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18 NOV 1985
So long Pop! I'm off to check my tiger trap! I rigged a tuna fish sandwich yesterday, so I'm sure to have a tiger by now! They like tuna fish, huh? Tigers will do anything for a tuna fish sandwich. We're kind of stupid that way. Munch Munch
Calvin is off to check his tiger trap. Since Calvin baited it with a tuna fish sandwich, he's sure he'll have caught a tiger. Calvin tells his Dad that tigers will do anything for tuna fish. Hobbes, hanging by his foot in the trap, says tigers are kind of stupid that way.
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Calvin and HobbesSomething Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


11 JAN 1986
We'll Hobbes, we did it again. We're separated from the troop and hopelessly lost. Fortunately, our motto is "Be prepared." With this full backpack we can stay out here for weeks! Just so long as we don't get hungry.
Calvin and Hobbes are on a Cub Scout trip, but are hopelessly lost again. Calvin replies that he's always prepared. With his full backpack, they can stay out for weeks. As Hobbes grabs one of the dozens of comic books from the backpack, he comments that they can do that as long as they don't get hungry.
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Calvin and HobbesSomething Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


15 JUNE 1986
We should make Dad a Father's day card. Okay, I'll draw a picture of him on it. Hmm...make his mouth bigger. He usually look angrier than that. Good morning, Dad! Happy Father's day! Mmf. In appreciation of your service as dad. Today I am living according to the principles of your fatherly wisdom. Calvin, what time is ... five in the morning?! Yes, "Early to bed, early to rise." You always say ... I was going to buy you a nice present, but "A penny saved is a penny earned," as you say ... so I'm now earning 6% on the money I didn't spend. Yes, Dad. Thanks to you I'm a happier, better person. Good work, Socrates. I knew we'd made a mistake the minute I saw that little bologna loaf in the hospital basement.
Calvin comes into his parents' bedroom wishing Dad a Happy Father's Day. Calvin tells him that today, he will live by Dad's principles of fatherly wisdom. Unfortunately, it's five o'clock in the morning. Calvin reminds Dad about early to bed, early to rise. Calvin tells Dad he would have bought him a present, but a penny saved is a penny earned. Since Calvin is getting interest on the money he isn't spending, Calvin is a happier, better person from Dad's teachings. Mom grumbles "Good work, Socrates" to Dad. Dad comments that he knew they made a mistake when he saw that little bologna loaf in the hospital bassinet.
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Calvin and HobbesSomething Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


14 SEPT 1986
Spaceman Spiff is hit! He's going down! Fortunately, our hero always buckles up! The fearless Spaceman Spiff has crashed on a distant world! The planet's atmosphere is thick with noxious fumes and gases! Our hero can hardly breathe. Spiff must find help quickly ... but is there any life on this hostile world? His question is answered when a hideous blob of of gelatinous muck oozes out of a crevice toward him! Spiff's blaster is useless against the slime! Our hero tries to escape, but the suffocating stench envelops him! What a disgusting fate! Yechh! I sure wish I'd brought my lunch today! That's gross, Calvin! If you don't like the cafeteria's tapioca, just leave it alone!
Spaceman Spiff crashes. The atmosphere is hardly breathable. Spiff looks for life, but notices a gelatinous blob of muck coming after him. His blaster is useless. He tries to escape, but the stench envelops him. Calvin is playing with his food. Susie tells him to leave the cafeteria's tapioca alone if he doesn't like it.
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Something Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


24 JAN 1987
I'll make a list of possible gifts for Susie's birthday. What should we give her? how about a mouth full of broken teeth? That's what I'd like to give her. oh, don't be so cranky. I think we should get her a can of tuna fish. Tuna fish? Why would she want that? Well, maybe she wouldn't, and we could offer to take it back ... and borrow some bread, a little mayo ... right Hobbes.
Hobbes is making out a list of gifts they could give Susie. Calvin suggests a mouth full of broken teeth. Hobbes thinks a can of tuna fish would be better. Calvin wonders why she'd want that. Hobbes figures maybe she wouldn't want it, they could offer to take it back, get some mayo and bread...
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Something Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


31 JAN 1987
Hey! It snowed last night! Oh, boy! Look at it all! They'll have to close the schools! Snow everywhere! It must be waist deep! Unfortunately, that's a relative measure.
Calvin looks out the window and sees that it snowed. He's sure they'll have to close all the schools. He says the snow must be waist deep. As he stands waiting for the school bus, we see that it is waist high...his waist. Calvin says "Unfortunately, that's a relative measure".
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Something Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


