blimp-sized monster appears over the hillside. Calvin has been playing with ants. Moe is making fun of Calvin by yelling to one of his friends. Calvin, slowly reaching for a rock, says Spaceman Spiff reaches for his stun blaster.
Appears In 20 DEC 1990 Script Look, I'm not going to be your lawyer if you can't even walk a block without pasting someone with a slushball! It's not just "someone"! It's SUSIE! It's a GIRL! Santa would understand! He would so! What? Oh yeah? I don't care! I'm going to hit Susie with a big, icy slushball! Oh really? Well, maybe that furry mug of YOURS needs a slushball, too! Yeah, you heard me! Ow! No biting! Shh! Shh! Hold it! ... did you just hear a snicker?
Description Hobbes says he won't be Calvin's lawyer if he can't walk a block without pasting someone with a slushball. Calvin says it's not "someone". It's Susie. Santa would understand. Susie hears Calvin behind the tree arguing with Hobbes. She hears him say he's going to hit her with a big, icy slushball. As Calvin continues to argue with Hobbes, Susie makes her own slushball. Calvin tells Hobbes to hold it. He asks if Hobbes heard a snicker. Susie is standing right behind him with a slushball.
Appears In 02 JAN 1991 Script You brought a snowman to LIFE?? I didn't think he'd be evil! What are we going to do? I dunno, but we've got to get rid of him somehow. Maybe we could lure him inside and he'd melt! It would take him HOURS, and if he didn't kill Mom, she'd have a fit about the water on the floor. Hmm... how did they finally kill "Frosty"? Beats me. Now I wish I'd watched that dumb show! Maybe they stabbed him with an icicle.
Description Calvin and Hobbes hide behind a tree. Calvin didn't know the snowman he brought to life would be evil. He knows they have to get rid of it. Hobbes suggests luring him inside so he'd melt. Calvin rejects that idea. It would take hours, it might kill Mom, and if it didn't, Mom would have a fit about the water on the floor. Hobbes asks how they finally killed "Frosty". Calvin wishes he'd watched that show. He suggests maybe they stabbed him with an icicle.
Appears In 03 JAN 1991 Script Yikes! There he is! Pack snowballs! Maybe we can knock him out! Yaa! Yaaa! UNGHH! The snowballs just STUCK to him! Look, it's given him an idea! He's packing more snow onto himself! He's making himself bigger! Oh NO!
Description Hiding behind a tree, Calvin and Hobbes attack the snowman with snowballs. They stick to the snowman. That gives the snowman an idea. He starts packing more snow onto himself, making himself bigger.
Appears In 20 JAN 1991 Script What do you know about love, Hobbes? Lots! Yeah? Like what? I'm not telling. WHY NOT? It's a sophisticated thing. SOPHISTICATED?! Whaddaya MEAN sophisticated?? I'M sophisticated! Why won't you talk about it? Nice weather today. RRRRGH!! You know something and you won't tell me what it is! Maybe when you're older. When I'm OLDER?! Why can't you tell me now?! Some things you wouldn't understand. Ha! I bet you don't know ANYthing about love! THAT's why you won't tell me!! If that's what you want to believe, go ahead. TELL ME! NO! TELL ME! NOT! TELL ME! NO! TELL ME! NO! TELL ME! NO! Look, just give me a hint, OK? One hint, c'mon! OK, here! "Snoogy-woogy wips". EWW See? I told you you weren't old enough.
Description Spaceman Spiff crashes on Planet Plootarg. He sets off in search of a service station. He sees the Zarches have followed him to the planet's surface to finish him off. The planet's soft, granular ground makes him easy to track. He runs backwards, so his tracks show him going the opposite direction. By continuing past a hiding place and doubling back, Spiff fools the aliens. Calvin, up in a tree, looks down at Mom and Dad. They're yelling that it's time to go in. Dad says he knows Calvin went this way, and that they'll find him.
Appears In 22 JAN 1991 Script CALVIN!
Description Calvin has shoveled the front steps of the house. He has also shoveled a meandering path around the yard, going around trees, before heading toward the driveway. Dad, standing on the steps wanting to get to the car in the driveway, yells at Calvin for not just shoveling the sidewalk over to the driveway.
Appears In 08 FEB 1991 Script I like sledding DOWN hills. But I hate having to climb back up! It's too much work! It's boring! It's slow! I know! I'll sit on the sled and you PULL me up, OK? Run as fast as you can, and zigzag around trees and stuff! Even my FRIENDS don't do what I want.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes he likes to sled down hills, but he hates having to climb back up. He says it's too boring and slow. Calvin suggests he sit on the sled and have Hobbes pull him up the hill. Hobbes would run as fast as he could, zigzagging around trees. Hobbes walks off, leaving Calvin to lament not even his friends do what he wants.
Appears In 15 FEB 1991 Script From high in the sky, STUPENDOUS MAN takes advantage of Earth's strong gravity! A direct hit! STUPENDOUS MAN triumphs! With ANNOYING GIRL vanquished, the whirlwind wonder zooms back to resume his secret identity! Did you save the day? Justice reigned once more! Calvin, Susie's Mom just called. I want to talk to you.
Description Stupendous Man drops the snowball, taking advantage of earth's strong gravity. Susie lies on the sidewalk, covered with the snowball. Stupendous Man, sitting on a tree branch above, triumphs. He zooms back to resume his secret identity. Entering the bedroom, Hobbes asks Calvin if he saved the day. Calvin tells him justice reigns once more. From downstairs, one of Calvin's parents yells up that Susie's Mom just called. Calvin is going to be talked to.
Appears In 16 FEB 1991 Script Susie's Mom says you dropped a snowball the size of a bowling ball on Susie from a tree. It couldn't have been ME! I'm very mild mannered. She described exactly the hood and cape I made you. Why, it must've been STUPENDOUS MAN, defender of liberty and justice! I'm sure Susie deserved whatever she got. Listen to me. You could hurt someone that way, and if I ever hear of anything like this again, I'll take away your costume for good, got it? Hmm, this sounds like ANOTHER job for Stupendous Man! Actually, it doesn't sound like QUITE his type of job.
Description Mom is talking to Calvin. She says Susie's mom said Calvin dropped a snowball the size of a bowling ball on Susie from a tree. Calvin says it couldn't have been him. He's mild-mannered. Mom crosses her arms and says Susie's mom described the hood and cape she made for Calvin. Calvin says it must have been Stupendous Man, and that Susie probably deserved whatever she got. Mom tells him he could hurt someone that way, and that if she ever hears of anything like this again, she'll take away his costume for good. Hobbes says this sounds like another job for Stupendous Man. Calvin says it actually doesn't sound like quite his type of job.
