Your search found 88 comics:10 MAR 1986 Script Boy, is it cold! You should get a good fur coat like mine. Woof! What did you eat for breakfast? Cement? Look, was this my idea?
Description Calvin is complaining that it's cold outside in the snow. Hobbes tells him he should get a good fur coat like he has. Calvin looks at Hobbes, then puts Hobbes over his shoulder. Calvin wonders if Hobbes ate cement for breakfast as Hobbes reminds Calvin that this wasn't his idea.
Appears In 20 APR 1986 Script Oops! I forgot to read chapter five for school tomorrow. What are you going to do? Catch a quick cold. Cough cough. You sound terrible, Calvin. I'll get you some cough medicine. It wasn't me coughing. It was Hobbes. Me? It wasn't me! I know, but that cough syrup tastes awful. So you're going to have me take it? Nothing doing, buster. I refuse! Here you go Calvin. Open up. Not me! Give it to Hobbes! He's the one who ... Gloomp Ackthp! Pbthbbppth!! Hack Hack. Mmm! That cough medicine is good! You should try some! Really! You're not fooling me one bit, you stinker.
Description Calvin has a cough, so Mom heads off to get cough medicine. Calvin tells he it was Hobbes coughing. Hobbes says it was not, but Calvin tells him the cough syrup tastes awful. Hobbes refuses to take the medicine. Mom comes into the room and gives it to Calvin as he loudly protests that Hobbes was coughing. Calvin gags on the medicine. He then tries to convince Hobbes it tastes real good and to try some. Hobbes isn't buying that story.
Appears In 12 JUNE 1986 Script The water's too cold! Now it's too hot. Now it's too cold. Now it's too deep.
Description Calvin is taking a bath and complains the water is too cold. After an adjustment, the water is too hot. After another adjustment, the water is too cold again. One more adjustment, but now it's too deep.
Appears In 06 JULY 1986 Script Hobbes. You didn't bring your swim trunks here to the beach! No, I prefer "furry dipping." Yaaaaayy! Ow ow ow hot hot hot hot! Aaaaaahhhhh! Sploop splop. Brrrrrr! Cold cold cold. Ow ow ow hot hot hot hot hot. Don't tell me we drove an hour and a half for this!
Description The family has gone to the beach for a getaway. Calvin and Hobbes run across the sand. They yelp with pain from the hot sand. Finally, they reach the water and jump in. And right out they come, yelping with pain from the cold of the water. Then, they again yelp with pain from the hot sand as they return to the car. As Dad points to Calvin and Hobbes sitting in the car, Dad tells Mom they haven't driven an hour and a half for this.
Appears In 23 JULY 1986 Script Ok ... everyone in the water! I refuse! I'm freezing already! Calvin, do you know what a "Rat Tail" is? No. it's when you soak a towel and twist it up into a whip. It stings like crazy and is much worse than being cold. Get my drift? I always though lifeguards were just taught how to resuscitate people and things like that.
Description Rosalyn calls for everyone to get into the pool. Calvin refuses, saying he's freezing already. Rosalyn asks Calvin if he knows what a "rat tail" is. She explains what it is and says it's worse than being cold. Calvin is in the pool saying he thought lifeguards were just taught how to resuscitate people and things like that.
Appears In 24 JULY 1986 Script This water is freezing! I'm going to go into shock and drown, I just know it. I bet the lifeguard is involved in some insurance scam and she's going to let us all drown like rats! Oh no! oh no! ok, first we're going to learn the "deadmans float." Mom!! Helpp! Helpp! What I put up with to pay for college.
Description Calvin complains about the cold water. He's sure he'll go into shock and drown. He thinks the lifeguard is involved in an insurance scam and is trying to drown everyone. Rosalyn announces they're going to learn the "deadman's float". Calvin screams for his Mom. Rosalyn, with her hand over her face, laments what she puts up with to pay for college.
Appears In 30 JULY 1986 Script Susie, Hobbes thought I was rude, so I'm sorry, and you can come play with us if you want. Thanks, Calvin. That's really nice of you. Ok, we'll play house now. I'll be the high-powered executive wife, the tiger here can be my unemployed, housekeeping husband, and you can be our bratty and brainless kid in a day care center. This was your idea, pea brain. Don't you talk to your father that way! I'm off to wall street. Don't wait up.
Description Calvin approaches Susie and tells her she can play with them if she wants. Susie thanks Calvin and proceeds to establish the rules of the game. She'll be the high-powered executive wife, Hobbes can be the unemployed, housekeeping husband, and Calvin can be the bratty and brainless kid in the day care center. Off Susie goes to Wall Street. Calvin reminds Hobbes this was his idea and calls Hobbes a pea brain. Hobbes scolds Calvin for talking that way to his father.
Appears In 23 AUG 1986 Script Aawweeawweeaaw! The water looked a little cold, eh, Tarzan?
Description Calvin sails out over the water on a rope swing. Calvin does a Tarzan yell. As he lets go, he looks down at the water and hurriedly grabs the rope back. As he comes back to shore, Hobbes asks him if the water looked a little cold.
Appears In 30 DEC 1986 Script Boy, is it cold! Can't we turn the heat up? Heat is expensive Calvin. Just put on a sweater. Look, the thermostat goes all the way up to 90 degrees! We could be sitting around in our shorts. Leave the thermostat alone Calvin. I can almost see my breath. I'll just crank it up to 75, ok? I said don't touch it. Gee, my hands are so numb, I can't move the switch. Guess I'll put on a sweater.
Description Calvin asks if he can turn up the temperature in the house. Mom tells him that's expensive and to put on a sweater. Calvin notices the thermostat goes up to 90 degrees. He says they could be sitting around in shorts. Mom warns him to keep his hands off. Calvin says he can see his breath and will only turn it up to 75. Mom yells "I said don't touch it!" Calvin says his hands are numb, he can't move the switch. He'll go put on a sweater.
Appears In 31 DEC 1986 Script Ooh. You look cold Calvin! There's a fire made. Why don't you go warm up? Oh boy! Nothing beats sitting by a roaring fire after you've been out in the cold. Of course, some people say why bother going outside first?
Description Calvin comes in from outside. He's all bundled up. Mom says he looks cold. She tells him there is a fire made up and to go warm up. He runs to the fireplace saying nothing beats sitting by a roaring fire when you've been out in the cold. He gets there and sees Hobbes lying in front of the fire. Calvin notices that some people say "why bother going outside first?".
Appears In 04 JAN 1987 Script What a day! And no one to share it with! Woo hoo hoo. It's cold out there today! Brrrr! Brisk! Just the way I like it! Wow! Sniff. Ha! Weather like this lets you know you're alive! C'mon out gang! It's a perfect day! You'll get used to the wind if you keep moving! Hey, C'mon! are you guys just going to stay inside all day?!? Shut the dumb door!! Ok, ok! I was on my way back outside anyway! ... sheesh ... there's one in every house. Just how long did you know Dad before you married him?
Description Dad comes in the house, happy about the chilly weather. He says this weather lets you know you're alive. He calls for Mom and Calvin to come outside. He says it's a perfect day. Calvin and Mom, sitting near the fireplace, yell to Dad to "Close the dumb door". Dad goes back outside, while Calvin asks Mom just how long she knew him before they married.
Appears In 15 JULY 1987 Script I got my water pistol! I'm all set! Good. Now Hobbes and I will be one team, and you ... Look at your toy tiger! He's wearing jams!! That's so cute! Let me squeeze him! Oh for pete's sake, knock it iff! You go around the house and count to fifty, and then we begin, all right? You and your dumb jams. This is war, remember?! You're just jealous. ... ooh, what a babe!
Description Susie comes over with her water gun. She sees Hobbes and thinks he's cute wearing his Jams. She gives him a squeeze. Calvin tells her to quit it and to go around the house to count till 50. Then, they'll start. Calvin scolds Hobbes for his Jams. He reminds him they're at war. Hobbes, with a big smile on his face, tells Calvin he's just jealous. Hobbes says Susie is a babe.