01 MAR 1987
Glik glik glik. Oh no! what have I done?!? The human body is 80% water. Little did Calvin realize how critical it is to maintain that! Now it's too late! By drinking that extra glass of water, Calvin has upset that precious balance! He is now 90% water! Everything solid in Calvin's body begins to dissolve! He is becoming liquid!! His only hope is somehow to get to an icebox and freeze himself solid until he can get proper medical attention! Unfortunately, as a liquid, Calvin can only run downhill! Can he make it? Can he make it?? I don't think I'm going to make it. There's a gas station up ahead. Just hold on. Didn't I tell you not to drink so much before we left?!
Calvin has upset his body's water balance. Everything solid in his body begins to dissolve. He is becoming liquid. If he could get to an icebox, he could freeze himself until he can get medical attention. But he can only run downhill. Can he make it? Calvin, sitting in the back seat of the car, doesn't think he can make it. Mom tells him there's a gas station ahead and to hold on. Dad reminds Calvin he told him not to drink so much before they left.
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Something Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


31 MAR 1987
Hi, Mom! Will you make Hobbes and me a big tuna sandwich? I thought you hated tuna fish. Not anymore. I'm a tiger now. I thought Hobbes was your tiger. Now I'm one too. I transmogrified. Oh, I see. My, she's taking this well, but the strain will surely crack her soon.
Calvin comes into the kitchen and asks Mom if she'll make him and Hobbes a tuna fish sandwich. Mom says she thought Calvin didn't like tuna fish. Calvin tells her that he does now, because he's a tiger. Mom asks if Hobbes is a tiger. Calvin says yes, and he is since he transmogrified. Mom understands. Calvin, the tiger, thinks she's bearing up well under the strain but that she'll crack soon.
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Something Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


01 APR 1987
I'm home! Hi Dad. Notice anything different about me? Uh ... new haircut? Geez, did you go blind?? I'm a tiger! Oh, I thought you meant besides that. Calvin, your Dad's very tired and ... Hope you want tuna for dinner dear.
Dad comes home, and Calvin asks if he notices anything different about him. Dad guesses a new haircut. Calvin asks if he went blind. Calvin says he's a tiger. Dad says he thought Calvin meant BESIDES him being a tiger. He then tells Calvin he's tired, as Mom yells from the kitchen that she hopes Dad wants tuna for dinner.
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Something Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


21 APR 1987
What's the subject of your report? The brain. What do you know about brains? Well, I saw this movie where they kept this guy's brain alive in a tank of water. Then a power surge mutated the brain, and it crawled out and terrorized the populace. That's informative. Unfortunately for my report, Mom caught me, and I didn't get to see how it ended.
Hobbes asks the subject of Calvin's report. Calvin replies "the brain". Hobbes asks what Calvin knows about brains. Calvin tells him he saw a movie where a guy's brain was kept alive in a tank of water. A power surge mutated the brain, and it crawled out and terrorized the populace. Hobbes says that's informative. Calvin laments that unfortunately for his report, Mom caught him and he didn't get to see how it ended.
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Something Under the Bed Is DroolingThe Essential Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


06 JULY 1987
Z. Z. Z. Tag! The game's over tuna brain.
Calvin and Hobbes are lying in bed. Calvin is sleeping. Hobbes looks over and touches Calvin on the head, saying "Tag". Calvin tells Hobbes the game is over and calls him tuna brain.
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Yukon Ho!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


09 FEB 1988
How does the transmogrifier gun know what to transmogrify something into? Telepathy. The gun automatically reads the brain waves you emit, and turns the object into whatever you want. That's amazing. Well, it took me all morning to invent. So say I'm thinking about a big slab of grilled tuna now. Watch where you're pointing that! Watch where you're pointing that!
Hobbes asks how the gun knows what to transmogrify things into. Calvin replies "telepathy". The gun reads brain waves and turns the object into whatever you want. Calvin says it took him all morning to invent. Hobbes points the gun at Calvin. He says he's thinking about a big slab or grilled tuna. Calvin yells for him to watch where he's pointing the gun.
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Yukon Ho!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