Appears In 27 MAR 1991 Script Say, Calvin, that nice girl down the street seems to think you're a total jerk. Who, Susie? You weren't talking to Susie, were you? Yes. I offered to carry her books and she... YOU DID WHAT?! She clearly doesn't trust you at all. Oh, man! Nobody SAW you, did they?! They'll think it was ME! You want to make it look like I LIKE her?! She seemed upset, so this afternoon I took her some flowers I picked, but... AUGHH! AUGHH! AUGHH!
Description The duplicate tells Calvin the nice girl down the street thinks Calvin is a total jerk. The duplicate says he offered to carry her books. Calvin can't believe it. The duplicate says she doesn't trust Calvin at all. Calvin grabs the duplicate and asks if anyone saw him. Calvin says they'll think it was him. Calvin asks if he wants to make it look like Calvin likes her. The duplicate says she seemed so upset, he took her some flowers he picked. Calvin is shocked.
Appears In 27 APR 1991 Script When you see how cool MY club is, you'll beg to be in it, but I won't let you! Who needs your stinky club?! I've got my own club! My club dedicates itself to the destruction of your club! Good! IT's a battle to the finish! This is total war! Oh yeah? We'll see about THAT! What? Only in your dreams, fuzzy face! Hey Calvin! Who are you yelling at up there? Yikes! Shh! It's Susie!
Description Calvin and Hobbes are fighting in the treehouse. Hobbes says his club dedicates itself to the destruction of Calvin's club. Calvin says it's a battle to the finish. They keep arguing with themselves while Susie walks up to the tree. She yells up to Calvin, asking who he's yelling at. Calvin tells Hobbes to be quiet, it's Susie.
Appears In 17 JULY 1991 Script Here comes Moe, the class bully. He's not smart but he's streetwise. That means he knows what street he lives on.
Description
Appears In 16 AUG 1991 Script Hi, Baby Doll. It's me. Yeah. I'm baby sitting the kid down the street. Yeah. That's right. The little monster ... mmm? Well so far no problem. He hasn't been any trouble you just have to show these kids who's the boss. Mm hmm. How much longer till she lets us out of the garage? She said 8 o'clock and it's almost 6:30 now.
Description
Appears In 20 AUG 1991 Script Hobbes, what should I do when Moe comes to beat me up in gym class? Well, you can always do what we tigers do when a rhino charges. What's that? We scramble like maniacs for the nearest tree. That's your advice?!? To sit in a tree all day? It doesn't impress the girls, of course, but there's no sense in impressing them and then getting killed my dad used to say.
Description
Appears In 02 SEPT 1991 Script I've never been this high in a tree before. Me either, you can see for miles from up here. I'll say! I'm glad we're up here. That was quite a crash, wasn't it?
Description
Appears In 25 SEPT 1991 Script Susie, Hobbes thought I was rude, so I'm sorry, and you can come play with us if you want. Thanks, Calvin. That's really nice of you. Ok, we'll play house now. I'll be the high-powered executive wife, the tiger here can be my unemployed, housekeeping husband, and you can be our bratty and brainless kid in a day care center. This was your idea, pea brain. Don't you talk to your father that way! I'm off to wall street. Don't wait up.
Description
Appears In 24 JAN 1992 Script Go ahead down. You'll miss all those trees. You can do it. You'll stop before you go over that ledge at the bottom. You won't go into that pond. Besides, the ice is probably real thick anyway. Go ahead down. My brain is trying to kill me.
Description
Appears In 04 FEB 1992 Script It's no surprise to ME that nobody's sold a house on this street for six years.
Description Calvin rolls a big snowball. He's making a snowman. The snowman has its mouth open, with stick arms. Calvin lays inside the mouth of the snowman. Susie walks by. She says it's no surprise nobody's sold a house on this street for six years.
Appears In 08 FEB 1992 Script OH SURE! NICE TRY! Darn, darn, darn, darn, darn!
Description Susie walks through the snow. She comes upon a rope hanging from a tree. The rope has a note saying "pull". Susie looks up into the tree. She yells to Calvin that it was a nice try. Calvin, up in the tree with a pail of snowballs attached to the rope, says "darn".
Appears In 23 MAR 1992 Script SMASH ping ping ping kritch krunch. He's a tricky devil, but I'll get him sooner or later! Apparantly I rate just below BUGS with her! And she complains you don't help out around the house.
Description SMASH! Mom runs into the other room to see Calvin with a baseball bat. The chair is knocked over, and the lamp is broken. Calvin says he's a tricky devil, but he'll get him sooner or later. Mom throws Calvin outside. Sitting against a tree, Calvin tells Hobbes apparently he rates just below bugs with Mom. Hobbes says that she complains Calvin doesn't help around the house.
Appears In 11 MAY 1992 Script As I, the maniacal tyrant, look down upon my mathetic subjects... I reflect on how their puny lives mean nothing to me except as the brute labor necessary to execute my mad designs! My lunatic whims are their laws! Ha ha ha! I thought I told you to gather the trash. Being a parent must be nice.
Description Calvin has a crown and is standing in a treehouse. The maniacal tyrant looks at his pathetic subjects. Their lives mean nothing but labor necessary to execute his mad designs. Mom comes outside and tells Calvin she told him to gather the trash. Calvin carries a trash pail, saying being a parent must be nice.
Appears In 14 MAY 1992 Script Most people just muddle through their lives! They're passive and unmotivated! They lack ambition and drive! Not ME, though! I'm going to have an EPIC life! I'm going to wrestle the issue of the age and change the course of history! How are you going to do that? I'm going to sit here and wait, so opportunity will know where to find me when it's time to change the world. I wish I'd brought a book to read. Naah, it'll be any minute now.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes most people muddle through their lives. He says he's going to have an epic life. He's going to wrestle the issues of the age and change history. Hobbes asks how he'll do that. Calvin explains he's going to sit and wait, so opportunity knows where to find him when it's time to change the world. Lying against the tree, Hobbes wishes he'd brought a book to read. Calvin says it will be any minute now.
Appears In 04 JULY 1992 Script Heh heh heh! Heh heh heh! I wish I had more enemies. I'm sure you will someday, honey.
Description Calvin fills a water balloon. He hides behind a tree, chuckling. Night falls. As Mom puts him in bed, Calvin says he wishes he had more enemies. Mom tells him he will someday.
Appears In 17 JULY 1992 Script How's your book? I can't put it down. Gripping? You said it. Maybe you should wash your hands. It's peanut butter mixed with bubble gum.