Appears In 07 AUG 1987 Script One of nature's uglier creatures, the bat is a misunderstood marvel of evolution. Producing a series of loud, high-pitched squeaks, the bat can judge an insect's distance and elevation by the time delay of the squeak's echo! Changes in the echo's pitch reveal the doomed bug's direction! No movement escapes the incredible senses of the bat! Glump! Ta-daa! Eyes closed! Calvin, sit up and eat with a fork like a civilized human being.
Description The bat is a marvel of evolution. Producing high-pitched squeaks, the bat can judge an insect's distance and elevation by the delay in the sound's echo. No movement escapes the senses of the bat. Calvin flips some food into his mouth from the restaurant table. His eyes are closed. Dad scolds Calvin to sit up and eat with a fork like a civilized being.
Appears In 15 AUG 1987 Script Some trooper you are! What's a little rain? This is what being in the wilderness is all about! Ha ha! At least it's not snowing, right? Right? I mean, say it was snowing so hard we couldn't make a fire. Boy, I love cold canned ravioli.
Description Dad is standing in the rain when Calvin comes out. Dad says he's a trooper. He asks what's a little rain. Dad says at least it's not snowing. Calvin dejectedly looks at the ground while Dad says "Right?". Dad continues on to say he meant snowing so they couldn't light a fire. Calvin says he loves cold, canned ravioli.
Appears In 26 SEPT 1987 Script Bedtime, Calvin. Where's Hobbes? I suppose he's wherever you left him. You mean he's still in the woods?? It's night out! What have I told you about leaving your belongings? Hobbes is lost! I'll get a flashlight! We've got to find him! Hobbes! Hobbes! Calvin, it's your bedtime! Don't pull this stunt now!
Description Mom tells Calvin it's bedtime. He asks where Hobbes is. Mom guesses he's wherever Calvin left him. Calvin is worried. It's night out, and Hobbes is in the woods alone. Mom scolds him about leaving his belongings. Calvin scrambles around looking for a flashlight. He's worried about finding Hobbes. Out the door he goes with flashlight on. Mom yells after him that it's bedtime, and he isn't going to pull this stunt now.
Appears In 02 NOV 1987 Script Think it's getting any colder out? Not really. I don't think it's gonna change. Me either. Nuts. Well, let's go in.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are out in the rain. Calvin asks Hobbes if he thinks it's getting colder. Hobbes says not really. They sit a while longer. Calvin doesn't think it's going to change. Hobbes agrees. The rain continues to pour down. Calvin says they should go in. They were sitting on the sled and toboggan at the top of the hill.
Appears In 23 NOV 1987 Script Since September, it's just gotten colder and colder. There's less daylight now, I've noticed too. Oh no! This can mean only one thing! The sun is going out! In a few more months earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice! Well, gee, now I don't feel so bad about not setting up an IRA last year.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes that since September, it's gotten colder and colder. He's also noticed there is less daylight. He says that can only mean one thing. The sun is going out! In a few more months, the earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice. Hobbes doesn't feel so bad about not setting up an IRA last year.
Appears In 24 NOV 1987 Script Dad says the sun isn't going out. He says it's colder because the earth's orbit is taking us farther from the Sun. He says winter will be here soon. Isn't it sad how some peoples grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes that Dad said the sun wasn't going out. He said it's colder because the earth's orbit is taking them further from the sun. He says winter will be here soon. Calvin laments that some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth.
Appears In 26 NOV 1987 Script My teacher said the same thing Dad did. The Sun isn't going out after all! It's just getting colder because winter's coming. Dad was right all along. Imagine ol' Dad knowing something like that!
Description Calvin says his teacher told him the same as Dad did, the sun isn't going out. It's just getting colder because winter's coming. Dad was right all along. Calvin tells Hobbes to imagine ol' Dad knowing something like that.
Appears In 01 DEC 1987 Script Your dinner's getting cold, Calvin! I'll be down in a second. You want me to help untie you? No! don't touch those ropes! I want to escape! It's easy. I just rock a little to loosen the knots, no ropes can hold me! Whoop! Ow!! Good thing you're doing this here before you tried it under water.
Description Mom yells that Calvin's dinner is getting cold. He says he'll be there in a minute. Hobbes asks if Calvin wants him to untie him. No, Calvin wants to escape. He's going to rock a little to loosen the ropes. He says no ropes can hold him. He falls over in the chair. Hobbes says it's a good thing he's doing that here before trying it under water.
Appears In 04 DEC 1987 Script Hobbes, I'm not kidding. If you don't get me loose in ten seconds ... You got yourself into this, Mr Houdini, not me. But I'm supposed to be at dinner! Mom's gonna kill me! Escape artists have a risky trade. Hey, here's morse code! Ok, I'm sorry I called you names. I said I'm sorry, right? Now untie me. Here's how you say "banana" in morse. Dash dot dot dot, dot dash ... What is that kid doing?! It sounds like a chair thumping around the room. Well, his dinner is stone cold. I hope he's happy.
Description Calvin threatens Hobbes some more. Hobbes reminds "Mr. Houdini" he got himself into that mess. Calvin says Mom will kill him for not being at dinner. Hobbes sees the section on Morse code. Calvin says he's sorry and asks Hobbes to untie him. Hobbes tells Calvin how to say "banana" in Morse code. Mom and Dad hear noises upstairs. Dad says it sound like a chair thumping around the room. Mom says his dinner is stone cold. She hopes he's happy.
Appears In 04 JAN 1988 Script I hate waiting for the school bus on days like these. Blustery cold days should be spent propped up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic books. That's what I'd like to be doing right now. As soon as I graduate, I'm going to spend every winter that way. I wish you bus would come my hot chocolate will get cold.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are huddled in the wind. Calvin says he hates waiting for the school bus on days like this. Calvin believes blustery days should be spent with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic books. That's what he'd like to be doing right now. Calvin says that as soon as he graduates, he'll spend every winter that way. Hobbes hopes the bus will come soon. His hot chocolate will get cold.
Appears In 07 JAN 1988 Script It's freezing in this house! Somebody crank up the thermostat! Why doesn't someone make a fire?! If we can't afford to heat this place, maybe dad should get a better job! Why can't we move to Florida?! Calvin, pipe down and put on a sweater if you're cold. And go to all that trouble?!
Description Calvin yells that it's freezing in the house, and that someone should turn up the thermostat. He keeps ranting that Dad should get a better job if they can't afford to heat the house. Maybe they should move to Florida. Someone tells him to pipe down. He should put on a sweater if he's cold. Calvin complains that he shouldn't have to go to all that trouble.
Appears In 17 JAN 1988 Script I've got to go in. Another five minutes out here, and I'll be frozen solid. Ooh, I hope that was no one I knew. You looked pretty cold coming up the hill, so I fixed you some hot chocolate and crackers with peanut butter. Go wrap up in a blanket and take these in front of the fire. Here's Hobbes and a comic book. Getting toasty? Uh huh. Thanks. She even put marshmallows in the chocolate. Nobody knows how to pamper like a mom. So are you going to eat all those peanut butter crackers yourself, or what?
Description Calvin comes in from the snow. Mom fixed him some hot chocolate and crackers with peanut butter. She tells him to wrap up with a blanket and to take the food in front of the fireplace. She brings Hobbes and some comic books. After Mom leaves, Calvin notices she even put marshmallows in the hot chocolate. He says "nobody knows how to pamper like a Mom". Hobbes wants to know if Calvin is going to eat all those peanut butter crackers himself, or what.
Appears In 05 FEB 1988 Script Don't you hate it when your boogers freeze?
Description Calvin goes outside into the cold. He gets a funny look on his face. He grabs his nose. He asks "Don't you hate it when your boogers freeze".