03 APR 1988
Will you get me a glass of water? You just had one. I want one to keep by the bed, so I can douse this guy if he starts snoring. Good night, Calvin. Hee hee hee. Oh, great he's dreaming again. Sniff. Where do you think you are, you imbecile? Out in the jungle? Mm ... heh heh. If he starts running he's gonna get a pillow in the kisser. Sniff. Hey! Where are you going? Somnambulists give me the creeps. Why are we going to the kitchen? Calvin! What are you doing? Have you been sleepwalking? I was completely awake! It's this dope who's sleepwalking! I just followed him. I put him back to bed, he couldn't give any reason for being up. Do you suppose it means anything? Look, he got out all the tuna!
Hobbes is giggling in his sleep. Calvin wakes up and notices Hobbes is dreaming. Hobbes sniffs, and Calvin wonders if Hobbes thinks he's in the jungle. Calvin is prepared to smack Hobbes with a pillow. Hobbes crawls out of bed and heads downstairs. Calvin follows him and wonders why they're going to the kitchen. Dad turns on the light and asks if Calvin was sleepwalking. Calvin says he was wide awake, but Hobbes is the dope who's sleepwalking. Dad explains to Mom that he put Calvin back to bed, and he had no reason for being up. Mom notices that he had gotten out all the tuna in the house.
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Weirdos from Another Planet!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


27 MAY 1988
Wind wind wind RUMBLE RUMBLE POW! Either I'm greatly deceived, or someone opened a can of tuna in this vicinity. Yes ... all over this vicinity.
Calvin is opening a can. He hears rumbling. Suddenly, Hobbes slams into him and knocks him to the floor. Hobbes looks around rapidly. He says that either he's greatly deceived, or someone opened a can of tuna in the vicinity.
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Weirdos from Another Planet!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


15 JULY 1988
Where have you been?? I've been calling and calling. You're dinner's cold, I'm sure. I drifted away on my balloon and it popped, but fortunately I had my transmogrifier, so after I mistakenly turned myself into a safe, I transmogrified into a light particle and zipped back home instantaneously. ... Of course, If I'd known we were having THIS, I wouldn't have hurried. Sometime you should try transmogrifying yourself into someone who occasionally makes an ounce of sense.
Mom and Dad are at the dinner table. Mom asks Calvin where he's been. Calvin explains that drifted away on his balloon which popped. Then, he remembered his transmogrifier gun. After mistakenly turning himself into a safe, he transmogrified into a light particle and zipped back home instantaneously. Calvin sits at the table. He looks at his meal. He then says that if he had known they were having that for dinner, he wouldn't have hurried. Mom tells him to sometime try transmogrifying into someone who occasionally makes an ounce of sense.
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Weirdos from Another Planet!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


02 AUG 1988
Wind wind RUMBLE Oh, no! POW! IT WASN'T TUNA! IT WAS PINEAPPLE! SEE?! All cans sound the same.
Calvin starts opening a can. He hears rumbling, realizes what's about to happen, and covers his eyes. Hobbes comes slamming into him. Calvin angrily picks up a chunk and shows Hobbes he was opening a can of pineapple, not tuna. Hobbes tells him all cans sound the same.
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Weirdos from Another Planet!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


30 AUG 1988
I'm hungry. Too bad. Breakfast isn't until tomorrow. My tummy's growling. Hush. Most people don't sleep well next to a hungry tiger. Sometimes I sure wish I had a dog. More tuna and less mayonnaise.
Calvin and Hobbes are in bed. Hobbes is hungry. Calvin tells him breakfast isn't until tomorrow. Hobbes' stomach is growling. Calvin tells him to be quiet. Hobbes reminds him most people don't sleep well next to a hungry tiger. Calvin's eyes open. In the kitchen, he's making Hobbes a sandwich. He says sometimes he wishes he had a dog. Hobbes tells him more tuna and less mayonnaise.
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Weirdos from Another Planet!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


22 SEPT 1988
Well, this is our new home. I guess we should unpack and set up camp. Comic books... comic books... tuna... some candy bars... more tuna... toothbrushes... a can opener... looks like we're all set. What's this? A night light. I thought it might be scary sleeping on a new planet. Boy, you thought of everything. Now we have to find an outlet.
Calvin decides to unpack and set up camp. They have comic books, candy bars, tuna, a can opener, and toothbrushes. They're all set. Hobbes brought along a night light. He thought it might be scary sleeping on a new planet. He goes off looking for an outlet.
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Weirdos from Another Planet!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