Description Calvin is reading a book under a tree. Hobbes asks how it is. Hobbes asks if it's gripping. Calvin says it is. Hobbes suggests Calvin wash his hands. Calvin pulls his hand from the book and says it's peanut butter mixed with bubble gum.
Appears In 22 JULY 1992 Script Mom doesn't understand comic books. She doesn't realize that comic books deal with serious issues of the day. Today's superheroes face tough moral dilemmas. Comic books aren't escapist fantasy. They're sophisticated social critiques. Is Amazon girl's super power the ability to squeeze that figure into that suit? Nah, they can all do that.
Description Calvin, reading a comic beneath the tree, tells Hobbes that Mom doesn't understand comic books. Calvin says they deal with serious issues of the day. He says comic book aren't just escapist fantasy, but they're sophisticated social critiques. Hobbes asks if Amazon Girl's super power is the ability to squeeze her figure into her suit. Calvin tells her they all can do that.
Appears In 23 JULY 1992 Script Whoa, Dad! Don't miss your bus! Leggo!
Description Calvin peeks around the corner of the house. He sees something and gets excited. He turns on the outside water spigot. The sprinkler has been wrapped around a tree, with the sprinkler head up in the tree. Below the flowing sprinkler is Dad's briefcase and papers. Off page, Calvin is saying for Dad not to miss his bus and to let him go.
Appears In 24 JULY 1992 Script Is the coast clear? Give me a boost! What's the plan? We wait for Susie to walk underneath this tree and then we drop a water balloon on her! What if she doesn't walk by? Then we just sit in the tree all day. I love summer. The days are just PACKED!
Description Calvin asks for Hobbes to boost him into a tree. Calvin plans to wait for Susie to walk underneath the tree, then he'll drop a water balloon on her. Hobbes asks what they'll do if she doesn't walk by. Calvin says they'll just sit in the tree all day. Hobbes loves summer. Calvin says the days are just packed.
Appears In 14 AUG 1992 Script Run for your life! There's a million angry hornets coming! They're insane with rage! They'll sting anyone in their path! Lousy bugs! What are they made about? I've been throwing rocks at their nest all morning. A REAL FRIEND WOULDN'T TAKE THEIR SIDE!!
Description Calvin runs past Hobbes, telling him to run from the hornets that are coming. Calvin says they're insane with rage and calls them lousy bugs. Hobbes asks what they're mad about. Calvin says he's been throwing rocks at their nest all morning. Hobbes puts Calvin on a tree branch. Calvin yells that a real friend wouldn't take their side.
Appears In 21 SEPT 1992 Script You have a question, Calvin? More of a statement, really. I just want to say that education is our most important investment in the future, and it's scandalous how little our educators are paid! OK, hands up. Who ELSE didn't do the homework for today? Actually, I'd like to see more teachers out on the streets.
Description Calvin raises his hand in class. He wants to say education is the most important investment in their future. It's scandalous how little educators are paid. Miss Wormwood stands dumbfounded. She asks the class who else didn't do the homework for today. Calvin mumbles he'd like to see more teachers out on the streets.
Appears In 25 OCT 1992 Script That's two outs! I should've stayed at second base. You've still got a snowman at third. I love a good game of speed sled base snow ball!
Description Hobbes looks for Calvin, who hides with the football behind a bush. They cross the stream. Calvin hides in the mailbox. Calvin hides in the sandbox. Running around a tree, Calvin says every sport should be played cross-country.
Appears In 13 NOV 1992 Script So it was YOU the whole time! YOU'RE the one who's been sending me insults in the mail!! I'll get you for this! You and your sneaky codes and pasted letters and skull drawings! ... although, really, the skull drawings were pretty cool. You can tell a good spy by his ominous logo.
Description Calvin chases Hobbes. He says Hobbes has been sending the insults. He chases Hobbes around a tree. He stops. He admits the skull drawings were pretty cool. Hobbes says you can tell a good spy by his ominous logo.
Appears In 15 DEC 1992 Script Dad, I'd like to have a little talk. Um, OK... As the wage earner here, it's your responsibiliy to show some consumer confidence and start buying things that will get the economy going and create profits and employment. Here's a list of big-ticket items I'd like for Christmas. I hope I can trust you to do what's right for our country. I've got to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around.
Description Calvin would like to have a talk with Dad. He tells Dad it's his responsibility to show consumer confidence and by things to get the economy going. Calvin gives Dad a list of big-ticket items he'd like for Christmas. Calvin hopes he can trust Dad to do what's right for the country. Dad says he has to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around.
Appears In 31 DEC 1992 Script People always seem so crabby and animals always seem so content. I wonder why that is. It's probably because animals know they're superior and people know they're inferior. I figured it was because animals get 15 hours of sleep every day. Actually, I think animals are just as crabby as people are.
Description Calvin wonders why people always seem so crabby and animals seem so content. Hobbes suggests it's because animals know they're superior. Calvin thought it was because animals got 15 hours of sleep every day. Hiding up in a tree, Calvin says he thinks animals are just as crabby as people are.
Appears In 23 JAN 1993 Script It's that moment of dawning comprehension I live for.
Description Calvin stops when a snowball plops in front of him. He looks up. Horrified, he's hit by several snowballs. Up in the tree, Hobbes says it's that moment of dawning comprehension he lives for.
Appears In 18 FEB 1993 Script It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Description Susie sees a sign saying there is an important message with an arrow. She runs over to see another sign, saying the next sign has the important message. She gets to the sign which reads "Look out". Above the sign, in the tree, Calvin drops a big snowball. He says it's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Appears In 03 MAR 1993 Script Stupendous Man escapes! A crimson bold bursts through the air! Calvin, come back here! Now it's off to apply my stupendous powers of concentration to the history test of my alter ego, mild-mannered Calvin! TA-DAA! Have no fear, boys and girls! I'm Stupendous Man, champion of liberty and justice! Try to restrain yourselves, girls! I'm just here to do Calvin's test. He lives on YOUR street, doesn't he? I hardly even KNOW him, Candance!
Description Stupendous Man escapes from Miss Wormwood. He enters the classroom to do Calvin's test. Susie tells a classmate that she doesn't hardly even know Calvin.
Appears In 13 JUNE 1993 Script Do re mi fa so la ti do. A sparrow alights upon a tree branch. But this is no ORDINARY sparrow. This is a SONG sparrow. Swaying gently in the breeze, he prepares to burst forth a rapturious melody! ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI ALL COVERED WITH CHEEEESE, I LOST MY POOR MEEEATBALLL, WHEN...