Appears In 16 FEB 1988 Script What's wrong with the transmogrifier? Why won't it work?? You invented it. You tell me. Don't tell me I'm stuck as an owl for the rest of my life! I think owls mostly eat mice. I suppose we could catch some in the yard. This is awful! What am I going to do?! Uggh, I could never eat a mouse raw. Their little feet are probably real cold going down. Will you forget the stupid mice and help me think? I wonder if pet stores will sell you a mouse if you know you're going to eat it?
Description Calvin wonders why it won't work. Hobbes says that since Calvin invented it, he should tell Hobbes. Calvin worries about being stuck as an owl. Hobbes figures they can catch mice in the back yard for Calvin to eat. Calvin wonders what he'll do. Hobbes goes on to say he couldn't eat a mouse raw. He thinks their little feet are real cold going down. Calvin yells for Hobbes to forget about the mice and help him think. Hobbes scratches his head and wonders if a pet store will sell you a mouse if they know you're going to eat it.
Appears In 25 FEB 1988 Script Come in, Rosalyn! I'm sorry! We didn't realize Calvin hadn't let you in. That's ok. It wasn't too cold and wet out. We're late, help yourself to anything in the fridge. We'll see you at ten. The door was jammed. Really. I couldn't get it open. Bed.
Description Mom opens the door and apologizes to Rosalyn. Rosalyn says it wasn't too wet and cold outside. Mom and Dad are running late, so they tell Rosalyn to help herself to anything in the fridge. Dripping wet, Rosalyn looks down at Calvin. Calvin says the door was jammed, and he couldn't get it open. Rosalyn tells him to go to bed.
Appears In 06 MAR 1988 Script It's freezing upstairs! Can I take some logs up to my room? Hey, you're on my side of the bed. These sheets are freezing! Yeah, well aaughh! Your feet are like ice! Get away from me! But my side's all cold! Well, don't get me cold! Move over. Sure, you've got a fur coat! I'm just wearing pajamas. Quit pulling the blankets, willya? I hardly have any, you hot! Gimmie those! You're letting in cold air! Quit it! Quit it! Serves you right, Mr. Mosty-Toasty! See what it's like being cold! Yaaaah!! Eat feathers, fuzz ball! Move over. You're getting my side all hot. Open the window, I'm roasting.
Description Calvin can't get to sleep because the sheets are cold. Calvin bumps into Hobbes, who yells that his feet are like ice. Calvin says his side of the bed is cold, but Hobbes doesn't want his side cold, too. Calvin complains that Hobbes has a fur coat. They fight over the blankets. Hobbes complains that Calvin is letting cold air in. Calvin thinks that serves him right. They fight with each other. Finally, they both lie on top the sheets panting. Hobbes tells Calvin he's getting his side hot and to move over. Calvin tells Hobbes to open the window since he's roasting.
Appears In 17 JUNE 1988 Script Gosh, this water's cold! Here, that's all I could find down there. Go get me a towel, Calvin. It never fails. The one bag the kid dumps in the drink has all the fragile and perishable items in it. Well, the week can only improve from here. One would like to THINK so. Hey, Dad, did you mean to stack the tackle box and all this on your glasses?
Description Dad retrieves everything he can see in the water. He asks Calvin to get him a towel. Dad is dripping as he gets out of the water, complaining that the one bag Calvin drops into the water has all the fragile and perishable things in it. Mom tells him the week can only improve. Dad hopes so. Calvin asks Dad if he meant to stack the tackle box and all the other stuff on his glasses.
Appears In 15 JULY 1988 Script Where have you been?? I've been calling and calling. You're dinner's cold, I'm sure. I drifted away on my balloon and it popped, but fortunately I had my transmogrifier, so after I mistakenly turned myself into a safe, I transmogrified into a light particle and zipped back home instantaneously. ... Of course, If I'd known we were having THIS, I wouldn't have hurried. Sometime you should try transmogrifying yourself into someone who occasionally makes an ounce of sense.
Description Mom and Dad are at the dinner table. Mom asks Calvin where he's been. Calvin explains that drifted away on his balloon which popped. Then, he remembered his transmogrifier gun. After mistakenly turning himself into a safe, he transmogrified into a light particle and zipped back home instantaneously. Calvin sits at the table. He looks at his meal. He then says that if he had known they were having that for dinner, he wouldn't have hurried. Mom tells him to sometime try transmogrifying into someone who occasionally makes an ounce of sense.
Appears In 07 NOV 1988 Script Well Dad, we're right down to the wire, and the polls say you won't be Dad here much longer. It seems you're just not likeable enough. Those polled continue to find you a cold fish. If you want some advice, I suggest you do something extraordinarily likeable in the next two minutes. Go to bed. No, no! It's WAY too late to learn how to tell jokes.
Description Calvin informs Dad that the polls indicate he won't be Dad much longer. He says Dad just isn't likeable enough. Those polled continue to find Dad a cold fish. Calvin suggests Dad do something extraordinarily likeable in the next two minutes. Dad tells Calvin to go to bed. Calvin slaps his forehead and says it's too late for Dad to learn to tell jokes.
Appears In 09 NOV 1988 Script Boy, you're lucky YOU don't have to go to school like I do. You don't know what it's like to get up on these cold, dark mornings and have to go someplace you hate. Yes I do. Oh yeah? How could you? You tell me every morning. Oh, am I keeping you awake?! I'm SORRY!
Description Calvin gets out of bed, telling Hobbes he's lucky he doesn't have to go to school. He tells Hobbes he doesn't know what it's like to get up on cold, dark mornings and have to go someplace you hate. Hobbes says he does know, and Calvin asks how. Hobbes curls up with the covers and says that Calvin tells him every morning. Calvin yells that he's sorry if he's keeping Hobbes awake.
Appears In 20 DEC 1988 Script I'm freezing! Why do we keep this house so darn cold?! Crank up the thermostat and build a fire, will ya? I have a better idea. C'mere. OK, step outside. Why? What's outside? In a few minutes, you can come in, and then the house will seem nice and warm. I'm telling the newspapers about you, Dad!
Description Calvin is cold. He asks why they keep the house so cold. He tells Dad to crank up the thermostat and start a fire. Dad has a better idea. He has Calvin follow him. He opens the door and asks Calvin to step outside. Dad closes the door. He tells Calvin in a few minutes he can come back inside, and the house will seem nice and warm. Calvin yells back that he's telling the newspapers about him.
Appears In 25 DEC 1988 Script I'm leaving out a sandwich for Santa. That's nice. What do you think he'd like with that? Some milk? I think "Santa"would rather have a cold beer. DEAR! Psst! Wake up! It's Christmas! Are you sure? It's still dark out. It's four in the morning! Let's see if santa left our loot yet! Oh boy! We'll let Mom and Dad sleep another hour, but we can at least count all our packages. I get to plug in the tree lights! Ha ha! Look at all this booty! Let's see which ones are for me! Here's one for you. Strange that Santa would go to the trouble to wrap a box of coal. Har har. Here's one for Mom. Here's one for me...This one is for Dad... Hey, were are YOUR presents? Santa goofed up! Good thing tigers are naturally gifted to begin with. MOMM! DAAD! SANTA DIDN'T BRING HOBBES ANYTHING! Uh oh. think quick, Dear. It had better be a lot later than it feels like. Well, here's a present from ME anyway. Hope it fits. The best presents don't come in boxes. I'll treasure this one forever.
Description Calvin wakes Hobbes up and tells him it's Christmas. Hobbes asks if he's sure, since it's still dark outside. Calvin says it's four in the morning. He hops out of bed. He asks Hobbes to see if Santa left their loot yet. He says he'll let Mom and Dad sleep another hour, but they can at least count their packages. Calvin sees all the presents. Hobbes hands him one and says it's strange Santa would go to the bother to wrap a box of coal. Calvin starts dividing up the presents by who's getting them. He thinks Santa goofed up. Hobbes hasn't gotten any gifts. Calvin yells to Mom and Dad that Santa didn't get Hobbes anything. Calvin hugs Hobbes and tells him it's a present from him. He hopes it fits. Hobbes tells him the best presents don't come in boxes. He'll treasure it forever.