29 SEPT 1988
I guess we should go home to Earth. Yeah, we may not be welcome here. We ought to fix up our own planet before we go messing around with other people's planets. After all, there's only one Earth, and it's got to last us a while. We also should go home because we're clean out of tuna. I hope Mom and Dad didn't rent out my room.
Hobbes thinks they should go home to earth. Calvin agrees, thinking they may not be welcome there. He thinks they should fix up their own planet before messing around with other people's planets. As they start down a hill, Calvin says there's only one earth, and it has to last them a while. Hobbes adds they should also go home because they're out of tuna. Calvin hopes Mom and Dad haven't rented out his room.
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Weirdos from Another Planet!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


01 OCT 1988
Hi, Dad! Guess what Hobbes and I did! We went to Mars! Well, well. Yep. We were going to live there because Earth is so polluted, but we discovered that Mars is inhabited, so we came back home. You didn't like the Martians? No, they didn't like US. I think they were afraid we'd junk up Mars the way we've junked up Earth. What's my good briefcase doing out, and why does it smell like tuna fish?! And can you believe it, Dad? We go clear to Mars, and dumb ol' Hobbes forgets the camera!
Dad comes home from work, and Calvin tells him he and Hobbes went to Mars. Calvin explains they went there because Earth is polluted, but they came home when they found Mars inhabited. Dad asks if he didn't like the Martians. Calvin tells him the Martians didn't like them. He thinks the Martians were worried they'd junk up their planet like they had junked up Earth. Dad asks why his good briefcase is out and why does it smell like tuna. Calvin says they go all the way to Mars, and Hobbes forgets the camera.
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Weirdos from Another Planet!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


01 DEC 1988
I wish it would snow eight feet in the next five minutes so they'd have to close school. C'mon, snow! Snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow! So close... and yet so far.
Calvin is standing waiting for the bus. He looks up and says he wishes it would snow eight feet in the next five minutes so they'd have to close school. He grits his teeth and clenches his fists, wishing for snow. Something's coming down. Unfortunately for Calvin, it's rain. Calvin is now standing in the rain waiting for the bus. He says it was so close, yet so far.
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Weirdos from Another Planet!The Authoritative Calvin and HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


30 APR 1989
True friends are hard to come by. I need more money. I wish people were more like animals. Animals don't try to change you or make you fit in. They just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Animals aren't conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you're sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness. WHOOONK! *SOB* It's so... so TRUE! HOOOOT! THBPBTPTH! ... and speaking of "a little kindness", I'd have a tuna fish sandwich any time soon that you happen to make one. Of course, SOME animals get on your nerves once in a while.
Calvin and Hobbes are walking in the woods. Calvin wishes people were more like animals. He tells Hobbes animals don't try to change you, they just enjoy the pleasure of your company. He explains animals aren't conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, comfort you when you're sad. All they ask in return is a little kindness. Hobbes sobs that it's all true and he blows his nose loudly. Hobbes tells Calvin that speaking of a little kindness, he'd have a tuna fish sandwich any time soon that he happens to make one. Calvin says that of course, some animals get on your nerves once in a while.
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The Revenge of the Baby-SatThe Indispensable Calvin And HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


02 MAY 1989
The police say they'll send someone over. Have you figured out what all is missing? No, we're looking for Hobbes. Calvin's almost hysterical. I feel a little hysterical myself. Ooh... I hope the police get here quick. I'm scared. This is one of those things you always figure will happen to someone else. ... Unfortunately, we're ALL "someone else" to someone else.
Dad says the police are sending someone over. He asks Mom if she's figured out what's missing. Mom says she's been looking for Hobbes since Calvin's almost hysterical. Dad says he feels hysterical himself. Mom hopes the police arrive soon. She's scared. Dad says that this is one of those things you always figure will happen to someone else. Unfortunately, he says, we're all "someone else" to someone else.
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The Revenge of the Baby-SatThe Indispensable Calvin And HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