Description Calvin puts on his cycling helmet. Calvin's bike sneaks around a tree and attacks him. He runs, but the bike catches up and runs him over. It chases him up a tree, then drags him along behind it. Calvin walks into the house, covered in scratches. He thanks Dad for the helmet. He asks if they sell offensive weapons.
Appears In 15 JUNE 1993 Script Dad, what causes wind? Trees sneezing. Really?? No, but the truth is more complicated. The trees are really sneezing today.
Description Calvin asks Dad what causes wind. Dad tells him it's trees sneezing. Calvin asks if that's true. Dad says no, but the truth is more complicated. Later, outside in the wind, Calvin tells Hobbes the trees are really sneezing today.
Appears In 20 JUNE 1993 Script Oh Calvin, would you please empty this in the garage trash can? Boy, some vacation THIS summer is!
Description Calvin tells Hobbes he loves summer. He has three months of nothing to do. As they climb a tree, Hobbes tells Calvin people say idle hands are the devil's workshop. Calvin resents that. Calvin says they work darn hard at this. In the tree, they have a bunch of water balloons. Below the tree is an "X" marked on the grass. There are signs nearby directing someone to stand there for a big surprise.
Appears In 21 JUNE 1993 Script What if there's no afterlife? Suppose this is all we get? Oh, what the heck. I'll take it anyway. Yeah, but if I'm not going to be eternally rewarded for good behavior, I'd sure like to know NOW.
Description Lying under a tree, Calvin asks Hobbes about what happens if there's no afterlife. What if this is all they get? Hobbes looks around and says he'll take it anyway. Calvin says if he's not going to be eternally rewarded for his behavior, he'd like to know now.
Appears In 12 JULY 1993 Script Gorgeous morning. Huh Dad? Mm. These summer days sure slip by, don't they? Too bad the daily drudgery of making a living has to keep you from appreciating these sublime moments of life. Well, best not to think about it! If you stay healthy, you can enjoy days like this when you retire! See you tonight! Ahhh. Summer!
Description Calvin tells Dad summer days sure slip by. He says too bad the daily drudgery of making a living keeps Dad from appreciating these sublime moments of life. As Dad leaves for work, Calvin tells him not to think about it. If he stays healthy, Dad can enjoy days like this when he retires. Later, under a tree, Calvin and Hobbes are lying. Calvin is glad it's summer.
Appears In 30 JULY 1993 Script Mom says if I stay up here for two hours, three days a week, I don't have to take any lessons this summer.
Description In their treehouse, Calvin tells Hobbes that Mom told him if he stays up there for two hours, three days a week, he doesn't have to take any lessons this summer.
Appears In 09 AUG 1993 Script Good! Susie's still playing on the sidewalk! We'll stroll by and "accidentally" drop the coded message. Yes Hobbes, I have a TOP SECRET, CODED letter for you here! Verrrry mysterious! Verrry secret! Just make sure the note doesn't fall into a GIRL'S hands! If the code is broken and read, our plans will be ruined! We did it! Ha! Everything is going perfectly! ...Except she's not picking up the letter.
Description Calvin sees Susie still playing. He and Hobbes will walk past Susie and drop the top secret, coded letter for Hobbes. They walk past, drop the note, and Calvin says if it falls into a girl's hands, their plans will be ruined. Behind a tree, Calvin says everything is working perfectly. Hobbes says except she isn't picking up the letter.
Appears In 11 AUG 1993 Script Look! Susie sees the letter! She's picking it up! She's reading the envelope! ... she's walking over here... You dropped this letter for Hobbes. Here. Um... gee, thanks. Well, that was awfully decent of her. It's no use! It's no use! Everybody gets good enemies except ME!
Description Hobbes sees Susie picking up the letter. She walks over, and returns the letter to Calvin. Hobbes says that was awfully decent of her. Calvin bangs his hands on the tree, saying everybody gets good enemies except him.
Appears In 12 AUG 1993 Script Let's stroll over THIS way ONCE AGAIN, Hobbes! Yes, lets! It's a good think you have that TOP SECRET, CODED letter, Hobbes! It would be awful if you happened to DROP it near SUSIE one more time! If I were SUSIE, and I FOUND THE LETTER, I'd PICK IT UP AND DECODE IT, so I could RUIN ALL OUR PLANS! That would sure be BAD for US! It worked! She's opening the letter! Good. I was afraid we'd have to hit her on the head and read it to her.
Description Calvin and Hobbes walk by Susie again. They mention the top secret note again. Calvin mentions Susie finding the letter and spoiling their plans again. Behind the tree, Hobbes sees Susie opening the letter. Calvin was worried he'd have to hit her on the head and read it to her.
Appears In 21 AUG 1993 Script Here Calvin, I brought some lunch for you and Hobbes. Gee thanks, Mom. What do you say we break out the comic books while we think up our big plans? Oh boy! It's looking like a good afternoon, ol' buddy. I love summer.
Description Mom brings Calvin some lunch. They decide to read comic books in their treehouse. Calvin says it's looking like a good afternoon.
Appears In 22 AUG 1993 Script Uh oh. Here comes Susie. Try not to breathe in. Here, Calvin. What's this? It's an invtiation. Mr. Bun is hosting a milk and cookie party in ten minutes, and you and Hobbes are invited. WE DECLINE! We wouldn't attend if you PAID us! We've got better things to do than sit around with GIRLS and dumb toy animals! Fine! DON'T come! Who cares? What a jerk. ...I went to all this trouble, too. Don't be disappointed, Mr. Bun. We can have a nice party all by ourselves. Phooey. Ha! We showed HER! All girls should be shipped to Pluto - that's what I say. I wonder what kind of cookies they were. YOU CAME! We don't ATTEND parties. We just CRASH 'em!
Description Going down the hill in the wagon, Calvin wishes he could stop summer and leave days like they are. He says life rolls along with speed you can't control. Fun experiences go roaring by, as they blaze past trees. Calvin adds that bad experiences never pass quickly enough, as they fly off the cliff. As they lie in the stream below, Calvin wants to speed up childhood and get to driving age. Hobbes doesn't mind the pace of life. It's the sudden stop at the end.
Appears In 02 SEPT 1993 Script I know why Dad got me that bike! He's trying to bump me off! He knows the bike will stop at nothing to kill me. Dad figures pretty soon I'll have my head through a tree trunk and he'll have some peace and quiet! I'M on to him! I suppose that's easier than sending you to camp and moving. Well sure, what if the house didn't sell?
