This is Calvin, your captain speaking ... just to reassure you that, yes, there is someone up front. Calvin pilots the jet airliner across the country at 35,000 feet. He is given clearance to land. But what is this? A plane from a rival airplane is making for the same runway to shave precious minutes off its schedule! It's a 600 mph game of chicken! Calvin pulls back on the throttle and lurches ahead! The other pilot tries to cut Calvin off with a sudden drop in altitude! Calvin switches on the "fasten seat belt" light in the cabin, and does a barrel roll. At 5Gs, Calvin hopes not to black out! As they close in on the runway, the other pilot has no choice but to pull up and circle around again! Calvin wins! Hey, Mom, is it true I could get a pilot's license at age 14? NO.

Flaps ... check. Fuel ... check. Landing gear ... check. Goggles... check. Calvin pilots his F-15 at more than 1,500 miles per hour. Loaded with tons of every conceivable missile weapon, the jet shrieks low over the ground. Up and over the next rise, his target comes into view. Calvin FIRES! FWISSHHH! Missile after missile streaks ahead and detonates with grim accuracy! PFOOM! Mission accomplished! A smoldering crater is all that remains of Calvin's elementary school! ... sigh...