13 OCT 1989
Uh oh, it's my arch-nemesis, MOM-LADY! She can't discover my secret identity! Calvin? Are you doing your homework in there? Quickly, STUPENDOUS MAN leaps into the closet to change back into his 6-year-old alter ego, mild-mannered Calvin! Calvin? Are you in here? Unfortunately, STUPENDOUS MAN's cape is caught in mild-mannered Calvin's zipper! Curses! This is going to be a good one, I can tell. Geez, Mom! Can't a guy have a little privacy?!
Mom calls into the bedroom asking if Calvin is doing his homework. Stupendous Man recognizes his arch-nemesis, Mom-lady. He doesn't want her to discover his secret identity. He goes into the closet to change back into his alter ego, Calvin. Mom enters the bedroom looking for Calvin. Calvin, in the closet, notices that Stupendous Man's cape has gotten caught in Calvin's zipper. Mom opens the closet to see Calvin standing in his underwear. She says she can tell this is going to be a good one.
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Scientific Progress Goes \The Indispensable Calvin And HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


16 DEC 1989
Hi Calvin. Are you bringing your stuffed tiger to school today? No, he's just keeping me company while I wait for the bus. Oh. But actually, he's been nothing but trouble today. He's trying to sabotage my Christmas by making me bad instead of good. Fortunately, I asked Santa for such great presents that I can withstand any temptation. I'm being an absolute angel. What did you ask for? A heat seeking guided missile. I figured five minutes with one of THOSE babies will make up for this whole rotten month.
Susie asks Calvin if he's bringing Hobbes to school. Calvin says Hobbes is just keeping him company while he waits for the bus. Calvin goes on to say Hobbes has been nothing but trouble today. He's trying to sabotage Calvin's Christmas by making Calvin be bad. Calvin tells Susie that he asked Santa for such great presents that he can withstand any temptation. Susie asks what he asked for. Calvin tells her a heat-seeking guided missile. He figures five minutes with one of those babies makes up for the whole rotten month.
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Scientific Progress Goes \The Indispensable Calvin And HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


10 FEB 1990
The inside of my head was exploding with fireworks. Fortunately, my last thought turned out the lights when it left. When I came to, the pieces all fit together. Jack and Joe's lives were defined by integers. Obviously, they were part of a "numbers" racket! Back in the office, I pulled the files on all the numbers BIG enough to keep Susie quiet and want me out of the picture. The answer hit me like a .44 slug. It had to be the number they called "Mr. Billion". Answer: 1,000,000,000. Case closed! Time's up. Bring your papers forward. What did you get, Calvin? I think the answer's 15.
Tracer's head was exploding with fireworks. When he came to, the pieces fit together. Jack and Joe's life were defined by integers. They were in a "numbers" racket. Back in the office, Tracer pulled the files on numbers big enough to keep Susie quiet and to want him out of the picture. Calvin answers 1,000,000,000 on his quiz. Case closed!
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Scientific Progress Goes \The Indispensable Calvin And HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


12 MAR 1990
Do you... I mean, does HOBBES want any tuna fish this week? No, Hobbes stopped eating canned tuna. You know they kill dolphins to get it. OK, I'll put it back. So what does Hobbes like now instead? Fresh swordfish steaks. He likes them grilled outside. Mm-hmm. How about peanut butter?
At the grocery store, Mom asks if Calvin, er, she means Hobbes, wants any tuna fish. Calvin tells her that Hobbes stopped eating tuna fish, because they kill dolphins to get it. Mom asks what Hobbes likes now. Calvin tells her fresh swordfish steaks, grilled outside. Mom asks about peanut butter.
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Scientific Progress Goes \The Indispensable Calvin And HobbesThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


03 AUG 1990
Boy, when it's THIS hot, I don't want to do anything at all! Fortunately, that was our plan from the start.
Sitting by the water, taking his shoes off, Calvin tells Hobbes that when it's that hot, he doesn't want to do anything at all. They get into the water and he says that fortunately, that was their plan from the start.
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Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow GoonsThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


10 AUG 1990
I like toys that make a lot of racket. That's the problem with this wagon. It doesn't make much noise. AIEEEE! AUGH! WHOAA! OOMPH! OOH! Fortunately, WE do.
Riding down the hill in the wagon, Calvin says he likes toys that make a lot of racket. He complains the problem with the wagon is that it doesn't make much noise. They sail off the edge of the hill, yelling. As they roughly land, Calvin says that fortunately, they do.
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Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow GoonsThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