Description Calvin tells Hobbes that Dad got the bike to bump Calvin off. Calvin says Dad figures the bike will have Calvin's head through a tree trunk and he'll have peace and quiet. He says he's on to Dad. Hobbes supposes that's easier than sending Calvin to camp and moving. Calvin agrees. He asks what would happen if the house didn't sell.
Appears In 19 SEPT 1993 Script Wow, honey, you're missing a beautiful sunset out here. I'll count to 10, and then... POW! Dad, how come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color film back then? Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It's just that the WORLD was black and white then. Really? Yep. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too. That's really weird. Well, truth is stranger than fiction. But then why are old PAINTINGS in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted it that way? Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane. But... but how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have been shades of gray back then? Of course, but they turned colors like everything else did in the '30s. So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too? Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember? The world is a complicated place, Hobbes. Whenever it seems that way, I take a nap in a tree and wait for dinner.
Description Calvin sees a dead bird. Calvin says once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize life is fragile, and nature is ruthless. Calvin says you go on with your daily affairs, not thinking about it. He thinks that's why everyone takes the world for granted and act so thoughtlessly. He supposes it will all make sense when they grow up. They sit under a tree and watch birds flying.
Appears In 12 DEC 1993 Script POW! SMACK!
Description Hobbes throws a snowball to Calvin, who hits it with a bat. He takes off on his sled, going down the hill. Hobbes makes a snowball as Calvin goes around a tree and a bush. Hobbes throws the snowball and knocks Calvin off the sled. Hobbes says there are two outs. Calvin says he should have stayed at second base. Hobbes reminds him he has a snowman at third. Calvin loves a good game of speed sled base snow ball.
Appears In 25 DEC 1993 Script HA HA! ACQUITTAL ON ALL CHARGES! COMPLETE EXONERATION! HA HA HA! Merry Christmas to you too, dear. Phew, what's that smell? Has someone been eating tuna fish at this horrible hour?!
Description Calvin sees his gifts under the Christmas tree. He grabs one and shouts that he's gotten acquittal on all charges and complete exoneration. He laughs. Mom and Dad hug each other. Mom tells Dad Merry Christmas. Dad asks what that smell is. He asks if someone has been eating tuna fish at that hour.
Appears In 28 DEC 1993 Script Hey Dad, why don't you cut down all the trees in our hill and put in a ski lift? Because a ski lift would be ugly, noisy, and completely unnecessary. The problem with Dad is he doesn't know progress when he hears it.
Description Calvin asks Dad why he doesn't cut down all the trees on their hill and put in a ski lift. Dad tells Calvin a lift would be ugly, noisy, and unnecessary. Calvin walks off, grumbling that Dad doesn't know progress when he hears it.
Appears In 13 JAN 1994 Script Yes! POW. Wasn't that a great shot?? What control! What form! Did you notice the top spin? Did you notice how I packed the snow so that... A REAL friend would've been happy for me!
Description Calvin hits Hobbes with a snowball. He asks if Hobbes noticed what a great shot that was and if he noticed the top spin. Hobbes gets out of the snow angrily. Calvin's clothes are hanging from a tree branch out of reach. Calvin stands in his underwear in the snow. He says a real friend would have been happy for him.
Appears In 17 JAN 1994 Script OK, these are my footprints. Here I stop, hear something, and start to turn around. A few feet farther on, there's the impression of my body as I hit the ground. These are the powdered remains of the snowball that hit me. From the angle of particle dispersement, we can tell the snowball was thrown from over here, where we find... ...tiger tracks. Those could by ANYBODY's tiger tracks.
Description Calvin shows Hobbes his footprints in the snow. He shows an impression of his body when he hit the ground. He sees powdered remains of a snowball that hit him. He can tell the snowball was thrown from over by a tree, based on the angle of particle dispersement. He sees tiger tracks. Hobbes says those could be anybody's tiger tracks.
Appears In 22 JAN 1994 Script On the other hand, the neighbors keep planting nice been trees next to us.
Description Mom and Dad look at a snowman. It's holding a shrunken snow head, with others in a snow pot next to it. Mom comments that on the other hand, the neighbors keep planting big trees next to them.
Appears In 30 JAN 1994 Script Hey, there's some sort of remote control gizmo in this drawer. I wonder what it does. Click. WAAA! Mom?? Dad??? CALVIN! SIGHHH. Calvin, that's very annoying.
Description Calvin is reading his school book. He walks away. Calvin the dinosaur stalks a diplodocus. He crouches in hiding, waiting for the surprise attack. The diplodocus gets closer to the trees. Mom opens a door. Calvin jumps out, yelling at her. She's terrified. Calvin sits reading his book again, wondering what's wrong with taking a little break.
Appears In 03 MAR 1994 Script There! Whatcha doin'? I've hidden a cache of snowballs behind every tree in the yard! Now when my enemies come after me, I need only run to the nearest tree to be instantly armed. Ingenious. Now I need to make some enemies. I'll be one.
Description Calvin has a cache of snowballs behind every tree in the yard. He tells Hobbes when his enemies come for him, he just has to run to the nearest tree to be armed. He says he needs to make some enemies. Behind his back, Hobbes grabs a snowball and says he'll be one.
Appears In 10 JUNE 1994 Script The car is rolling into the road!! What if someone hits it?!? LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT! THERE'S NO ONE DRIVING!! THERE IT GOES!! I can't watch! GRUNTCH Nobody hit it! It just went into the ravine across the street! Hooray, we're dead.
Description
Appears In 22 JUNE 1994 Script What's that sound? I don't hear anything. There! Something is crashing through the brush! It It sounds big! Maybe it's a bear! There are BEARS out here?? Climb the tree! Climb the tree! If you ask ME, tigers are the only ferocious animals the world really needs. "Boy, 6, killed by bear! Parents saved the trouble."
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Appears In 08 JULY 1994 Script OK, next we'll race to that tree over there. THIS race will determine the championship of the universe. Oh... wait. How long have we been out here? I dunno. An hour maybe. Really? Geez. Where does time go?! Hang on, I'll be right back. I'M NOT HAVING FUN!
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Appears In 10 JULY 1994 Script Did you know that nobody on our street sets an alarm clock in the morning? Shut up.
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Appears In 08 AUG 1994 Script Off to work, eh, Dad? Yep. It sure is a nice day. The kind of day just made for sitting under a tree and reading a good novel cover to cover, don't you think? Too bad that's a luxury at your age. Well, maybe you can do it when you're 65. I'm sure you'll be that old before you know it. Enjoy your day at work. Dad sure is surly in the mornings.