Appears In 08 JAN 1989 Script C'mon, we'd better go outside for a while. How come? Mom's getting that look. This will be the best snow fort ever built! OK, the main fortress will be a wall five feet high, and go from here down over that hill, with turrets every 50 feet. Over here we'll build an inner wall, in case we have to retreat, and a bin to hold our snow ball reserves. Got it. Hmm... the snow doesn't pack too well, does it? It's not wet enough. Gosh, it'll take forever just to build the outer wall... even without the turrets. I'm cold. Me, too. Let's go in. Maybe we can have some hot chocolate by a fire! This is more fun than actually building the fort anyway. Now where should we put the icicle spikes? All along the outer wall, after the moat. Say, I think you got more marshmallows in your hot chocolate than I did.
Description Calvin and Hobbes run out to build the best snow fort ever. Calvin plans for five foot high walls, and turrets every fifty feet. He shows Hobbes where an inner wall will be, along with a bin to store snowball reserves. The snow isn't wet enough to pack. Calvin realizes it will take forever to build just the outer walls. Hobbes is cold. Calvin is too, so they go inside to have hot chocolate by the fire. They decide to draw the snow fort. Calvin wonders where the ice spikes should go. Hobbes tells him, and also thinks Calvin got more marshmallows in his chocolate than Hobbes did.
Appears In 12 JAN 1989 Script I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are walking along in the snow. Calvin likes the cold, gray winter days. He says days like these let you savor a bad mood.
Appears In 29 JAN 1989 Script The valiant Spaceman Spiff is led by his captors to a secret dungeon to be debriefed! Little do they realize that our hero doesn't WEAR briefs! Eat your dinner, Calvin. Ugh. Poised precariously over a percolating pit of putrid pasta, Spaceman Spiff is held prisoner! Still won't talk, eh, Earthling? Our hero's mind races furiously! He's had his chance! Let's make him eat! LOOK BEHIND YOU!! Fool! The human scum escaped! Not for long, Zokbar-2! And tomorrow morning he'll have cold manicotti for breakfast!
Description Mom tells Calvin to eat his dinner. Spaceman Spiff is held over a pit of putrid pasta. Our hero's mind races furiously. The aliens say that he's had his chance. Let's make him eat. Calvin looks surprised, points behind Mom and Dad, and tells them to look behind them. When they look, Calvin runs off. One alien says the human scum has escaped. The other says tomorrow morning, he'll have cold manicotti for breakfast.
Appears In 22 FEB 1989 Script I wish snow was dry, so that you didn't get all cold and wet when you played in it. ...then again, if snow was dry, you couldn't pack it into snowballs. That wouldn't be good. I wish it snowed in summer. Wouldn't that be fun? ... Well no, actually that would make it hard to run when you play baseball. Heck, it's OK just the way it is. We're glad you approve.
Description Calvin tells Hobbes he wishes snow was dry so you didn't get all cold and wet when you play in it. Then, he mentions that you couldn't make snowballs, which is bad. He then wishes it snowed in summer. But that would make it hard to run when you play baseball. As he and Hobbes walk away, he decides things are okay as they are. Hobbes is glad he approves.
Appears In 30 JUNE 1989 Script It's too darn hot out here. You could go wading in the creek. This water is too darn cold. You could go sit in the shade then. This shade is too darn dark. You could go sit in your room with the windows shut and the fan and lights on. That's what I was doing when Mom threw me out here. I was kidding.
Description Calvin complains that it's too hot. Hobbes says he could go wading in the creek. Calvin tries that and says the water is too cold. Hobbes says he could go sit in the shade. Calvin tries that and complains that the shade is too dark. Hobbes, frustrated, tells him he could go sit in his room with the windows shut and the fan and lights on. Calvin grumbles that's what he was doing when Mom threw him outside.
Appears In 23 JULY 1989 Script Ahh... a day at the late! This will be great! I still don't see why we can't just sit in the car with the air conditioner on. I'M GETTING SAND IN MY SUIT! I DON'T WANT TO SIT ON THE BEACH! THIS WATER'S TOO COLD! I'M FREEZING TO DEATH! OUT HERE THERE'S TOO MUCH SUN! I'LL GET SUNBURNED! THIS LOTION MAKES ME GREAY AND MY SHIRT MAKES ME TOO HOT! I DON'T WANT TO SIT IN THE SHADE! THIS IS BORING! I HATE WALKING! MY LEGS ARE TIRED AND THE SAND IS TOO HOT AND THE WATER IS TOO COLD AND THERE'S NO SHADE HERE AND I'VE STILL GOT SAND IN MY SUIT! What? Are we going already?
Description Calvin plays on the beach. He complains that he's getting sand in his suit, and he doesn't want to sit on the beach. In the water, he complains the water is too cold. On the beach again, he complains that there's too much sun, and he'll get sunburned. Dad tries to put tanning lotion on Calvin, but he complains the lotion makes him greasy and the shirt makes him too hot. Under the umbrella, he complains it's boring in the shade. Walking along the beach with Dad, he complains that he hates walking. His legs are tired, the sand is hot, the water's cold, there's no shade, and he still has sand in his suit. Mom and Dad pick up the beach towels and umbrella. Calvin asks if they're going already.
Appears In 16 OCT 1989 Script Uh oh, Calvin the reptile is in trouble! As an ectotherm, his body relies on the environment to warm or cool its temperature. Now that it's colder outside, Calvin's body temperature falls and he becomes sluggish! He'll go into torpor if he can't find a warm place to lie! Leave the thermostat alone, and put on a sweater if you're cold. I ... I don't have the en.. energy!
Description Calvin the reptile is in trouble. As an ectotherm, his body relies on the environment to warm or cool its temperature. Since it's colder outside, Calvin's body temperature falls and he becomes sluggish. He'll go into torpor if he can't find a warm place to lie. Mom tells Calvin to leave the thermostat alone and put a sweater on if he's cold. Calvin, slumped on a chair, says he doesn't have the energy.
Appears In 03 JAN 1990 Script How cold is it outside? I don't know. Why don't you check? It's pretty darn cold. I'd say. Let me show you an interesting gadget that's hanging outside the window.
Description Calvin asks Mom how cold it is outside. Mom suggests he go check. Calvin opens the front door and stands there. Snow starts piling up around him and on his head. He tells Mom he'd say it's pretty darn cold. Mom is ready to wring his neck and says she wants to show him an interesting gadget that's hanging outside the window.
Appears In 05 JAN 1990 Script This is the part of winter I like best ... when you come inside, freezing cold and soaked ... and you put on fresh dry clothes, and run up to the warm kitchen, where Mom's got a steaming mug of hot chocolate waiting for you! Mom? Mom? HEY MOM! "Calvin, I'm next door. Don't have anything to eat, or you'll spoil your appetite. Mom." It's going to be a long, cold, dark winter.
Description Calvin and Hobbes come in from the snow. Calvin says this is the part of winter he likes. You come inside cold and soaked, you put on dry clothes and go into the kitchen, where Mom has a steaming mug of hot chocolate waiting for you. He calls for Mom, but there's no answer. Hobbes reads a note that says Mom is next door. She writes for him not to eat anything or he'll spoil his appetite. Calvin says this is going to be a long, cold, dark winter.
Appears In 11 FEB 1990 Script Uh oh, here comes Calvin... The incurable weirdness poster child. Hi Calvin. What's with the mask and bucket? HMPH. This is a poem! Please do what you're told! And here is a bucket of water ice-cold! Please take this water, and dump it on me! Don't hesitate! Do it A.S.A.P.! Just wait till YOU touch the "pernicious poem place"!! Oooh, you'll be sorry THEN! Whee! I love playing CalvinBall! This is a bag flag zone!