09 SEPT 1990
Spaceman Spiff is hit! He's going down! Fortunately, our hero always buckles up! The fearless Spaceman Spiff has crashed on a distant world! The planet's atmosphere is thick with noxious fumes and gases! Our hero can hardly breathe. Spiff must find help quickly ... but is there any life on this hostile world? His question is answered when a hideous blob of of gelatinous muck oozes out of a crevice toward him! Spiff's blaster is useless against the slime! Our hero tries to escape, but the suffocating stench envelops him! What a disgusting fate! Yechh! I sure wish I'd brought my lunch today! That's gross, Calvin! If you don't like the cafeteria's tapioca, just leave it alone!
Susie gives Calvin an invitation to a milk and cookie party. Calvin declines. He wouldn't attend if she paid him. Susie doesn't care and walks off. She calls Calvin a jerk and says she went to all the trouble to set up the table and chairs. She says to Mr. Bun they can have a nice party by themselves. Calvin happily tells Hobbes they showed her. Hobbes wonders what kind of cookies they were. Calvin and Hobbes go to the party. Susie is happy. Calvin says they don't attend parties, they crash them.
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Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow GoonsThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


01 JUNE 1991
We'll Hobbes, we did it again. We're separated from the troop and hopelessly lost. Fortunately, our motto is "Be prepared." With this full backpack we can stay out here for weeks! Just so long as we don't get hungry.
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The Days are Just PackedThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


15 SEPT 1991
Wow! Calvin suddenly finds himself on his own sheet of notebook paper! Fortunately, Calvin has been doodling all morning. Here's a tank! Pleased by how well it's rendered, Calvin climbs in! The blue ruled guide lines are no match for the tank's heavy treads! Calvin roars across the page anywhere he wants! There's the school! Calvin fires directly into Miss Wormwood's classroom! Kids dive out of the windows! Oh no! Miss Wormwood has come to put a stop to Calvin's fun! He fires again and again, but she's too big and mean! Hand it over, Leonardo, and see me after class. The arts are always the first to go in public schools.
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The Days are Just PackedThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


11 MAR 1992
The problem with rock'n'roll is that the generation that created it is now the establishment. Rock pretends it's still rebellious with its video posturing, but who believes it? The stars are 45-year-old zillionaires or they endorse soft drinks! The "revolution" is a capitalist industry! Give me a break! Fortunately I've found some protest music for TODAY's youth! This stuff really offends Mom and Dad! Easy-listening muzak? I play it real quiet, too.
Calvin says the problem with rock-and-roll is that the generation that created it is now the establishment. He says rock pretends it's still rebellious with its video posturing, but the stars are zillionaires or they endorse soft drinks. The "revolution" is a capitalist industry. Calvin says he's found some protest music for today's youth. He says this stuff really offends Mom and Dad. Hobbes listens to the easy-listening Muzak. He covers his ears. Calvin says he plays it real quiet, too.
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The Days are Just PackedThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


19 JUNE 1992
You call this NEWS?! THIS isn't informative! This is a sound bite! This is entertainment! This is sensationalism! Fortunately, that's all I have the patience for.
Calvin complains the television isn't informing him. He says it's a sound bite, entertainment, sensationalism. He sits down to watch it, saying that's all he has patience for.
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The Days are Just PackedThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


26 DEC 1992
The snow isn't deep enough for sledding. And it's not wet enough to pack, either. Sighhhh. Fortunately, I'm the stoic type. You're an inspiration to us all.
Calvin notices the snow isn't deep enough for sledding, not wet enough to pack. He sighs. He says fortunately, he's the stoic type. Hobbes says he's an inspiration to us all.
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Homicidal Psycho Jungle CatThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


18 APR 1993
True friends are hard to come by. I need more money. I wish people were more like animals. Animals don't try to change you or make you fit in. They just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Animals aren't conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you're sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness. WHOOONK! *SOB* It's so... so TRUE! HOOOOT! THBPBTPTH! ... and speaking of "a little kindness", I'd have a tuna fish sandwich any time soon that you happen to make one. Of course, SOME animals get on your nerves once in a while.
Going down the hill in the wagon, Calvin says some people are born lucky and some unlucky. He says you can't fight luck. Hobbes points out they're heading for the cliff. Calvin says that's bad luck. Hobbes jumps out. Calvin says you go along, minding your own business, and your luck runs out. As he bounces over the cliff, he says if you're unlucky, you're condemned to suffer. From the top of the cliff, Hobbes says he landed in the pricker bushes, just like yesterday. Calvin says maybe his luck will change tomorrow.
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Homicidal Psycho Jungle CatThe Complete Calvin and Hobbes