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Appears In 21 AUG 1994 Script I love fall. I like the cool days, the smell of leaves, the low sunlight... and the sky looks even more blue when the trees are yellow and red! I dunno... I think autumn is melancholy. Summer is over and in a week or two, everything will be hunkered down for the long, bleak winter. Nothing lasts. Fall is just the last fling before things get worse. If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are? I like to have everything so good, I can take it all for granted. I think the brisk air makes apple pie taste better too! Mm-mm!
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Appears In 28 AUG 1994 Script My, what an ugly tree? AAAGH. Where the heck did my leaf pile go?! It went back home! Don't you have anything bigger than a rake??
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Appears In 09 OCT 1994 Script See any weirdness yet? How about this rock? It has a purple stripe. Hmm... I guess that's a LITTLE weird. We'll look for something weirder. What do you think of this stick? It's a strange stick, but not a weird stick. It's too bad there aren't any good bugs out now. Yes, bugs are usually weird. Hey, here's a bird feather. It's pretty. But it's not weird. A bald bird would be weird. I don't see one. Look! A ripped-up old kite! Some kid must have lost this last summer! Phooey. The string broke here. I was hoping we'd find the kid's skeleton up a tree at the other end. THAT would be weird. Well, let's go in. I'm cold. Me too. I guess some days weirdness is hard to find. My glasses are fogged and I can't blow my nose, but my heart rate is the envy of men half my age! Weirdness always starts at home. Even when you look for it, you're never prepared for it.
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Appears In 12 DEC 1994 Script When are we going to get a Christmas tree? Oh, I dunno. Probably a little after New Year's. AFTER NEW YEAR?? Sure. We can just go up the street and pick the best tree from the neighbors' driveways. WHAT?! Sometimes there's still tinsel on the tree too, so you don't even have to decorate it! We'll save time AND money! OK, what did your Dad tell you THIS time?
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Appears In 25 DEC 1994 Script OK boys, have we loaded everything? Ah, there's still the matter of this Calvin, sir. His list is 30 pages long, not including the supplement about incendiary weapons. The research dept. thought you should handle this one personally. Well, is he naughty or nice? Ah, a bit problematic, chief... here's his dossier. Ohhh yes, the "noodle incident" kid... That was a while ago, boss. he says he was framed, and we've had trouble verifying the particulars. Accounts seem to vary. What about all these slushballs thrown at the girl down the street? My my my! No dispute there. Surveillance documents some 400 incidents, but the kid claims extenuating circumstances. Hmm... don't they all. A tiger vouches for the kid's character... says the kid tries to be sort of good if he's not tempted otherwise. What do his parents say? Here's the Dad's comments. We're looking into the sarcasm factor. all right. I've made up my mind. Is the boy asleep yet? Ah, no. He's wide awake. Santa won't come until we're asleep, you know. I CAN'T TAKE THE SUSPENSE!
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Appears In 14 JAN 1995 Script When I grow up, I'm going to be a scientist. I'll dedicate my career to the proposition that man can reshape the Universe according to his own whims. I'll probably go into genetic engineering and create new life forms. You want to play God? Not exactly. God never bothered to patent his stuff.
Description Sledding down the hill, Calvin tells Hobbes he will grow up to be a scientist. He will dedicate his career to the proposition that man can reshape the universe. He says he'll probably go into genetic engineering and create new life forms. As they crash into a tree and fly through the air, Hobbes asks Calvin if he wants to play God. Calvin replies "not exactly". He says God never bothered to patent his stuff.
Appears In 12 FEB 1995 Script Hey Mom, can I drive now? No. How about now? Oh no! oh you stupid car! What's wrong with you now?!? That's it Mom! Go ahead and swear! We don't mind! Calvin, be quiet! Want Hobbes and me to go get help? You stay where you are. I'll look under the hood. Kick the car Mom! It works on the TV! Look at all these cars going by. Nobody's stopping to help. Let's blow the horn! Maybe someone will come. Beeeep! Hoorayy!! Someone stopped! We're heroes!! Want me to call a tow truck lady? First call the police and report an infanticide.
Description Calvin makes a snowball and runs off. He hides behind a tree, waiting. He keeps waiting, and waiting. Finally, he throws the snowball at the tree and walks off. SMACK! Susie hits him with a snowball and laughs at him. Calvin angrily shakes his fist to the sky.
Appears In 19 FEB 1995 Script Aachoo! Gesundheit! Okay! How many monsters are under my bed tonight? Just one. That's good Hobbes! We outnumber him! Hee hee! Wanna get him? Yeah! See if you can reach the baseball bat! Heh heh! Quit shoving you hogs! Mommmmm! Nice going Maurice.
Description Calvin looks back and off they go, down the hill on the toboggan. Through the trees, snow flying around, just missing a tree. Blackness, with pained sounds follows. Upside down in the air, followed by blackness and more sounds of pain. In the tree branches, followed by sounds of pain and blackness. Calvin is upside down in the snow. He says that was the best ride ever. Hobbes, also in the snow, says he kept closing his eyes. He suggests they do it again.
Appears In 22 MAR 1995 Script Let me in! Your Mom said I could stay here! No! Go away! You can wait in a tree! I'm telling! HELLO? HELLO? CALVIN WON'T LET ME IN! AAUGH! shh! shhh! OK, OK! In fact, heh heh heh, why don't you go in ahead of me? I just remembered a big orange surprise waiting for you! Don't be scared! Yeah, I'm trembling. I'll just step way, way back here!
Description Calvin and Susie are fighting about her waiting in Calvin's house. Susie yells that Calvin won't let him in. Suddenly, Calvin pushes her next to the door. He just remembered a big orange surprise waiting for her. Susie starts to open the door. Calvin runs back away from her.
Appears In 01 MAY 1995 Script I suppose the secret to happiness is learning to appreciate the moment. I, for example, take great pleasure in being right here, right now, doing what we're doing. Of course, you're supposed to be at school. I couldn't appreciate those moments.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes the secret to happiness is to learn to appreciate the moment. As they climb a tree, Calvin tells Hobbes he takes great pleasure being right here, right now. Hobbes reminds Calvin he's supposed to be at school. Calvin replies he couldn't appreciate those moments.
Appears In 15 MAY 1995 Script WHACK. AAA!! What are you scared of? The ball's not going to bit you. How do YOU know?
Description Calvin tosses a baseball into the air so he can hit it. He swings and hits the ball. It is stuck on his bat, chewing it. Calvin hides up in a tree. Dad asks what he's scared of. The ball isn't going to bite him. Calvin asks how he knows.
Appears In 07 JUNE 1995 Script When birds burp, it must taste like bugs. Nobody ever pays me a penny for my thoughts.