Description Susie stands in the snow saying winter has wrapped the land in a soft, white blanket, and the earth sleeps quietly. Suddenly, she hears yelling coming down the hill. It's Calvin, yelling at Hobbes to lean, yelling "look out below", "mayday", and "bail out". Calvin's sled crashes. He yells at Hobbes for almost getting them killed. They start fighting. Susie walks away, saying that when she grows up, she'll live in the tropics. Hobbes tells Calvin to get the sled out of the tree so they can do it again. Calvin wants to get a siren for the sled.
Appears In 06 MAR 1990 Script This morning I had a wonderful dream. By holding my arms out stiff and pushing down hard, I found I could suspend myself a few feet above the ground. I flapped harder, and soon I was soaring effortlessly over the trees and telephone poles! I could FLY! I folded my arms back and zoomed lower over the neighborhood. Everyone was amazed, and they ran along under me as I shot by. Then I rocketed up so fast that my eyes watered from the wind. I laughed and laughed, making huge loops across the sky! ... That's when Mom woke me up and said I was going to miss the bus if I didn't get my bottom out of the bot. 20 minutes later, here I am, standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and I just remembered I forgot my lunch. Tuesdays don't start much worse than this.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are standing in the rain, waiting for the bus. Calvin launches into a long speech about a dream he had. He could flap his arms and was able to fly. He zoomed over the neighborhood. His eyes watered from the wind. He laughed and laughed as he made loops in the sky. Then, Mom woke him up and said he'd miss the bus if he didn't get up. Twenty minutes later, he's standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and he just remembered he forgot his lunch. He tells Hobbes Tuesday's don't start much worse than this.
Appears In 20 SEPT 1990 Script Boy, I feel sharp! I know this math stuff COLD! I'm ready for anything! I hope the teacher calls on me! I hope I get to demonstrate a problem at the board! I'll impress everyone! Here, Susie. Take one sheet and pass the rest across. What's this? A math quiz. HOT DOG!
Description Smiling at his desk, Calvin feels he knows math cold. He hopes the teacher calls on him. He hopes he gets to do a problem at the board. He'll impress everyone. Miss Wormwood hands Susie some papers and asks her to take one and pass the rest down. She asks what it is. Miss Wormwood says it's a math quiz. Enthused, Calvin says "Hot dog".
Appears In 03 DEC 1990 Script Lemonade! Get youre ice-cold lemonade! Just five dollars a glass, while it lasts! How are sales? Terrible. I don't understand it. It sure is cold out. Yep. See, my lemonade has "all-natural" refrigeration! Want to buy a glass? Sorry. All my savings are in bonds. Maybe I should start charging TEN dollars so I don't have to sell as much.
Description Standing outside in his coat, hat, and gloves, Calvin is selling lemonade. He's offering it for five dollars a glass. Hobbes asks how sales are. Calvin says they're terrible, and he doesn't understand it. Hobbes says it's cold out. Calvin says his lemonade has "all-natural" refrigeration. He asks if Hobbes wants to buy a glass. Hobbes says all his savings is in bonds. Calvin thinks maybe he should charge ten dollars a glass so he doesn't have to sell as much.
Appears In 29 DEC 1990 Script It's freezing in here! I can almost see my breath! The thermostat is at 68, where it's going to stay. I'm surprised the water pipes haven't frozen! Look, my lips are blue! I'm catching pneumonia! I'm going into hypothermia! If you're cold, why don't you go shovel the driveway and get your blood moving? Nice sweater. Hmph.
Description Calvin complains to Dad that it's so cold he can see his breath. Dad says the thermostat is staying where it is. Calvin is surprised water pipes haven't frozen. He says his lips are blue, he's catching pneumonia and is going into hypothermia. Dad suggests that if he's cold, why doesn't he shovel the driveway to get his blood moving. Later, Dad compliments Calvin on his sweater.
Appears In 05 MAR 1991 Script I just saw a commercial for a luxury cruise. How come WE don't ever go on vacations like that? Vacations are all just a matter of comparison. Huh? We spend a week in cold, uncomfortable tents each year so living HERE the rest of the time seems like a luxury cruise. If your trips are unpleasant, your whole LIFE is a vacation. Please tell me I'm adopted.
Description Calvin tells Dad he just saw a commercial about a luxury cruise. He asks Dad why they don't take vacations like that. Dad explains vacations are a matter of comparison. He says that they spend weeks in uncomfortable tents so that living in their home seems like a luxury cruise. If his trips are unpleasant, his whole life is a vacation. Calvin goes to see Mom. He clenches his fists together and begs Mom to tell him he's adopted.
Appears In 31 MAR 1991 Script It's true, Hobbes, ignorance IS bliss! Once you know things, you start seeing problems everywhere... ...and once you see problems, you feel like you ought to try to fix them... ...and fixing problems always seems to require personal change... ...and change means doing things that aren't fun! I say phooey to that! But if you're wilfully stupid, you don't know any better, so you can keep doing whatever you like! The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest! We're heading for that cliff! I don't want to know about it. WAAAUGGHHH! I'm not sure I can stand so much bliss. Careful! We don't want to learn anything from this.
Description Susie is playing, when Calvin comes over with a bucket. Calvin is wearing a mask. Calvin starts a poem. He tells Susie please do what she's told. There is a bucket, of water, ice cold. He says to please dump in on him, not to hesitate, do it A.S.A.P. Susie looks at him, while Calvin stands with eyes closed. Susie grins evilly. Calvin walks off with the bucket on his head, dripping water. Calvin shakes his fist at Hobbes. Calvin warns him to wait until he touches the "pernicious poem place". They're playing Calvinball.
Appears In 29 AUG 1991 Script The water's too cold! Now it's too hot. Now it's too cold. Now it's too deep.
Description
Appears In 18 SEPT 1991 Script Ok ... everyone in the water! I refuse! I'm freezing already! Calvin, do you know what a "Rat Tail" is? No. it's when you soak a towel and twist it up into a whip. It stings like crazy and is much worse than being cold. Get my drift? I always though lifeguards were just taught how to resuscitate people and things like that.
Description
Appears In 19 OCT 1991 Script Aawweeawweeaaw! The water looked a little cold, eh, Tarzan?
Description
Appears In 14 JAN 1992 Script Boy, is it cold! Can't we turn the heat up? Heat is expensive Calvin. Just put on a sweater. Look, the thermostat goes all the way up to 90 degrees! We could be sitting around in our shorts. Leave the thermostat alone Calvin. I can almost see my breath. I'll just crank it up to 75, ok? I said don't touch it. Gee, my hands are so numb, I can't move the switch. Guess I'll put on a sweater.
Description
Appears In 15 JAN 1992 Script Ooh. You look cold Calvin! There's a fire made. Why don't you go warm up? Oh boy! Nothing beats sitting by a roaring fire after you've been out in the cold. Of course, some people say why bother going outside first?
Description
Appears In 16 MAR 1992 Script I wish I was still in bed. I'd hear the wind bowling the rain against the window panes and I'd pull the blankets up, get all toasty and cozy, and fall back asleep. Instead, I'm out here, cold and wet, waiting for the school bus to take me to the gulag. Yeah, I hope the sheets are still warm when I get back in. Rub it in, Hobbes.
Description Calvin is standing in the rain, waiting for the bus. He tells Hobbes he wishes he was still in bed. He'd hear the wind blowing the rain against the windows, he'd pull the blankets up, he'd get cozy, and fall back asleep. He says instead, he's outside, cold and wet, waiting for the bus to take him to the gulag. Hobbes says he hopes the sheets are still warm when he gets back in. Calvin tells him to rub it in.
Appears In 08 APR 1992 Script If I've learned one thing in life, it's that everyone has his price. Raise the ante high enough, and there's no such thing as scruples! People will do ANYthing if the price is right! What's YOUR price? Two bucks cold cash up front. I don't know which is worse... that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low. I'd make mine higher, but it's hard to find buyers as it is.
Description Going down the hill in the wagon, Calvin says he's learned that everyone has his prices. If you raise the ante enough, there's no such thing as scruples. People will do anything if the price is right. Hobbes asks what his price is. Calvin tells him two bucks cash, up front. Hobbes doesn't know which is worse, that everyone has a price or that the price is always so low. Calvin offers that he'd make his price higher, but it's hard finding buyers as it is.