25 DEC 1993
HA HA! ACQUITTAL ON ALL CHARGES! COMPLETE EXONERATION! HA HA HA! Merry Christmas to you too, dear. Phew, what's that smell? Has someone been eating tuna fish at this horrible hour?!
Calvin sees his gifts under the Christmas tree. He grabs one and shouts that he's gotten acquittal on all charges and complete exoneration. He laughs. Mom and Dad hug each other. Mom tells Dad Merry Christmas. Dad asks what that smell is. He asks if someone has been eating tuna fish at that hour.
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There\The Complete Calvin and Hobbes


17 MAY 1994
The police say they'll send someone over. Have you figured out what all is missing? No, we're looking for Hobbes. Calvin's almost hysterical. I feel a little hysterical myself. Ooh... I hope the police get here quick. I'm scared. This is one of those things you always figure will happen to someone else. ... Unfortunately, we're ALL "someone else" to someone else.
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There\The Complete Calvin and Hobbes


17 JULY 1994
The big, stupid ultrasaur takes a long drink... a VERY long drink! The ferocious allosaur is thirsty too! This means confrontation! ..ah heh heh... Fortunately, this allosaur is the patient type. Don't make me smack you across the hall, twerp.
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There\The Complete Calvin and Hobbes


05 AUG 1994
Boy, when it's THIS hot, I don't want to do anything at all! Fortunately, that was our plan from the start.
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There\The Complete Calvin and Hobbes


31 AUG 1995
There aren't many heroes these days. Who is out there to inspire us with a personal example of virtue and self-sacrifice in the name of a higher good? Who can we look up to? Business leaders? Sports figures? Politicians? Celebrities? Heck, we're lucky if they don't end up in prison! Fortunately, if we can't get inspiration, we'll accept entertainment. As usual, the hero business is up to me.
Calvin tells Hobbes there aren't many heroes these days. He asks who is out there to inspire them with a personal example of virtue and self-sacrifice. He asks if they can look up to business leaders, politicians, celebrities. He says they're lucky if they don't end up in prison. Hobbes says that fortunately, if they can't get inspiration, they'll accept entertainment. Calvin dons his Stupendous Man hood and says that the hero business is up to him.
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It\The Complete Calvin and Hobbes


03 SEPT 1995
Spaceman Spiff is hit! He's going down! Fortunately, our hero always buckles up! The fearless Spaceman Spiff has crashed on a distant world! The planet's atmosphere is thick with noxious fumes and gases! Our hero can hardly breathe. Spiff must find help quickly ... but is there any life on this hostile world? His question is answered when a hideous blob of of gelatinous muck oozes out of a crevice toward him! Spiff's blaster is useless against the slime! Our hero tries to escape, but the suffocating stench envelops him! What a disgusting fate! Yechh! I sure wish I'd brought my lunch today! That's gross, Calvin! If you don't like the cafeteria's tapioca, just leave it alone!
Susie waits for the school bus and hears a noise. Calvin is being dragged by Mom. He has his blanket, which is dragging the lamp, phone, cereal, and school books along with it. Mom angrily stands next to Calvin, who's also standing angrily. Susie glances at them. The bus comes. Mom smiles, while Calvin is horrified and starts running. Mom catches him and stuff him onto the bus. As the bus drives off, Susie asks Calvin if he knows that nobody on their street sets an alarm clock in the morning. Calvin tells her to shut up.
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It\The Complete Calvin and Hobbes


10 SEPT 1995
Don't turn out the light Dad! You didn't check under the bed for monsters! I'm sure there are no monsters under your bed, go to sleep. Good night. Good-bye. Any monsters under my bed tonight? There's no answer. Do you think they're gone? Maybe they're just staying queit. Keep watch over the side of the bed. Boy, am I full! I must've gained ten pounds today! Maybe I'm getting a little plump! You're bigger, Calvin, but there's no fat on you! I guess you're right. I'm getting big, but I'm still nice and lean! Ugh. Something under the bed is drooling. Start tying the sheets together. We'll go out the window.
The big, stupid ultrasaur takes a long drink. The allosaur is thirsty, too. This means confrontation. The ultrasaur turns around to glower at the allosaur. Calvin is standing behind Moe at the drinking fountain. Calvin says that fortunately, this allosaur is the patient type.
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It\The Complete Calvin and Hobbes


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This page is strictly a tribute to Calvin & Hobbes, the best comic ever, and two of the best characters who have taught me so much over many years. It is meant for research purposes only.