Description Sitting under a tree, Calvin tells Hobbes that when birds burp, it must taste like bugs. Hobbes leaves. Calvin says nobody ever pays a penny for his thoughts.
Appears In 14 JUNE 1995 Script Hello? It surrrrre is nice outside! Climb a tree! Goof off! *click* Dad harrasses me with HIS values, so I harass him with mine.
Description Dad answers the phone at his office. Calvin says it's nice outside. He tells Dad to climb a tree and goof off. He hangs up. Calvin tells Hobbes that if Dad harasses him with his values, he'll harass Dad with his.
Appears In 09 JULY 1995 Script It's another new morning for Mr. Monroe. He glances at the newspaper headlines over a cup of coffee, and gets in his red sports car to go to work. Little does he realize it's his last day on the face of the earth! Calvin drinks the magic elixer and begins an incredible transformation. Instantly he grows! Bigger and bigger! Higher and higher! He is now over 300 feet tall! The formula is a success! Calvin, the mighty giant, goes on a terrible rampage, striking fear into the hearts of the populace! Nothing can stop him! It's panic in the streets! A town lies in ruins! No, I won't buy you any more toy cars. I saw you! You deliberately stomped on those!
Description Mom picks up the two tons of tenderloin from the butcher. She stands with a chainsaw in her hand, calling Calvin for lunch. A tyrannosaurus stands behind Mom saying he likes mustard, not mayonnaise. Mom says maybe he should fix his own triceratops sandwich.
Appears In 10 JULY 1995 Script How tall are you?
Description Sitting on a tree branch, Calvin ties a water balloon to a string. He drops it so it hangs down. He thinks, then runs inside the house. He asks Dad how tall he is.
Appears In 11 JULY 1995 Script OK, the map says to turn left at this tree and walk 30 paces. ...29 ...30. What's here? My map shows a big hole. Wouldn't it be faster to make the MAP to conform to the YARD? Are you in some sort of hurry?
Description Calvin is dressed like an explorer. He tells Hobbes the map says to turn left at the tree and walk thirty paces. They do, and Hobbes asks what's there. Calvin says the map shows a big hole. They start digging, and Hobbes asks if it wouldn't be faster to make the map conform to the yard. Calvin asks if he's in a big hurry.
Appears In 12 JULY 1995 Script YOU THINK YOU'RE SO DARN SMART!
Description Susie gets her raincoat and hat on. She gets her umbrella, opens it, and walks along. Behind a tree with several water balloons, Calvin yells to Susie. He asks her if she thinks she's so darn smart.
Appears In 22 JULY 1995 Script Oh, just so you know... I am the downhill tumble and roll champ, king of the toad finders, captain of the high altutude tree branch vista club, second place finisher in the 'round the yard backward dash, premier burper state division, sodbuster and worm scout first order, and generalissimo of the mud ad mayhem society! Busy day? About usual. Want to hear what Hobbes is?
Description Calvin tells Dad that he's the downhill tumble and roll champ, king of the toad finders, premier burper, sodbuster and worm scout first order, and generalissimo of the mud and mayhem society. Dad asks if it was a busy day. Calvin says it was about usual and asks if Dad wants to know what Hobbes is.
Appears In 24 AUG 1995 Script Ever notice how people always try to do two things at once? They talk on the phone while they drive, they watch TV while they eat, they listen to music while they work... People never focus on any one thing to enjoy it or do it well. You're breaking my concentration. WE focus on doing nothing at all!
Description Lying on a tree branch, Calvin asks Hobbes if he's noticed how people try to do two things at once. They talk on the phone while they drive. They watch TV while they eat. They listen to music while they work. People don't focus on one thing to do it well or enjoy it. Hobbes tells him he's breaking his concentration. Calvin says they focus on doing nothing at all.
Appears In 26 AUG 1995 Script Heh heh! If I miss this target, THIS water balloon is reusable! Bad idea.
Description Calvin has a water balloon tied on a string to a tree branch. He says if he misses his target, the water balloon is reusable. Susie walks by. The balloon misses her. As it swings back, she catches it. She then throws it at Calvin. He takes off running, saying that was a bad idea.
Appears In 03 SEPT 1995 Script Spaceman Spiff is hit! He's going down! Fortunately, our hero always buckles up! The fearless Spaceman Spiff has crashed on a distant world! The planet's atmosphere is thick with noxious fumes and gases! Our hero can hardly breathe. Spiff must find help quickly ... but is there any life on this hostile world? His question is answered when a hideous blob of of gelatinous muck oozes out of a crevice toward him! Spiff's blaster is useless against the slime! Our hero tries to escape, but the suffocating stench envelops him! What a disgusting fate! Yechh! I sure wish I'd brought my lunch today! That's gross, Calvin! If you don't like the cafeteria's tapioca, just leave it alone!
Description Susie waits for the school bus and hears a noise. Calvin is being dragged by Mom. He has his blanket, which is dragging the lamp, phone, cereal, and school books along with it. Mom angrily stands next to Calvin, who's also standing angrily. Susie glances at them. The bus comes. Mom smiles, while Calvin is horrified and starts running. Mom catches him and stuff him onto the bus. As the bus drives off, Susie asks Calvin if he knows that nobody on their street sets an alarm clock in the morning. Calvin tells her to shut up.
Appears In 13 OCT 1995 Script As Supreme Earthling Potentate, I'm afraid I can't let you just come in and take over the planet. You make this difficult. Prepare for war. Let's not be hasty. I'll trade you Earth for 50 alien tree leaves. Pst! These primitive fools must use leaves as currncy! It's a deal! I need them by 8:00 tonight, and they have to be properly identified and labeled. Hurry, Nebular! At light speed, we can just make it! our leader will be most pleased.
Description Calvin says he can't let them come in and take over the planet. The aliens tell him to prepare for war. Calvin offers to trade the earth for fifty alien tree leaves. One alien whispers the primitive fools must use leaves for currency. It's a deal. Calvin says he needs them by 8:00 tonight, properly identified and labeled. The aliens race off, saying their leader will be most pleased.
Appears In 14 OCT 1995 Script You're trading the Earth for 50 alien tree leaves?! I'll have the coolest project in the class! And best of all, we don't need to waste any more time on this! The aliens are doing all the work! We can goof off the rest of the day! But then the aliens take over the Earth. Well it's not like the grownups have done such a bang-up job.
Description Hobbes asks Calvin if he's trading earth for fifty alien tree leaves. Calvin says he'll have the coolest project in class. Plus, he doesn't have to waste any more time on gathering his own leaves. They can goof off all day. Hobbes says then the aliens take over the earth. Calvin replies it isn't like the grownups have done such a bang-up job.