Appears In 04 OCT 1992 Script Boy, it's cold out! It's a perfect day for us snowmen! What a great spot for a few feet of snow! Yes sir. A snowman like me could be real happy here! ... sighhhh... The decoy isn't working? Maybe ducks are easier to fool than snow.
Description Calvin doesn't like real experience. It's too hard to figure out. He prefers to have life filtered through television. Then you know events have been packaged for your convenience. If you don't like what's happening, "click", you change the channel. That's how life should be. Hobbes says "click" and trips Calvin. As Calvin falls, Hobbes holds his paws up like a television screen and says it's a farce. Calvin chases Hobbes.
Appears In 01 NOV 1992 Script My hands were all shaky, my face had gone pale. A letter from Santa just arrived in the mail! It was hand-written in old-fashioned ink pen. It was handsomely printed and dated twelve ten. "Dear Calvin," it said, "I'm writing because this year I've repealed my 'naught / nice' laws. So now, I urge you: be vulgar and crude! I LIKE it when children are boorish and rude! Burp at the table! Gargle your peas! Never say 'Thank you', 'You're welcome', or 'Please'. Talk back to your mother. Do as you're told. Stick your tongue out at your Dad if he scolds! Drive everyone crazy, I really don't care! Act like a jerk, anytime, anywhere! I'm changing the rules! The BAD girld and boys will be, from now on, the ones who get the toys! Good little kids make me sick, it's no joke. Sincerely, signed Santa." ... and then I awoke. I hate being good (or trying to fake it). Six days until Christmas! I don't think I'll make it.
Description Calvin is on his notebook paper. He's been doodling, so there's a tank for him to enter. The tank goes wherever Calvin wants. He shoots the school. Miss Wormwood tries to stop Calvin. He shoots again and again, but the shells have no effect. Miss Wormwood stands over Calvin's desk. She tells him to hand it over and see her after class. Calvin hands her his drawings and says the arts are the first to go in public schools.
Appears In 08 NOV 1992 Script We got some new snow last night! Let's look for animal tracks! Here are some bird tracks. Look, you can see wing impressions where they took off! And these are rabbit tracks. Looks like they were going pretty fast. No wonder! Look at THESE tracks! Something was chasing them all over the place! Hmm... big pads... could be a wolf. But there are no clan impressions. It's more like a bobcat, or a mountain lion, or... or... This explains the cold wet feet in my bed this morning. The snow was falling and I thought, "The birds and the rabbits around here need some exercise."
Description Mom watches Calvin go to school in his raincoat and cap. Once outside, Calvin takes the raincoat and cap off and splashes in all the puddles on the way to the bus stop. It's raining the entire time. Calvin sits dripping at his desk. After school, he comes home carrying his raincoat and cap. He splashes in the puddles again. He puts his raincoat and cap on, then goes into his house. Mom takes the rain gear off. Calvin then sneezes.
Appears In 15 NOV 1992 Script AAAAUGHH! Is the water too cold? Um... no, it's fine. Then stop that infernal screaming. Yes, Mom.
Description Calvin complains about the November they're having. Leaves are down, but there's no snow. He yells for the snow to start. Nothing happens. As they walk off, Calvin says it's a lousy way to run a universe. Hobbes wonders whatever happened to the work ethic.
Appears In 20 DEC 1992 Script My hands were all shaky, my face had gone pale. A letter from Santa just arrived in the mail! It was hand-written in old-fashioned ink pen. It was handsomely printed and dated twelve ten. "Dear Calvin," it said, "I'm writing because this year I've repealed my 'naught / nice' laws. So now, I urge you: be vulgar and crude! I LIKE it when children are boorish and rude! Burp at the table! Gargle your peas! Never say 'Thank you', 'You're welcome', or 'Please'. Talk back to your mother. Do as you're told. Stick your tongue out at your Dad if he scolds! Drive everyone crazy, I really don't care! Act like a jerk, anytime, anywhere! I'm changing the rules! The BAD girld and boys will be, from now on, the ones who get the toys! Good little kids make me sick, it's no joke. Sincerely, signed Santa." ... and then I awoke. I hate being good (or trying to fake it). Six days until Christmas! I don't think I'll make it.
Description Calvin wishes Santa would publish his guidelines for goodness. Calvin says if a nerd likes being good, it's easy for him to meet the standards. He says the true test of one's mettle is being good when one has an inclination toward evil. He thinks one good act by him is worth five good acts by a good-natured kid and asks if Hobbes agrees. He hits Susie with a snowball. As Calvin and Hobbes run off, Hobbes says in Calvin's case, the question is academic.
Appears In 07 JAN 1993 Script I'M HO-OME! Hello?? Thanks for the big welcome! You're letting in cold air.
Description Calvin opens the door and says he's home. He ducks. No Hobbes. Calvin says hello, but nothing happens. He lifts the covers on his bed, and Hobbes tells him he's letting in cold air.
Appears In 16 JAN 1993 Script Ha ha! I'd sure like to see Mom make me come inside NOW! With this fort and arsenal of 200 snowballs, NOBODY can tell ME what to do! I can stay out here all day! At last, I'm the master of my fate! I'll stay outside as long as I please! Back inside so soon? It's too cold out.
Description In his snow fort, with several snowballs made, Calvin says he'd like to see Mom make him come inside. He says with his arsenal, he can stay out all day. He's the master of his fate and can stay outside as long as he pleases. Mom sees Calvin warming his hands and asks if he's back inside so soon. Calvin says it's too cold out.
Appears In 06 FEB 1993 Script You know what astronauts can do right in their spacesuits? Geez, how am I ever going to learn to be an astronaut?
Description Mom bundles Calvin for the cold. Calvin asks Mom if she knows what astronauts can do right in their spacesuits. As Calvin walks into the bathroom, he asks how he's ever going to learn to be an astronaut.
Appears In 02 APR 1993 Script AAAUGH! AAUGHH! Something's crawling down my left! Get it out! ... oh, it's just a couple of pennies. I've got a hole in my pocket. *Whew* You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet might be running lose in your pants. Another reason not to wear 'em.
Description Walking along, Calvin yells that something's crawling down his leg. He finds it's just a couple of pennies. He has a hole in his pocket. Calvin tells Hobbes you never know when a crazed rodent with cold feet might be running loose in your pants. Hobbes says that's another reason not to wear them.
Appears In 29 MAY 1993 Script Ooh! Ahh! Eee! POP. It could've happened! Only corn does that. Add some cold water and get back in the tub.
Description Getting in the bathtub, Calvin heats up and pops. Downstairs wrapped in a towel, he tells Mom it could have happened. Mom tells him that only corn does that. She suggests he add cold water and get back in the tub.
Appears In 15 OCT 1993 Script The days are getting colder. Yes. BUGS ARE DYING BY THE TRUCKLOAD! HA HA HA! GOOD RIDDANCE TO 'EM ALL! I like fall.
Description Calvin notices the days are getting colder. He says bugs are dying by the truckload. He laughs and says good riddance to them all. He walks along and tells Hobbes that he likes fall.
Appears In 07 NOV 1993 Script I'm bored. Let's go in. But we've only been out here a few minutes. This is taking too long. What's the hurry? We've got all day! Yeah, but it's kind of cold, and the sun's too bright, and my gloves are getting wet. And when you think about it, building a snowman is a lot of work. I didn't come here to do something hard. Besides, what if the snowman doesn't come out very good? We'd be failures! Who wants to be a failure?! Or even if it's good, what's the point? It's just going to melt in a few weeks anyway! It's all futile! So instead of wasting my time, I'm going to go inside, pull down the shades and watch TV. That way, in complete physical comfort, I can vicariously experience the activity of actors pretending to do things! Are you sure it's not too much trouble to turn on the TV? That's why we have a remote control. Virtual reality is already here. I can't believe the only way to get inside is by WALKING.
Description Calvin asks Hobbes what he'd wish for if he could have anything in the world. Hobbes says a sandwich. Calvin asks what kind of stupid wish that is. Calvin says he'd wish for a trillion dollars, a private continent, and his own space shuttle. In the house, Hobbes is eating a sandwich. He tells Calvin he got his wish.
Appears In 14 NOV 1993 Script Brrrr! I'm freezing! You need a nice fur coat like mine. I'm all toasty. I'll just put my feed on your back, OK? Ooh, you ARE warm! GAAA! Quit thrashing around! You're letting in cold air! Well keep your icy feet on your own side of the bed then! They WERE! Your big behind was on MY side! THAT's your side! THIS is the demilitarized zone and THIS is MY side! All THAT?! No way, you hog! In fact, the whole bed is my side! Animals should sleep on the floor! Oh, THAT does it! You and your hairless pink monkey suit can freeze solid! I'm leaving! HEY! Don't take the blanket! COME BACK HERE! I'LL GET YOU! GIMME THAT! ...now where'd he go?? AAAAAA GAAAA! SOMEBODY'S FEET ARE LIKE ICE!! Calvin had another nightmare. If it's two crowded, you guys are welcome to sleep downstairs.
Description Calvin plays with a toy truck. He stops, looks around, listens, then carries his toy further away. He resumes playing. Hobbes pounces on him. Hobbes pins Calvin down telling him he moved upwind. He says human senses aren't worth beans. Calvin tells Hobbes to get off him. Mom asks if Calvin wants to watch his nature program. Calvin shouts no.
Appears In 09 JAN 1994 Script YAWNN... I'm going to get some coffee, Ted. Want any? No thanks, Frank. Tum te ta ta tum... BLAM! GAKK AIEEE!! They got Frank!! RUN. You got 'im! He's a big one, too! Nice shot, Bamb. Somebody get the camera! ... needless to say, Frank's family was upset when he didn't come home that night, but everybody understood that the human population had doubled in just two generations to almost six billion, so some thinning of the herds was necessary to prevent starvation. Another parent-teacher conference. Your turn.
Description Calvin and Hobbes look for animal tracks in the new snow. Calvin notices bird and rabbit tracks. He sees the animals were chased by something. Calvin notices the big pads, so it might be a wolf. There are no claw impressions, so maybe it's a mountain lion. Or maybe Hobbes. Calvin says that explains the cold wet feet in bed that morning. Hobbes talks about how he felt the animals needed some exercise.
Appears In 16 JAN 1994 Script The courageous Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer extraordinaire, lands on yet another bizarre planet! Setting his death ray blaster on "frappe", our hero sets off in search of alien weirdness! Zounds! A mysterious mist materializes out of nowhere! The fearless Spiff can't see a thing! ... so we add two to four... OUR HERE'S IN A TOTAL FOG! The atmosphere here is a... a... p-powerful se... se... sedative! Spiff can't keep his eyes o... open. KLUNK zzzzz. Our hero suddenly comes to!
Description Spaceman Spiff's craft plunges into the water. He climbs out swimming and is attacked by fish. Then a giant creature comes out of the water behind him. The creature asks if the water is too cold. Spiff says no. Mom leaves the bathroom saying he should stop his infernal screaming.
Appears In 28 FEB 1994 Script Should I stay inside or go out? It's awfully cold out, but I suppose I could bundle up. It looks windy though. But still, I'd like to go sledding. Then again, maybe I'd rather stay in. On the other hand... GO OUT AND CLOSE THE DOOR! The more indecisive I am, the faster things get decided.
Description Calvin opens the door to see snow outside. He asks if he should stay inside or go out. He holds the door open while wondering if he could bundle up for the cold. He says he'd like to go sledding. Calvin wonders if he should stay in. He gets kicked out the door. Outside the house, Calvin says the more indecisive he is, the faster things get decided.
Appears In 09 OCT 1994 Script See any weirdness yet? How about this rock? It has a purple stripe. Hmm... I guess that's a LITTLE weird. We'll look for something weirder. What do you think of this stick? It's a strange stick, but not a weird stick. It's too bad there aren't any good bugs out now. Yes, bugs are usually weird. Hey, here's a bird feather. It's pretty. But it's not weird. A bald bird would be weird. I don't see one. Look! A ripped-up old kite! Some kid must have lost this last summer! Phooey. The string broke here. I was hoping we'd find the kid's skeleton up a tree at the other end. THAT would be weird. Well, let's go in. I'm cold. Me too. I guess some days weirdness is hard to find. My glasses are fogged and I can't blow my nose, but my heart rate is the envy of men half my age! Weirdness always starts at home. Even when you look for it, you're never prepared for it.
Description
Appears In 05 JAN 1995 Script Here, I'll hang up your coat. Thanks. If you've been looking for Hobbes, he somehow got put in the closet. I just found him way back in there. Waiting for me in the CLOSET, eh? Too bad your little plan was THWARTED!! Why don't you hang up your coat yourself?!
Description Mom takes Calvin's coat to hang it. She returns and tells him that Hobbes got put in the closet. Mom found him in there. Calvin scolds Hobbes for waiting in the closet for him. He says it's too bad Hobbes' plan was thwarted. Grumpily, Hobbes tells Calvin he should hang is coat up himself.
Appears In 15 JAN 1995 Script McZargald's ... next exit ... 50 Megazorks. Over 7Million earthlingburgers served." Spaceman Spiff is going down!!! We join our hero as he struggles to land his damaged spacecraft! The altitude flaps refuse to respond, but fearless Spiff is unfazed! Spiff careens through the alien canyon! Is this the end?? No! moments before impact, Spiff ejects! Now are you through charging around the house or are you going to fall down the stairs again? Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien ...
Description Calvin is freezing in bed. Hobbes tells him he should have a fur coat like his. Calvin puts his feet on Hobbes to warm up. Hobbes jumps. Calvin tells him to quit letting cold air in. Hobbes tells Calvin to keep his cold feet on his side of the bed. Calvin protests that Hobbes' behind was on his side. Hobbes indicates the demilitarized zone between their sides. Calvin claims the whole bed and says animals should sleep on the floor. Hobbes takes the blanket and leaves. The sounds of their fighting is heard by Mom. Calvin is looking for Hobbes when a ghostly apparition rises before him. Calvin yells in terror. Hobbes has the bed to himself. Dad is awakened by icy cold feet. Calvin is in bed with him and Mom. Mom tells Dad that Calvin had a nightmare. Calvin says that if it's too crowded, they are welcome to sleep downstairs.
Appears In 13 FEB 1995 Script Mmm... somebody's having a fire. I love the smell of a fire on a cold winter day. Isn't it strange how smells are so evocative, but we can't describe them. Oh, I dunno. That fire has a snorky, brambish smell. I should have known animals would have words for smells. It's a little brunky, but low humidity affects that.
Description Standing outside with Hobbes, Calvin detects the aroma of someone having a fire. He loves the smell of a fire on a winter day. He says it's strange how smells are so evocative, but they can't describe them. Hobbes says the fire has a snorky, brambish smell. Calvin should have known animals would have words for smells. Hobbes says it's a little brunky, but the low humidity affects that.
Appears In 09 APR 1995 Script Oops! I forgot to read chapter five for school tomorrow. What are you going to do? Catch a quick cold. Cough cough. You sound terrible, Calvin. I'll get you some cough medicine. It wasn't me coughing. It was Hobbes. Me? It wasn't me! I know, but that cough syrup tastes awful. So you're going to have me take it? Nothing doing, buster. I refuse! Here you go Calvin. Open up. Not me! Give it to Hobbes! He's the one who ... Gloomp Ackthp! Pbthbbppth!! Hack Hack. Mmm! That cough medicine is good! You should try some! Really! You're not fooling me one bit, you stinker.