Appears In 15 OCT 1995 Script ... so if you capture the other guy's flag and make it back to your territory, you win. Win what? The game. No luggage? No toaster oven? Hey, you can't hide your flag in a tree! It's too hard to capture! That's not a rule. I can hide my flag anywhere! Well, it's a rule now! From now on, no flags in trees! Ok, but I just tagged you, so you have to go to jail. What?? It's a time out! I was making a new rule! You didn't officially call a time out. Off to jail with you! Forget it! From now on, if you are discussing a new rule, it's automatically a time out. Ok, time in! Tag! You can't do that! We have to say "time in" together! Since when?? You're just changing rules so you'll win! I am not! I'm just trying to keep you from cheating! Just a minute. Muffin head. Are you calling me a cheater? Who's a muffin head! Yowp! Arrgh! Oatmeal face! Strudel brain! Mom says we should take up Monopoly. No way, buster. I know all about those "interest free bank loans" to yourself!
Description Hobbes loves the fall. He likes the cool days, the smell of leaves, the colors. Calvin says autumn is melancholy. Summer is over in a week or two, and things will hunker down for a long winter. Nothing lasts. He says fall is a last fling before things get worse. Hobbes asks if they' appreciate how precious things are if they lasted forever. Calvin likes to have everything so good, so he can take it all for granted.
Appears In 19 OCT 1995 Script Look! I see headlights coming over the trees! The aliens are back! Man, it's about time! C'mon, let's go get my leaf collection! You're out collecting LEAVES at THIS hour in your PAJAMAS?!? Get back in bed!! I TOLD you! Space aliens gave me these! They just left!
Description Hobbes sees headlights over the trees. Calvin thinks it's the aliens. He goes to collect his leaves. Dad sees Calvin outside collecting leaves in his pajamas. Dad has a flashlight. He tells Calvin to get in bed. Calvin says space aliens left the leaves for him.
Appears In 22 OCT 1995 Script Enemy sighted! Battle stations! Battle stations! Alert! Ahwooga! Here's the mighty aircraft carrier! Equipped with the latest radar and firepower. It is virtually unsinkable! I know what can sink it. Yeah? What? A cannonball depth charge!! Oh no! Pfoom! Ha ha! That was great! You emptied the whole tub! Turn on the water and let's do it again! We seem to have a waterfall down the stairway dear. I'll go see what your kid is doing. My did?!? C'mere and let me explain something to you ...
Description A pile of leaves sneaks along. It climbs back into the tree. Calvin walks by and comments on how ugly the tree is with a big pile of leaves sitting in it. It falls down on him. Calvin runs. Dad asks where his leaf pile went. Calvin informs him it went back home. He asks if Dad doesn't have something larger than a rake.
Appears In 05 NOV 1995 Script Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop. Snow pants. Well? Let's have some snow!! It's snowing! I can make it snow! I'm psychokinetic! Hey! Hey! Ohh, he's going to hate me for this.
Description Calvin turns a tree into a transport pod and descends underground. He gets out of the pod, and a robot salutes him. He climbs into a spaceship and flies to a space station. He tells Mom he's home. Calvin looks around his house. He tells Mom his life could stand a lot more pizazz. Mom is vacuuming. She says he should tell her about it.
Appears In 12 NOV 1995 Script Can Hobbes and I come in the store with you, Dad? No, you stay in the car. Sheesh. Knock over one lousy display stand, and pay for it the rest of your life. I'll just be a minute. Wait here. Ok. Let's hide and give Dad a scare! Maybe he'll think we ran away! Lie down and I'll pull this blanket over us. Then put this bag on top. Hee hee! I hear him coming! Sshhh! Hee hee! Gee, I wonder where Calvin went! And his tiger's gone too! Now's my chance to get away before they get back! Won't Mom be glad when she hears I lost htem! Mom won't be glad at all, you sicko! Sorry to spoil your getaway! What? You're here?? Oh rats ... I mean, good!
Description There is a map, drawn to shop a sled ride down Mt. Vertigo, though the woods, going to the pine tree. The map shows picking up hidden snowballs and blasting Susie. It shows a getaway, and ending with a jump into an impenetrable fortress. Calvin looks around wishing it would snow.
Appears In 03 DEC 1995 Script I spelled "Be" how many points do I get? Um ... 2 points. 2 points?! Is that @*#%! all?? My, this game does teach new words! See, I spelled "zygomorphic" on a triple word score box. That's 150 points. All I've got is consonants. Your turn. Well, if I use your letter "I" I can spell "in". That's 3 points. I pick out some new letters ... hmm ... with your "n", I can spell "nucleoplasm" that's, lets see, 40 points. All I've got is consonants. I'm not going to play this stupid game! I hate it!! What a waste of time! What should we play instead? Let's play poker. At least with cards you have half a chance. Ok, I bet a nickel. I'll see you ... and raise you 8 dollars.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are looking for weirdness. Hobbes finds a rock with a purple stripe. Calvin finds a stick. It's strange, but not weird. There are no bugs out, so nothing there. Calvin finds a bird feather. Hobbes says it's pretty, but not weird. Calvin sees a ripped-up old kite stuck in a tree. Calvin was hoping to find the kid's skeleton at the end of the string. Hobbes thinks that would be weird. They decide to go inside. Hobbes says some days, weirdness is hard to find. Just then, Dad rides by on his bicycle. He's all bundled for the cold. Dad says his glasses are fogged, and he can't blow his nose, but his heart rate is the envy of men half his age. Calvin says weirdness always begins at home. Hobbes says even when you look for it, you're not prepared for it.
Appears In 11 DEC 1995 Script There's a tree! Hit the brakes! Trees ARE my brakes.
Description Going down the hill on the sled, Hobbes yells there is a tree. He tells Calvin to hit the brakes. The sled hits the tree. Buried in the snow, Calvin says trees are his brakes.
Appears In 19 DEC 1995 Script Oh boy, look at all the snow! It must be six inches deep! This will be perfect for sledding or... DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG All right! I'm coming! I'm coming! What the heck is wrong with this planet you sold us?!
Description Calvin looks out the window to see snow. He thinks it will be perfect sledding weather. The doorbell rings. It's the aliens Calvin sold the planet to for fifty alien tree leaves. They asks what's wrong with the planet he sold.
Appears In
Calvin & Hobbes : Copyright & All Rights Reserved by Bill Watterson and Andrews McMeel Universal
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This page is strictly a tribute to Calvin & Hobbes, the best comic ever, and two of the best characters who have taught me so much over many years. It is meant for research purposes only.