Description On the way to the school bus, Calvin sees an alien appear in a spaceship. He introduces himself to the alien. The alien makes himself look just like Calvin and speaks in phonetic English. Calvin tells the alien to take his lunchbox and to have a good day at school. Susie says hello to the alien Calvin. He repeats what Calvin said about having a good day at school. Later, Mom opens the door for Dad saying that Calvin's principal said to say hello. Dad knows that means there was trouble. Calvin, still speaking in phonetic English, says Calvin stole his spaceship.
Appears In 31 MAY 1995 Script Things I will never like: 1. Drying off with a cold, damp towel. 2. The feeling of seaweed wrapping around my leg. 3. Anything that was popular in the '70s. 4. Licorice, yams, or raisins. 5. That high-pitched screech that babies make. 6. Writhing maggots. It's comforting to know that there are certainties in life.
Description Calvin writes a list of things he'll never like. He mentions drying off with a cold, damp towel. He mentions seaweed wrapping around his leg. He mentions raisins, the screech babies make, and writhing maggots. He tells Hobbes it's comforting to know there are some certainties in life.
Appears In 17 JUNE 1995 Script Why does ice float? Because it's cold. Ice wants to get warm, so it goes on top of liquids in order to be nearer to the sun. Is that true? Look it up and find out. I should just look stuff up in the first place. You can learn a lot, talking to me.
Description Calvin asks Dad why ice floats. Dad says ice wants to get warm, so it goes to the top of liquids to be nearer the sun. Calvin asks if that's true. Dad tells him to look it up and find out. Calvin unhappily walks away saying he should just look stuff up in the first place. Dad says you can learn a lot talking to him.
Appears In 25 JUNE 1995 Script Hobbes. You didn't bring your swim trunks here to the beach! No, I prefer "furry dipping." Yaaaaayy! Ow ow ow hot hot hot hot! Aaaaaahhhhh! Sploop splop. Brrrrrr! Cold cold cold. Ow ow ow hot hot hot hot hot. Don't tell me we drove an hour and a half for this!
Description Calvin answers the doorbell. The bike comes into the house and chases Calvin. Over the sofa they go, up the stairs. Calvin hides temporarily in the bathroom as the bike goes down the hall. He holds the bike off with a chair as he backs out his bedroom window. He closes the window and says the bike can't get him now. Downstairs, someone yells there are tire tracks on the rugs and oil on the couch. Another voice asks where Calvin is. Outside on the roof, Calvin says someday neighbors will look out and wonder why there is a grown man wearing kids' clothes on their roof.
Appears In 01 AUG 1995 Script Hey, there's no butter in the butter dish! My toast will get cold while I get another stick from the fridge! HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?? WHERE WILL IT ALL END?!? Mr. and Mrs. Empathy.
Description Spreading butter on his toast, Calvin notices there is no butter on the dish. He says his toast will get cold while he gets another stick from the refrigerator. He complains that he's suffered enough. He asks where it will all end. As he walks by, he sees Mom and Dad looking at him. Calvin calls them Mr. and Mrs. Empathy.
Appears In 22 NOV 1995 Script Ooh, it's cold today! It needs to be 30 degrees warmer out here! For that matter, it's also too quiet. We need some background music. And it's too slow! Things should happen more quickly! If only being outside were more like driving a car. Yeah, I could be sitting down now too.
Description Hobbes and Calvin brace themselves against the cold. Calvin says it needs to be warmer. He adds it's too quiet and needs background music. He says it's too slow. Things should happen more quickly. Hobbes rolls his eyes and says if only being outside were more like driving a car. Calvin agrees, saying they could be sitting down now.
Appears In 28 NOV 1995 Script It's freezing in here!! Why can't we crank up the thermostat?! Consuming less fuel is better for the economy and it saves money. Oh. ...and being cold builds character. I KNEW IT!!
Description Calvin yells for the thermostat to be raised. Dad says consuming less fuel is better for the environment and saves money. Calvin didn't know that. Dad adds that being cold builds character. Calvin knew it.
Appears In 02 DEC 1995 Script I like the sound of sleet hitting the window panes at night. And I like when the sleet turns to heavy snow as it gets colder, so you know that tomorrow the world will be buried in ice and snow! It's one of the few pleasures reserved for those who don't drive.
Description Looking out his bedroom window, Calvin says he loves the sound of sleet hitting the window panes at night. When the sleet turns to heavy snow, he knows the world will be buried in ice and snow. He says it's one of the few pleasures reserved for those who don't drive.
Appears In 03 DEC 1995 Script I spelled "Be" how many points do I get? Um ... 2 points. 2 points?! Is that @*#%! all?? My, this game does teach new words! See, I spelled "zygomorphic" on a triple word score box. That's 150 points. All I've got is consonants. Your turn. Well, if I use your letter "I" I can spell "in". That's 3 points. I pick out some new letters ... hmm ... with your "n", I can spell "nucleoplasm" that's, lets see, 40 points. All I've got is consonants. I'm not going to play this stupid game! I hate it!! What a waste of time! What should we play instead? Let's play poker. At least with cards you have half a chance. Ok, I bet a nickel. I'll see you ... and raise you 8 dollars.
Description Calvin and Hobbes are looking for weirdness. Hobbes finds a rock with a purple stripe. Calvin finds a stick. It's strange, but not weird. There are no bugs out, so nothing there. Calvin finds a bird feather. Hobbes says it's pretty, but not weird. Calvin sees a ripped-up old kite stuck in a tree. Calvin was hoping to find the kid's skeleton at the end of the string. Hobbes thinks that would be weird. They decide to go inside. Hobbes says some days, weirdness is hard to find. Just then, Dad rides by on his bicycle. He's all bundled for the cold. Dad says his glasses are fogged, and he can't blow his nose, but his heart rate is the envy of men half his age. Calvin says weirdness always begins at home. Hobbes says even when you look for it, you're not prepared for it.
Appears In 20 DEC 1995 Script Galaxoid and nebular! This cold white glop covers us and freezes our innards! It's snow. You'd better get used to it, 'cause we get it every winter. You did not tell us that this planet's axis would tilt away from the sun. You didn't ask. We paid 50 leaves for this planet! You greatly overcharged us! Yeah well, "let the buyer beware." You are a most dishonorable potentate! We demand you bring this planet up to code!
Description The aliens complain the cold white glop covers them and freezes their innards. Calvin says it's snow. They get it every winter. The aliens complain Calvin didn't tell them about that. He replies that they didn't ask. They say they were overcharged. Calvin tells them "let the buyer beware". The aliens walk off complaining that he's a dishonorable potentate. They demand he bring the planet up to code.
Appears In 24 DEC 1995 Script What a day! And no one to share it with! Woo hoo hoo. It's cold out there today! Brrrr! Brisk! Just the way I like it! Wow! Sniff. Ha! Weather like this lets you know you're alive! C'mon out gang! It's a perfect day! You'll get used to the wind if you keep moving! Hey, C'mon! are you guys just going to stay inside all day?!? Shut the dumb door!! Ok, ok! I was on my way back outside anyway! ... sheesh ... there's one in every house. Just how long did you know Dad before you married him?
Description One of Santa's elves wants him to look at Calvin's list. It includes a supplement on incendiary weapons. Santa asks if Calvin's naughty or nice. The elf hands Santa the dossier. Santa notices "the noodle incident". The elf says they have had trouble verifying the particulars of that case. Santa notices all the snowballs Calvin has thrown at Susie. The elf says that surveillance documents 400 incidents. The elf says the tiger vouches for the kid's character. Santa asks for the parents' comments. The elf indicates they're looking into the sarcasm factor. Santa says he's made up his mind and asks if Calvin's asleep. The elf says he is wide awake. In bed, Hobbes tells Calvin Santa won't come until they're asleep. Calvin can't take the suspense.
Appears In
Calvin & Hobbes : Copyright & All Rights Reserved by Bill Watterson and Andrews McMeel Universal
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This page is strictly a tribute to Calvin & Hobbes, the best comic ever, and two of the best characters who have taught me so much over many years. It is meant for research purposes only.